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Language features used by men and women in their e-mail responses to postings from same- and cross-gender participants in "Yahoo" Discussion Groups - Widya Mandala Catholic University Surabaya Repository

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Message number No.

Language Features

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 TOTAL

1. References to emotion √ √ √ √ 4

2. Personal information √ 1

3. Opinions √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 15

4. Suggestions √ √ √ √ √ √ 6

5. Aggressive/sarcastic expressions √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 10

6. Supportive expressions √ √ √ √ 4

7. Asking questions √ √ √ 3

8. Personal experience √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 7

APPENDIX A.2: List of e-mail messages containing language features in men’s cross-gender communication. Message number No.

Language Features

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 TOTAL

1. References to emotion √ √ √ √ 4

2. Personal information √ √ 2

3. Opinions √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 17

4. Suggestions √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 7

5. Aggressive/sarcastic expressions √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 7

6. Supportive expressions √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 11

7. Asking questions √ √ √ √ √ √ 6

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APPENDIX B.1: List of e-mail messages containing language features in women’s same-gender communication. Message number No.

Language Features

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 TOTAL

1. References to emotion √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 9

2. Personal information √ √ √ √ √ √ 6

3. Opinions √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 10

4. Suggestions √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 11

5. Aggressive/sarcastic expressions √ √ √ 3

6. Supportive expressions √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 20

7. Asking questions √ √ 2

8. Personal experience √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 11

APPENDIX B.2: List of e-mail messages containing language features in women’s cross-gender communication. Message number No.

Language Features

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 TOTAL

1. References to emotion √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 9

2. Personal information √ √ √ 3

3. Opinions √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 16

4. Suggestions √ √ √ √ √ √ 6

5. Aggressive/sarcastic expressions √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 8

6. Supportive expressions √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 12

7. Asking questions √ √ √ √ √ √ √ √ 8

(3)

No. Language Features Message

# Expressions

4 Frustrating!!!

6 It was so beautiful; it brought a manly tear to my eye. 19 This is NOT off-topic and it’s really PISSING ME OFF… 1. References to emotion

20 If you want out then leave NOW BITCH!!!!!!!

2. Personal information 22 I love the Catskills. My personal favorite area is the slide mountain wilderness area.

3

ƒ Farrell to me seems to resort to more feminist style tactics of showing only the facts that…

ƒ In other words, Farrell is like reading a male feminist.

4 No, I don’t quite agree with that, as all the drivers will still be trying to achieve the perfect lap…

5 I had my own opinion, but just discussed it as well with another birder…

6

There are all sorts of ways the wheelchair can be used as a weapon. Also, people in wheelchairs, especially if they’ve been there for awhile, tend to have amazing upper body strength and ability.

8

ƒ Blood is definitely thicker than water, but it would be a suicide on his Ralf’s career if he…

ƒ I think he would show that he is… 3. Opinion

(4)

No. Language Features Message

# Expressions

10

ƒ At first I thought it was a bit harsh…but after thinking about it I realize that they made the right decision.

ƒ After all, Ralph drifted onto the racing line without worrying about…

14 DD the comic itself is great, as for the movie it was, the time line in it moved way too fast for me…

15 I think Ralf will be coherent with himself and once for the good of the team till the end of the season.

17

I can’t speak from first-hand experience, because I’ve only taught in Korea. The general consensus seems to be that you can save more money in Korea, but Korea has unfair immigration laws.

19

ƒ I guess the life of one female soldier is important like the life of at least 10,000 male soldiers!

ƒ Feminazis don’t have any problem to…

ƒ Feminazis want that women will be allowed only to be in the most safe places,….

20 If both can remain calm, your children can benefit. You will also find yourself in a very interesting position at court time.

22 ƒ Nothing beats the spruce covered summit. ƒ It is a different world out there.

23 Campbell, Big South Fork Park, E. Tennessee is indeed a most beautiful place!

(5)

mother anyway

ƒ It is an individual like her that give women a bad name.

