5.2 Findings on content – Silence and HIV/AIDS
5.2.3 Layers of silence: rape and domestic violence
responsible for the family’s honour instead of the perpetrator being seen as responsible for the family’s dishonour – not to mention horrific abuse. This indicates that when it comes to reporting rape, it always boils down to who the perpetrator is and who the victim is.
These findings also attest to another type of silence that is encouraged by the people who are responsible for helping to prevent such things from happening – the police and other family members. If one is raped by a family member and is told by the people who enforce the law that that is a family matter, that is as good as silencing the victim. This is a view families often support, rendering most victims silent. And as remarked by one of the audience members in a post-performance discussion, our conspiracy of silence causes us in turn to perpetuate the injustice.
When asked if they would report a rape, respondents stated that if they were raped they would not report it.
The fact that I have to go to the police station without even bathing is just another way to ridicule people who have been raped because for example, if I get raped here, I need to take a taxi to the police station because it is very far. If I get in the taxi all torn and smelly what will people think of me. That is just another way to ridicule me. (Focus group discussions, 7th July 2006).
Another respondent stated that she would never report a rape case because the language that they are expected to use in court is just too explicit. She stated that in court anybody is allowed to come and witness the trail and people find rape trails very interesting. She further stated that sometimes when one reports rape one needs to think of one’s children and other family members as this also affects them.
During the post-performance discussion, in relation to Scene Nine, a middle-aged man stated that sometimes the way some women dress is quite ‘suggestive’ so, in as much as society tries to fight rape, women also need to take responsibility and stop wearing short and revealing dresses. In response, a point was raised that it is not about people wearing
short skirts because even old women who wear a ‘hundred’ dresses also get raped (in Lesotho, most of the time, old women wear three to four skirts to give their bodies more volume).
Apart from the above, it cannot be said that children, some as young as six months, who are increasingly becoming rape victims – often by their own fathers – were sitting suggestively or wearing suggestive clothing. In the focus groups the women noted that they knew a few unreported rape cases; the victims refrained from talking as they felt dirty and did not want to relive the rape again and embarrass themselves by going to court where people will go just to hear the ‘juicy’ details, this point substantiates Victor Nkiwane’s point (2006:4) that every time there is a rape trail people want to listen to the victim as she narrates her story because “a rape trail is juicy”.
Unfortunately, as noted by one of the women during our casual talks,
The fact that sometimes we women are not talking about this is what actually gives rapists more power. I know most of the time women take the perpetrators to court because someone witnessed it. Otherwise if there were no witnesses the woman would just keep quiet. It also happens in the families where fathers rape their own daughters and the mother just keeps quiet, for fear that if people know her family will be embarrassed. (10th July 2006)
The above response therefore indicates that sometimes women would rather keep quiet at the expense of their children. This could be traced back to the litlhobohanyo where the bride is told that whatever happens in the family stays in the family, and that a woman should do whatever it takes to protect her family.
The Basotho culture seems to be at the core of this problem, due to its authoritarian nature where children are not allowed to question anything but must submit to what their parents or elders say. If parents and their children dialogued, it would be easier to talk about such issues. As one of the respondents said,
I wouldn’t even know where to start if I had to tell my mother about being raped, or ... I don’t know what I would do ... (Focus group discussion, 11th July 2006)
This further indicates the deep level of silence that exists in Basotho culture. Even when children encounter problems they feel that they cannot go to their parents to talk about them because they are not used to it; they do not know where they would start and if the issue is about sex, it is even worse.
In the post-performance discussions, a middle-aged woman noted that the AIDS epidemic has also affected orphans, which are a neglected group. She noted that most orphans, particularly girls, have endured sexual abuse at the hands of their custodians and because some of them are aware that they depend entirely on their victimisers, they are hesitant to report the rape for fear of being disowned by that family or been seen as the ones who bring shame on the family. The respondent also pointed out that often when the orphans do report the rape, the victim is indicted of seducing the perpetrator by dressing, sitting or walking suggestively.
It can be seen from the above that orphans decide to endure the pain and betrayal in silence because they realise that if they do tell they might be thrown out or the abuse might worsen. In Lesotho where there are not enough safe havens for orphans (the very few orphanages that exist accommodate only young children), this may be seen as yet another contributing factor in rape victims’ self-imposed silence.
In discussing domestic violence, respondents stated they knew of such cases as the one in the play, Scene 2. Sometimes when a wife questions her husband she is seen as disrespectful and the husband beats her. A REFLECT circle member said she could relate the scene to real life, and that she knew of situations in which, if the woman questions the man about his whereabouts, the woman gets a beating. If she dares utter the word “condom”, the beating will increase.
When asked if they knew anyone who had been physically abused, most of the respondents said they did but all of them stated that they did not intervene,
because when you do, once the husband and the wife make up you are left on your own as if you were the one trying to break them up. So it is better if one just turns a blind eye and ignores the abuse. (Workshop discussions, 7th July 2006)
What I found interesting was that, as I listened to some of the stories told by the villagers during the workshop, most of the time it was the women, the mothers or the aunties who instructed their abused children and nieces to go back to their husbands. And in cases where the husband has committed a crime against his child, it is the wife who asks the child not to bring the issue up. What was also intriguing was that during the discussions on this issue during the workshop in Malealea, most of the solutions that were proposed placed an emphasis on women. The participants stated that women need to be empowered to get out of abusive relationships and young girls need to be empowered to say ‘NO’, and that more workshops are needed that will focus on only women.