vii ABSTRACT
Nugroho, Stefanus Brian Dwi (2013). The Influence of Somer’s and Asha’s Interpersonal Conflicts on Mother and Daughter Relationship in Shilpi
Somaya Gowda’s Secret Daughter. Yogyakarta: English Language Education Study Program, Sanata Dharma University.
This study discusses a novel written by Shilpi Somaya Gowda entitled Secret Daughter. The novel is a fascinating novel that portrays communication problems in a family and motherhood experience. The writer chooses to analyze the interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha because Asha, as an adopted child, grows in a deep curiosity about her biological parents. It has caused interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha and has influenced their relationship as a mother and a daughter.
There are two problems analyzed in this thesis. Those are (1) What are Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal conflicts as described in the novel? (2) How do Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal conflicts affect their mother and daughter relationship?
This study used psychological approach since this study focused on interpersonal conflicts. The method used for the analysis was library research. A novel entitled Secret Daughter was the primary data in this study. The secondary data were books and journal on interpersonal conflicts and mother and daughter relationship which were used to analyze the novel.
Based on the analysis, there are two main points which can be drawn. The first point is the interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha. The interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha happen when Asha asks about her biological parents to Somer. Besides, Somer and Asha have different goals, ideas, and perceptions about Asha’s study, Asha’s interests in journalism, and freedom as a teenager. The interpersonal conflicts also happen when Asha thinks that knowing the origin for a child is important to find out her identity. These interpersonal conflicts can be classified as pseudo conflict, simple conflict, and ego conflict. The causes of the interpersonal conflicts are defined as the different opinions or interests, roles in a family, and lack of communication. The conflict resolutions between Asha and Somer are classified as loyalty, avoidance, soothing or yielding, compromising, competition or contending, and solving. The second point is the influence of Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal conflicts on mother and daughter relationship. The interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha have given influence on intimacy and power. The intimate relationship between Somer and Asha is shown when they spend special moments together and Somer gives her allowance to Asha to develop her ability appropriate with her interest. For the power aspect, Somer becomes a permissive mother, not an authoritarian anymore. This thesis provides suggestions for future researchers and English teachers to teach English by using Secret Daughter as the teaching material.
viii
ABSTRAK
Nugroho, Stefanus Brian Dwi (2013). The Influence of Somer’s and Asha’s Interpersonal Conflicts on Mother and Daughter Relationship in Shilpi
Somaya Gowda’s Secret Daughter. Yogyakarta: Program Studi Bahasa Inggris, Universitas Sanata Dharma.
Studi ini membicarakan sebuah novel yang ditulis oleh Shilpi Somaya Gowda berjudul Secret Daughter. Novel ini merupakan sebuah novel yang menarik dengan gambaran tentang masalah komunikasi di dalam sebuah keluarga dan pengalaman keibuan. Oleh sebab itu, penulis memilih untuk menganalisa konflik antar pribadi antara Somer dan Asha karena Asha, sebagai anak adopsi, tumbuh dalam rasa ingin tahu yang mendalam tentang orang tua kandungnya. Hal ini telah menyebabkan konflik–konflik antar pribadi antara Somer dan Asha dan telah mempengaruhi hubungan mereka sebagai seorang ibu dan seorang anak.
Ada dua masalah yang dianalisa dalam skripsi ini. Masalah itu adalah (1) Apa saja konflik–konflik antar pribadi antara Somer dan Asha seperti yang terdapat di dalam novel? (2) Bagaimana konflik-konflik antar pribadi antara Somer dan Asha mempengaruhi hubungan ibu dan anak?
Studi ini menggunakan pendekatan psikologi karena studi ini berpusat pada konflik–konflik antar pribadi. Metode yang digunakan untuk analisis adalah studi pustaka. Novel berjudul Secret Daughter adalah data utama dalam studi ini. Data sekunder adalah buku–buku dan jurnal tentang konflik–konflik antar pribadi dan hubungan ibu dan anak yang digunakan untuk menganalisa novel ini.
ix
peneliti di masa datang dan bagi guru bahasa Inggris untuk mengajar bahasa Inggris menggunakan Secret Daughter sebagai bahan ajar.
THE INFLUENCE OF SOMER
’S AND
ASHA
’S
INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS ON MOTHER
AND DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP
IN SHILPI SOMAYA GOWDA’S SECRET DAUGHTER
A SARJANA PENDIDIKAN THESIS
Presented as Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements to Obtain the Sarjana Pendidikan Degree
in English Language Education
By
Stefanus Brian Dwi Nugroho Student Number: 081214051
ENGLISH LANGUAGE EDUCATION STUDY PROGRAM DEPARTMENT OF LANGUAGE AND ARTS EDUCATION FACULTY OF TEACHERS TRAINING AND EDUCATION
SANATA DHARMA UNIVERSITY YOGYAKARTA
i
THE INFLUENCE OF SOMER
’S AND
ASHA
’S
INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS ON MOTHER
AND DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP
IN SHILPI SOMAYA GOWDA’S SECRET DAUGHTER
A SARJANA PENDIDIKAN THESIS
Presented as Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements to Obtain the Sarjana Pendidikan Degree
in English Language Education
By
Stefanus Brian Dwi Nugroho Student Number: 081214051
ENGLISH LANGUAGE EDUCATION STUDY PROGRAM DEPARTMENT OF LANGUAGE AND ARTS EDUCATION FACULTY OF TEACHERS TRAINING AND EDUCATION
SANATA DHARMA UNIVERSITY YOGYAKARTA
iv
This thesis is dedicated to:
God, Jesus Christ, and Mother Mary
My beloved parents
Ignatius Lagiman and Florentina Suratiyem
My Sister
Paskalina Widiastuti Ratnaningsih
My grandparents
Suparno Warnotiyoso and Satirah Warnotiyoso
v
STATEMENT OF WORK’S ORIGINALITY
I honestly declare that this thesis, which I have written, does not contain the work or parts of the work of other people, except those cited in the quotations and the references, as a scientific paper should.
Yogyakarta, January 14th, 2013 The Writer
vi
LEMBAR PERNYATAAN PERSETUJUAN
PUBLIKASI KARYA ILMIAH UNTUK KEPENTINGAN AKADEMIS
Yang bertanda tangan di bawah ini, saya mahasiswa Universitas Sanata Dharma: Nama : Stefanus Brian Dwi Nugroho
Nomor Mahasiswa : 081214051
Demi pengembangan ilmu pengetahuan, saya memberikan kepada Perpustakaan Universitas Sanata Dharma karya ilmiah saya yang berjudul:
THE INFLUENCE OF SOMER’S AND ASHA’S INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS ON MOTHER AND DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP IN
SHILPI SOMAYA GOWDA’S SECRET DAUGHTER
beserta perangkat yang diperlukan (bila ada). Dengan demikian saya memberikan kepada Perpustakaan Universitas Sanata Dharma hak untuk menyimpan, mengalihkan dalam bentuk media lain, mengelolanya dalam bentuk pangkalan data, mendistribusikan secara terbatas, dan mempublikasikannya di internet atau media lain untuk kepentingan akademis tanpa perlu meminta ijin dari saya maupun memberikan royalti kepada saya selama tetap mencamtukan nama saya sebagai penulis.
