i
THE ROLES OF FAMILY A D WOME O SAUDI ARABIA TRADITIO OF MARRIAGE AS REVEALED I RAJAA ALSA EA’S GIRLS OF RIYADH
A THESIS
Presented as a Partial Fulfilment of the Requirements to Obtain the Sarjana Pendidikan Degree
in English Language Education
By Eska Dwi Palupi Student Number: 051214142
E GLISH LA GUAGE EDUCATIO STUDY PROGRAM DEPARTME T OF LA GUAGE A D ARTS EDUCATIO FACULTY OF TEACHERS TRAI I G A D EDUCATIO
SA ATA DHARMA U IVERSITY YOGYAKARTA
ii A Thesis on
THE ROLES OF FAMILY A D WOME O SAUDI ARABIA TRADITIO OF MARRIAGE AS REVEALED I RAJAA ALSA EA’S GIRLS OF RIYADH
By Eska Dwi Palupi
Students Number : 051214142
Approved by
Major Sponsor
iv
STATEME T OF WORK’S ORIGI ALITY
I honestly declare that this thesis, which I have written, does not contain the work or parts of the work of other people, except those cited in the quotations and the references, as a scientific paper should.
Yogyakarta, 6 December 2010 The Writer
v
LEMBAR PER YATAA PERSETUJUA PUBLIKASI KARYA ILMIAH U TUK KEPE TI GA AKADEMIS
Yang bertanda tangan di bawah ini, saya mahasiswa Universitas Sanata Dharma: Nama : Eska Dwi Palupi
Nomor Mahasiswa : 051214142
Demi pengembangan ilmu pengetahuan, saya memberikan kepada Perpustakaan Universitas Sanata Dharma karya ilmiah saya yang berjudul:
THE ROLES OF FAMILY A D WOME O SAUDI ARABIA TRADITIO OF MARRIAGE AS REVEALED I RAJAA ALSA EA’S GIRLS OF RIYADH
beserta perangkat yang diperlukan (bila ada). Dengan demikian saya memberikan kepada Perpustakaan Universitas Sanata Dharma hak untuk menyimpan, mengalihkan dalam bentuk media lain, mengelolanya dalam bentuk pangkalan data, mendistribusikan secara terbatas, dan mempublikasikannya di internet atau media lain untuk kepentingan akademis tanpa perlu meminta ijin dari saya maupun memberikan royalti kepada saya selama tetap mencantumkan nama saya sebagai penulis.
Demikian pernyataan ini yang saya buat dengan sebenarnya.
Yogyakarta, 6 Desember 2010
Yang menyatakan
vi
ABSTRACT
Palupi, Eska Dwi. (2010). The Roles of Family and Women on Saudi Arabia Tradition of Marriage as Revealed in Rajaa Alsanea’s Girls of Riyadh.
Yogyakarta: English Language Education Study Program, Department of Language and Arts Education, Faculty of Teachers Training and Education, Sanata Dharma University.
In this thesis, I analyze the influences of Saudi Arabia tradition on marriage matters that are seen in Rajaa Alsanea’s Girls of Riyadh, a novel that has a rich moral and life values. The novel Girls of Riyadh is in a form of weekly e;mail and divided into 50 chapters. Girls of Riyadh tells a story about four young Riyadh women who struggle against the tyrannies of tradition for their love.
The problem that I discussed in this study is: How do the roles of family and women on Saudi Arabia tradition of marriage as revealed in Raja Alsanea’s Girls of Riyadh? Based on the problem, the aim of the study is to find out the roles of family and women on Saudi Arabia tradition of marriage as revealed in Raja Alsanea’s Girls of Riyadh.
I used the socio;cultural approach in order to answer the problem. On this study, I conducted a library research. Girls of Riyadh is the main source of this study. There are secondary sources that are taken from some references related to the topic discussed. For instance, the books related to the theories, and the approach used in analyzing this study, and also the articles or website information available in the online source.
vii
ABSTRAK
Palupi, Eska Dwi. (2010). The Roles of Family and Women on Saudi Arabia Tradition of Marriage as Revealed in Rajaa Alsanea’s Girls of Riyadh.
Yogyakarta: Program Studi Bahasa Inggris, Jurusan Pendidikan Bahasa dan Seni, Fakultas Pendidikan dan Ilmu Keguruan, Universitas Sanata Dharma.
Skripsi ini menganalisa pengaruh tradisi Saudi Arabia terhadap masalah pernikahan yang dilihat dari novel karya Rajaa Alsanea yang berjudul Girls of Riyadh. Novel Girls of Riyadh adalah sebuah novel yang kaya akan nilai;nilai moral dan nilai;nilai hidup. Novel ini ditulis dalam bentuk e;mail mingguan dan terbagi menjadi 50 bab. Novel Girls of Riyadh berkisah tentang empat pemudi di Riyadh yang memperjuangkan cintanya melawan tirani tradisi.
Permasalahan yang saya diskusikan dalam studi ini adalah: Bagaimana peran keluarga dan perempuan dalam tradisi pernikahan di Saudi Arabia sebagaimana terungkap dalam novel Girls of Riyadh.karya Rajaa Alsanea.
Saya menggunakan pendekatan socio;kultural untuk menjawab permasalahan tersebut di atas. Dalam studi ini saya menggunakan metode studi pustaka. Novel Girls of Riyadh menjadi sumber utama dalam studi ini. Sumber; sumber tambahan diambil dari beberapa referensi yang berhubungan dengan topik yang dibahas, misalnya buku;buku yang berhubungan dengan teori;teori dan pendekatan;pendekatan yang saya gunakan dalam menganalisa studi ini dan artike;artikel atau informasi dari website di sumber;sumber online.
Hasil dari studi ini menunjukkan bahwa keluarga dan perempuan memiliki peran yang penting dalam tradisi pernikahan di Arab Saudi. Peran keluarga dalam tradisi pernikahan dapat dilihat dari bagaimana keluarga menjaga anggota;anggotanya, termasuk dalam urusan pernikahan. Biasanya, calon mempelai dipilih oleh keluarga. Peran keluarga dalam pernikahan juga ditunjukan dalam siapa akan menikah dengan siapa dan apakah sepasang kekasih dapat melanjutkan hubungan mereka ke jenjang pernikahan atau tidak. Persetujuan dari keluarga merupakan hal yang paling penting dalam pernikahan.
ix
ACK OWLEDGEME TS
First of all, I would like to thank God the Almighty. I believe He always keeps watching me in every second so that I could finish writing this thesis. I also give great gratitude to my big family, my beloved parents, pak Gatot and bu Par, my elderly brother, mas Lulus for their greatest support, endless love and prayers that they extend for me during these many years. I would also thank my grandmothers, mbah Uti and nenek Carik, grandfather, mbah Hadi for their patience waiting on my graduation ceremony. I believe it has become another support for me.
