Komunikasi dalam Keluarga (Psikologi Keluarga Pertemuan 6)

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Komunikasi dalam

Keluarga

(Psikologi Keluarga

Pertemuan 6)

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I know you believe you

understand what you

think I said, but I am not

sure you realize that

what you heard is not

what I meant.

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Introduction

• _{Communication is at the}

heart of expressive family

processes

• _{How family members}

communicate, what they

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Introduction

• _{The most frequent activity you do with friends}

and family members is, most probably,

TALK!

• _{Communicating is a fundamental activity of}

life. We communicate about who we are, our

dreams, our goals, what we think is good or

bad, we critique those around us, we negotiate

confict, start fghts, and try to fnd

forgiveness. When we communicate, we reveal

our weaknesses and strengths and explore our

expectations, hopes, and dis- appointments

(Duck, 1997).

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Special communication

relationships developed from an

early age

• _{Pertama, kita menonton dan berkomunikasi}

dengan orangtua dan anggota keluarga

terdekat.

• _{Lalu kita keluar dari rumah dan melihat}

interaksi orang di televisi atau flm

• _{Kita mengobservasi bagaimana saudara kita}

memecahkan masalah dan berkomunikasi

dengan teman mereka

• _{Kita berlanjut lagi dengan belajar melalui}

melihat orangtua dan orang dewasa yang

lainnya

• _{Setiap kali terbentuk pertemanan atau}

hubungan, cara kita berkomunikasi dan

berinteraksi berubah dan beradaptasi

• _{Perubahannya tidak tampak jelas dan}

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Bagaimana komunikasi ketika

kita

sedang jatuh cinta?

• _{Meminimalisir kesalahan pasangan}

• _{Berbagi perasaan dan pengalaman & berkata dengan lembut} • _{Memaklumi secara ekstra, menggunakan ekspresi sopan,}

“tolong, terimakasih”

• _{Menggunakan “personalized communication”} termasuk rahasia yang disimpan dari orang lain dan dan pesan yang hanya dimiliki bersama dalam hubungan yang khusus

• _{Membuat personal idiom (panggilan sayang, nama untuk}

hewan milik bersama)

• _{Mengkomunikasikan cinta secara verbal untuk}

mengekspresikan dukungan, membicarakan banyak hal

• _{Mengkomunikasikan cinta secara non verbal (menyentuh,}

pandangan mata, berpegangan tangan, berciuman, nada suara yang berbeda)

• _{Menyadari ada yang “tidak beres” pada diri orang yang}

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The parts of communication

: decoding

• Decoding mengarah pada ide bahwa orang kita kirimi pesan menginterpretasikan pesan kita

• Mereka akan menerjemahkan kata-kata (bagian yang terbuka) sebaik ekspresi wajah yang tidak tampak, nada suara, postur dan tanda-tanda lainnya sesuai konteks pesan dan berusaha menebak pesan apa yang berusaha kita kirim.

• Masalah bisa muncul dari proses ini ketika orang lain melakukan decode tidak sesuai dengan yang kita inginkan/maksudkan

• Beberapa pesan dikirim dan penerima pesan tidak melakukan decode sebagaimana yang kita harapkan. Namun di waktu lain, pesan yang diterima dan yang dikirim bisa selaras.

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Research

• Research Dickson-Markman & Markman (1988) :

Rata-rata, pasangan melakukan 1.24 interaksi setiap hari yang cukup panjang untuk dianggap sebagai conversational exchange. Pertukaran percakapan ini rata-rata berlangsung 2 jam. Topik yang sering muncul meliputi pekerjaan, perawatan rumah, anak dan

anggota keluarga yang lain, percakapan yang dilakukan sepanjang hari tersebut dengan orang-orang lain dan makanan.

• Study by Noller and Feeny (1998) :

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TYPES AND KINDS

Miller, Nunnally, Wackman, and

Miller (1988). These family

scientists suggested that

communication in close

relationships could be organized

into four types :

• _{small talk}

• _{competition/ control talk}

• _{meta communication}

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TYPES AND KINDS : Small Talk

• Small talk.

When we encounter a friend,

stranger, or family member, we often just want

to chat (news items, the recent rainstorm, daily

routines, something silly a child said, or what’s

on for dinner). The purpose of this type of

conversation is to build trust and establish

bonds of connection. People who are not skilled

at making small talk are sometimes seen as

intrusive when they skip it and move

immediately to requests, lectures, or inquiries.