5 I suggest you look carefully at the bill shape, and, if visible, the rectal bristles and compare those with published pictures.

6

ƒ A good thing to train is lock and balance disruptions. ƒ Also, using the chair as a weapon.

ƒ Also, take them out of the chair and have them fight on the ground.

12 You can purchase these panel parts and have them replaced. Or the area can be rebuilt with sheet metal and/or bondo.

16

ƒ If you want the car to look right, find yourself a body man who likes the old car.

ƒ Macco, Earl Scheib, 24 Hour Body, are three WEST COAST paint shops where…

ƒ For the parts, Tim at ALL AMERICAN CLASSICS has those quarter panels, will ship them too…

17

The pros and cons of Japan and Korea are occasionally discussed on Dave’s ESL Café (www.eslcafe.com/Korea). If you post your question there, you should get a response.

4. Suggestion

22 Have you ever snow shoed in the Catskills? If not you have to give it a try.

1 After that it was so bad it just wasn’t even funny. It was, in fact, quite painful.

5. Aggressive/sarcastic expression

(6)

No. Language Features Message

# Expressions

blew so hard.

ƒ What a total waste of my time…stupid…stupid…stupid movie!

3 ƒ What I didn’t like about Farrell is he starts to sound like a feminist… ƒ The book is good but some things I still raise an eyebrow to.

6 … In a bar, once, some jackass kicked one of John’s crutches out from under him.

11 ƒ Henry you perfect piece of crap!

ƒ Go in corner and suck the teat of a mouse – you’re worthless.

14

…sorry but he is a horrible actor. Sum of all fears he was ok, in this movie he was horrible. No emotion, no nothing at all. You will see his little dark moments were actually comical… Watch how bad Afflect acts when the loud noises affect DD’s super sensitive ears, it’s just plain bad.

15 Given that, this Michael-Ralf alliance is nothing more than press-bullshit. 19 This is NOT off-topic and it’s really PISSING ME OFF…

20

ƒ If you want out then leave NOW BITCH!

ƒ Ladies, I know we men can be jerks at times, but not all of you are sweethearts all the time either!

25 To tell the husband that he wasn’t the father in an attempt to dupe him off over a million dollars is one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard. 5 Thanks for postings your trip reports.

6. Supportive expression

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21 Good luck with your new ride. 23 You’re very fortunate.

11 How do this relate to classic cars? 20 Paul, are you going to file? 7. Asking question

(8)

APPENDIX D: List of expressions of men’s language features in cross-gender e-mail communication.

No. Language Features Message

# Expressions

2 I’m so sorry I can’t imagine how hard it is for you and the children.

3 I have lots of compassion for your daughter and you of course having to witness her pain over the common insanities that our culture generates.

5 It’s a pity you can’t get channel 31 as they cover all the other motor sports events (Formula V, etc.).

1. References to emotion

14 ;-)

15 Having been a long-haired hippie…I have mixed-values. 2. Personal information

19 I am a very considerate, educated and loving person.

3

ƒ I think most schools are horror houses and abusive to kids for many reasons…

ƒ You do not seem the type to commit suicide spiritually or any other way. You absolutely cannot sell your ego to his soul… no way.

5 I knew it would be a better coverage for the F1 on Channel 10 as they are really the only channel that covers motor sport.

6

ƒ You can’t change him but thru some of your choice he might come around.

ƒ He might respect you but if you’re not consistent why should he be. If you don’t respect yourself why should he.

3. Opinion

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8 I don’t see where honestly fits in anywhere in this puzzle. You are not obligated by honestly to tell them anything about his personal life.

9 Sounds like you have some great ideas.

10

ƒ I think your arrangement can only work for you because both of you seem to be similar person and have had the same bad experience and react to it the same way and you both have a strong connection. ƒ You have to choose between emotional closeness and distance… ƒ If you want them to be healed, you have to take the bitter

medicine…accept the risk…face the risk that you can get hurt again…

11

This is public support group; therefore, everybody can read and reply them. I think if somebody only provides support and advice on request or only can’t bear another opinion if asked for then it’s not a real discussion…and maybe friends are then a better support than a yahoo discussion group.