I am deeply indebted to my major sponsor, Bu Henny Herawati, S.Pd., M.Hum., thanks for all your great patience, valuable times, encouragement, enlightenment feedback, and guidance from the beginning until the accomplishment of this thesis. My gratitude also goes to all my lecturers in the English Language Education Study Program for their transfer of knowledge and for teaching me many things that I did not know before. Next, I would like to thank the secretariat of the English Education Study Program, mbak Danik and mbak Tari who helped me a lot with the administration stuffs.
x
I would like also to thank mba Yeni, mas Sesco, mba Nusya and mba Tika who helped me a lot on my grammar and language. I would not forget to thank all my friends in PBI 2005, especially my classmates for all the tremendous moments, laughter, teamwork, and friendship we have shared during our study. I thank also to Pascasarjana Sanata Dharma, pak Nardi, mba Henki, mba Lia, mba Lely, mas Sepri, mas Kris, pak Mul, and Devi.
Special thanks go to CUMAWIR the big family members, especially for them who study in Jogja (too many if mentioning one by one), for their support, help, and protection which keep me walking on the line. To my best friends, Hellen and Titin, I thank for their support and spare time. It is alluring to know that I have place to cry and laugh. My thanks also go to Sinai couple, mas Dion and mba Bobo, Donna, and also Getsemani 7D couple, mas Harus and Tomoko.
I thank to my dearest, Pepsi, Kola and Oche, my beloved dogs for the unconditional love and loyalty. My special thanks go to someone out there who is always invisibly supporting and loving me.
Finally, I sincerely thank all the people whom I cannot mention one by one and who have given me a hand during my thesis.
xi
TABLE OF CO TE TS
TITLE PAGE……….
APPROVAL PAGES……….
STATEME T OF WORK'S ORIGI ALITY ………..
PERSETUJUA% PUBLIKASI KARYA ILMIAH ……….………...
ABSTRACT ………..
ABSTRAK………...
PAGE OF DEDICATIO ………...……….
ACK OWLEDGEME TS ………..……….…….
TABLE OF CO TE TS………..
LIST OF APPE DICES………...
CHAPTER I: I TRODUCTIO ………...……….. A. Background of the Study ………... B. Problem Formulation ………... C. Objective of the Study ………. D. Benefits of the Study ………... E. Definitions of Terms ………
CHAPTER II: REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE…………..……... A. Critical Approaches …...……….... B. Review on Socio;Cultural Background ………... 1. Tradition in Saudi Arabia………...
a. Tradition on Relationship between Women and Men …………...… b. Tradition of Marriage ………. 2. Women in Saudi Arabia Tradition ………... a. Women and Society ……….. b. Women and Marriage Life .……… C. Theoretical Framework ………...
CHAPTER III: METHODOLOGY………...……….. A. Object of the Study ………... B. Approach of the Study ……….. C. Method of the Study ……….
xii
CHAPTER IV: A ALYSIS ………. A. Tradition of Marriage ………. B. Family’s Roles on Marriage ……… C. Women’s Roles on Marriage ………..
CHAPTER V: CO CLUSIO , RECOMME DATIO S A D
SUGGESTIO S ………..….. A. Conclusion ………..………. B. Recommendations for Future Research ...……….. C. Suggestions for Education in General ……….
REFERE CES ………..……. 27 27 33 40
xiii
LIST OF APPE DICES
APPENDIX 1 Summary …………... APPENDIX 2 Biography…………...……….
Page
1
CHAPTER I
I TRODUCTIO
This study intends to analyze the roles of family and women on Saudi Arabia tradition of marriage as revealed in the novel Rajaa Alsanea’s Girls of Riyadh. To illustrate what this study talks about, in this chapter I would like to present the background of the study, the problem that will be discussed, the objective of the study, and the definition of terms, which are necessary for the study.
The background of this study which describes some important information and reasons about the subject matter is the first part. The second part is the problem formulation which presents the problem in the form of question. The third is about the objectives of this study that are undertaken related to research question. The next part is about the benefits of this study that identify which parties benefit from the study. The last part is about definition of terms in which the key words or crucial terms are explained in order to avoid misinterpretation.
A. Background of the Study
The word of novel may be is familiar to everyone, whether they love reading or not. In Dictionary of Literary Terms, Littauer explains
the fictional quality of the work. Nor does it qualify a work labelled a novel by the author as a historical text. (Littauer)
By reading the characters and conflicts on this novel, we do not only get pleasure and enjoyment, but also lessons that are valuable for our life. According to Microsoft® Encarta® Online Encyclopaedia 2009, near the end of the first decade of the 21st century, novel remained a powerful way to the authors to represent human experience both in the individual or societal level. Writers used novel to give insight into people’s actions, ideas, and aspiration (Madden).
In this study, I would like to analyze a novel written by Rajaa Alsanea with a title Girls of Riyadh. Originally, Girls of Riyadh or Banat al)Riyadh, which reveals many problems faced by Muslim women in Saudi Arabia, was published in Lebanon in 2005. This novel was immediately banned in Saudi Arabia because it caused many controversies in the Saudi Arabia society. Popular newspapers in Saudi Arabia like Al;Riyadh, Al;Watan and Al;Jazeerah were all buzzing, mirroring what happened in the society after this novel was published (Alsanea).
This novel is written in the form of weekly e;mail which is sent every Friday to her mailing;list group. On her writing, she tells a story about the tyranny of life and society experienced by her surroundings. In 2005 the novel was banned by Saudi Arabia government, and in June 2007 Penguin Books publisher published the English version of the novel.
and Lamees. All of them have similar problems related to their family and men. They try to overcome their problems and accept how their tradition control their lives.
Unfairness of women’s right and position in Rajaa’s society is the main inspiration in writing this novel. Interviewed by The Times, Rajaa said:
I wanted to become a writer when I grew up. When I was 18, I felt that I was ready to write something and felt I had this power to write about something that was never written before, and that's the life of girls in Saudi Arabia, and their struggle within the restrictions of tradition and families, and their rights, and the way they try to do everything they can within what's allowed and what's not allowed sometimes. (MacLeod)
By reading this novel, I have enriched my knowledge and understanding. It gives me a new understanding about a country’s culture and tradition. It also opens my eyes that many women out there still have to struggle to get their rights and freedom.
Different ideologies or culture that one country has will create different tradition in the society. In modern life, many societies have already known and understood the meaning of human rights and freedom. But on the other hand, some societies with their own culture and tradition restrict people from gaining their rights and freedom. This situation is similar to the story that Rajaa tells in her novel, when women’s rights are grabbed by their own society.
In this discussion, I am interested to analyze about the roles of family and women as revealed in Rajaa Alsanea’s Girls of Riyadh novel, especially in marriage life in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.
