Grandparents parenting their grandchildr

Grandparents parenting their grandchildren

Angelica Orb and Margaret Davey

School of Nursing and Midwifery, Curtin University of Technology, Perth, Western Australia, Australia

Objectives: This study aims to describe the perceptions of grandparents parenting their grandchildren on full-time bases.

Method: The paper uses a descriptive qualitative approach to depict grandparents’ parental experience. Seventeen grandparents, including four couples, were interviewed. Data were analysed and interpreted using content analysis.

Results: The findings indicated that grandparents parenting their grandchildren found that this unexpected role brought several emotional, social and financial problems into their lives. They actively looked for resources that could provide them with support to overcome the stressors of their parental role. Many expressed concerns about the future of their grandchildren and frustration when they were dealing with government institutions.

Conclusion: A number of important areas are identified that have policy implications.

Key words: grandparents, parenting, raising children.

Introduction

There is an increasing number of grandparents parenting their grandchildren in the non-traditional form of grandparenting. New forms of family structure are emerging where grandparents are confronted with unconventional care-giving situations. Most of these reasons revolve around problems associated with the primary parents. Research reports indicate that some of the reasons are mental illness, drug-addiction, abandonment, teen pregnancy, incarceration, or death of a grandchild’s parent [1–4].

Kleiner et al. [5] reported that one frequent way of categorising grandparents was to separate them into three groups: the ‘custodial grandparents’, the ‘living with’ grandparents and the ‘day care’ grandparents. Previous research supported these modalities too, indicating that such care can range from full-time to occasional care [6,7]. It is important to acknowledge that most grandparents enjoy the company of their grandchildren, several studies indicated that grandparents have difficulties and concerns parenting their grandchildren, in particular those who take the primary responsibility of being a parent. Some authors stressed that grandparents parenting their grandchil-dren are at risk of developing depression, social and emotional problems [2,8] and some grandparents have reported difficul-ties in handling children’s behaviours [9]. A study conducted by Kelley [3] found that grandparents scored significantly

higher than a normative group on stress levels. Musil [7], using data from 90 subjects in a survey to examine health, stress, coping and support of grandmothers, found that grandmothers as primary carers reported significantly high levels of stress and anxiety compared to normative samples. Bowers and Myers [8] also found that full-time grandparents claimed less life satisfaction than other grandmothers who were providing part-time care.

Equally important, but nevertheless neglected, is the need for support. Grandparents indicated a lack of support from govern-ment organisations, in particular regarding respite care [9]. Laws [10], an Australian author, proposed that funds be provided to grandparents caring for their grandchildren. According to Davidhizar et al. [3], full-time grandparents, in addition to the financial stress and lack of living space, had role restriction and social isolation. Bowers and Myers [8] found that social support did not reduce the level of stress and burden experienced by full-time grandmothers.

Other Australian studies have focused their interest on examin-ing the arrangement for the care of children in Australian society [11], child care by non-English speaking grandparents [12], and feelings about the amount of child care that grandparents can provide so that mothers can remain in the workforce [13]. Snowdon [14] described the grandparental role and the problems of grandparental relationships.

In spite of the studies reported here, there still remains a paucity of research on grandparents as primary parents. Most of the reported research in relation to grandparents parenting their grandchildren is from the American dimension. Some of the American studies indicated that the number of grandparents parenting their grandchildren is unknown because many do not apply for government assistance [15]. Others reported that AIDS cases, teen pregnancy and drug addition are among the general reasons of parenting grandchildren [2]. From the literature reviewed, it seems that some American studies may have culturally different issues, which could make the research less applicable to the Australian scene [15]. Trupin [16], for instance, discovered a trend of older African-American women reporting chronic symptoms of illness and elicited that they were caring for their grandchildren because the parents were drug addicts.

Few studies indicated that a gap exists in the literature regarding this phenomenon in Australia. In Western Australia, only one qualitative study was found using a focus group; it examined the issues affecting grandparents as primary parents [9]. The present study was developed in response to the lack of data regarding issues affecting grandparents [9]. Moreover, anecdotal

information indicated that there was no formal social support for full-time grandparents parenting their grandchildren. The purpose of this qualitative, descriptive study was to explore grandparents’ perceptions of parenting their grandchildren. Grandparents parenting their grandchildren in this study were defined as grandparents who take the primary responsibility for the grandchildren’s upbringing.