12

ƒ I guess they need their arrangement as kind of puffer zone…however I am sure someday they might get married…

ƒ I think everybody got the right to reply to messages… Besides censorship is never good for a discussion group.

13 I mean, people don’t/can’t say ‘misandry’ – it doesn’t seem to ‘bounce,’ for what of a better word like ‘misogeny.’

14

(10)

No. Language Features Message

# Expressions

15

But, dress emphasizing sex (the tongue piercing) or self mutilation (ditto), just plain show of disrespect for self AND for others, is a signal to me that issues need to be discussed…

18

ƒ I agree with RD (= Ron Dennis) that the cause of the accident was Ruben’s slow getaway…

ƒ I think that they are right about who was to blame, and Ralf has now admitted that he drifted…

19

You might not have come across a nice mountain biker, and that’s a shame. But to shun a fellow hiker who also mountain bikes solely because of his association with two wheels is anger and ignorance.

20

ƒ I for one don’t believe you should keep a child from their other parent for ransom!

ƒ I don’t believe you should ever say if you give me money I’ll let you see your child!

21

ƒ I agree that painting the paneling is the least expensive and it’ll give you the opportunity to introduce both color and wood into the room.

ƒ I think an area rug is your best bet to soften the wood floor.

23

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1 Send Harley an e-mail ask them, who knows if it is still in the box they might buy it or one of their dealers.

6 Ask your therapist about good boundary setting.

7 Your first step should be to establish trust in a person or institution close to you to open yourself up some to living life again.

14

ƒ One option (to get around narrow minded judges) might be to have her do a “self-defense” kata where she gets attacked and defends herself. ƒ Explain the changes to the judges…

19

ƒ I suggest you make the first step in kind, loving relationships rather than waiting for others, and that you don’t generalize people who would otherwise give the entire trail and…

ƒ Try to love others and don’t be so ignorantly biased.

21

ƒ Another idea is to scout the large carpet stores in your area and look for a remnant which is the right size in color and texture that will work for you.

ƒ Consider covering some of those loose pillows with… 4. Suggestion

25 ƒ Be careful of cultural differences.

ƒ I suggest that you go easy on teaching religion. 4 That suck ass!

6 GIRLFRIEND KICK HIM TO THE CURB! 5. Aggressive/sarcastic expression

(12)

No. Language Features Message

# Expressions

13 You are so right – and so sexy. Can we date?

17 It’s hard to believe anyone would swallow that crap even tough…

22 The first Harry Potter I fell asleep in the theater watching it… I didn’t wanna (=want to) watch the second one.

23 Yours is the same reasoning that goes with the notion of prosecuting drunk drives with 1st Degree Murder… Understand?

2 ƒ Hello Storm I hope the treatments are going well. ƒ I truly hope everything goes well.

3 ƒ Thanks for sharing, it feels good to connect with your world. ƒ I hope I responded in a way useful to you.

6 Take care and best wishes stay in therapy.

8

ƒ Sometimes, it’s difficult for a person in the midst of divorce to discern if you are saying/doing things for yourself or for your kids.

ƒ Good luck.

9 But I would love to see some pictures of your projects when you get them done.

10 I wish you both good luck and hope you both will be united at one place and in true love.

11 ƒ I do understand your feeling… ƒ Have a great day!

6. Supportive expression

(13)

19 Wishing you peace and better experience. 21 Keep us informed.

24

ƒ Hi. First, thanks for the reply as it is exactly what I am looking for. ƒ You also hit the point I am trying to show through examples like

yours…

ƒ Thanks and please feel free to write anything.

3

ƒ About your husband…wow…you gonna (=going to) let his ego rule your life?

ƒ So is your husband devoted to you and the truth or to his own ego needs?

ƒ Could you please let me know if it was?