Demikian pernyataan ini yang saya buat dengan sebenarnya.
Dibuat di Yogyakarta
Pada tanggal : 14 Januari 2013
Yang menyatakan
vii ABSTRACT
Nugroho, Stefanus Brian Dwi (2013). The Influence of Somer’s and Asha’s Interpersonal Conflicts on Mother and Daughter Relationship in Shilpi
Somaya Gowda’s Secret Daughter. Yogyakarta: English Language Education Study Program, Sanata Dharma University.
This study discusses a novel written by Shilpi Somaya Gowda entitled Secret Daughter. The novel is a fascinating novel that portrays communication problems in a family and motherhood experience. The writer chooses to analyze the interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha because Asha, as an adopted child, grows in a deep curiosity about her biological parents. It has caused interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha and has influenced their relationship as a mother and a daughter.
There are two problems analyzed in this thesis. Those are (1) What are Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal conflicts as described in the novel? (2) How do Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal conflicts affect their mother and daughter relationship?
This study used psychological approach since this study focused on interpersonal conflicts. The method used for the analysis was library research. A novel entitled Secret Daughter was the primary data in this study. The secondary data were books and journal on interpersonal conflicts and mother and daughter relationship which were used to analyze the novel.
Based on the analysis, there are two main points which can be drawn. The first point is the interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha. The interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha happen when Asha asks about her biological parents to Somer. Besides, Somer and Asha have different goals, ideas, and perceptions about Asha’s study, Asha’s interests in journalism, and freedom as a teenager. The interpersonal conflicts also happen when Asha thinks that knowing the origin for a child is important to find out her identity. These interpersonal conflicts can be classified as pseudo conflict, simple conflict, and ego conflict. The causes of the interpersonal conflicts are defined as the different opinions or interests, roles in a family, and lack of communication. The conflict resolutions between Asha and Somer are classified as loyalty, avoidance, soothing or yielding, compromising, competition or contending, and solving. The second point is the influence of Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal conflicts on mother and daughter relationship. The interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha have given influence on intimacy and power. The intimate relationship between Somer and Asha is shown when they spend special moments together and Somer gives her allowance to Asha to develop her ability appropriate with her interest. For the power aspect, Somer becomes a permissive mother, not an authoritarian anymore. This thesis provides suggestions for future researchers and English teachers to teach English by using Secret Daughter as the teaching material.
viii
ABSTRAK
Nugroho, Stefanus Brian Dwi (2013). The Influence of Somer’s and Asha’s Interpersonal Conflicts on Mother and Daughter Relationship in Shilpi
Somaya Gowda’s Secret Daughter. Yogyakarta: Program Studi Bahasa Inggris, Universitas Sanata Dharma.
Studi ini membicarakan sebuah novel yang ditulis oleh Shilpi Somaya Gowda berjudul Secret Daughter. Novel ini merupakan sebuah novel yang menarik dengan gambaran tentang masalah komunikasi di dalam sebuah keluarga dan pengalaman keibuan. Oleh sebab itu, penulis memilih untuk menganalisa konflik antar pribadi antara Somer dan Asha karena Asha, sebagai anak adopsi, tumbuh dalam rasa ingin tahu yang mendalam tentang orang tua kandungnya. Hal ini telah menyebabkan konflik–konflik antar pribadi antara Somer dan Asha dan telah mempengaruhi hubungan mereka sebagai seorang ibu dan seorang anak.
Ada dua masalah yang dianalisa dalam skripsi ini. Masalah itu adalah (1) Apa saja konflik–konflik antar pribadi antara Somer dan Asha seperti yang terdapat di dalam novel? (2) Bagaimana konflik-konflik antar pribadi antara Somer dan Asha mempengaruhi hubungan ibu dan anak?
Studi ini menggunakan pendekatan psikologi karena studi ini berpusat pada konflik–konflik antar pribadi. Metode yang digunakan untuk analisis adalah studi pustaka. Novel berjudul Secret Daughter adalah data utama dalam studi ini. Data sekunder adalah buku–buku dan jurnal tentang konflik–konflik antar pribadi dan hubungan ibu dan anak yang digunakan untuk menganalisa novel ini.
ix
peneliti di masa datang dan bagi guru bahasa Inggris untuk mengajar bahasa Inggris menggunakan Secret Daughter sebagai bahan ajar.
x
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
First of all, I would like to express my deepest praise and gratitude to Jesus Christ and Mother Mary for their blessings. Thanks for giving me strength, health and guidance so that I am able to finish my thesis.
Second, I would like to express my deepest gratitude to my major sponsor, Henny Herawati, S.Pd., M.Hum., for her patience, kindness, suggestions, and encouragement in finishing my thesis. My sincere gratitude is also addressed to Sr. Margaret, FCJ and Mas Risang Baskara, S.S., who kindly helped me in checking my grammar. Furthermore, I would like to thank PBI lecturers for the guidance for me during my study. I also thank PBI’s administration staffs, Mbak Daniek and Mbak Tari for helping me in administrative matters.
Third, I would like express my sincere gratitude to my father, Ignatius Lagiman, S.Pd., and my mother, Florentina Suratiyem, for unending support, love, and pray. I also thank my sister, Paskalina Widiastuti Ratnaningsih, S.Pd., for her support and assistance during finishing this thesis. I also would like to express my gratitude to my grandfather, Suparno Warnotiyoso, and my grandmother, Satirah Warnotiyoso, for their prayers and support during the completion of this thesis. I also would like express my gratitude to my family in Klaten and Cirebon for their prayers in finishing my study.
xi
during the completion of this thesis. My special thanks to people in my boarding house: Odoy, Yus, Resex, Ahsan, Mbak Asih, Eka, and Pak Jasman’s family. I thank them for their support and assistance during my study. I also would like to
thank my friends: Sandy ‘cino’, Doddi, Patrick ‘kak beb’, Simek, Sigrid, Mas Lukas, Gendon, Erick, Dimas, and Rara.
Fifth, I would like to express my gratitude to my friends in PBI: Yus, Yuan, Frater, Adam, Yosua, Rizky ‘suketi’, Mas Ketchup, Niken, Diah, Rean, Dhita ‘mbak ndut’, Astri, Yuan ‘chu’, Adi, Dimas, Gilang, Mbak Bowtie, Mas Jojo, Selvi, Tiyus, Yohana, Baruna, Leo, Mas Yoko, Father Richie, and Mas
Miko. I also would like to thank my EMC’s friends: Marcel, Topan, Bella, Delis,
Pita, and Franky. For my friends in Laziale Yogyakarta, I would like to thank for your support and for the great moments in supporting our beloved football team, SS Lazio.