B. Problem Formulation
Based on the previous discussion, the writer formulated the question as follows:
How do the roles of family and women on Saudi Arabia tradition of marriage as revealed in Raja Alsanea’s Girls of Riyadh?
C. Objective of the Study
The objective of this study is to reveal the roles of family and women on Saudi Arabia tradition of marriage as revealed in Raja Alsanea’s Girls of Riyadh.
D. Benefits of the Study
There are two parties that can gain benefits from this study. The first party is the readers in general, and the second party is the students of the English Language Education.
Through this study, the readers can get a better understanding and new perceptions about this literary work from different angles. They can enrich their understanding and knowledge about women and marriage matters in different cultures and tradition. They also can gain life lessons from the values in the novel. The students of the English Language Education may be encouraged to understand and analyze this literary work from various angles. Through this study, we can get many overviews about moral values and knowledge in woman’s struggling on their marriage and family life.
There are two terms used in this study that I would like to define before analyzing this novel to avoid misunderstanding. The terms are:
1. Tradition
The word tradition comes from Latin noun traditio (handing over), which derives from the verb tradere (hand over, deliver). According to The Encyclopaedia of Religion, the concept of tradition applies to all fields of culture, including science, arts and letters, law, politics and religions.
According to International Encyclopedia of the Social Sciences, tradition means,
“a social process of ‘handing down’ knowledge from generation to generation, especially by oral and customary means. It therefore is associated with precedent and culturally is linked often to a group’s “heritage,” although unlike referring to history, which suggests a time and place in the past, tradition carries a sense of social and cultural patterns— ways of doing things—that continuously occurred “before.” (Bronner) In this novel, Islamic tradition is the one which brings big influences to the society’s point of views. In this study, the concept of tradition that is used is the norms of belief and practice that are handed down from past to present.
2. Marriage
7
CHAPTER II
REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE
This chapter consists of critical approach, reviews of socio;cultural background and theoretical framework. The review on socio;cultural background covers the Saudi Arabia tradition and women position in it. The review of theoretical framework gives some explanations on how the theories stated in the first two reviews are being employed to answer the question on problem formulation.
A. Critical Approach
Rohrberger and Woods say that literature is one of the works of art that has aesthetic values. Literature is written by human as expressions of particular personalities and from all sorts of motives. Literatures are works that are merely potential until they are read and understood by the readers. In their book entitled An Introduction to Poetry, Kennedy and Gioia state that literary criticism is more than a discussion about literature. It is not an abstract or an intellectual problem; it is a natural human response to literature. Literary criticism just tries to help readers better understand literary works (629;631).
cultural condition and historical background when it was created. Events and the circumstances in its society play a part in understanding the whole story of a literary work.
B. Review on Socio<Cultural Background
1. Tradition in Saudi Arabia
This study used the novel Girls of Riyadh as the main source. The setting of this novel takes place in Riyadh, the capital and largest city of Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia is one of the Islamic countries which maintain the traditional Islamic law as the basic law in society. Saudi Arabia has a diverse and multicultural society. The traditions that are existed in societies mainly revolve around the religion of Islam.
a. Tradition in Relationship between Women and Men
Several books note that in the Saudi Arabia society, the interaction between men and women is very carefully controlled. Margaret Nydell in her book,Understanding Arab, mentions that Saudi Arabia men and women should be careful about their appearances and behaviors when they meet. Being together in certain places or in a room with closed door are the situations that have to be avoided. Nydell also says that going out on a date as a couple or traveling together are improper (43).
between the sexes whether in schools, universities or places of work are prohibited (17;18). According to Jehad Al;Omari, as a whole and throughout the Arab countries, the educational system tends to be segregated, especially for children above 12 years old (104).
Fluehr;Lobban in her book Islamic Society in Practice mentions some places or situations where Saudi Arabia males and females can easily mix. For instance, at the university male and female students are not separated. University is one of a few places outside the family where male and female can interact without fear of getting a gossip or intimidation (78). Furthermore, Fluehr;Lobban explains about some places in which male and female can meet easily:
Weddings are another arena wherein young women and men can meet socially, converse, even flirt, and in some cultural tradition, dance together. They are under the watchful eyes of their adult relatives, but the relaxed and celebratory atmosphere of the wedding party provides a unique opportunity for unmarried young people to socialize and be in closer contact than society normally permits. Weddings are thus very popular events and are typically large social affairs.
Fluehr;Lobban also explains that forbidden interaction between male and female includes all forms of dating before they become an engaged couple and signing marriage contract (78).
Jehad Al;Omari states that the reason of segregation of sexes is because Saudi Arabia society concerns about the honor of women and their families.
The preservation of family honor is the highest values in Saudi Arabia society. A family’s honor is determined by woman’s behavior, not by woman’s character, or by what that had happened or had not happened, but only how it looks. Substantively, the reason of this segregation is to protect women (in the traditional view) and help them to avoid a situation that can bring false impressions or inconsequential gossip. “… misbehavior by women is believed to do more damage to family honor than misbehavior by men…” (Nydell 43).
Because traditional Islamic laws become the basis of Saudi Arabia’s laws, more or less points of them are taken from Qur’an, or well known as Koran. Islam people (Muslim) believe that Qur’an is a book of guidance and direction for humanity (Qur’an).
In the Qur’an, there are found some verses that mentions about gender relations, especially in the marriage life. Anne Sofie Roald in her book, Women in Islam (149), gives some reviews about verses which contain gender relation issues. In Qur’an, there’s a translation from a verse that says, “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means.”
According to Roald, referring to those different verses, it can be said that there are two sides of gender relation, they are the relationship of mercy and tenderness; and on the other hand is the relationship which the man has the upper hand.
b. Tradition of Marriage
Muslims regard marriage as an essential part of life. According to Haifaa A. Jawad in his book The Rights of Women in Islam, marriage in Islam is seen as a strong bond and a commitment to life, society, and to be a respectable human. Refering to the Holy Book (Qur’an), Jawad also states,
The Qur’an indicates that the real and natural way to gain peace and satisfaction in life is through a husband–wife relationship, just as Adam and Eve did beforehand; it is only through this arrangement that peace in married life can really be achieved and guaranteed. In human society, therefore, the main principle of matrimonial life is that the human race should live in pairs, that is: a man and a woman should marry each other and live together in happy union. (30)
Different with Western customs where people marry their spouse with idealistic or romantic expectations, Saudi Arabian believe that marriage is not only seeking companionship and love but equally important, they also want financial security, social status, and children (Nydell 76).