8

ƒ If you were dating, would you want him to tell them about your boyfriend?

ƒ Am I angry they didn’t tell us? 10 Have you gotten my hints?

13 Yes, but doesn’t that part of the projected conversation sound terrible “pie in the sky?”

24 ƒ How about you?

ƒ Have you visited the States and had different experiences? 7. Asking question

(14)

APPENDIX E: List of expressions of women’s language features in same-gender communication.

No. Language Features Message

# Expressions

3 ƒ I was deeply hurt as you and often wanted to say what about me! ƒ I am glad we can be here for you!

5 It is way too painful for me to be in the middle with her.

8 I’m so sorry for the situation you and your husband have been put in. 10 I know how you feel.

11 As if moving out of the house with no warning and leaving my mom to cry wasn’t enough to make us angry in our own right!!!

12 ƒ I’m sorry you and your daughter have had such a tough time. ƒ I’m heartbroken for your sister and your husband.

13 Wrong!!!!

15 ƒ I absolutely love my kitchen now!!! 1. References to emotion

23 <big FAT grin>

6 I love to watch and listen to them… 7 I like to use music in my classes too.

13

ƒ I am a feminist too; I love being alone and being the master of my own life.

ƒ I like doing whatever I want with my time and my money. 18 I am an artist…

2. Personal Information

(15)

22 I know I’m selfish…

3 I truly believe that it affects adults as well & it is not a myth… 4 I do think you are a better person for…

13

ƒ We must admit that our society is patriarchal…

ƒ I guess men want us to depend on them, to be helpless…

ƒ As for your daughter, I guess there is nothing you can do about this situation.

14 I think in New York one can get a TESOL license/certificate.

16

ƒ This is not an issue of mom’s honesty with the kids. It’s a matter of what is age appropriate for the kid to know….

ƒ Okay I have two points of view here. Mine: they’ll find out because dad will slip up.

17 I think the poem idea is great!

20

ƒ I also think it helps if both people know that the other is only a phone call away.

ƒ I think both people need to try their best to make themselves more available for the other…

3. Opinion

21 Although your arrangement probably doesn’t sound great to some people, I happen to think it’s a good idea.

(16)

No. Language Features Message

# Expressions

8

ƒ Please do what you can to make sure it doesn’t affect your marriage.

ƒ Maybe you can talk to him about how he feels about the role of his mom (and dad) are putting you through.

9 If you decide to support one parent or the other or both, try to set some limits.

10 Maybe you should think of it that way. Let him call if he wants to, but don’t call him.

14 If you are getting volunteer experience, then maybe you could move into a paid position in such a state funded or community program.

15

ƒ My advice would be to go to your local home depot or home improvement store and ask the paint dept. manager…

ƒ Try going to www.askjeeves.com

16 …Then you can calmly explain that you know about the other woman, but that is between you and dad – it’s a grown-up thing.

18 Maybe you could go to an art store or perhaps look online and find a color wheel.

19

ƒ You can look for an organic nursery in your area to find an organic potting oil very easily. You might try them if you don’t know of an organic nursery.

(17)

ƒ I would like to suggest that when you plant your peppers in these tubs…

20

ƒ You have to find and make time to speak to the other person. ƒ Perhaps both of you get cell phones with good calling plans. ƒ Maybe also set aside a specific time to meet and talk…

25 You do have to chose your child’s friends, when those friends are very bad news.

8 Sometimes guys can be REAL dense… Things that often seem obvious to us are not as obvious to them.

16 They don’t have an understanding of sex at this point and don’t really know what the heck an affair really is.

5. Aggressive/Sarcastic Expression

22 I hope you enjoy it here despite all the crap that’s been going on here lately it seems.

1

ƒ I know it’s hard what you’re going through.

ƒ You will be okay – eventually. I hope I can help you! So let me know if…

ƒ Take care

3 Welcome to the group…

4 ƒ Good for you for staying together and not blowing up. ƒ Congrats on having such courage and strength!