Sixth, I would like to thank the people in Jambi, my hometown. I thank my neighbors in Jambi, especially Bapak Imron’s family: Bapak, Mamak, Bang Ujang, Bang Ayik, and Ayuk Ika, for their prayers for my study. I also would like to thank my friends in Jambi: Wawan, Rohmo, Nuke, Adi, Dani ‘jamet’, Dede Mirtha, and Samuel Ramos Pakpahan.
Finally, I would like to express my sincere gratitude to all people whom I cannot be mentioned one by one. I thank them for their support during the completion of my study.
xii
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Page
TITLE PAGE ... i
APPROVAL PAGES ... ii
DEDICATION PAGE ... iv
STATEMENTS OF WORK’S ORIGINALITY ... v
PERNYATAAN PERSETUJUAN PUBLIKASI ... vi
ABSTRACT ... vii
ABSTRAK ... viii
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ... x
TABLE OF CONTENTS ... xii
LIST OF APPENDICES ... xv
CHAPTER I INTRODUCTION 1 A. Background of the Study ... 1
B. Problem Formulation ... 3
C. Objectives of the Study ... 4
D. Benefits of the Study ... 4
E. Definition of Terms ... 5
CHAPTER II REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE 6
A. Review of Related Theories ... 6
xiii
2. Conflicts ... 7
a. Definition of Conflicts ... 7
b. Interpersonal Conflict ... 7
c. Causes of Interpersonal Conflict ... 8
d. Conflict Resolutions ... 9
1) Blake’s and Mouton’s Model ... 9
2) Pruitt’s and Rubin’s Model ... 10
3) Rusbult’s Model ... 11
3. Mother-Daughter Relationship ... 11
a. Meaning of Mother and Daughter Relationship ... 11
b. Conflicts in Mother and Daughter Relationship ... 12
4. Basic Family Processes ... 13
a. Intimacy ... 13
b. Power ... 15
B. Theoretical Framework ... 16
CHAPTER III METHODOLOGY 17 A. Object of the Study ... 17
B. Approach of the Study ... 18
C. Method of the Study ... 18
xiv
1. The Interpersonal Conflict ... 21
a. Pseudo Conflict ... 21
b. Simple Conflict ... 23
c. Ego Conflict ... 26
2. The Causes of Interpersonal Conflict ... 28
3. The Conflict Resolutions ... 33
B. Mother and Daughter Relationship ... 39
C. The Influence of the Interpersonal Conflicts on Mother and Daughter Relationship ... 43
CHAPTER V CONCLUSIONS AND SUGGESTIONS 50 A. Conclusions ... 50
B. Suggestions ... 52
1. Suggestions for the Future Researchers ... 53
2. Suggestions for the English Teachers ... 53
REFERENCES ... 57
xv
LIST OF APPENDICES
Page
Appendix A : The Summary of Secret Daughter ... 59
Appendix B : Shilpi Somaya Gowda’s Biography ... 61
Appendix C : Lesson Plan ... 62
Appendix D : Handouts (for students) ... 70
Appendix E : Handouts (for teacher) ... 74
1 CHAPTER I INTRODUCTION
This chapter is divided into five parts. Those parts are background of the study, problem formulation, objectives of the study, benefits of the study and definition of the terms. Background of the study explains some reasons underlying the basis for choosing the topic. Problem formulation focuses on the problem to be analyzed in this study through the novel. Objectives of the study reveal the purposes of this study. Benefits of the study show the uses of this study for the readers and other researchers. As the last part of chapter one, definition of the terms presents some special terms related to the novel that are important to be clarified.
A. Background of the Study
Literature has a close relationship with human’s life. There are many literary works, such as novel, poem, short story, etc. From reading literary works, readers can obtain various kinds of idea, feeling, and view about life. The author of novel usually presents the real life situations. A novel may contain many valuable things which appear in society. The readers of the novel may get values after reading the novel since it is a reflection of life.
relationship among few characters (p. 44). A novel presents the conditions of people’s real life, values, thought and feeling. It reveals people’s experiences in
their daily life and the problems that may emerge. Sometimes, the problems are not easy to be solved. Problems can influence someone’s reaction to other people. It will affect interpersonal relationship among them.
This study focuses on Secret Daughter by Shilpi Somaya Gowda as the novel to be discussed. There are many reasons underlying the selection of this novel. The first reason, Secret Daughter by Shilpi Somaya Gowda is a vivid novel about mother-daughter relationship between Somer and Asha, and also her biological mother, Kavita. The novel greatly depicts the relationship between mother and adopted child. The second reason is good dynamics which are shown in the novel. Shilpi Somaya Gowda describes the dynamic relationship between a daughter and a mother in a good way. Therefore, the conflicts in the novel describe author’s concern about her feeling on adoption and motherhood experiences.
John Simmonds as cited by Debbie Hindle and Graham Shulman (2008) states that adoption changes everything. Whatever the children brings into their adoptive home (their genetic inheritance, their personality, their birth and pre-placement experiences, their class, ethnicity, language, culture and family history); it will be changed by the people, circumstances and opportunities that make up their new world (p. 28). Adoption is an association of emotional force. After reading the novel, the writer finds issues related to the interpersonal conflict dealing with mother and daughter relationship as a study to be discussed. The writer finds that Asha, as one of the major characters, experiences curiosity about her biological parents in India since she became adult. The curiosity raises interpersonal conflicts with her foster mother, Somer. These interpersonal conflicts influence mother and daughter relationship between both of them.
Hence, this study discusses the influence of Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal conflicts on mother and daughter relationship in Shilpi Somaya Gowda’s Secret Daughter.
B. Problem Formulation
This study focuses on two problems as follows:
1. What are Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal conflicts as described in the novel?
C. Objectives of the Study
The first objective is to identify the interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha. The second objective is to reveal how the interpersonal conflict affect their mother and daughter relationship.
D. Benefits of the Study
There are some advantages from this study. They are divided into two parts as follows.
1. The benefits for the readers
By analyzing this novel, the readers can get a better knowledge about literature on mother and daughter relationship. Through this study, the readers, hopefully, can gain more insights into motherhood experiences, especially in adopting a child. In addition, the readers are able to have some perspectives in the conflicts which usually reflect mother and daughter relationship in real life.
2. The benefits for the educational field
reading and exploring the novel, it expected that the teachers and the students can appreciate literary study as something valuable.
