4.4 Daily Lived Experiences
4.4.4 Mental Health Problem
90 I feel pains in my chest whenever I carry loads. I cannot carry from here
to Makola anymore. Now when I get to Makola, I have to rest for about an hour before I will have more energy to carry another load.
(Married, 40 years old)
Most of the participants noted that due to the physical nature of the Kayayei business and the physical pain they experience frequently, they often resort to self-medication to cope with the pain. These are some of the quotes used to explain their situation:
I get tired from work to the extent where I sometimes cannot wake up from bed.
The only thing that can enable me work to the following day is the use of drugs.
The work sometimes makes me very dizzy.
(SDG 1, Married, 20 years old)
Currently, I have chest pains. I was given a medicine that I put on fire and used the smoke over the area. It started last year.
(Married, 26 years old)
The work is risky because the loads we carry make us get ill sometimes.
We lose our strengths sometimes and if you don’t use medicine, you might not be able to get strength for the next day’s work.
(Single, 22 years old)
91 After the close of work, I feel tired and want to sleep but sometimes you’ll
only roll on the bed but cannot sleep.
(Single, 22 years old)
Yes. I do overreact but, on some occasions, I do nothing but go sit somewhere and cry and try not think about the problem, but it is very difficult.
(Married, 25 years old)
It seems that many do experience symptoms that could be related to anxiety. Some participants experienced trembling of hands, rapid heartbeats and feel fearful without obvious reasons. The following quotes relate to their experiences:
I will be going about my normal day-to-day activities and suddenly, my heart will start pounding like ‘fufu’.
(Married, 40 years old)
I will just sit and feel fear although I know no one is coming to do anything to me.
(Single, 22 years old)
For me I experience trembling in my hands like twice a week and I do not know why it happens to me.
(Single, 22 years old)
The Kayayei spoke about the daily fluctuations of their moods from happiness to despondency and depression. While some of the Kayayei said they are always happy, a few stated that they were unhappy, and some were not feeling content with their lives. Those who were not always happy explained that their happiness is affected by financial issues of the day i.e., whether they have made enough money or not. The following narratives summarise some of their feelings:
my happiness is mixed. For instance, I can be happy today but not tomorrow when I don’t get anything out of my work.
(Married, 40 years old)
I’m happy but sometimes I’m not happy due to financial problems and health problems.
(Married, 26 years old)
92 Those who were not content with their lives said they are not happy with the life they lead and particularly because of the conditions under which they live and the situation they find themselves in. It seems that not being in a position to make some money to make the daily sacrifices they endure worthwhile and being unable to return home is at the core of their despondency. Below are some of their quotes that reflect their emotions:
no (not content). I think so much about the things I want to gather before moving back to my hometown and how long it will take me.
(Single, 18 years old)
I’m not happy with my life. Me being here doing this work, I am not happy at all. I don’t know what will come one day.
(Single, 18 years old)
If I say I am happy, I would be lying. Its money that we’re working to get and once we get the money, we will be happy in our lives. If we were living in our hometowns, we wouldn’t be going through some of the things we are going through here.
(Married 25 years old)
Some participants experienced suicidal thoughts and explained that this is often triggered by daily events. It is then that they sometimes wish that they had never been born and feel like ending their lives. This was particularly noted among the younger women. The have however shared that they have never attempted suicide before. Their quotes illustrate their desire for an end to their misery:
Yes. There are some things that when they happen to one, at times I think it would have been better if one didn’t come into existence.
(Married, 25 years old)
Sometimes when people do bad things to me, I question my existence and the reason why God created me. Like when someone insults me in a way that I don’t like, it makes me feel that if I end my life, it would have been better.
(Single, 18 years old)
93 Yes. Sometimes when something bad happens to me, I ask “God what
wrong have I done to deserve this?”. I feel like if death was being sold, I would have gone to buy it and die.
(Single, 22 years old)