p a r t i i i : c o m m u n i c a t i o n 109 I listen actively and effectively.
(Chapter 23)
My presentations produce the desired results.
(Chapter 24)
Based on your self-assessment, you now have a starting point for understanding where you need to focus your attention as you read this section. We have said this before, and the thought is worth repeating.
Read carefully in the areas in which you are weaker, and resist the urge to skim the other areas. Leaders are learners, and they are always on the lookout for how they can improve all skills—even the ones in which they have a high degree of competence.
Thoughts About Effective Communication—From
Nothing can be so clearly and carefully expressed that it cannot be utterly misinterpreted.
—Fred W. Householder, linguist at Indiana University
Before we get into this section on communication skills, we want to acknowledge that no amount of work or study to develop bet- ter communication skills guarantees that people will understand and act on your communications every single time. Even carefully thought out and well-crafted communications can be misunderstood.
We don’t say this to discourage you. Rather, we hope that it will encourage you to know that communication is difficult for nearly everyone.
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W H Y Y O U N E E D A
C O M M U N I C AT I O N M O D E L
As you moved from childhood to adulthood and as you have grown in your career, you have probably noticed that not everyone has exactly the same perspective or communication style. These differences can sometimes seem complicated and unpredictable. When this is the case, finding a way to communicate effectively becomes a real challenge.
For example, Guy once had a colleague ask him for input on a business decision. In the process of discussing the various alternatives for action, they came to a conclusion about his colleague’s next logical step. Almost immediately, his colleague expressed concern about being able to invest the money to take the needed steps.
When his colleague raised this concern, Guy asked: ‘‘How much money do you have?’’
His colleague replied: ‘‘I don’t know for sure. I just don’t feel like I have enough.’’
Guy wanted to say (but didn’t): ‘‘How much youfeellike you have was not the question. I asked, how muchdoyou have?’’
He did say (going totally against his factual nature): ‘‘Well, how much do youfeel you can invest?’’
Using the word ‘‘feel’’ rather than the word ‘‘think’’ was really difficult for Guy in that moment. From his perspective, the amount of money in your checking account has nothing to do with feelings.
It is just a number—a fact. And youthinkabout facts, you don’tfeel about them.
One challenge in communication is getting your message through in such a way that it is understood by the other person. When you speak, you take the mental picture that is in your head, pass it through 111
your mental filters, and turn it into words that describe what you see.
Then you speak those words to a person who hears them, passes them through his or her mental filters, and turns them into a picture in his or her head. At the end of the process, you hope the pictures match. If both of you have the same mental filters, your pictures are probably the same, and you have communicated clearly. If you have different filters, your pictures may be very different, and the communication won’t be successful—you have given information out, but you have not gotten through.
In the example we gave above, Guy applied a mental model to improve his communication. A mental model is simply a structured and organized way to think about, analyze, and diagnose com- plex problems. The concept of using mental models to solve complex problems will come up again as we address other parts of your tran- sition to leadership. For now, we will focus on the power of using a mental model to improve your communication effectiveness.
Based on his understanding of this model, Guy consciously chose the word ‘‘feel’’ instead of ‘‘think’’ to make a better connection.
Guy thinks about almost everything. His colleague feels about almost everything. Guy could have attempted to force his perspective that you think about your checkbook balance rather than feel about it, and his efforts would have fallen on deaf ears. Or he could, as he did in this case, choose a different word that better fit the perspective of the person receiving the message.
Without the model, he would only have his perspective—his filters—to work with in trying to find the best word to connect with his colleague. With the model, he could use the word with the greatest likelihood of ‘‘getting through’’ the other person’s filters.
Let’s go back to where we began this chapter.
Despite the apparent complexity of understanding people, there are actually predictable patterns in how people speak, think, and act. It is from these patterns that a model emerges to explain how people see, process, and interact with the world.
We already said that communicating requires us to get through another person’s mental filters. If our filters are the same, it’s pretty easy. If not, what do we do?
Without a mental model, you have to use trial-and-error with each individual person to figure out how to best connect with him or her.
If you work with a person long enough, you will eventually learn things about her that simplify your trial-and-error efforts. And, there
w h y yo u n e e d a c o m m u n i c a t i o n m o d e l 113 is a faster, better way to close the gap between how you see things and how she sees things. That faster, better way starts with the use of a proven mental model.
Speeding up this process and improving your ability to communi- cate successfully with more people more of the time is critical to your success (and sanity).
Before we begin the description of the model we use, there are a few qualifiers that we want to share with you to make our perspective clear about the use of models in general without regard to the specifics of any one model.
❍Behavior style models are a guide to understanding people. We do not advocate using any model to ‘‘box people in’’ or to ‘‘label’’
people; we simply want to understand their perspective.
❍Behavior style models do not ‘‘define’’ a person.Knowing a model is a good starting point to understand another person. However, you do not know everything about a person simply because you know his primary communication style(s).
❍Think about style blends not style boxes.Behavior style models can define a language or an alphabet to use for objectively describing behaviors and starting to understand what might be behind them. However, very few people will exactly match any of the individual style descriptors. Most people use varying degrees of all of the styles described by any model. While individuals tend to gravitate to one or two styles more than the others, almost everyone uses and relates to more than one of the styles. Your job as a leader is to understand your style and the styles of the people on your team so that you can connect with them more effectively.
Communication style models are good guides for understanding other people. They arenotrules that define other people.
Before we leave this chapter, let’s finish the story about Guy and his colleague. When Guy asked his colleague how much money he felt that he could invest, his colleague almost immediately decided on a number that he felt comfortable investing. By choosing one word carefully, Guy helped move the discussion from stalemate to solution
in a matter of seconds. When you learn to apply a mental model to your communications, you will be able to do the same thing.
Your Now Steps
1. If you are already comfortable with a communication style model, commit to learning how to apply it more effectively. Review the resources you have or get additional resources to strengthen your knowledge of it.
2. If you do not have a communication style model already in mind, keep reading, we are about to share one with you.
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U S I N G T H E D I S C M O D E L O F H U M A N B E H AV I O R T O
U N D E R S TA N D P E O P L E
While we have both studied many ways of describing the behavior patterns we mentioned in the last chapter, we tend to rely on one descriptive model more than we do the others. We like this model because of its simplicity and practicality.
Since you might already have a model that you use, our purpose is not to create a book about the DISC model. We just want to heighten your awareness of the importance of understanding this issue of different communication filters as you transition to leadership. If you have a model you or your organization use to understand these dynamics, we encourage you to learn everything you can about it and its practical application to your situation. If you do not have a working mental model, we hope to share enough information about the DISC model to help you get started in the process of applying it.