E. Definition of Terms
There are two definitions of terms that are needed to be explained in this part. The first definition of term is interpersonal conflict. According to Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond (2011), interpersonal conflict is “an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, or interference in the achievement of their goals” (p. 216). Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) state that conflict occurs in a family because the family members hold a difference between them. Conflict happens when the members of family do not agree about the situations in their lives such as one’s behavior, one’s opinions or ideas, etc (p. 99). In this study, the two major characters, Somer and Asha, are facing many problems in interpersonal conflicts since there are differences in goals, opinions, and ideas between them.
6 CHAPTER II
REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE
This chapter consists of two sections. The first section is a review of related theories which contains theory of psychological approach, theory of conflicts, theory of mother and daughter relationship, and theory of basic family process. The second section is theoretical framework which explains the contribution of the theories in solving the problems of this study.
A. Review of Related Theories 1. Psychological Approach
Rohberger and Woods (1971) state that a critical approach to literature requires an understanding of its nature, function, and positive values. A critical approach provides the means in order to understand how literature is shaped and something of what it means. There are five approaches that can be used to analyze literary works. They are the formalist approach, the biographical approach, the sociocultural-historical approach, the mythopoeic approach, and the psychological approach (pp. 3–15).
The characters’ thought and behavior can be understood more appropriate by
using psychological approach since this approach intends to comprehend the patterns of human personality and behavior (p. 13).
2. Conflicts
a. Definition of Conflicts
This study reveals conflicts faced by Somer and Asha in their relationship as a mother and a daughter. Theory of conflicts is used to analyze the two main characters’ interpersonal conflicts. Isenhart and Spangle (2000) define conflict as a struggle for power, the way decisions are made, the way in talking to each other or unresolved problems from past interaction (p. 2). Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) further explain that conflict occurs in a family because the family members hold a difference between them. Conflict happens when the members of family do not agree about the situations in their lives such as one’s behavior, one’s opinions, etc
(p. 99).
b. Interpersonal Conflict
which is caused by a lack of understanding between individuals, simple conflict which is caused by differences on definition, goals, ideas, perception, and ego conflict which is caused by personal differences attached to each individual within
a group (pp. 297-300).
William Wilmot, as cited by Beebe et. al. (2011), further explains that there are four elements in interpersonal conflict; they are an expressed struggle, between at least two interdependent people, who perceive incompatible goals, and who are attempting to achieve specific goals. An expressed struggle shows that people typically do not know that someone is upset with them until someone expresses displeasure with a remark or by a nonverbal behavior such as a glare, a steely facial expression, or an emotion-laden tone of voice. He adds that interpersonal conflict happens between at least two interdependent people. By interdependent means that people are dependent on each other; what one person does or says affects the other person. Meanwhile, incompatible goals from others are other elements of interpersonal conflict. Conflict often happens because two people want the same thing, but both cannot have it, or because what a person wants is the opposite of what the other wants. The last element of interpersonal conflict is achieving a goal. Conflict occurs because both parties cannot achieve their own goals (pp. 216–217).
c. Causes of Interpersonal Conflict
communication. Those causes of conflict suggest why it is so difficult for parties to be focused on the same issues. First, data is when people have differences of opinion about the best source, reliability, or interpretation of data. Second, interests are shown when there are many disagreements and parties cannot meet one another’s interests. Third, procedures mean parties’ way do not engage in discussion if they do not agree with a way to solve a problem.
Fourth, values arise from differences of opinion about the importance or the priority of interests, options, or choices of direction. Fifth, relationship means people may resist cooperating if they do not trust others, do not feel respected by others, and do not believe that the other person is honest, or do not feel listened to. Sixth, roles are caused by expectations for the role or power imbalances created by the role. The last cause is communication which means conflict as the result of how something is said (pp. 14–15).
d. Conflict Resolutions
People in a conflict can generally resolve their dispute by a variety of means. Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) mention a number of models of conflict resolution from Blake and Mouton, Pruitt and Rubin, and Rusbult (pp. 105–107). 1) Blake’s and Mouton’s Model
Blake and Mouton as cited by Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) suggest a two-dimensional model involving the dimensions of care for one’s own interests and
relationship and involves physically or emotionally retreating from the situation. Second, competition is seen as putting one’s own concerns above those relationships and is characterized by minimal concern for others’ feeling. Third, soothing is seen as putting concern for relationships above one’s own concerns and perhaps denying those concerns in the interests of preventing open conflict and covering up differences. Fourth, compromising is seen as involving some concern for self and some for relationships but still less satisfactory than problem solving. The last one is solving that is seen as balancing concerns for relationships with concern about one’s own interests. Noller and Fitzpatrick quote Schaap et al. that problem-solving involves “the open and direct expression of feelings, exploring the causes of the conflict, clarifying misunderstanding, and looking for a solution that is satisfying to both partners” (pp. 105 – 106).
2) Pruitt’s and Rubin’s Model
Pruitt and Rubin as cited by Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) also propose five different responses to conflict. They are avoiding, yielding, contending, compromising, and collaborating. Avoiding conflict seems to be dependent on the importance of the issues. Furthermore, yielding is similar to soothing, but yielding does involve a solution to the problem. Yielding is a useful style if one wants to show how reasonable one can be or to preserve harmony. While contending involves putting one’s own concerns above those of the other person striving to get one’s own way, compromising is often an expedient tactic, but it is rarely
response is collaborating which is similar to problem solving. It involves working together to find a solution where everybody wins (p. 106).
3) Rusbult’s Model
Rusbult as cited by Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) suggests only four different responses to conflict; they are voice, exit, neglect, and loyalty. Voice, very similar to problem solving, is an active response and constructive. It involves bringing problems into the open, discussing them, seeking advice, and trying to bring about change. Exit is also an active response but destructive. It involves such responses as threatening to end the relationship. Meanwhile, neglect is a passive response and destructive. It involves withdrawing from the partner, treating the partner badly, and generally letting the relationship end. Then, loyalty is a passive response but constructive. It involves waiting in the hope that things will improve while supporting the partner and having faith in the relationship (p. 107).
3. Mother-Daughter Relationship
a. Meaning of Mother and Daughter Relationship
a daughter identifies her mother for her emotional and moral development. A mother will become a model for her daughter to develop her daughter’s mental
and moral based on the daughter’s perspective toward the mother (p. 322).
b. Conflicts in Mother and Daughter Relationship
Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) state that woman is more likely to see the relationship with her mother as a negative one. A woman sees her mother as a critical, controlling, and demanding person while man usually idealizes his mother. On the other hand, the mother expects more from her daughter but shows less appreciation on her daughter’s efforts. On the contrary, the mother expects less from her son and appreciates more on the thing her son does. Hence, they mention that mother-daughter relationship as a complex, ambivalent, and ambiguous (pp. 267–268).
Nadeau (2001) says that mother and daughter usually have the added conflicts during the daughter’s adolescence because the mother is the primary role
Therefore, the daughter has the negative attitudes towards her mother and tries to separate from her mother.
