What I Would Do Differently
Session 5: Personal Discipleship: Depth in Discipling
II. Discipling Relationships
a. Defining discipling relationships.
i. We have defined discipling others as 1. Helping others follow Jesus.
2. Doing spiritual good to others.
ii. That works for broad discipling and deep discipling. But it is helpful to be a bit more detailed about what we mean by a discipling relationship.
1. Dever provides a helpful definition in the chapter we read for this week (on page 74).
“Discipling is a relationship in which we seek to do spiritual good for someone by initiating, teaching, correcting, modeling, loving, humbling ourselves, counseling and influencing.” We might add what is implied—that it is with the goal of seeing him or her mature in Christ (Col 1:28).
2. Let’s look at each of those in conjunction with the central New Testament text on discipling relationships, Titus 2.
iii. Let’s read Titus 2:1-8 (which you read several times last week on your own) and see how our definition is supported by it.
Titus 2:1-8 But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. 2 Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. 3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. 6 Likewise, urge the younger men to be self- controlled. 7 Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, 8 and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.
iv. Now let’s go through each part of our definition of a discipling relationship and compare it to what we saw in Titus 2.
b. Initiating
i. Does every member of the church family have the same role in discipleship? To put it another way, how does Ephesians 4:11-16 (where every member of the body has the job of seeing the body mature) get fleshed out in the church?
ii. Who are the “older”?
1. It seems that the “older” and “younger” categories are relative (i.e., he doesn’t give an exact age).
2. It will vary from church to church as to who the older are.
3. What is clear is that
a. They are not just the pastors or those with a special office in the church.
b. They are spiritually mature and are relatively older than those they disciple (i.e., have gone through the life stage of the one they are discipling).
iii. The older/more mature Christians have a responsibility to “initiate”
a relationship with the younger/less mature.
1. Verses 3-4 make this clear regarding older women who are commanded to “teach” and “train the young women.”
2. Verse 6 shows us that Titus, as an older/mature man, is to
“urge the younger men” to godly character.
iv. If the older are to “teach, train, urge” then the younger have the responsibility to listen and learn.
1. So, they too are responsible for seeking such teaching and training.
2. Just as in Proverbs where the son is to “get wisdom.”
c. Teaching / Correcting
i. The call to teach is very clear in the instructions given to older women (v. 3).
1. The word καλοδιδασκάλους (“teach what is good”) seems to have been coined by Paul and refers “to informal, one-on- one encouragement. . . . [In this context] it pictures the older women, those who were experienced in life,
marriage, and child rearing, taking the younger women in the congregation under their care and helping them to adjust to their responsibilities.”35
ii. It is also clear that men are to do this when Titus is told to “urge the younger men to be self-controlled” (v. 6).
35 William D. Mounce, Pastoral Epistles, Word Biblical Commentary, vol. 46 (Nashville:
Thomas Nelson, 2000), 410.
d. Modeling/Influencing
i. Paul often referred to himself as an example or model to follow.
1. Not that he was perfect, but he was mature in Christ.
2. Earlier in Titus he refers to Titus as his “son in the faith.”
a. This could refer to how Titus came to know Christ.
b. But it also refers to how Paul functioned like a father to him which would include modeling godly manhood (just as a father models for his sons what a man should be).
ii. Older men and women are “to be” characterized by the character traits they are instructing the younger to have.
1. They are to be models of mature Christian manhood and womanhood for those they are discipling.
2. In one sense, their modeling is for all the congregation to see.
3. But it is also going to be in interpersonal relationships – how else can such specific roles be taught if they do not let a select few get to see their lives up close?
e. Counseling
i. The word σωφρονίζωσιν (“train”), in verse 4, carries the idea of encouraging, advising, or urging.36
ii. This is what we do in counseling.
1. Encourage those in the difficulties they are facing.
2. Advise them how to handle situations (either with direct commands from Scripture or with wise suggestions based on Scripture).
3. Urge them to move towards godliness.
iii. Note that this is gender specific.
1. The younger women need to be trained to fulfill the role God has given them (they need specific application of theology and help in seeing how to live godly in their situation).
2. The same would be true of younger men.
f. Humbling/Loving
i. The discipler is to be humble and loving.
ii. Humble because
1. It is God who is at work in them and those they are ministering to.
a. Verses 11-14 ground all this in God’s gracious gospel work.
36 BDAG, 986.
b. His grace is what trains us (v. 12).
2. It is not them that the young are to ultimately follow. It is Christ.
iii. Loving
1. It is loving because it is aimed at helping others live in line with God’s truth (see v. 1).
2. The motive is not controlling others.
3. It’s not to make them look like you. The goal is to see them imitate you as you imitate Christ.
g. The goal is to see them mature in Christ.
i. Interpersonal discipleship
1. protects against false doctrine (Titus 1:11), 2. develops godly character (Titus 1:1; 2:1-12),
3. and equips believers to carry out the good works God has designed for them (Titus 2:14; 3:1, 8, 14).
ii. In addition, it can help disciples make more disciples.
1. According to Matthew 28:19-20, one of the goals of
discipleship within the church is to evangelize unbelievers.
2. In Titus 2, we see that the godly maturity that comes from discipleship is a testimony to unbelievers about the gospel.
a. In verse 5, Paul says that the goal is “that the word of God may not be reviled.”
b. Verse 8 communicates a similar idea: “so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.”
c. In both cases, “Paul shows that his concern for the Cretan church is the reputation the church has with non-Christians.”37
d. Thus, discipleship in the church undergirds evangelism. Discipleship begets new disciples.
h. Now that we’ve seen that personal discipleship (deeper discipleship) is a biblical calling, we can look at what we are to teach and model.