INTERPRETATIONS OF AND RESPONSES TO IMPOLITENESS
6.2 PERCEPTIONS OF IMPOLITENESS
6.2.4 Modern Zulu Women
The modern Zulu women, unlike the men, were very brief on this topic. There was a high degree of agreement, either because they found themselves actually in agreement, or because good manners demanded that they affirm the last speaker, or because, unlike the men, they felt no need to intervene on every topic. As a result, when a member makes a point, the other women generally endorse this with ja and move on to the next issue.
What is Impoliteness?
MZW: I think it is somebody who is rude, not considering my feelings When people who don't consider other's feelings they just want to do what they want to do and they don't care how that person will actually react to what they just said or done. So it can be action or spoken.
MZW2: I think it is disrespectful in way, either in the tone of voice or action that they do, like in the Zulu culture when you speaking to elders, you don't look at them
in the eyes. When you look at them in the eyes it's being disrespectful, while in contrast with the whites' culture, because when you speak to them you have to look at them in the eye. When you look down you are like disrespectful and very impolite.
If you have that kind of comparison how do you manage such situation?
Others: J a.
MZW3: Well you kind of adapt to both situations, like when you 're speaking to whites you try very hard to look at them in the eyes, in the face. And you know sometimes you forget and look down and they give you that kind of look that you 're being very disrespectful. Some of the white people sort of have an idea of this culture, in our culture so they don't mind them much, but you find those who mind.
MZW4: So if you grow up knowing that it's a norm to do it every time you are speaking to a black elderly person, then you get used to it, it is only when you have to change with a white person that you get confused.
Others: That is true.
The modern women define impoliteness as inconsiderate behaviour: when people who don't consider others feelings they just want..., which can be either expressed through words or actions. The women also use the term disrespect, which may occur through tone or action. Like the Zulu bradas, they cite the typical example of disrespect in Zulu culture, when a young person maintains eye contact when addressing an older person, whereas the contrary is expected when interacting with white people. The group agrees that it takes extra effort on their part to maintain eye contact when communicating with people from other cultural groups: you kind of adapt to both situations, like when you are speaking to whites you try very hard to look at them in the eyes in the face. This is because they have been socialized to avoid eye contact with elders, and to change that requires a relearning process in their new environment. Like the Zulu bradas and dilute males, the modern Zulu women avoid envisaging their elders as potentially impolite.
Impoliteness and Rudeness
MZWl: Rudeness is more like intentional, sometimes you can be impolite without knowing it.
MZW2: Like I know a lot of black students who tend to speak out loud in the environment where a lecture is going on and then maybe a white person then says, can you please keep quiet or keep your voice down, and they feel it is rude shouting like that on top of your voice over their talk, so in that case if it is rude or impolite but you don't know you are not aware of it. So I think you cannot separate the two because it is possible for you to be rude or impolite and not be aware of it. So I think this thing of 'intentional' is not clear, because even if you cannot be aware that you are being rude just like when you are impolite.
MZW3: That is when you like attack a person, when you are impolite. Sometimes you can be impolite without seeing that you are impolite. I know that sometimes
impolite is a manner or rudeness is way of getting back on someone.
In very few words the modern Zulu women describe the relationship between
impoliteness and rudeness as intention-driven: Rudeness is more like intentional, sometimes you can be impolite without knowing it. At the same time, it can be difficult to distinguish between impolite or rude behaviour in a multicultural context like University of Natal due to the diversity of cultural expressions of meanings that arise from the environment: it is possible to be unintentionally rude as well as to be impolite without any motivational intention. Intentional and unintentional behaviours are subject to differing cultural interpretations. For example, attitudes towards loudness are culturally conflicting, and loudness is considered unintentional impoliteness on their part.
Triggers of deliberate impoliteness
MZWl: I will say when you offend my family or close friends, anything that has to do with my family or close friends, I'll also be very rude and impolite to the person.
I don't care about what has happened. If I hear your own side of the story I will also
listen to what my friends or family have to say and will act very impolite or if I feel you were impolite to them.
Other: Ja.
MZW2:1 usually pile up issues; I pile them up until I burst one day. So when I burst I really do a blonder.
MZW3: That is true for most of us, because most times you just keep quiet because you are not allowed to speak like that.
The modern Zulu women are protective of their family and friends. While an offence against their family or friend will trigger deliberate impoliteness (I'll also be very rude and impolite to the person), they allow room for dialogue before any counter action. Impolite acts are also triggered by certain abuses (by men) that women are expected not to talk about. For instance, if a man touches a lady's bottom, the impoliteness that follows may be disproportional to the specific event because of pent up anger.