The last cause is the different views in human life which is the teachings from her mother. The mother teaches her daughter to be dependent. Mother teaches her daughter how to behave in a society. Unfortunately, the daughter does not agree with these teachings and she wants to separate from her mother. The daughter should resolve the conflict in her relationship with her mother. This is important since the daughter needs to understand her mother if she wants to understand herself and establish her own identity (para. 3).
4. Basic Family Processes
Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) classify four elements in basic family process; they are intimacy, conflict, power, and decision making (pp. 75–162). In this study, intimacy and power are relevant to be used in analyzing the influence of interpersonal conflict between Somer and Asha on mother and daughter relationship since intimacy and power are seen in the novel.
a. Intimacy
self-disclosure, declarations of liking and loving, hugging and caressing and also strong positive emotions like trust (p. 76).
Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) divide five major perspectives that are potentially very important in the family context. Intimacy has been defined as spontaneity, process, motivation, interdependence, and dialectic. First, intimacy as spontaneity emphasizes the importance of being able to “be oneself” in the
b. Power
Emerson and Giddens in Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) state that power is as the ability of an individual to change the behavior of other family members, or as the ability to influence social outcomes (p. 124). Baumrind in the same book further explains that parents vary in the extent to which they seek to exercise power over the children (p. 134). Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) divide three basic styles of parenting which are identified as authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive (p. 135). The authoritarian parents attempt to shape, control, and evaluate the behavior and attitudes of the child in accordance with a set standard of conduct. They also values obedience as a virtue and favors punitive forceful measure to curb self-will (p. 135).
B. Theoretical Framework
This study focuses on the discussion about mother and daughter relationship which is influenced by Somer’s and Asha’s interpersonal conflicts. First, the writer needs to use the appropriate approach of literary criticism. The psychological approach from Rohberger and Woods is the most appropriate since it focuses on psychological side of human beings.
In order to analyze the interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha, the writer uses theories from Worchel and Cooper, Beebe et.al., and William Wilmot. For finding out the causes of interpersonal conflicts, the writer uses theories from Isenhart and Spangle. Noller and Fitzpatrick state theory about conflict resolutions which are classified into three categories, they are Blake’s and Mouton’s model, Pruitt’s and Rubin’s model, and Rusbult’s model. These theories are used to analyze the conflict resolutions between Somer and Asha.
17 CHAPTER III METHODOLOGY
This chapter consists of three sections. The first section is object of the study which is used to elaborate physical description of the novel. The second section is approach of the study which is used to explain the approach for the analysis. The third section is method of the study which is used to explain the primary and secondary sources and the steps taken in the analysis.
A. Object of the Study
The object of the study is the novel entitled Secret Daughter written by Shilpi Somaya Gowda. This is her debut novel which becomes bestseller novel. Secret Daughter was published in 2010 by Harpers Collins Publisher. It consists
of 346 pages and is divided into four parts. There are also extra pages for acknowledgment, foreign terms glossary, reading group discussion questions, and an interview with Shilpi Somaya Gowda.
Asha has a big curiosity of her biological family and she tries to seek out the answers to the questions about her biological family.
B. Approach of the Study
This study used psychological approach. The psychological approach shows how human beings respond to various situations in their life. Their response can affect their relationship with someone else. This psychological approach leads the writer to analyze the interpersonal conflicts between Asha and Somer from the psychological point of view. The details of the causes, resolutions, and the effects of the interpersonal conflicts can be analyzed by using the psychological approach.
By applying this approach, the writer can understand the reasons why human beings have the interpersonal conflicts and why they solve the interpersonal conflicts in certain ways. The reasons behind the interpersonal conflicts and the conflict resolutions are related to the relationship between a mother and a daughter. Therefore, the psychological approach is appropriate to analyze the problems of this study.
C. Method of the Study
your own insights to make a compelling case (p. 1). George (2008) also adds that library research involves “identifying and locating sources that provide factual information or personal/expert opinion on a research question; necessary component of every other research method at some point” (p. 6). In this study, expert opinions/theories were used in order to answer the research questions in problem formulation. This study used a novel entitled Secret Daughter as the primary data. The secondary data were gathered by reading books of psychological field, articles, and references related to the object of the study.
20 CHAPTER IV
ANALYSIS
This chapter consists of three parts. The first part is the analysis on the interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha. The second part discusses the mother and daughter relationship between Somer and Asha. The last part discusses the influence of interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha in the mother and daughter relationship. These discussions are the answers to the problems formulated in the first chapter.
A. The Conflicts
Isenhart and Spangle (2000) define conflict as a struggle for power, the way decisions are made, the way in talking to each other or unresolved problems from past interaction (p. 2). While Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) further explain that conflict occurs in a family because the family members hold a difference between them. Conflict happens when the members of family do not agree with the situations in their lives such as one’s behavior, one’s opinions, etc (p. 99).
interpersonal conflicts between Somer and Asha, causes of the interpersonal conflicts, and the conflict resolutions that are used to solve their conflicts.
1. The Interpersonal Conflict
Worchel and Cooper (1979) state that interpersonal conflict is a conflict that arises between the characters with the power outside the characters (p. 460). Asha faces interpersonal conflicts toward her mother since there are many different perceptions and beliefs between both of them. According to Beebe et. al. (1996), there are three types of interpersonal conflicts which are pseudo conflict, simple conflict, and ego conflict. In addition, there are four elements which support the three types of interpersonal conflicts. According to William Wilmot, as cited by Beebe et. al. (2011), the four elements are an expressed struggle, between at least two interdependent people, who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, or interference from others, and who are attempting to achieve specific goals (pp. 216–217). The following are three types of interpersonal conflicts which occur between Somer and Asha.
a. Pseudo Conflict
It’s easy enough to believe she could be the natural product of her Indian dad and American mom, and this has spared her many explanations. She doesn’t want to share her whole personal history with the perfect mirror girls. She wonder if they would envy the black hair that sprouts every day on her legs, or her dark skin that tans after just ten minutes in the sun, even when slathered with the sunscreen. (p. 133)
Asha’s curiosity grows bigger whenever her friends discuss her appearance. ―I know, I would kill for eyes for eyes like that. They are exotic. Did you get them from your mom or your dad?‖ another asks, brushing out her golden
hair.‖ (p. 133).
