Kevin thinking of Guy: ‘‘He must be tired from training and interacting with people all day. I think I’ll give him a chance to reenergize and recoup. I’m sure he will reengage when he has had a chance to rest a bit.’’
Guy thinking of Kevin: ‘‘I really like the fact that Kevin can decide on a course of action and get results quickly.
It’s good to work with someone who has fresh, creative ideas and doesn’t overanalyze every situation.’’
Remember that differences in perspective can lead to negative inter- pretations of intention or character. To guard against this tendency:
1. Unless you have definite, concrete knowledge that someone had a negative intention for his behavior, choose to make a positive interpretation of his motives and drives. (This connects to our earlier discussion about the reticular activating system—do you see what you are looking for?)
2. Take proactive steps to communicate in ways that improve the odds of connecting with the other person. Learn to change your approach to better fit how she communicates.
As a leader, it is important to do this for yourself, model this behavior for others, and use these insights when coaching others, helping them work through conflict, improve their team interactions, and more.
h ow yo u c a n c o n n e c t a n d c o m m u n i c a t e 127
❍Your supervisor
❍People in other departments
❍Customers
❍Suppliers
While each of these relationships has a different dynamic and might call for different specific approaches and techniques, the basic principles of effective communication apply to all of them, and the DISC model provides a powerful tool for growth in this area.
When you look back at the DISC model, you see four primary behavior styles. Not surprisingly, each of the four behavior styles has a corresponding preferred communication style.
Most people communicate in the ways that are most comfortable for them. While there is nothing inherently wrong with this tendency, it does present a bit of a challenge to you as a leader.
If you only use the communication style that is most comfortable for you, you reduce the likelihood that you will communicate effectively with other people.
For example, Guy once worked in a position that required him to travel to Germany or to work with people from Germany on a frequent basis. He usually found that trying to speak with German people in German, even if he did it badly, was more effective than insisting that they speak with him in English. He also found that when he at least attempted to use German, the other people reciprocated by speaking with him in English (they usually knew English much better than he knows German).
A similar thing is likely to happen for you when you learn to apply the DISC model to your communications with other people.
Although not as obvious as German and English, when you attempt to speak the DISC ‘‘language’’ of the other person, he will probably listen better, understand your intentions more clearly, and cooperate with you more because you have spoken with him in the way he prefers.
When Guy travelled to Germany, he knew in advance that many of the people he would see did not speak English as their first lan- guage. He could prepare in advance for the trip by practicing some German words and phrases. Your situation as a leader is similar
to Guy’s trips to Germany, and it is also different. It is similar in that you are interacting with people who effectively speak a dif- ferent ‘‘language’’ from you. It is different in that you might not know what ‘‘language’’ to prepare for in advance of every conversa- tion.
So let’s look at another analogy to help you improve your commu- nication effectiveness.
Imagine that you are taking a trip in your car to a place you have never been before. When you make plans to visit this new place, you will probably want a map to help you get there. Let’s say that you go online to a Web site that prints maps and driving directions. When you get to that site, it will require you to enter two critical pieces of information: where you are and where you want to go. If you don’t have the endpoints well defined, you cannot plan your trip. Once you know your endpoints, the Web site can then calculate your route and tell you how to get from where you are to where you want to be.
You can apply the same strategy as you apply DISC, or another mental model, to your communications with the number and variety of people you will interact with as a leader.
Your natural behavior and communication style is your starting point. The other person’s behavior and communication style is your destination. The DISC model is your map for getting from where you are to where you want to be.
The concept of adjusting your communication style to match the other person’s sounds pretty simple in concept. In practice, it can be quite difficult to do consistently. To help you apply the model most effectively, here’s a step-wise process you can apply:
1. Estimate your primary behavior style(s) to identify your natural communication style and how it might differ from those of other people.
2. Make yourbest guessabout their primary behavior style(s). (We’ll share some tips on this step in just a moment.)
3. Think about how they might naturally speak and how they might hear or perceive your natural way of speaking.
4. Adjust your pace, tone, and wording to better fit how they hear and perceive spoken messages.
h ow yo u c a n c o n n e c t a n d c o m m u n i c a t e 129 You can apply this approach to written communications also. For specific insights on how to use the DISC model to improve your written communications, go to the Bonus Bytes page at BudToBossCommunity.com and click on the Writing Style button.
To make this process work, you have to understand both your primary style(s) and the other person’s primary style(s). Though it would be great to have DISC profile assessment results in hand for everyone you work with, that option might not be practical in your situation (without a good understanding of how to apply the model it can also lead to labeling and oversimplification). To make your best guess about another person’s style, just answer two questions about what you see in her behavior:
1. Is she more outgoing (moves fast, decides fast, and engages quickly in conversation) or more reserved (contemplative, careful, and slower to engage in conversation)?
2. Is she more task-oriented (focuses on facts, figures, and results—uses the word ‘‘think’’ ) or more people-oriented (focuses on people, relationships, and emotions—uses the word ‘‘feel’’)?
By using your answers to these two questions you can make aguess about her style, or about how she is behaving and communicating at this moment. Even if you guess wrong, you will probably be pretty close. (You could be wrong, but at least you’re moving in the right direction!) If you find that your guess is a little off, just notice how she responds to your communications and use your knowledge of the DISC model to make further adjustments.
Your Now Steps
1. If you don’t know your style, you can go to the Bonus Bytes page at BudToBossCommunity.com and click on the Free Assessment button to take a quick, free behavior style assessment.
2. Identify two people you would like to connect with better. Write their names down, and make your best guess about their primary behavior styles. (We’ll give you more steps for connecting with these people better in the next few chapters.)