Method

Design

The findings presented in this paper are taken from a descrip-tive qualitadescrip-tive study conducted in 2003 [17], which explored the perceptions of a group of grandparents caring for their grandchildren in Perth, Western Australia. The qualitative approached was specifically chosen because grandparents could describe their experiences in their own words and convey their feelings. Data were collected by means of in-depth interviews. The researchers bracketed their assumptions in order to avoid any bias about the study. According to Ely et al. [18], bracketing is a self-reflective process that allows researchers to deliberately distance themselves from their own experience and knowledge of the topic.

Sample

A purposive sample of 17 grandparents, including four couples, caring for their grandchildren was sought from a local private community organisation. The final sample consisted of 13 women and four men, ranging in age from 46 to 64 years. The mean age of these grandparents was 55 years. Majority were Caucasians and one was Aboriginal. The educational level varied from primary to tertiary studies. Nine women were raising their grandchildren as a solo grandparent and one of them had four small children. The grandchildren’s age ranged from 11 months to 11 years. Grandparents had been caring for these grand-children in a permanent arrangement for a period that ranged from 6 months to 9 years. All, with the exception of one parent, had custody of the grandchildren. Majority of the grand-parents lived in their own home.

Procedure

Ethical approval from the Human Research Ethics Committee at Curtin University of Technology was sought. Grandparents attending a community organisation support group were invited to participate in the study. Potential participants then were individually approached by phone and information about the study was provided. Each interview was conducted in the participant’s home.

Data collection

Data were collected through face-to-face interviews and lasted between 60 and 120 minutes. The purpose of these interviews was to learn about the world of grandparents through their eyes [19]. Grandparents were eager to talk about their personal experiences of being a grandparent. Participants were also asked to complete a demographic form. All interviews were tape-recorded. Data saturation was reached when there was

repetition of information [20]. Interviews were transcribed verbatim. Data collection also included field notes taken during the interviews. The data were supplemented from journal notes, allowing researchers to reflect and clarify the emerging phenomenon. Researchers held regular meetings to discuss the progress of the study and keep the focus of the data collection.

Data analysis

Data were analysed manually. Transcripts were read line-by-line, coded and the emerging themes identified. Data were analysed using latent content analysis [21,22] identifying significant meaning and developing themes. Direct quotations were used to illustrate the relevance of the participants’ perception.

Findings

Nine themes emerged from the analysis of the data.

Being a grandparent is like being a parent

The majority of participants expressed that being a grandparent raising children was ‘different’. It was different from being the traditional grandparent; it was like being a parent over again. When grandparents were asked if they would like to change their parenting role, they indicated that although their lifestyle had changed, their grandchildren were now part of their lives. Participants recognised that their life was not easy but they were enjoying their grandchildren. Grandparents were grateful to have the children living with them and could not imagine life without them now. Nevertheless, some participants indicated that the grandchildren had lost their grandparents to a certain extent because they were busy taking care in the parenting role. Grandparents could not spoil their grandchildren and let them get away with things because they had to discipline them when they ‘played up’. Being different meant that grandparents had to play multiple and different roles. For instance, caring for a school aged child meant taking the responsibility attached to this role, which not only meant taking the child to school but also becoming involved in all the school activities connected with him/her. The parenting role kept them busy and active. Grandparents expressed that tiredness was an overriding factor in their lives. They embraced the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of the children as well as providing them with food, clothing and shelter. Data analysis does not indicate any difference between sole grandparents and those who had a partner. However, data indicated that grandmothers were more involved in the daily care of the children such as preparing meals and bedtime routine, whereas males were involved in taking children to school and driving them to different sport activities. For example, one of the couples said:

It is wearing and it impinges on our lifestyle and social life . . . you don’t have the energy that you did have 30 years ago either. Yes, totally different. It just wears me out.

Confronting an unexpected parenting role

Most of the grandparents reported that they were unprepared for the parenting role. They were confused about their rights and aware of their lack of parental skills. Grandparents had to establish themselves as carers and refocus their efforts in this new role. This unexpected new role made them learn the necessary parenting skills for this new role as parents. As one participant said:

I got out books, ‘Living with Teenagers’ so I can understand where I am coming from with him.

The compelling reason of taking on this new and expected role was the welfare of the children. Some children had been neglected by their parents, others had been victims of violence and abuse. One grandparent said:

Something just wasn’t right there and then it went beyond the house was filthy and the kids were hungry.

The unexpected role arrived when one of the grandmothers was still grieving the loss of her husband, and another one facing menopausal changes. Grandparents had to adapt to the new parental role in order to cope with the caring of their grandchildren. One participant said; ‘I was in my 50s I am not coping very well it just sort of hit me very fast’.