Unfortunately, Somer does not know the information about Asha’s biological parents since she just took Asha from the orphanage. In this situation, Somer really does not know who the real parents of Asha are. However, Asha always thinks that Somer knows her real parents and Somer just keeps the secret to herself. The arguments between both of them can be seen in the following quotation:
―That’s the truth. Maybe if you were my real parents, you would understand me and love me the way I am.‖ She feels her body trembling, her hands sweating. It’s as if something alien has climbed into her body and unleashed the venom spilling right out her mouth. (p. 136)
Asha asks again in depressed tone to continue her arguments. She does not care about her father and her mother who have been looked sad. ―Despite the hollow look on her father’s face and the tears streaming down her mother’s, Asha
cannot stop. ―Why don’t you ever tell me about my real parents? You are scared they’ll love me more than you do.‖ (p. 136)
expressed struggle shows that people typically do not know that someone is upset with them until someone expresses displeasure with a remark or by a nonverbal behavior such as a glare, a steely facial expression, or an emotion-laden tone of voice (pp. 216–217). Seeing that Somer tends to keep arguing with her, Asha does not want to stop forcing her mother to tell the truth. Sometimes, Asha’s arguments are full of emotion and a big anger without considering more that she is just talking with her mother. It can be seen from the following situation:
―I wish I was never born,‖ she lashes out. The look of pained shock on her mother’s face brings Asha some satisfaction. ―I wish you never adopted me. Then I wouldn’t be such a huge disappointment to you.‖ Asha is screaming now and feels a strange pleasure when her mother begins yelling as well. (p. 137)
Asha says the statement with her eyes lashing out. This facial expression shows her disappointment with her mother. Asha screams when she talks to her mother and it makes Somer begin yelling to show up her emotion about Asha’s statement that has hurt her feeling. Somer’s yelling is a sign for Asha to stop her anger. Somer does not want to receive Asha’s question about her biological parents anymore. In addition, Somer’s yelling has made Asha hate her mother more.
b. Simple Conflict
them have their own definition, goals, ideas, and perception which they always try to force on each other. In one situation, Somer asks Asha about her marks in the report card. Somehow, Somer feels upset about Asha’s achievement in the report card.
―We need to talk about your report card‖, her mother’s tone is serious. Asha looks up from her dinner. Her dad is watching her, hands folded in front of his empty plate.
...
―What is going on? Your grades have been suffering ever since you started spending so much time on that school paper. Maybe it’s time to cut back, so you can focus on your studies.‖ (p. 135)
Somer feels upset with Asha’s marks in some subjects in the report card.
Although Asha just gets it only in one semester, Somer keeps blaming Asha for the marks. Asha thinks that Somer has no reason because she always gets good marks for the whole semester. She just misses it in this semester. However, both of them still have their own definition about what good marks are. It can be also included on achieving a goal element. According to William Wilmot, as cited by Beebe et. al. (2011), achieving a goal means conflict occurs because both parties cannot achieve their own goals (pp. 216–217). Somer has a goal to make her daughter get the best marks in every semester. However, Somer’s goal cannot be achieved since Asha does not pay attention to it. On the other hand, Asha wants her mother to support her goal. In fact, Asha always gets rejection from her mother. As the result, none of them cannot achieve their own goals because there is no support from the others.
school; it’s just one bad semester. Anyway, I won’t have to take any more math or
science after this year.‖ Asha keeps her eyes on her plate. (p. 135)
Asha insists that she will not take the subjects since she does not want to improve her bad marks. On the other hand, Somer still forces Asha to retake the subjects to get better marks.
―Look, there’ still time to turn your grades around this year,‖ her mom says. I can help you with chemistry, or we can get you a tutor.‖ Her mom grips the edge of the table with both hands, as if she’s expecting an earthquake to strike. (p. 136)
Somer has a perception that there is still a chance and time to improve the marks. Meanwhile, Asha keeps to her opinion that she does not need Somer’s assistance in her study. Deep inside her feeling, Asha wants to take activities which she likes most, although it does not support her study.
―I don’t need a tutor, and I definitely don’t want your help,‖ Asha says, choosing her words to sting her mother. All I ever hear from you is grade and studying. You don’t care what’s important to me. I love working on the paper, and I’m good at it. (p. 136)
In some cases, Asha needs Somer’s care in her other interests in working on paper. Asha wants to be a journalist but Somer does not pay attention to it. Even, Somer resists whatever Asha does on her interests. Somer just wants Asha to concern only in her study. In addition, Asha also wants Somer to let her spend her time with her friends. She wants to do what a teenager does in her age. ―I want to hang out with my friends, I want to go parties and be a normal teenager. Why can’t you understand that? Why don’t you ever understand me?‖ She’s yelling
From her statements above, Asha wants a freedom in her age. However, Somer does not allow that things. She still intends to manage Asha’s activities though Asha has become a teenager. Dealing with the Somer’s goal in Asha’s education, Somer just wants the best for her daughter. It can be seen from her statement. ―Honey,‖ her mom says, ―we love you, and we only want what’s the best for you‖ (p. 136). Then, Asha responded to Somer’s statement:
―You don’t even know me. You’ve always tried to fit me into some perfect images of the kid you want. You just imported me into your little fantasy, but you don’t see me. You don’t love me. You want me to be like you, but I’m not.‖ She shakes her head frantically as she speaks. (p. 136)
Once again, their perception about the goal is definitely different. This situation can be included in who perceive incompatible goals elements. According to William Wilmot, as cited by Beebe et. al. (2011), conflict often happens because two people want the same thing, but both cannot have it, or because what person wants is the opposite of what the other wants (pp. 216–217). Asha’s desire is the opposite of Somer’s desire. Asha never wants to follow her mother’s suggestion to concern in her study. Asha just thinks that she and her mother are different, they have different point of view and goals that have to achieve. Asha does not wish to become the same as her mother. She wants to try another field which supports her interest in journalism.
c. Ego Conflict
group here refers to a family which consists of Somer, Asha, and Krishnan. Definitely, Somer and Asha have personal differences.
She cannot bear to use the word parent. It assigns too much importance to people who have no connection to Asha other than biology. They have become shadowy figures in Somer’s mind over the years-nameless and faceless, distant but never far away. She knows there is no risk of them showing up one day, wanting a role in her daughter’s life. Rather, it is Asha she has always worried about. She has waited in fear for the day her daughter reaches a point of dissatisfaction with her or Kris, and goes in search of more. Somer has tried to be faultless as a parent, but still she worries that in the end, all her love for her will not compensate for the loss she suffered as a baby. (p. 162)
Their personal differences lead them into an ego conflict. Both of them keep standing on their own ego. Some frictions are often raised by their own ego which they cannot handle. Asha still stands on her perception that knowing the origin for a child is important to find out her identity. Somer, on the contrary, does not want her daughter feeling upset after she knows the truth. This contradiction is not able to be solved until Somer and Asha lower their ego.