Some references note that most Saudi Arabian still prefer family;arranged
marriage. Although in modern time, young man as well as young woman has
freedom in choosing their own prospective wife or husband, they still seek family
approval for the person they have chosen. People rarely marry the one they love if
will marry someone whose family background, character and financial position
are well known. (75)
According to Fluehr;Lobban, traditionally, independent decisions regarding choice of marriage partner are rare, if it does, their future no longer becomes family’s responsibility (65). She also adds that when people have their own choice, their family will investigate or gather information about the candidate,
… the family will inquire and gather relevant information about the background of the family with which they are about to be united. Relevant questions would touch upon economic background and whether they are more or less equivalent in status, appropriate religious commonalities in piety and practice, the family's background and history, and other matters that place the two families on an equal footing in the proposed union. (67)
Fluehr;Lobban says that, “The appropriate match of families is known as "equality of standard in marriage" (al)Kafa'a fil zawaj) and has been a powerful social tradition that has kept marriage not only within families, but within class and religious community as well” (67;68).
For Saudi Arabia women, the one who has responsibility for protecting the
selection of their marriage partner is their guardian, that mostly is the father or
other close male family members (Nydell 67). As cited in Muslim Women in
Law and Society, Ronak Husni and Daniel L Newman show their opinion about
the role of not only women’s but also men’s guardian,
There are several steps of marriage in Saudi Arabia tradition, “It is never taken lightly, and elaborate formal negotiations precede its contracting” (Fluehr; Lobban 65). Furthermore, Jawad explains his opinion about the steps of marriage in Saudi Arabia.
Marriage in Islam requires a contract between two equal partners. The contract, in sum, is a legal written document between two adults, which entails an offer by one partner and an acceptance by the other in the presence of two witnesses. When the marriage is consummated, the couple assumes a new relationship: that is, a husband–wife relationship. (35)
Hudda in his article Islamic Marriage Guidebook states that when a man wants to marry a woman, he should come to her family in appropriate manners. He states, “First you must propose her (by asking her guardian for a permission to marry her), then you must grant her the Mahr (gift), followed by recitation of the ‘Aqd (marriage contract)” (1).
Fluehr;Lobban (70) also explains some steps that couple should pass before they are officially stated as husband and wife. After the marriage proposal from the man’s family has been accepted and the bride has already met her groom, both the man’s and women’s family will arrange the date for ‘aqd. The ‘aqd or contract signing is a legal beginning on the marriage process. After the ‘aqd, the couple enters the engaged period, that is the time when couple is allowed to go out together and get to know each other better. Lobban says that it is usually take about six months or a year before the wedding ceremony is held.
Therefore, a negotiated divorce is exaggerated between two families. On the other hand, if the engagement period is going well, wedding celebration will be held. After the celebration, the couple starts living together. Fluehr;Lobban adds his opinion about wedding celebration that,
Weddings celebrate the couple beginning to live together, and they are and have been historically elaborate affairs that constitute the centerpiece of family and community life and folklore. Traditional weddings lasted for three to seven days, including rituals associated with henna dying of the bride's hands and feet, symbolic visits of the groom's kin to the bride's family and vice versa, feasting, music and dancing, culminating in the final "night of entry" (lailat al)dukhla) when the groom and entourage come to the bride's house and, after much celebration and ritual symbolizing the union of the couple and the two families, the marriage is consummated. The urban version of the marriage celebration proceeding cohabitation is the occasion for the large public gathering of family and friends, often in one of the major hotels equipped for large parties. (70;71)
In Saudi Arabia society, marriage between cousins is still common, especially in rural society (Al;Omari 119). Some references support this fact; Fluehr;Lobban describes about the reasons why marriage between cousins is allowed:
By keeping marriage within the extended family, wealth and property are thereby consolidated within the kin group. ‘Stranger’ marriage, which is considered very risky, is controlled. By contrast, the more traditional marriage is given strong support by extended family members, so that these marriages tend to be more stable and less likely to end in divorce or separation. The families, of course, know each other well and trust in marriage negotiations and a subsequent relation is high, unlike the situation with ‘stranger’ marriage.” (66)
Arab society is built around the extended family system. Individuals feel a strong affiliation with all of their relatives—aunts, uncles, and cousins—not just with their immediate family. The degree to which all blood relationships are encompassed by a family unit varies among families, but most Arabs have over a hundred “fairly close” relatives. (71)
Fluehr;Lobban says, “the social condition of the extended family provides not only shelter, food, and physical space for its individual members, but it contains within it a much broader ideology of mutual support and solidarity for the family group” (61).
Related to marriage dissolution, Jawad says that there are three ways in dissolving marriage contract. They are first, if one of the spouse is died; second is by the act of the husband or the wife or both of them; the last way is through Judicial process (79). Amongst Muslims, divorce is allowed and carefully regulated by religious laws (Nydell 76). Some other references also give the same opinion about legality of divorce in Islam. As cited from his book, Jawad states:
Islam allows divorce but only under extraordinary circumstances. In principle, Islam regards marriage as a life;long commitment. However, sometimes there arises situation wherein marriage ceases to fulfill its purpose. Hence, divorce can be invoked by either side or both of them in order to accommodate the realities of an unsuccessful marriage. It must be stressed that divorce can only be exercised as the last resort after all efforts for reconciliation between the spouses are exhausted. Therefore, in Islam divorce is considered as a necessity if the married partners are not happy. (71)
According to Husni and Newman, Islam gives the right in making a
decision of divorce to the husband; it is believed that the husband’s judgment is
wiser than wife’s (71). The dissolution of a marriage contract by the husband
called Talaq (divorce), and it can be done only from his side without giving any
Afkhami (1995) and Yamani (1996) say, “The easy access which Muslim men have to divorce in contrast to the difficulty which Muslim women have in obtaining a divorce has become a matter of interest particularly for Muslim feminists” (qtd. in Roald 213). Furthermore, Roald adds that a Muslim woman possibly get a divorce if her husband agrees.
Hence, Nydell explains the process of divorce in Islam tradition.
… a Muslim man may divorce his wife if he wishes. … The process in traditional Islam is quite simple: he merely recites the formula for divorce (“I divorce you”) in front of witnesses. A woman has more difficulty in initiating divorce proceedings, but usually she is successful on grounds of childlessness, desertion, or nonsupport. A woman must go through court proceedings in order to divorce her husband. (76)
2. Women in Saudi Arabia Tradition
a. Women and Society
There are different perceptions about Saudi Arabian women, such as Westerners that used to assume that all Saudi Arabian women are under men’s control. It can be said that it is true as according to the tradition of Islamic law in Saudi Arabia, “women are indeed the thumb of men, many Europeans assume that Arab women must always stay at home—indeed that they are must be veiled if they appear in public, and also accept the status of being one amongst a number of wives” (Butt 15).
those exercised against them, although men have a degree above women. Allah is Mighty and Wise. Men have authority over women because Allah has made the one becomes superior to another, and because they spend their wealth to maintain them” (37).
