Chapter 10: Development of multi-disciplinary model for OVC
5. Risks and coping mechanisms
8.3.1 Psychosocial issues
8.3.1.2 Social issues
“Some of us are fine even though things are not well. They will socialise with other children as if all is well. But inside, they will be having feelings of loneliness”.
Several studies agree with these findings and reveal that after the loss of their parents, these learners experience prolonged pain, sadness, anxieties, fear, loneliness, despondency and deep-rooted and persistent anger towards their mother (or father) for dying (Mbatha, 2015; Ntuli et al., 2020; Zwane, 2015). Even for those who may not have known their parents, they persistently but silently long for their dead mothers or fathers.
They persistently think about their mothers or fathers, and how difficult life is without them and how life could have been different (Dekeza, 2018).
This relates to what a similar study by Saraswat and Unisa (2017) identified in orphanages in India, where most of OVC feel lonely and often helpless. In addition, they identified stress, depression, yearning for parents, and emotional instability, among others, as some of psychosocial issues they experience. This confirms what has been asserted earlier that children not only have material needs, but do have psychosocial needs.
Howver in the researcher`s practical observation there are others who find a way of improving their lives. Though they have feelings of loneliness, they find ways of coping by socialising with other children.
pressure exerted onto them from peers to take part in activities that led them into trouble.
The importance of parental guidance in the development of children cannot be overemphasised. Parental guidance boosts a child’s abilities and strength (Chinwuba, 2019). They help them to make right and informed choices (Ross-Gray, 2020). It is also key in shielding them from danger and discrimination, because they provide the appropriate support and guidance (Chinwuba, 2019; Ross-Gray, 2020). This makes the learners confident and ready for any obligation that may arise in their lives. Children strongly need parental guidance to become socially functioning adults.
Participants’ views continue to confirm their need for parental guidance, which literature already asserted. In their view, living without parents exposes them to many wrong decisions, which were influenced by peers. Their views are reflected in these words:
“We engage in bad activities like drugs, because we have no parents”.
Others support the learner:
“We don’t account to anyone”.
“Sometimes we get into trouble, because of the pressure from our friends”.
“We are prone to commit grievous acts like stealing, because we have no one to guide us”.
These quotes show the learners’ struggle if they lack the moral sense of right and wrong, because of the lack of parental guidance. This view is shared by Stogsdill (2019), who asserts that when children experience different types of social difficulties, their idea of morals and knowing right from wrong becomes confused and they tend to develop poor values or simply lack morals in general. Their following of the leading of peers, in most cases, got them into trouble.
Another participant shows their vulnerability to commit criminal acts is sometimes motivated by their lack of resources.
“Our peers influence us to do wrong things and because I have no resources and no one to account to, I follow.
Children need a lot of support from parents, teachers and other support structures to become responsible future citizens. They need physical, social, mental, emotional and spiritual support. Lack of support can lead to emotional deficiencies, which may be difficult to deal with in their later years (Stogsdill, 2019). They may suffer from social disempowerment, which may become worsened by other social factors such as poverty (Hlalele, 2015). Among these participants, there are those who have other adult caregivers who guide them and fill that gap, though they lack parental guidance. However, the worst environment is where these learners have to stay alone, with no adult figures or good role models in their lives, and where they do not have any adult supervision at home.
In the same sense, as important as parental guidance is, so is adult supervision critical in children’s development. Children who grow up without any mature adult in their household are exposed to many risks. They may be exposed to living without food, proper shelter, may be violated sexually or fall victim to drug abuse (UNICEF, 2018, UNAIDS, 2017). In this case, adults are not understood to be children who have reached the age of 18 or 20, but adults who are mature, capable, who have a job or a regular income and who are capable of looking after children.
Participants indicate that they need both parental guidance and adult supervision at home. They believe that staying alone expose them to many social ills.
Their views are as follows:
“We are still children and need parents to watch over us”.
“There are things that need your parent. For example, how to choose friends”.
“As children … because of peer pressure, we sometimes do wrong things and there will be no one to account”.
“When friends entice us, we do … because we know there is no one to correct you”.