2. The Causes of Interpersonal Conflict
Isenhart and Spangle (2000) identify underlying seven issues that cause interpersonal conflict. In this novel, Somer and Asha also experience some conflicts caused by these seven issues. They are data, interests, procedures, values, relationships, roles, and communication. Many sources of conflict suggest why it is so difficult for parties to be focused on the same issues (pp. 14–15). The first cause is data. According to Isenhart and Spangle (2000), data is when people have differences of opinion about the best source, reliability, or interpretation of data (p. 14). When Asha tells her parents that she has won the Watson Foundation competition, Somer looks shocked and surprised since she knows that Asha will leave them to go abroad for a year as the prize of the competition.
―I’m afraid of her leaving college and going halfway across the world by herself. I’m afraid of her being so far away we don’t have any idea what’s happening with her.‖ Somer runs her hands over her face and then up over her head, continue with a fresh string of concerns. (p. 161)
…
―I’m worried about her safety, being a girl over there, going into those slums. . .‖ She sits down on the bed again and clutches a pillow to her chest. (p. 162)
abroad as the prize from the competition. ―Somer rubs her forehead. ―Asha, you can’t just drop this on us and expect us to celebrate. You can’t make a decision
like this without our input.‖ (p. 160)
Somer disagrees with Asha’s decision because Asha has not informed Somer about it before. Asha’s decision raises a big rejection from Somer. Somer feels that she does not get involved in the decision making. The third cause is procedures. According to Isenhart and Spangle (2000), procedures mean parties may not engage in discussion if they do not agree with a way to solve a problem (p. 14). This conflict arises when Somer forces Asha to be more serious in her study since Asha gets bad marks in math and chemistry.
―Look, there’ still time to turn your grades around this year,‖ her mom says. I can help you with chemistry, or we can get you a tutor.‖ Her mom grips the edge of the table with both hands, as if she’s expecting an earthquake to strike. (p. 136)
Somer proposes an idea for helping Asha in studying chemistry and math. Somer asked Asha to have a tutor in guiding her in studying those two subjects. However, Asha does not accept her mother’s way of helping her. Asha, then, responds to her mother’s way with a statement. ―I do not need a tutor, and I definitely do not want your help,‖ Asha says, choosing her words to sting her
mother.‖ (p. 136)
Still, over the past couple months; her father’s presence in the house has been only thing keeping the simmering tension with her mother at bay. When her dad’s around, she doesn’t have to face her mom’s obvious disappointment with her decision, her constant fears and worries about this trip to India. Asha cannot bear it anymore (p. 168)
Since Asha does not agree with the solution provided by her mother, she does not want to accept her mother’s opinion anymore. She wants to do
everything in her own style. The statement above indicates that Asha is very disappointed with her mother’s decision. Asha does want to get involved in a discussion with her mother if she still stands on her decision. Asha keeps a distance from her mother; eventhough they live together in the same house. Asha thinks that Somer does not really care about her opinions in solving the problem. So, it is better not to have a discussion anymore about the problem.
From the statements above, Asha implies that Somer always forces her to do whatever she says. Asha cannot implement all of her mother’s desire since it does not fit with her desire. These different opinions about the importance or the priority in life raises conflicts between them.
―You don’t even know me. You’ve always tried to fit me into some perfect images of the kid you want. You just imported me into your little fantasy, but you don’t see me. You don’t love me. You want me to be like you, but I’m not.‖ She shakes her head frantically as she speaks. (p. 136)
The fifth cause is relationship. According to Isenhart and Spangle (2000), relationship means people may resist cooperating if they do not trust others, do not feel respected by others, and do not believe that the other person is honest, or do not feel listened to (p. 15). Somer always tries to build a close relationship with her daughter. However, Asha sometimes has a wrong interpretation toward Somer’s attention.
Her mother’s eyes turn downward and she says nothing. ―Go ahead and say it, Mom. Just say it.‖ Say what?‖ ―Why do you have to sulk around like it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you? It’s not happening to you.‖ Asha slams her hands down on the arms of her chair.
…
―It’s not like I’m pregnant, or going to rehab, or flunking out of school, Mom. I won an award for God’s sake. Can’t you just be happy for me, just a little bit proud?‖ (p. 171)
From the statements above, it seems that Somer never appreciates whatever Asha does. Whatever Asha does never impresses Somer. Asha needs an appreciation from her mother. She wants her mother to give support to her activities.
prevent Asha going there. Somer gets angry when she hears about the project in India. Somer’s attitude implies that she does not respect and listen to Asha. Therefore, Asha tends to annoy Somer for rejecting her suggestion.
The sixth cause is roles. According to Isenhart and Spangle (2000), roles are caused of expectations for the role or power imbalances created by the role (p. 15). As a family, every member has their own roles. A roles balance is needed so there is no overlap toward each roles. As a mother, Somer tries to protect her daughter and to contribute to every decision and activities about her daughter.
―In either case, Somer, the problem is actually yours, not hers. We’ve done a damn good job raising her. But now she’s an adult, and you can’t control everything she does. You’re always the one saying we should accept her as she is, we should support her interests. For God’s sake, at her age, I moved halfway across the world and my parents didn’t fall apart.‖ (p. 206)
Asha has become an adult and she intends to have a freedom to decide her own life. She thinks that she is not a child anymore and she can stand alone as her own character. On the other side, Somer still keeps on her principle that a mother has a right to allow her daughter to do something or not.
The last cause is communication. According to Isenhart and Spangle (2000), communication which means conflict frequently results from how something is said (p. 15). As a human, misunderstanding sometimes happens when we communicate with each other. Moreover, if every member in the family never communicates with each other, it will make confusion if something happens in the end of the process.
―You’ve . . . .done all this already? It’s all planned?‖ Somer says. (p. 159) …
―I thought you’d be proud.‖ Asha pulls back her hand. ―The Watson is a really prestigious award. I arranged everything myself. I’m not asking you for money. Aren’t you happy for me?‖ she says, an edge of angry creeping into her voice. (p. 160)
Asha has planned to get the Watson Foundation and do the project on children living on poverty in India. Asha thinks by winning the award, her mother will be proud of her. The problem is Asha never mentions this in the beginning, so by the time she announces it to her mother that she has won the award, Somer feels upset. Somer feels that Asha has disregard for her parents by doing it without permission. Actually, Somer just wants Asha to consult with her parents all her decisions.
3. The Conflict Resolutions
People in a conflict can generally resolve their dispute by a variety of means. Disagreement and problems can arise in relationships. The majority of disagreements are usually handled informally. Initially, people may avoid each other. Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) mention a number of models of conflict resolution from Blake and Mouton, Pruitt and Rubin, and Rusbult (pp. 105–107).
In this novel, Somer and Asha have their own ways to solve their interpersonal conflicts. Although both of them are in conflict, but Somer does not show it every occasion.
interviews, so you don’t miss anything.‖ Asha smiles. She recalls the conversation with Mom, when she meant audio-recording. (p. 150)
Somer keeps giving Asha a birthday gift although a few days ago their relationship was in a high tension. As Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) state, it is called loyalty which is a passive response but constructive. Loyalty involves waiting in the hope that things will improve while supporting the partner and having faith in the relationship (p. 107). From the birthday gift, Somer hopes it will help them to build the relationship better. The birthday gift is also a sign for Asha that Somer still cares for her daughter.