6.2.5 Diverse males
The diversity of this group was reflected in their perceptions of these issues. Every member of the group had something to say, even though in some cases members were simply repeating each other's views.
What is Impoliteness?
ERT: I think to me, impoliteness is not being considerate to individuals, I mean not knowing what the person likes and dislikes, especially if you are from a different ethnic group, from different background, trying to or expressing in a very rude way is impolite.
MOZ: I think it is just misbehaviour but related to how others will receive or see how you behave. If to them you behave badly, then they can term it as being impolite, but also sometimes impolite can be defined as a violation of the usual style of life. If for instance, you violate or do something unusual or indecent, for example
if you talk to an older person in a manner that you talk to your friends of the same age.
ZIM: I think it is an interpretation of one's behaviour from the outside.
RWD: From my point of view, impoliteness is a misbehaviour of someone to somebody else who does not like that behaviour, for example if I am talking to somebody who is ignoring me I will take it as impoliteness or rude.
NIG: I think impoliteness is when people talk or deal with you in a way that is not proper. It has an element of belittling or disregarding or careless talk.
The student from Eritrea defines impoliteness as behaviour or speech that shows a lack of consideration for the hearer/receiver, possibly based on a lack of what is appropriate. The Mozambican student brings the perception of the hearer or receiver into consideration, and hence: if to them you behave badly, then they can term it as being impolite. Finally, the Nigerian and Rwandan agree that impoliteness is improper behaviour by a speaker or actor that may be belittling or disregarding.
Together the group highlights the many faces of impoliteness which include lack of consideration for others, perceived misbehaviour, violation of norms, and improper behaviour such as belittling, disregarding and careless talk.
Impoliteness and Rudeness
MOZ: I think rudeness can be the result of impoliteness, usually between the two people. Yes, between the two of you but there will be one person who will be the starting point of all the contradictions which lead you to explain that part of you and usually it leads to rudeness.
ERT: To me I think that impoliteness and rudeness are interrelated, but I think that both of them differ in terms of their degree. While impoliteness seems to be not that much difficult issue, rudeness seems to be a severe part of impoliteness. So in terms of degree rudeness is held much higher and severe and it can lead to quarrels and physical attacks on each other.
RWD: Rudeness here -1 don't know if it's from a single person, when it is rudeness or impoliteness causing problems from outside. But from both point of views,
rudeness is being in the process of impoliteness;, you can be rude and others can see it as impolite. So it can be a character or just a behaviour, rudeness then that will be interpreted as not impoliteness, but also can also be rude. It depends on the reason you become without being impoliteness or without any consequence of impoliteness.
UGD: So impoliteness is a misbehaviour that can cause sometimes frustration. You can be impolite and frustrate others and by the way they can become rude towards you. So that then is external, it is not from a single person, but the relation between rudeness and impoliteness, rudeness can be a way of defense, you know, not necessary impoliteness.
KEN: Just to add to his idea, in my culture, all impoliteness is rudeness. But if what the society describes as rudeness is impoliteness, so there is difference between the two. In my society rudeness tends to be taught at early state as a child, whenever these rude terms or expressions are spoken there is a punishment that is attached to it, but when it is impoliteness the punishment is milder. But if as I suggest not to do this or express it this way or something like that, they will correct you or teach you in a milder ways.
NIG: Rudeness is a deliberate attempt to belittle, disregard a person or carelessly using derogatory words.
The group sought to distinguish between the two: impoliteness and rudeness. The Zimbabwean respondent described rudeness as the outcome of an impolite incident between two people: a situation in which impoliteness occurs that is not managed properly by the two parties can deteriorate into rudeness. The Eritrean man on the other hand described impoliteness and rudeness as interconnected, and yet the degree of discomfort caused to the receiver is different, and that severity of the offensive usually determines the severity of the response. Rudeness is perceived and defined as causing more severe damage than impoliteness: in terms of degree, rudeness is held much higher and severe and it can lead to quarrels and physical attack on each other. The Rwandan notes that behaviour is only judged as rude or impolite by the receiver, which may differ from culture to culture, or individual to individual. He suggests that it is possible to be rude and be understood as impolite
and vice versa: you can be rude and others can see it as impolite. The Ugandan adds that impoliteness can result from frustration: impolite behaviour by one person can lead to a rude response, in a situation where rudeness serves as a defence mechanism. The Kenyan distinguishes the two with the example of a child learning about rudeness through punishment measured out for an offence: In my society rudeness tends to be taught at early state as a child, when ever these rude terms or expressions are spoken there is a punishment that is attached to it, but when it is impoliteness the punishment is milder. Finally, the Nigerian defines rudeness as mostly deliberate action geared towards hurting the receiver> rudeness is usually a deliberate attempt to belittle, disregard a person or carelessly using derogatory words. Their discussion echoes that of other groups: rudeness is an extension of impoliteness, and more severe misbehaviour; what is considered rude by one may be regarded as impolite by the other; rudeness is usually deliberate, unlike impoliteness.