The importance of parental and adult supervision cannot be over-emphasised. Children need adults as role models, whom they can imitate and learn from (Robbins, Stagman, &
Smith, 2012). In the context where children are staying alone, they grow up with that void.
They grow up with no one to mould them to become better citizens of tomorrow.
One participant repeats the sentiment to reflect this critical need:
“We are still young. Peers often influence us to do certain things, because we don’t have resources and there are no parents to account and it is easy to follow them”.
In support, other participants reiterate:
“We engage in all illegal activities like drugs and we end up getting into trouble”.
“O šala ka gare ga melatokalebaka la bagweraka gore ga go na motho wa go go hlahla”.
“We need parents to share our lives with. Parents are irreplaceable”.
“Sometimes we go to school functions and you have achieved in a certain area like sports. When the other parents celebrate their children, wena, you find that there is no one to celebrate you”.
Lack of trust and confidence
Findings indicate that participants strongly think that people are not trustworthy, so they choose to internalise their feelings and not tell anyone about their feelings. In their view, they do not have trust in the people they are living with, their friends and even teachers.
Evidence from the views shared by participants suggests that their lack of trust and confidence in people is based on their perception of themselves as being different from other children.
“I don’t trust anybody. I can talk to you now, because you are not staying here in my village. But I cannot tell any person who is staying in my village”.
When asked whether friends are not better, this participant strongly responds in this manner:
“No, motho ke motho. She will take your things and tell others”.
Others corroborate this attitude in support:
“Well, if we get professional therapists, yes we can talk to them. But we won’t confide our secrets to any person”.
“How do you tell a person that you have slept hungry”?
“People can’t keep secrets. You will tell him or her and he will go to another person and say this is a secret … it will go just like that. Soon, everybody will know about your problems”.
When asked if they cannot tell their teachers about their challenges, one participant responds:
“We are children and sometimes we misbehave. What if you misbehave and the teacher gets angry and starts to reveal your secrets in front of other learners?”
As a therapist, I was challenged by the sentiments these learners are experiencing.
Confidentiality and trust are of utmost importance in any helping relationship. This clearly shows that teachers may not have the basic skills in assisting OVC. However, they cannot be blamed either, because they have not been trained in counselling.
On their lack of confidence, participants share their views in the following words:
“Our situation is different from other children, as such, it makes us feel that we are different from them”.
“We do not have confidence in ourselves nor the people that are around us”.
Recognition and approval
Findings from one participant indicates his need of parents to recognise and approve him, especially when there are achievements to be celebrated. His views are captured as follows:
“There are things that need your parent to recognise you and give you their
approval when you do well. Sometimes you win a competition at school or parents’
meeting and other children come with their parents”.
Social stigma
Findings indicate that OVC suffer from social stigma. The social stigma is worse when it is suspected that their parents may have died of HIV/Aids. In some cases, they are ridiculed because of what their parents used to do. In their responses, they reiterate the view and recall that they are mocked by the people in the community, while some say that they are even told stories about what their parents used to do. This becomes hurtful and frustrating when the people who are telling them these stories are their immediate caregivers.
These responses from some participants highlighted their experiences:
“Sometimes, when you do something at home, they nag you and tell you about the things that your parent used to do. This becomes so painful, because I was not there when my mother did those things and it is not nice hearing that”.
“Sometimes, when we walk along the streets, people tell us bad things about our parents and they are no longer here to defend themselves”.
“We are mocked because we don’t have what other children are having”.
Participants indicate that not only is stigma a problem, but the issue of mocking is problematic. Pillay (2018) agrees with the issue caused by teasing and mocking, and adds that the majority of OVC are often mocked by other learners, because of their socioeconomic circumstances. Mocking can have negative psychological effects on children, especially OVC, whose self-confidence is already lower than that of other children. If they are emotionally attacked or disturbed at school, while they have no-one to confide to when they arrive at home, it means they have to carry the burden alone. In most cases, caregivers are preoccupied with their own burdens. This explains some of the reasons why most OVC tend to internalise their emotions and are preoccupied with deep thinking. This can result in a host of psychological and medical issues, which may eventually lead to how they interact with others and see themselves.