6. Supportive Expression

(18)

No. Language Features Message

# Expressions

7 Hope this suggestions are helpful!

8

ƒ Hello and welcome.

ƒ I agree with you…you two SHOULD not be playing the role of counselor…

ƒ Hope I’ve said something helpful.

9

ƒ Welcome to the group.

ƒ It’s perfectly normal for you to feel like this is happening to you, that’s why we’ve all joined this group after all.

ƒ Take care of you.

10

ƒ Yes I know it’s tough having all the responsibility on your own…but you get to enjoy your son as well…

ƒ And someday someone will come along that wants to love your son & you and be the father he deserves.

ƒ Until then, hang in there!

11 Thanks everyone for all your help and at the very least your ears.

12

ƒ Good luck finding another job.

ƒ Congratulations on hanging there and appreciating everyday with your sweet daughter. I hope things get better for you soon.

13 I understand you perfectly because, even if I am not married, I know that if I do it, one day I’ll have the same regrets.

14 Hope this helps…

(19)

ƒ If you want to see before & after pics (=pictures) of my kitchen, send me an e-mail. I’d be happy to show you.

17

ƒ It’s one of the best redo I have seen!

ƒ I love your kitchen; I love the stencils on the cabinets.

ƒ You have given me a great idea for my cabinets. Thanks for sharing!

18 I hope that gives a little smidgen of help!

19 ƒ Hi Suzanne…and welcome to the group! ƒ Good luck!

20 Best of luck.

21

ƒ It’s a wonderful thing that the two of you get to spend time together.

ƒ I wish you luck.

22

ƒ Welcome to the group Sarah!

ƒ I hope you enjoy it here…and if you’re interested in a group specifically for the military girlfriend, just e-mail me.

ƒ Well I just wanted to say ‘hi’ and welcome you to the list.

23 ƒ You go girl. Love the “second half” of life…

ƒ Don’t give up just because your body doesn’t do what is used to do.

8 ƒ Does he understand the stress this causing you?

ƒ Could you find out who she is seeing and talk to them? 7. Asking question

(20)

APPENDIX F: List of expressions of women’s language features in cross-gender e-mail communication.

No. Language Features Message

# Expressions

1 I’m sorry you are feeling alone… 5 I’m so sorry she causing you pain again. 8 I am so sorry…

10 NO ONE ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION – PLEASE PUT YOUR SOAP BOX AWAY!

12 How do you walk on those things anyway!!! :) :) :)

14 …then don’t go assuming there is ANYTHING wrong with it. 18 Sorry to hear that.

20

You think women have to *atone* for something that they don’t even consider wrong, and charging them with a crime would *force* them to control.

1. References to emotion

25 I feel for you.

15 I always loved walking through the pine barrens on thick beds of fallen needles.

22 I’m a qualified EFL teacher… 2. Personal information

23 I like trying new things.

2 But I think your best bet is the book.

4 I think that is the only thing that is going to help. 3. Opinion

(21)

but I still seem him as reckless.

7 I think she is still in your thoughts because she was the last serious relationship you had…

9

ƒ You did give her an unsolicited judgment.

ƒ I tend to agree that an arrangement like theirs likely to cause problems for most who would try it. (However), It’s unfair and uncalled for to say that they are not serious or committed in their own way.

10 Wait – didn’t you just tell me you DIDN’T call their relationship ‘unserious’. I think you did indeed say that very clearly.

11 I think that it depends. I think sometimes men think that they want an independent women who is self-sufficient, but…

12

We (men and women) have centuries of conditioning & socialization to fight. Just because a couple decides to adopt a different lifestyle (whether egalitarian, or matriarchal) – doesn’t mean there will be no struggling/wrangling, etc.

13 I think with the distance you have to be willing to try harder to make the relationship work.

14 I don’t think it’s anyone’s place to criticize another couples’ relationship…especially when advice/criticism wasn’t even asked for.

(22)

No. Language Features Message

# Expressions

ƒ I think Christian and his brother (for all intent purposes seem to me that is what they are now) are lucky to have you as a parent.