Quoted in Roald’s book (124), Riffat Hassan says that “The negative attitudes pertaining to women that prevail in Muslim societies are in general rooted in theology. She discusses three theological assumptions: the first states that men are the origin of creation, the second states that women are by definition temptresses, and the third is that women are created as a means for men.” On the other hand, for Saudi Arabia society itself, they regard women as respectable creatures that should be protected. Furthermore, according to the authentic Islamic perspective,
… a women is an individual worthy of dignity and respect, an independent human being, a social person, a legal person, a responsible agent, a free citizen, a servant of God, and a talented person, endowed, like a male person, with heart, soul and intellect; and has a fundamental equal right to exercise her abilities in all areas of human activities. (Jawad 11)
Saudi Arabia society really protects their women. It can be seen that women are not allowed to travel more than a day and night alone unless they are accompanied by a mahram (a close male relative). The reason is because Islam recognizes that society can be very dangerous for her (Hasan). Another reason is because they want to maintain their family honor. Fluehr;Lobban says,
improperly or gives the appearance of improper conduct. Much of this misconduct is construed as being of a sexual nature.
A dishonorable man is one who shirks his familial responsibilities, wastes his money on frivolities or drink, or conducts himself in a way that suggests loose morals. A woman's honor can be placed into question for much less serious conduct or accusation. A woman who goes out alone frequently at night or wears clothing, adornments, or excessive perfume that draw the attention of men can be gossiped about and accused of being dishonorable. In more conservative societies, a woman who has spent time alone with a man classified as a stranger (not a relation) can be accused of dishonor. (52)
b. Women and Marriage Life
In a family, the roles of mother and father are quite different. Nydell says that “The mother is seen as a source of emotional support and steadfast loving; kindness. She is patient, forgiving, and prone to indulge and spoil her children, especially her sons. The father, while seen as a source of love, may display affection less overtly; he is also the source of authority and punishment” (74). According to Husni and Newman, women’s roles are becoming a mother and a wife. They say that,
Woman is the mother of all mankind; she carries the child inside her and in her arms. It is from her that he gets the character that will manifest itself later on in life. She suckles the child at her breast, nourishing him with her blood and soul. She is a faithful companion and a wife who fills a gap, and takes away her husband’s loneliness. She sacrifices her health and comfort to satisfy her husband’s needs, helps him overcome obstacles and showers him with love to ease all hardships and sorrows. She infuses him with life and rejuvenates him. She makes up half the human race and half the nation, fully contributing to all aspects of human activity. (29)
absent from her.’” Related to women’s role, Jawad also quotes a note from the council. It is said,
The Council has to say:
‘The outstanding virtue of a true Muslim wife is her total faithfulness to her husband. Her mind, her heart, her gaze and her body are only for her husband …
But what if the husband happens to be unfaithful?
Well, ‘The woman of intelligence and understanding should face this delicate situation with great patience … she should endeavor to win over his heart with love and tender tones … if the husband rebuffs her, she should not give up hope. Leave the matter for a while and resume (the advice) respectfully, humbly and intelligently at another time when he is in a better mood’. (38)
Although there are many demands a woman should do, she also has a right
to be well treated by her husband. Jawad (36) gives opinions that husband should
treat his wife gently, kindly and affectionately. The husband also needs to show
that he loves her, appreciates her good qualities, and gives her impressions that he needs her and depends on her to attain happiness in life.
On the contrary, there are some verses in Qur’an that concerned on the husband’s treatments to their wives. Syed in her book The Position of Women in Islam in Progressive View quotes a verse 4:34 which becomes the most controversial verse related to the husband’s treatments, it is said:
Ar)rejalu qawwaamuna alaan nisaa)i bimaa fazzalal laahu baazahum alaa bazin wa bimaa aanfaquu min amwalihim. Fassaalihaatu qaanitaatun haafi)zaatul)lil)gaibay bimaa hafizallah. Wallaatii takhaa funna nushuu zahunna faeezuuhunna wahjuruuhunna fil mazaaji)i wazribuu hunna faa)in ataa nakum falaa tabguu alayhinna sabilaan. Innallaha kaana aliyyan kabiraa.
them (first); (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance): for God is Most High, Great (above you all).
From the verse above, we can see that women’s position in Saudi Arabia society is lower than men, but they still have quite big power and freedom especially after marriage. Butt says that Saudi Arabian women are free to get their education, and they may wear the latest fashion style, or can go alone to women parties (16). Although it happens rarely, Saudi Arabian women have freedom to choose their prospective husband without their guardian’s coercion (Jawad 35). In addition, Nydell adds her opinions about women’s power,
Inside the family, women have a good deal of power. They usually have the decisive voice in matters relating to household expenditures, the upbringing and education of children, and sometimes the arrangement of marriages. The older a woman becomes, the more status and power she accrues. Men owe great respect to their mothers all their lives, and must make every effort to obey their mother’s wishes, including her whims. All older women in the family are treated with deference, but the mother of sons gains even more status (48).
Jawad also adds his opinion about the power of mother in family according to what The Prophet said in the following Hadiths: ‘Do not leave your mother unless she gives you permission or death takes her, because that is the greatest (deed) for your reward’ (13). Al;Shesa quotes the conversation of the Prophet and his wife about women’s position, it is said that,
Aishah, the wife of the Prophet questioned him: “Whose right is the greatest on a woman?”
He replied spontaneously, ”A woman’s husband.”
C. Theoretical Framework
In this study, I try to analyze the roles of family and women on Saudi Arabia tradition of marriage that are seen in Rajaa Alsanea’s The Girls of Riyadh. There are some theories and reviews that are used to analyze this novel; they are the critical approach and reviews on the socio;cultural background of Saudi Arabia tradition of marriage which is related to family’s and women’s roles.
In order to answer the problem, I decided to apply the socio;cultural approach so I get a better understanding about the relationship between society and its culture. Since the socio;cultural approach can be used to analyze literary works by referring to the socio;cultural condition, therefore I believe that this approach is the most suitable and helpful in analyzing this novel.
CHAPTER III
METHODOLOGY
This chapter deals with the methodology that is used in this study. There are three major parts to be discussed in this chapter. The first part is the objective of this study that describes the novel along with its physical description and also mentioning briefly what kind of novel it is in general. The second part is the approach of this study which presents the approach employed in this analysis. The last part is the method of this study which talks about the steps taken in analyzing the novel.
A. Objective of the Study
In this thesis, I chose a novel entitled Girls of Riyadh as the research subject. Girls of Riyadh is a novel written by Rajaa Alsanea as her first debut. Originally, it was released in 2005 in Saudi Arabia, due to its controversial content; the novel was banned in that country. Although it had been banned; the black;market copies of the novel became a best;seller book across the Middle East. In June 2007, the English version of this novel was available. The translator was Marilyn Booth and the novel was published by Penguin Books. Now, it is available at many bookstores in Saudi Arabia. The novel is in the form of e;mail, consists of 281 pages and is divided into 50 chapters.