Raising grandchildren: living with emotional pressures

Raising grandchildren was an emotional experience that affected all grandparents in two ways: (i) being under constant stress; and (ii) being consumed.

Being under constant stress

One of the sources of stress experienced by grandparents came from the procedures derived from gaining the legal custody or residency of the children. Obtaining custody of the children was not easy. Majority of the grandparents had custody of their grandchildren, which gave them the same rights as parents. However, gaining custody was an emotional and expensive battle. It was time-consuming and frustrating because there were many bureaucratic barriers to overcome. Grandparents talked about going into painful and stressful procedures with the Child Protection Services as well as with the children’s parents. One participant said; ‘To find legal help it was a huge thing, it took us 8 months and we finally got legal aid’.

Grandparents’ own emotional battles were another source of stress. They felt guilty and resentful about their children who had abandoned the grandchildren. One negative case was an Aboriginal grandmother who indicated that in her culture this was an expected role, which she was happy to take and did not feel resentful about doing so. Grandparents also had to face emotional pressures from another two fronts. On one side, there were emotions related to having to fight against their own children and/or their in-laws. The constant emotional battle with the children’s parents and the enactment of the role as ‘parents’ created anxiety and stress. Grandparents referred to this role as being ‘wearing’.

On the other side, grandparents had to confront the officials representing Family and Children Services. They indicated that these emotional pressures had not subsided over the years because some of the parents had supervised visits. In most cases, grandparents were concerned with the outcome of these visits, which often resulted in traumatic experiences for the grandchildren as well as for them as grandparents. One grand-parent said: ‘I lived under constant stress . . . even when things are good you are still on constant alert’.

Being consumed

Grandparents reported that when the children acted in a disruptive and irregular manner, these children had serious behavioural problems, in particular the older child of the family. In these cases, grandparents were consumed by their uncontrollable behaviour. When a child was violent the whole family was traumatised, these grandparents were emotionally consumed by the stress created by these grandchildren. They expressed how some of these children had been physically and mentally abused; others had mental disorders, showed signs of insecurity and often attacked them physically and verbally. Grandparents were exhausted trying to discipline these grandchildren. Often they were ashamed to share their problems with other members of the family, preferring to care in silence. For example, one grandparent said:

He is violent and I have been really beaten up by that child. I rung Crisis Care probably about 20 times and I have begged on my hands and knees for them to actually come and take him and they have just. One night I said to them if you don’t I am scared I will murder him, you can’t say that. I said well, come and take him and you help me.

Another one said:

You grieve. You grieve. You are in mourning; when we got these grandkids, you are in mourning.

Changing lifestyle

Grandparents indicated that raising grandchildren threw their ‘dreams out of the window’ and created new tensions and struggles. Their retirement plan had to change and the dreams of having a long holiday and travelling had to be put on hold. Consequently, their lifestyle changed and they became parents of small children again. One participant had this to say:

All your life you work hard to get ahead so when you are ready to retire you can have a bit of a life . . . that dream is all gone now, we (she and her husband) have to care for our two grandchildren and I can’t see us having any enjoyment in our autumn days.

She has made everyone’s life, three people’s life, really difficult. Who gives a rat about the Mum’s rights, she has walked away from her responsibilities, and she shouldn’t have rights. She should be allowed to see the child by agreement not just be allowed to come and go as she pleases. After all, shouldn’t three people’s sense of security and comfort come into it?

Thinking about the future

The grandparents’ main concern was related to the future of the children. Most of them were worried about the uncertainty of the future. Some were afraid about the possibility that the grandchildren may follow in the steps of their parents who were involved with drugs and/or had a mental disorder. One grandparent said:

They (parents) have left behind a terrible legacy. Children with emotional problems are going to grow up to be emotionally troubled teenagers or emotionally troubled adults. Unless we can get funding to help these kids at an early stage they’re going to be lost to the drug world too. And so the problem will keep perpetuating. But who is going to raise their kids. Their parents have rejected them; we are going to be dead or too old to take it on.