19

ƒ When a woman becomes pregnant, she has made the decision.

ƒ Pregnancy is a result of an action, and frankly I don’t care how it happened…

21 I think most colleges and universities want at least a Master’s Degree as a qualification.

23 ƒ It often seems that what we say our goals are is not represented in the curriculum. It does depend on what your program focuses on.

25

ƒ I think one of the hardest things about being an adult when parents divorce is that unreasonable expectations are placed on you.

ƒ In my opinion, you shouldn’t have to postpone starting a job, marrying, moving…whatever “starting your life” means to you in order to support your mom.

2 You asked about things to read. I’ve mentioned this to other people before… It’s called “A Grief Out of Season” by Fintushell and Hillard.

7 Try to surround yourself with friends…both female and male and go out, enjoy life.

15 You might consider putting them in their own pile with additional stuff and work it.

21 I would recommend you consider a position that includes housing… 4. Suggestion

(23)

(the guy who wrote ‘New Interchange’).

25

I guess the best thing to do is to be supportive in whatever way you are comfortable, but set very clear and firm boundaries about what your support may entail.

3 Bad movie; bad teenage date movie.

5 Then you will wonder what the heck you were doing with her in the first place!

9

ƒ Michael – perhaps it would be good to go back and re-read your post. ƒ Perhaps it is because you are not very skilled with the English language

and are unable to understand the “tone” in your post?

10

ƒ Clearly Michael you are not seeing what the rest of us are…

ƒ Wait – didn’t you just tell me you DIDN’T call their relationship ‘unserious’ (which by the way is NOT a word).

ƒ NO ONE ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION – PLEASE PUT YOUR SOAP BOX AWAY!

14 Michael…I am trying to think of polite way of saying everything that I am thinking right now.

16 If Ralf helps his brother he’d have to say bye-bye Grove since Head & Williams would kick his a**.

5. Aggressive/sarcastic expression

20

(24)

No. Language Features Message

# Expressions

24 No bikers need their own trails. They are rude. Run the hikers off small paths and don’t belong in the parks!

1 ƒ Hi Jason and Welcome!

ƒ I know you will find warmth and support here.

2

ƒ …but I wanted to welcome you to our group as well.

ƒ I wish you and other new members a peaceful time in the months to come.

4

ƒ Good for you for realizing what you did wrong and for trying to understand what she must have gone through being abandoned.

ƒ I hope your daughter does get professional help. ƒ It’s tough sometimes to make people understand… ƒ I hope she is receptive to your suggestion.

ƒ Keep us posted.

5

ƒ Just know that, as much as it hurts, you’re better off without her psychosis in your life.

ƒ Best of all, somewhere down the road you will meet some wonderful women that’s a perfect match for you…

6 … I too appreciate the lively forum we have here.

7 ƒ You will meet an amazing woman one day… ƒ Be thankful for the singleness you have today… 6. Supportive expression

(25)

17 Let us know how we can help out… 18 Good Luck.

21 Good luck.

22

ƒ I don’t know if that helps in any way. E-mail me if you would like me to clarify anything.

ƒ I hope you find this hopeful.

25 Good luck to you and congratulations on your graduation!

4

ƒ What is happening that by you being back in her life is distressing her? ƒ Is it your wife that is actually causing the stress and what is your wife

doing?

ƒ What has been done to keep it from happening again?

5 Is it possible she went to the classmates site from her computer and updated her sign-up info?

10

ƒ What you have done is to tell her that you think her relationship is likely doomed…how was that helpful?

ƒ …you indicate they are not committed, am I the only who sees a pattern here?

ƒ Again I wonder how you managed to crawl in her head…how do you know she is lying to herself?

17 Is there a specific city you are looking at moving to? 7. Asking question

(26)

No. Language Features Message

# Expressions

19 When are you people going to take responsibility for your action?

23

ƒ What did you have in mind for new curriculum/programs? ƒ What methods have you tried?

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