In certain situations, Somer feels inconvenience with the friction that has been arisen by the conflict with Asha. There is still something in her feeling that blocks her to meet and talk to Asha.
Of course Somer wants to see her daughter, but she is not sure Asha feels the same. She thinks of the fight they had just before Asha left, and the awkwardness at the airport. Her daughter has been pushing her away ever since she made her decision to go to India. The idea of seeing her there, in that country that brings to mind only difficult memories, is hard to abide. She already feels like an outsider in her own family, this family to whom she has given her whole life. She doesn’t have the strength to go to India now and feel out of place in a country full of strangers. (p. 205)
is better for her to keep a distance with Asha until she has been ready to meet her daughter. Considering her ambiguity, Somer goes to San Diego alone to stabilize her emotion.
―So, what are your plans for the holidays, Somer?‖ ―I’m going down to San Diego to see my parents.‖ She wonders if it is possible this glass of wine tatstes better than the first.
―That’ll be nice. Does your family go there every year?‖ ―My. . .no, actually.‖ Somer feels so warm all over, the rest of it comes tumbling out. ―I’m going alone. My husband is going to India to visit his family. And our daughter, who’s there right now.‖ (p. 216)
Her actions to avoid a meeting with her daughter and to go to San Diego do not solve the conflict. Moreover, it will increase the tension of the friction. Asha will feel that her mother does not pay attention to her and does not want to meet her anymore. If they avoid communicating with each other, there will be no solution for the conflict. The conflict will still exist until one of them decreases their ego to solve the problem.
Sometimes, the solutions do not fit with the situation and it makes the atmosphere become worst. However, some of the conflict resolutions have led them into a better relationship between them.
―Well, Asha, at least I tried. At least I tried to be a parent to you. More than those. . .people in India who abandoned you. I wanted a child, and I’ve been here, Asha. Every single day.‖ She bangs out each word with her finger on the table. ―More than your father, more than anyone.‖ Her mother’s voice drops suddenly to a hoarse whisper. ―At least I wanted you.‖ (p. 137)
and covering up differences. Soothing is similar with yielding, but yielding does involve a solution to the problem. The effects of yielding are seen as dependent on whether this style is used to excess and whether the same person is always the one who yields. Yielding is a useful style if one wants to show how reasonable one can be or to preserve harmony (pp. 105-106).
Somer tries to convince Asha that she really loves her daughter; although she is just an adoptive mother. She reveals the statement in order to let her daughter think about the relationship between them. She wishes Asha to know that she is the precious thing in her life. She wants her daughter to understand the reason why she adopts her from India. She hopes there will be no conflicts anymore between them and they can live together in harmony as a family.
Similar with the situation above, Somer and Asha spend their family time by playing puzzle together.
―Cool.‖ Asha clears the kitchen table. ―I’ll get the puzzle. Hall closet?‖ ―Yes.‖ Somer retrieves the popcorn machine from the highest shelf. ―I hope this still works,‖ she says, energized by the familiarity of puzzle night, a regular event before Asha left. (p. 158)
In this situation, they set aside their own interest to build a close relationship by spending time together. As the result, it works and they can have fun and forget their conflict for a while. However, it is not enough for them to cover the friction.
However, Asha cannot stop her desire to make a contact with her mother. She gathers up her courage to phone her mother.
She is exhausted, and there is only one person she wants to talk to. She picks up the phone and dials her parent’s number. It rings four times before the machine picks up. ―Mom?‖ Asha says, ―Hi, it’s me. Anyone there? Dad?‖ She waits a few moments, then redials. (p. 293)
As Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) state, it is called compromising which is seen as involving some concern for self and some for relationships but still less satisfactory than problem solving. Compromising is often an expedient tactic, but it is rarely creative and often fails to do justice to both parties’ underlying interest (pp. 105–106). In this situation, Asha cannot guess how her mother will respond to her phone call. She knows the relationship with her mother has become worst since she decides to separate from her mother by going to India. Asha’s effort to phone her mother is a wise way to decrease the tension between them. There is a need to communicate with each other.
Something happens to Somer related to her health condition and it gives effect for the conflict. Somer has a problem with her health condition.
Somer strokes her daughter’s hair and notices it has grown several inches. ―Come here, honey, I need to tell you something.‖ She takes Asha’s hand, and they sit down together at the table. ―I’m fine, I want you to know that first. I had a biopsy a couple days ago on a lump in my breast, and it turned out to be benign. So everything’s fine.‖ (p. 319)
Somer tells Asha about her condition. Asha is shocked with the bad news. Somehow, Asha forgets the conflicts she has been faced with her mother.
Asha really concerns about Somer’s condition. Deep inside her heart, she still loves her mother and does not want something bad to happen to her. As Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) state, it is called competition which is seen as putting one’s own concerns above those relationships and is characterized by
minimal concern for others’ feeling. Competition is similar with contending which involves putting one’s own concerns above those of other person striving to get one’s own way (p. 105–106).
In this case, Asha has a desire to find her biological parents. However, Asha does not discuss it with her mother anymore. Asha eliminates her anger feeling toward her mother. The main concern now is how to make Somer feel comfortable beside her daughter, so that she does not think hard about her biopsy. The biggest turnover of the conflict resolution is when Asha delivers her apology to her mother for everything that has happened. As Noller and Fitzpatrick (1993) state, it can be categorized as solving which is seen as balancing concerns for relationships with concern about one’s own interests. Noller and Fitzpatrick
quote Schaap et al. that problem-solving ―involves the open and direct expression of feelings, exploring the causes of the conflict, clarifying misunderstanding and looking for a solution that is satisfying to both partners‖. Solving is similar with collaborating which involves working together to find a solution where everybody wins (p. 106).
to.‖ She wipes her mouth with a napkin and smiles. ―So I suppose I owe debt of gratitude to a lot of people.‖ She takes a deep breath. ―And an apology to my mom.‖ (p. 316)
Asha’s intention to deliver apology to her mother, however, will cool down the tension. The apology from one party means he or she does want to lengthen the conflicts and the party will end the conflicts without any follow up problems. Asha realizes that what she has done has hurt Somer’s feeling. She thinks whatever her mother does is only for her daughter, that is Asha. She realizes that Somer really loves her very much and the conflicts are just a misunderstanding between them. Somer wants the best thing for her daughter. But Asha considers it as a authoritative way from her mother. However, the important thing is as the daughter Asha can resolve the conflicts with her mother since the relationship between mother and daughter is important to help the daughter to understand herself and establish her identity.
B. Mother and Daughter Relationship
