CLARENCE No. 2 CIGARETTES
Made by Carreras Ltd.. London.
A Pure Virginia Cigarette with a Soft Delicate Flavor.
1/3 per Oz. 9/- per lb. Box.
November. 1917. TI ill SPECULUM. 229
THE SPECULUM. November, 1917.
ROUND THE HOSPITALS.
I ELBOLAZNE.
And it came to pass in the days of Mick Mack the Super- man, that the people were sore oppressed.
For he sent forth a decree saying, Let all the people enter at 8.45, and the devil take the hindmost.
And the people sought to slay him, but he hid himself in the mountains for a season, smoking many fags.
And the stoodents cried to the Lord that they undone, but the Lord was not interested.
But they cried again, and the Lord waxed wroth, and smote them, and said, Six days shalt thou labour and do all thy work, and the seventh day thou shalt wheel the prams that thy days may seem long upon the earth.
And the people wept, saying, How long, 0 Lord !—how long !
So the people went up to the lectures, and went upon Cas, where they did mighty deeds.
And they bound up many patients, and caused them to call upon the name of the Lord.
Then there arose a stoodent, who said, "Lie low, mY brethren. In a little time we will be as gods, and shall be called M.B.
And it was very great magic. and they did so.
And when they were M.B., they girded up the loins and ensnared a muggins, and caused him to play solo.
And behold they went misere, and lo! they got it.
Then the prophet woke up, and he saw it was a dream , and he reached for his Osler.
And he put his nose to the grindstone, but when fie, smelt it, he got him to a far place where the daughters 01 music shall be brought low.
Recently a moody-looking man drifted into the skill clinic in an imperative mood. He announced the fact that he was suffering from cat's eyes. In an indicative mood, he revealed pupils that were the merest slits.
One of the students at once offered him a job on his brother's wheat farm in the mice area. The patient fiercely were
1\.0rembcr, 1917. THE SPECULUM. 231 seized a chair, but adopted a subjunctive mood on thinking ()
ver it. This was the last of his repertory, but if he had nthonly gone in for cow's eyes, he might have mood to the
, BY battered, but not yet beaten, we respond to stimuli, and roll up at 8.45 to lectures. At least some of us do.
"'
attend uinge only compensation is that the lectures are worth Especially joyful is Mr. Bird, with his weath of anecdote and reminiscence.
But what about Forensic? A small but. representative 'I.,owd drowses once a week, dreaming of uraemic tits and nt what happened in the bath-room.
NOTES FROM THE ALFRED.
We have been surprised to find that certain influential
da me
mbers from the Melbourne have been openly spreading laaraging- as reports about our hospital. Their reasoning, so we can follow it, is sufficiently amusing to be put into Print.
be One logical genius states that one's training can never and effective in a hospital where there are no electric lifts, dnd where hot and cold water are not laid on to each ward.
A second condemns our surgical methods because we ahrie not forced to wear caps and masks at operations. (Let
ay so to Hammie!)
th One canny lantern-jawed Scotchman has publicly stated tkat our beds are so old as to be positively dangerous. But ,it ,,..e masterpiece was overheard during an argument between Melbourne and an Alfred man a short time ago. After an
b
tend ed the eulogy by the one, and a prolonged declamation .7sard hio_sther, the Melbourne man triumphantly brought for- crowning piece of evidence: "Well, we have more s, anyway r, What a tribute to the skill of those in haveauthority ! Exactly, my friend, you have. You and colleag,ues electric lifts, and dynamo-driven fans, electrically-heated Water, and immaculate wards to wander through ; but what
a b
,out patients. It is a striking fact that all Alfred men boast i;ivtheir cases—the Melbourne men of their mechanical con- ances. It is well. The study of electric lifts is a fascin-
ail
II
232 THE SPECULUM. November, 1917.
ating subject, and fills in the weeks while they are waiting for a new patient.
Our reply to all these contentions is, "Come and see."
We issue a free invitation to anyone to spend a Sunday morning with us. Mr. Russell's Sunday mornings are as rare a combination as pleasant. Humour, well timed satire, surgery experience, and personal interest, all in one.
Our thanks are due particularly to our Inpatient Medical Honoraries. Dr. Anderson has consistently given brilliant clinics, Dr. Lourie has already given us commentaries, while Dr. MacKeddie has taught us our physical signs in an inimit- able way. •
"What did ye hear, boy? Ye hearrd a gude vesicularrr murrr murrr."
"Put your stethoscope there, boy. Now, what did ye hear?
Ye hear high pitched caverrrnous breathing, didn't ye?"
He has taught us physical signs with the same patience as a longsuffering master teaches idiot boys their alphabet.
(Pardon the simile, my colleagues!) And we confess it is the only way to learn them. Such methods are as rare as they are valuable.
Night classes are becoming increasingly popular. There are no honoraries there, and the patients do not play a very Iarge part in the proceedings. But quite a lot may be learnt—
some cases are very pressing. The success of these nightly performances may be judged from the fact that even Mel- bourne Hospital people patronise them. Just ash, Shuggie.
Charlie, the gardener, reports that Pansies are still in season, and are growing well. The double-size variety are very popular just now.
Harold, we are glad to hear, is not wasting his time, but has joined the "Teaching by Correspondence League." This is a branch of the big Correspondence Society, which teaches the piano in 3 lessons, shorthand in 5 pages, and medicine in 6 letters.
We understand Harold is in correspondence with some of the Medical World authorities, and expects shortly to com - plete his course.
November, 1917. THE SPECULUM. 233 PilONE 957'.
Rimless Fits-U Sps.
Krytop Lenses.
Established 5o Years.
Pince-Nez. Bi-focal Sps CrooKe's Tinted Lenses.
REPAIRS PROMPTLY EXECUTED.