Conversely, if one only knows how to engage in

small talk, then it is difcult to build lasting rela-

tionships with others.

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TYPES AND KINDS : Competitive /

Control Talk

• _{Control talk is about infuence and}

change. When we praise, lecture,

direct, request, or suggest things to

family members we are using control

talk. Parents often supervise their

chil- dren, monitor their activities by

asking where they have been, and

teach them about while the children

are doing homework. All of these

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TYPES AND KINDS : Competitive /

Control Talk

Some kinds of destructive, competitive fght talk strategies :

• _{Interrupting.}_{Often when we are impatient and}

controlling, we interrupt the other person and try to redirect the conversation to go in the direction we want. Kennedy and Camden (1993) : not all

interruptions are a sign of dominating and

controlling communication ; women are far more likely to interrupt than are men; most of the

interruptions that occurred in their study were

confrmation interruptions

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TYPES AND KINDS : Competitive /

Control Talk

Some kinds of destructive, competitive fght

talk strategies :

• _{Sarcasm and cutting humor}

_{. In current}

usage, sarcasm and cutting humor means to

make someone look foolish or unworthy.

• _Distancing.

_{When we give up on the other}

person, decide we have had enough, and

disengage we are distancing. Rather than

battle with someone, we choose to retreat

and build barriers.

• _Martyring

_.

_{The martyr seeks control through}

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TYPES AND KINDS :

Meta-communication/Search talk

Miller et al. (1988) also list search talk

as an important type of relationship

communication. When we talk about

how we talk about things, we call this

search talk or meta-communication.

Meta-communication is important

because it allows us to put the

normal fow of decision-making,

problem solving, and confict

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TYPES AND KINDS :

Cooperative/Straight talk.

Seeking meaning. One way to send non-defensive, non-combative, non- competitive intent and content messages to those close to us is to seek meaning. When we seek meaning, we listen carefully, non-judgmentally, and without thinking about what we want to say next.

Seeking clarifcation. When we seek clarifcation we go beyond seeking the meaning of the interaction. In this situation, we are listening closely and fnd some aspect of the message unclear to us.

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TYPES AND KINDS :

Cooperative/Straight talk

Seeking congruence.. Congruency occurs when we take the time to make sure that the intent and

content aspects of messages are similar, or

congruent. If one partner says, “I love you” with the content message, but the intent message is one of distance and coolness, then the messages are not congruent and the chances for building relationship strength decrease.

Appropriate self-disclosure.. This occurs when an individual reveals to one or more people some

personal information they would not other- wise learn. We acquire information through daily

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4 pola komunikasi dalam keluarga

secara umum (Devito, 2004):

• The Equality Pattern



setara dalam berkomunikasi (menyampaikan

ide, pendapat & keyakinan, masing-masing pihak

terbuka,secara langsung, jujur, tidak ada

pemimpin & pengikut, keputusan dibuat bersama



kelemahan : equality pattern = equitable

(equity theory). Kepuasaan tertinggi akan didapat

ketika ada keseimbangan (reward = cost). Ketika

terjadi ketidakseimbangan, bisa saja pihak yang

merasakan akan mencari keseimbangan dari

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4 pola komunikasi dalam keluarga

secara umum (Devito, 2004):

• _{The Balanced Split Pattern}



hubungan sejajar, namun masing-masing

pihak memiliki otoritas dalam domain yang

berbeda

• _{The Unbalanced Split Pattern}



salah satu pihak yang memimpin adalah

yang dianggap lebih pintar & lebih mampu,

biasanya juga yang lebih menarik secara

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4 pola komunikasi dalam keluarga

secara umum (Devito, 2004):

• _{The Monopoly pattern}



salah satu pihak memonopoli segalanya.

Pihak yang dimonopoli bertanya tentang segala

hal, meminta ijin, menunggu pihak yang

memonopoli untuk mengambil keputusan.

Pihak lain akan tahu siapa bos & siapa yang

akan memenangkan argumentasi. Seringkali

terjadi konfik karena pihak yang memonopoli

biasanya kurang mengerti bagaimana

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Gender in communication

• Men, generally, are socialized to communicate diferently

than women. They see the world of relationships with a slightly diferent hue.

• To learn how to strengthen relationship ties between men and women, one must attend to those diferences.

• For example, Beck (1988) re-substantiated the idea that men don’t talk about personal things as much as women do. He found that women think their marriages are stronger and working better when there is plenty of dialogue and

exchange about the relationship. On the other hand, the men in this study generally felt the opposite: when