MOZ: Ja in my country politeness I think it is a concept that is associated with the elders, 'rude' is one of the connotations to children. So politeness is achieved through time in age, as you grow up, you learn it mostly on your own through interaction when you realise that this is decent, this is not.
ZIM: Ja, I agree with M, politeness is got to do with respect for age.
RWD: You can see impoliteness in term of age, you can say a young person is rude and then all the people can see his rudeness as impolite. Then it is impolite but he's being rude. But also it depends on the people to whom your rudeness is to, like if you 're an older person who is being rude towards younger people, and then it can be interpreted as something else though it is impoliteness. For instance, older people can be rude to younger people, sometimes in the process of correcting them, but they are not regarded as impolite. In terms of age then rudeness from older people can not be seen as rude, and it is not impolite. It is aimed to have positive result most of the time, but rudeness from younger people to older people is automatically impolite.
NIG: You cannot refer to older people as impolite or rude; because it is rude in itself to say an older person whether male or female is rude or impolite to you.
UGD: That is why I said in most of the cases, you know, in older people you can get impolite but simply because of the respect that we have towards that older person, even if he becomes impolite, it is not perceived as impolite, because it is simply another way of respecting that older person even though he is impolite, but his impoliteness will sometimes be interpreted simply as not rude.
ERT: I think politeness and rudeness are defined by the elders in the society, even then it does not mean that elders do not behave in impolite ways, there are times and moments where they can also behave in a very childish and rude ways, but the tendency to behave in a very impolite or rude way tends to be greater among children, underage children that are not mature or experienced as compared to the elders who are wise or endowed with wisdom.
CAM: These further show that politeness is associated to elders and rude to be younger, that can be seen in most instances, contemporary, maybe there at school, especially at school. You'll hear a teacher saying a good boy or girl, then to the elder he says that that machine operator is impolite to me or he is polite in his speeches something like that, you see avoiding polite with children and avoiding rude or impolite with the elders.
This discussion explores in some depth some implications of the wide-spread rule that respect, or politeness, must be shown to elders. Members of the group argue that the age of those involved is of great importance in perceptions as to who is impolite or rude. The Mozambican states that young children are marked as impolite members of his society, just as politeness is associated with being elderly, and that politeness is achieved over a period of time through socialisation. The Zimbabwean agrees and adds that politeness is about respect for age. The Rwandan spells out the consequences of this: as a mark of respect for age, the elders cannot be referred to as impolite or rude; rather behaviours are simply interpreted differently from those of young people. In terms of age then rudeness from older people cannot be seen as rude and it is not impolite. According to the Ugandan, it is unacceptable for a younger person to refer to older people as impolite or rude, because it is rude in itself to say an older person whether male or female is rude or impolite. The Eritrean
points out that perhaps this is because the rules of polite and impolite behaviour are originally set by the elders of the community: politeness and rudeness are defined by the elders in the society. These men show that when it comes to age there is a difference between behaviours and what can be said about behaviour. This may underpin what the other groups say about respect for age: but only this group unpacks this issue explicitly.
Triggers of deliberate impoliteness
MOZ: There this law of Newton, law of motion or something like that says, when I push this table in a particular direction it will reflect the pressure that I applied, so is it also for triggers. The way a person addresses me will dictate the way I will respond, but usually I add more. If it was rude in terms of what I define as rude, or polite, I am going to try to be more polite if there is any thing as more polite, but I'll
try to be more polite than he or she was. But if it was rude add more.
ZIM: I usually do the same thing. And some times more like he said, all I want to do is give you back the medicine that you have given me.
RWD: We are all human, you can be furious or something, you can be furious and act in a very impolite way. If I were called kwerekwere, but the thing is that me I always try to understand, give a reason for whatever behaviour.
ERT: For me, considering why the person behaves that way, whether it is intentional or unintentional. If I feel it was done intentionally to hurt me then I'll apply whatever action is my reaction. If I feel that it was very intentional and hurting then I reply with certain force and harsh. But before I react I try to come up with a reason why he could have behaved that way from my experiences from context and also try to see from his context.
NIG: By putting myself in his or her shoes and then if by my calculation it is intentional then I'll react sharply.
UGD: I will think that may be I am wrong, maybe I made the wrong moves and I frustrated that person.