Lamees. These four young women are best friends since their childhood, and they have their own complicated problems related to love and marriage lives. They come from the upper;class society in the capital city of Saudi Arabia, Riyadh. Although their lives have been classified as modern, but they live in the middle of conservative society where tradition are the main control of life.
Gamrah was the first woman who decided to marry. She married a guy named Rashid who she did not know well before. Her marriage life was not a happy one, because Rashid divorced her and left her with a son. In her family, this was seen as a problem. In their opinion, divorced woman brought a bad reputation among their society.
The second girl was Sadeem, an unfortunate girl who had been left by her fiancée named Waled without any reasons when they were still on the engagement period. Her tragic love story was continuing. Years after the tragedy, she met another man, Firas. This guy loved Sadeem and gave her everything she needed. After many years maintaining their relationship, she believed that Firas was her destiny. But everything was destroyed after she found out that Firas married to another woman. After that, she discovered that her cousin, a son of her aunt named Tariq loved her since they were teenager. Supporting by her friends, Sadeem accepted Tariq’s marriage proposal.
Their love story was almost perfect if it was not ended sadly. Their relationship was refused by Faisal’s mother, because she did not allow Faisal to marry a girl who was not his family’s choice. Another reason was because Faisal’s mother had never heard Michelle’s family name before. Moreover, Michelle’s mother was an American.
The last girl was Lamees, who came from a doctor family. She had a twin sibling named Tamadur. Lamees studied in the dentistry college. It could be said that she was the only one who married the man she loved, namely Nizar. But she never left her friends alone, always helped her friends by solving their love and marriage problems.
B. Approach of the Study
To analyze the problem, I apply the socio;cultural approach. I use this approach because I want to identify the roles of family and women on Saudi Arabia tradition of marriage in Riyadh society’s point of views.
C. Method of the Study
The main source of this study was a novel written by Rajaa Alsanea, Girls of Riyadh. I also used library study in this study in order to gather the references to support the analysis. The primary source that used for the analysis was the novel Girls of Riyadh written by Rajaa Alsanea. From this novel, I dig out the roles of family and women on Saudi Arabia tradition of marriage.
The secondary sources were taken from some references related to the discussion topic. The references were taken from books related to the theories and approach that used to analyze this study. The references were also taken from articles or website information available in the online source.
To conduct this study, there were some steps that are taken. The first step was comprehensively reading the novel, Girls of Riyadh by Rajaa Alsanea. By reading it, I tried to find out the main ideas of the novel and analyze the points that can be explored for this study. After finding out the topic that would be discussed further, I began to formulate the research question of this study. The research question would be used as the writing guidelines.
The third step was collecting information that will be used as secondary sources. The secondary sources were found in the books, online sources, and encyclopaedias. The information which had been gathered was related to the author, Rajaa Alsanea, about the novel Girls of Riyadh, and the tradition and culture of marriage in Saudi Arabia.
27
CHAPTER IV
A ALYSIS
This chapter is the core of the thesis. It presents the discussion about marriage tradition, family and women life that I conducted in this study. It aims to answer the problem that I stated in the chapter one. In this chapter, I divide the analysis into three main parts. The first part describes the society’s tradition of marriage, the second part explains about family roles on the marriage life, and the third part is about women roles on the marriage life.
A. Tradition of Marriage
Saudi Arabia is very rich, not only seen from the economics and its resources, but also from its culture and tradition. The Saudi Arab societies respect their tradition. The tradition mainly revolve around the religion of Islam, “Saudi Arabia was the only country ruled solely and completely by the law derived from the Qur’an and the way of the Prophet, peace will be upon him, applying that law—the Shari’ah—in all spheres of life” (Alsanea 222).
Tradition for them mean as norms of beliefs and practices which become their guidance in every aspect of their life, including on the marriage life. Marriage for Muslims is one of essential parts in their life. In the Holy Book (Qur’an), Jawad states,
therefore, the main principle of matrimonial life is that the human race should live in pairs, that is: a man and a woman should marry each other and live together in happy union. (30)
Traditionally, the procession of marriage that based on Saudi Arabia tradition is not as simple as how Westerners usually do. In order to prepare her wedding well, Gamrah decided to resign from her study in the university, “... she got engaged a few weeks after the semester started, and she decided to withdraw in order to devote herself full;time to planning the wedding” (Alsanea 11). Typically, the Saudi Arabia marriage arrangements take a long time and it’s quite complicated, “It is never taken lightly, and elaborate formal negotiations precede its contracting” (Fluehr;Lobban 65).
There are some steps that should be passed before the couple is officially pronounced as wife and husband. The first step is called shoufa; it is the time when a man have an opportunity to see his woman, ”It was the occasion of the shoufa, that one lawful “viewing” of the potential bride according to Islamic law (Alsanea 29).” After the want;to;be bride meets her want;to;be groom, the man’s family will propose the woman. “He came to her father to officially ask for her hand” (Alsanea 215). If the woman’s family approves the man’s marriage proposal, both two families will prepare to the next step. Next is the ‘aqd, or contract signing, which means a legal beginning of the marriage step. The period between shoufa and contract signing is called engagement period.
documents and the actual wedding ceremony… “ (Alsanea 31). Then, “After a three;week engagement and after waiting four months after the contract;signing ceremony, Lamees’ weeding day arrived” (Alsanea 221).
Gamrah is the first woman who got married before her other friends. She came from a conventional family who still follows Islamic tradition strictly. One that she should follow is “Before the wedding, Gamrah had seen Rashid only once, and that was on the day of the shoufa, the day set for bridegroom’s lawful viewing of bride;to;be. The tradition of her family did not permit the man seeking the engagement to see the bride again before the contract signing” (Alsanea 51). Then, Gamrah told Sadeem—one of her best friends—how her mother warned her about the shoufa’s regulation, “Gamrah had told her of her own mother’s warning to not under any circumstances offer to shake hands with the groom at this meeting, so Saddem refrained from extending her hands“ (Alsanea 29).
that they are officially engaged. Her father agrees and gives him Sadeem’s cell phone number” (Alsanea 30).
During the milkah period, the couple is allowed to ring and text their partner. Going out together, visiting each other house, and having dinner in public areas are allowed, “Every few days—during his milkah period—he would visit his fiancée, who already his legal wife, since the contract had been signed” (Alsanea 249). After they signed the marriage contract, Sadeem and Waleed often met and hang out together, “During the week, Waleed usually dropped by after the evening prayers, and usually stayed until two o’clock in the morning. On weekends he rarely left before dawn. Every week Waleed took her out for dinner in a fancy restaurant …” (Alsanea 31).