Searching for support

Grandparents felt overwhelmed with the responsibility of the parental role and did not know where to start. They experienced emotional, social, legal and financial problems. Participants were not aware of the resources or services available to them. Grandparents bitterly complained about the financial inequality between them and the Foster Parents scheme. All indicated that they had little financial support. Therefore, grandparents actively searched for government financial support. They looked for support and assistance from the local church, school and government services such as Centrelink, and Children and Family Services. Grandparents’ community organisations allowed them to gain information about how to access the services, learn some parental skills and develop a social network. One grandparent said:

I have phoned around, I have done this exercise and tried to find someone who would baby-sit for me or just come at the weekends. It sounds like a cop out like I can’t cope or whatever and in some respects I get tired and irritable on weekends by just to sort of keep me company and help me entertain these children . . . Respite is very important, respite is important.

Another grandparent reported:

It (grandparents’ community group) has given us emotional support and given us tactics and strategies to try to say ‘okay we will try that’ or ‘I wasn’t aware of that’ or whatever so it is good voluntary sort of support that we are getting from that point of view now.

Struggling with the money

All grandparents mentioned that they were coping with a shoe-string budget. A few of them had support for housing, some

had family allowances and single parents’ pension, others had support from the Disabilities Services Commission. Those participants who had their own superannuation received only a financial assistance of $8.00 a week. However, all of them mentioned that keeping the grandchildren cost them money. Grandparents reported that one of the major financial struggles was when things needed repair or they needed to change their car. A few of them indicated that they looked for opportunities in secondhand shops and cheap food shops. The following are examples that illustrate the financial struggle faced by grandparents:

I can’t afford a baby-sitter and go out at the same time. Yeah and I haven’t got that network to say ‘will you baby-sit for me?’ It is just because you are on the fringes everywhere, you haven’t got Mum and Dad, and you haven’t got your brothers and sisters so to speak any more, you know, they are busy themselves. Yeah friends my age don’t have children my ages you know.

We are self-funded retirees and all we get is $8.00 a week [from Centrelink]. And the amount that we outlay on child care, on petrol, clothing, education, social, all these sorts of things, we are not recognised at all. So Centrelink, they are unable to come to grips with our situation, we are grandparents, spending money on raising a grandchild . . . We have got to dip into our own resources, so that is a big issue.

Often, grandparents reported that they were ‘with the hand in the pocket all the time’ to meet the basic needs of their grandchildren and could not afford simple pleasures such as going out for a cheap meal in a restaurant on the odd occasion.

Hitting a brick wall

Grandparents expressed anger and frustration when accessing the services available to them. They spent considerable amounts of time visiting the welfare services explaining their situation. Most of them indicated that after many requests and visits to the services available, they were getting the support requested in the form of material goods, child-care support and mone-tary assistance. Participants felt treated with disrespect, not heard and being patronised and treated in a paternalistic manner. The initial encounter with some welfare officers made them feel that they were coming up against a brick wall. These attitudes created a constant sense of frustration and anger in them. Grandparents felt powerless, voiceless and invisible, indicating that they did not fit into any welfare category set up by Centrelink. There was no provision for the category of grandparents parenting grandchildren; therefore their ‘story’ had to be repeated many times. One participant had this to say:

I get nothing and I am looking after my grandchild . . . the system is all wrong!

Learning the system

The resilience demonstrated by these grandparents allowed them to learn how the bureaucratic system worked. They learned how to access the services and demanded respect for their rights and entitlements, although often they had to over-come some of the bureaucratic barriers imposed by the serv-ices. For example, they learned that presenting their problems to the welfare service might give them assistance to cover the cost of some expenses. Grandparents learned how to access the judiciary system and understand the jargon used by the law-yers. They mentioned words such as magistrate, solicitor, affi-davit, first hearing, and court orders.

Learning to deal with the system was frustrating and upsetting at times, but some of the grandparents learned how to be assertive and confront some difficult situations. Some of them, to survive, had to fight for their rights and let people know that they were taking the responsibility of raising their grandchildren. One grandmother talked about the following experience:

I got a letter from them to say that my money will be cut down. I had an appointment to go (to clarify the situation). When I said I am the grandmother bringing them up, which they know, she (the officer) went off, came back and said ‘oh no, you are exempt (from receiving maintenance) you are only the grandmother’. And I am thinking only the grandmother, only . . . And I said to her I would like to know who is sharing the care of these children? And she said I couldn’t tell you. She had the paper on the desk it would have been like that and she had it over my file and said to her, let me have a look. And she said no you can’t so she sort of pulled the file and I said that is my file I would like to know who I am supposed to sharing the care with. She said well I am sorry but we can’t tell you it is confidential and I am saying these are my grandchildren who are in my (care), I have got custody of these children, they are my children, I want to know why I am losing half of my money . . . I said . . . you would be lucky to be 18-years-old and I said go and talk to your superior and then get to her to talk to me.