Wedding celebration is the last step in the marriage procession. It is usually celebrated with a party completed with music, dance, and culinary. Wedding celebration was an occasion that Sadeem did not want to miss. She liked attending wedding celebration, “She and many girls on her age, whenever they felt bored or cooped up, would arrange to get invited to a wedding—it didn’t matter whose. They could dress up and deck themselves out and put on heavy makeup and spend the evening dancing to music played by live bands or DJ’s” (Alsanea 225).
marriage” (Alsanea 9). Wedding celebration becomes the beginning of marriage life for the new wife and husband. After the celebration, the couple starts living together. Fluehr;Lobban adds his opinion about wedding celebration that,
Weddings celebrate the couple beginning to live together, and they are and have been historically elaborate affairs that constitute the centerpiece of family and community life and folklore. Traditional weddings lasted for three to seven days, including rituals associated with henna dying of the bride's hands and feet, symbolic visits of the groom's kin to the bride's family and vice versa, feasting, music and dancing, culminating in the final "night of entry" (lailat al)dukhla) when the groom and entourage come to the bride's house and, after much celebration and ritual symbolizing the union of the couple and the two families, the marriage is consummated. The urban version of the marriage celebration preceeding cohabitation is the occasion for the large public gathering of family and friends, often in one of the major hotels equipped for large parties. (70;71)
Gamrah’s marriage was not successful as everyone wished for her wedding ceremony. During her two years of marriage, conflicts never left her and her husband’s life. After they had their biggest fight, Rashid sent Gamrah home and “… the divorce papers were delivered to Gamrah’s father two weeks after Gamrah landed in Riyadh …” (Alsanea 98). Sadeem’s marriage was also ended unsuccessfully. After the contract signing before wedding ceremony was held, problems aroused between them. Sadeem did not know why Waleed did not visit or even call her for weeks, then “An answer did come from Waleed three weeks later, though: divorce paper! … All Waleed has said to his father was that he had discovered he was not uncomfortable with his bride and he preferred to break the contract now before the wedding was consummated” ( Alsanea 35).
also possibly become the reason for the separation. Divorce problem also happened in Um Nuwayyir’s life. She got divorced because of the children reason. His husband left her after found that their son has a problem with his feminine personality, “Her Saudi husband divorced her after fifteen years of marriage to marry another woman” (Alsanea 21). On a similar case, Abu Musa’ed had not been blessed with any children in ten years of marriage. For that reason, he divorced his wife to marry another woman who could give him a son, “He had divorced his wife and was looking for another, younger one who would provide him with the son he was looking for. (Incidentally, just as he decided to marry again, there was news reached him that his former wife had gotten pregnant by her second husband)” (Alsanea 189).
Not all marriages end happily until death separates them. If both wife and husband fail to keep it going, divorce becomes one of the solutions. Amongst Muslims, divorce is allowed and carefully regulated by religious law (Nydell 76). On his book, Jawad notes about divorce in Islam. He says that,
Islam allows divorce but only under extraordinary circumstances. In principle, Islam regards marriage as a life;long commitment. However, sometimes there do arise situations wherein marriage ceases to fulfil its purpose. Hence, divorce can be invoked by either side or both of them in order to accommodate the realities of an unsuccessful marriage. It must be stressed that divorce can only be exercised as the last resort after all efforts for reconciliation between the spouses are exhausted. Therefore, in Islam divorce is considered a necessity if the married partners are not happy. (71)
From those four divorced stories, there was a phenomenon in which the
husband is the one who divorces his wife, even though it is allowed for a wife to
Islam gives a right in decision making of divorce to the husband. It is believed
that the husband’s judgment is wiser than woman’s (71). The dissolution of the
marriage contract by husband is called Talaq (divorce). It can be done one;side
only by husband’s side without giving any reasons (Jawad 79).
B. Family’s Roles on Marriage
Family is one of the most important aspects in Saudi Arabia society. Nydell gives opinion that,
Arab society is built around the extended family system. Individuals feel a strong affiliation with all of their relatives—aunts, uncles, and cousins—not just with their immediate family. The degree to which all blood relationships are encompassed by a family unit varies among families, but most Arabs have over a hundred “fairly close” relatives. (71)
For Saudi Arabian, a family does not only mean a source of love but also a source of security and education. Family background can give a higher status level in the society if one or more family members get success. Family supports their members on jobs, finance, protections and other life matters. Fluehr;Lobban says, “The social condition of the extended family provides not only shelter, food, and physical space for its individual members, but it contains within it a much broader ideology of mutual support and solidarity for the family group” (61).
mother has a special authority dealing with her children education and her children’s prospective husband or wife, especially her son. On the other hand, a father is the decision maker at the house; he has the biggest influence related to every aspect of the family. Michelle says that, ”At home public opinion coalesced around a single view—the view backed by the most powerful people” (Alsanea 165).
Saudi Arabians are very proud of their family connections and lineage. They keep maintaining a good relationship within family. Aunt Badriyyah, the eldest sister of Sadeem’s mother, took care of her and Sadeem’s father’s life after her mother died, “Ever since Sadeem’s mother passed away, when Sadeem was a baby, Aunt Badriyyah had tried to act as a stand;in mother figure” (Alsanea 20).
Reputation of any family member can reflect all of the whole family. A family’s background brings a big effect on how society takes into account whether he or she is a good person or not. Aunt Badriyyah helped Sadeem’s father in selecting marriage proposals that had been sent to propose Sadeem, “She had her own ways of checking out all marriage applicants thoroughly and she dropped those who, in her opinion, were unsuitable. She would only inform Sadeem’s father about the short list of key applicants, she decided” (Alsanea 20).
In another case, Michelle whom “Only Michelle was not from a well; known family tribe linked to a certain region” (Alsanea 10) was rejected by Faisal’s mother. One of the reasons was because Michelle’s family was not like what Faisal’s mother was expecting,
But it quickly became clear to him that the problem was that his mother had never heard the name of this family.
Apparently, the name had never ascended to the ranks of families who formed alliances with—or even mixed with—the family of Al;Batran. Faisal tried to explain to his mother that Michelle’s father had only been settled in the country for a few years, and maybe that was why his name was not yet known to many in Riyadh society. (Alsanea 94)
Marriage and family are two parts that cannot be separated. People directly become one family when they get married including both spouse’s family. For that reason, family put a big concern on their children’s marriage life. As it was mentioned that family honor is very important for them, thus each member of the family is trying to keep it always in a good reputation. One of the many ways for keeping family’s honor is by finding a perfect match partner for their son or daughter who at least has the same level with them. Fluehr;Lobban says that, “The appropriate match of families is known as "equality of standard in marriage" (al)Kafa'a fil zawaj*) and has been a powerful social tradition that has kept marriage not only within families, but within class and religious community as well” (67;68).
aunt’s plan, at the first time Sadeem refused it. She thought that, “Maybe Tariq was already thinking about the money and property she would inherit from her father and was planning how to get his hand on it. Maybe his mother—her own aunt!—was even encouraging him” (Alsanea 219). But she considered what Gamrah said, “Take the one who loves you, not the one who you love. The one who loves you will always have you in his eyes, and he’ll make you happy” (Alsanea 275); then Sadeem decided to accept Tariq’s proposal to marry her.
Different to the Westerners which do not allow marriage between cousins, “… in America it wasn’t generally accepted for first cousins to form romantic relationship” (Alsanea 184); marriages between cousins are still common for many Arab countries especially in rural society (Al;Omari 119). Some references support this fact; Fluehr;Lobban describes about the reasons why marriage between cousins is allowed:
By keeping marriage within the extended family, wealth and property are thereby consolidated within the kin group. ‘Stranger’ marriage, which is considered very risky, is controlled. By contrast, the more traditional marriage is given strong support by extended family members, so that these marriages tend to be more stable and less likely to end in divorce or separation. The families, of course, know each other well and trust in marriage negotiations and a subsequent relation is high, unlike the situation with ‘stranger’ marriage. (66)
As young Saudi Arabian who is in love with someone and decides to get married, the most important thing they need is a family approval. Although in the modern time, young man as well as young woman have freedom in choosing their
own prospective wife or husband, they still seek family approval for the person
When Faisal asked for an approval from his mother about the woman he had chosen, Michelle whom “She is Mashael Al;Abdulrahman” (Alsanea 91), his mother asked, “Who do you mean, Al)Abdulrahman? ... So what makes this Abdul Rahman special? ... Who are his brothers?” (Alsanea 94).
Nydell says that family will reassure that their children will marry
someone whose family background, character, and financial position are well
known (75). Fluehr;Lobban also adds that when people have their own choice, their family will investigate or gather information about the candidate,
… the family will inquire and gather relevant information about the background of the family with which they are about to be united. Relevant questions would touch upon economic background and whether they are more or less equivalent in status; appropriate religious commonalities in piety and practice; the family's background and history; and other matters that place the two families on an equal footing in the proposed union (67).
If the chosen;partner is rejected by the family, it seems that they do not have any other ways but leave their beloved partner and accept the family’s decision. Faisal did so; he left Michelle when his mother did not give an approval, He loved no one in the universe more than his mother, and he had never opposed her, never ever, never in his life. He wept also for the sophisticated girl, his beloved who understood him and whom he understood, more than any two people in this world could ever understand each other, Michelle with her Nadji beauty and American personality, who would not be his. (Alsanea 95)
decided bravely that he kept on his decision to marry Michelle’s mother who was American girls. But it was not easy, even after years went by, Michelle’s father’s family still dislike her mother, “My father’s family was never reconciled to that marriage, and my grandmother would grumble every time my mother visited— and she still does” (Alsanea 89). Michelle’s father ever tried to live in Saudi Arabia after his marriage, but it did not last long, “Less than a month we left America my father moved us back there—my father, who had dreamed of returning to his homeland so that I would grow up as a Saudi girl! But he couldn’t get his relatives to respect his privacy and stay out of his business. So he emigrated again” (Alsanea 89).
After her divorce, Gamrah uncle—as her guardian (wali)—tried to look for a man who could marry and protect her, “… Gamrah’s uncle from her mother’s side heard about this and then he nominated his sister’s daughter. How utterly devoted he was to his niece’s best interest, he thought triumphantly” (Alsanea 189). For Saudi Arabian women, the one who have responsibility in protecting the marriage partner selection is their guardian, that mostly is her father or other close male family members (Nydell 67). Related to the guardian’s role,
Husni and Newman show their opinions that there are not only women’s but also
men’s guardian who decided the partner they should marry with,
Gamrah who had experienced an unhappy marriage because her husband
did not treat her well thought that Rashid was forced by his parents to marry her.
In her opinion, “… it makes sense that a man—and he was every inch a man, whatever else he turned to be—would be forced to marry a woman he didn’t want, no matter how compelling the reason?” (Alsanea 51). Then the fact that Gamrah found out that Rashid was like what she had thought before. Rashid was forced to marry her whereas he loved another girl in America named Kari. Rashid told Gamrah that, “At least her father didn’t come kissing up to my father so he could marry his daughter to a man who he knew loved someone in America and had been living with her for seven years!” (Alsanea 85).
In the contrary, the man’s family decisions made Sadeem and Michelle
could not to marry their beloved boyfriend. Sadeem loved Firas for years until she
found out that he married another woman. In his confession, Firas said:
… he hinted her that he was willing to remain her beloved for the rest of the life. That was what he wanted, in fact, but he would be forced to conceal it from his wife and family. He swore to her that the entire business was out of his hands; that circumstances were stronger than they were; and that he was in more pain at his family’s decision than she was. But there was nothing that he could do. There was no path before them but patience. (Alsanea 211)
On Michelle’s love story, after Faisal’s mother did not give him approval to marry
Michelle, he met Michelle to say about his family decision. Faisal couldn’t do
anything to change that decision,
because he didn’t love her, he said. But they didn’t believe in love! They believe only in their inherited beliefs and tradition from across generations … (Alsanea 110;111)
Realizing their conditions, Sadeem and Michelle understood that they
could do nothing. That this is the tradition they should accept whether they like it
or not. Michelle gave her opinion that,
Maybe he’s really cultured and highly educated guy who’s been around. Maybe he knows deep down that love is a basic human need, that it isn’t shameful for a man to choose his partner in life for himself, as long as he is completely sure she’s the right one. But he is still afraid. It worries him to even think about the following path different from the path his father, his uncle, and his grandfather followed before them. And anyway, he’ll think, those old men are still living with those shut)up women of theirs. So something must have gone right. What they did was successful. It’s got to work because everyone else has done it. So he follows their steps and doesn’t go against their way of doing things. (Alsanea 181;182)
She also added that, “They are slaves to the reactionary customs and ancient tradition even if their enlightened minds pretend to reject such things! That’s a mold for all men in this society. They just pawns their families move around on the chessboard!” (Alsanea 270)
C. Women’s Roles on Marriage
Aishah, the wife of the Prophet questioned him: “Whose right is the greatest on a woman?”
He replied spontaneously, ”A woman’s husband.”
The Messenger was asked: “Whose right is the greatest on a man?” He replied, “His mother’s.”
Butt adds his opinion about women’s role. He says that, “In Arab society, women seem chained to their home and family but it does not mean that they do not have any power and influence. For instance, a mother has an authority to decide with whom her son will marry (16).
Although it has been said that the protector of someone’s marriage partner is the guardian who is usually their father or male;relative, as a mother, she has a special authority on their children’s ma