Discussion

The study findings provide important new insights into the quality of life of grandparents raising grandchildren. One area that demands attention is the notion that grandparents raising grandchildren want to be treated as parents. This desire emerged from the need for recognition as ‘parents’ by government and community institutions. Such recognition may facilitate their parental role. It may also reduce their stress, frustration and anger when accessing the services available to them, in partic-ular when they are searching for financial support. Equally, Kelley [3] reported that grandparents raising grandchildren experienced parenting stress and financial difficulties. These findings are also supported by Allen’s study [9] which found

that grandparents are often confused about their entitle-ments and overwhelmed with the paperwork required when approaching government departments. This author reported that grandparents raising children experienced a range of negative emotions, which made them feel an increased sense of inadequacy. Solomon and Marx [23] confirmed that grandparents run into many legal issues as well as financial problems.

Grandparents’ need for recognition as parents was also voiced in response to their contribution to the children’s well-being and the savings made for the government. This finding is supported by an American study by Smith et al. [24] who reported that when the court appoints grandparents as legal guardian, the state generally issues a monthly subsidy cheque to the carer, which usually is less than the foster care payment.

Grandparents were confused with this unexpected parenting role. This confusion was exacerbated by the lack of appropriate information and sources of support available to them. This finding is consistent with that of other authors, who had found that grandparents as primary carers need additional support such as day care/respite services [7]. A few grandparents’ support groups are already established in the community to deal with the issues affecting grandparents. Information on these groups needs to be broadly disseminated so grandparents can deal more easily with the deficits of not having an established support network and being consumed by the stress of raising grandchildren [4]. The findings related to searching for sup-port and struggling with money require urgent consideration at the policy making level [7].

It is also suggested that Centrelink and Children’s and Family Services should develop a more user-friendly system to gain information and access to the community services available to grandparents.

This descriptive qualitative design provided useful information about grandparents who parent their grandchildren. However, one of the limitations of this study is that all participants were recruited from one support group and all of them were Caucasian, with one exception. The findings in this study do not present a positive perception of grandparents parenting grandchildren. Perhaps this unbalanced view is related to the sample selection. It may also indicate that the harsh reality of parenting grand-children is not so simple. Although becoming a grandparent is valued by society, these grandparents did not feel that they could choose freely to become full-time parents. Despite the unbalanced findings of this study, grandparents felt that the presence of the children kept them going and helped them to continue to care. This seemingly unbalanced view can also be the result of grandparents not receiving the help to develop skills to manage their strong emotions and difficult and challenging situations. Nevertheless, this study represents a snapshot of one group of grandparents who are living in the Perth metropolitan area. Further research into grandparents and their grandchildren, and in particular Aboriginal and those with culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds, should be conducted. This information will improve policy makers’ understanding of grandparents parenting grandchildren; it will also contribute to a greater insight into the issues faced by grandparents and grandchildren by health care and welfare professionals. Further research should be conducted to identify those grand-parents that need urgent assistance and support to overcome some of the barriers that may be affecting their quality of life [23].

Conclusions

This study confirms other American [3,4,6,7] and Australian [2,11] research on full-time grandparents reporting that it is essential to support grandparents parenting their grandchildren, and that this group not only is contributing to the well-being of the children but also to the community at large. State and federal policy makers including but not exclusively older people’s agencies need to be aware of the issues affecting grandparents, and urgently act to improve and expand the established social policies designed to support grandparents raising grand-children. Grandparents need financial support and their con-tribution should not be taken for granted. Resources allocated to support grandparents must be a priority if the government wishes to keep both grandparents and grandchildren in a healthy state. Grandparents’ physical and emotional state is at risk. Grandchildren will benefit if grandparents can maintain a healthy life.

Acknowledgements

Researchers extend their special thanks to the grandparents who spent time contributing to this study, to Wanslea and the Freemason Centre for Research into Aged Care Services, Curtin University of Technology.

Key Points

• Grandparents recognised that their life was not easy but they were enjoying their grandchildren. • Grandparents had to establish themselves as carers

and refocus their efforts in this new role.

• Grandparents felt guilty and resentful about their children who had abandoned the grandchildren. • Grandparents bitterly complained about the financial

inequality between them and the Foster Parents scheme.

• Grandparents’ need for recognition as a parent was also voiced in response to their contribution to the children’s well-being and the saving made for the government.

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