What I Would Do Differently
Lesson 3: Marriage—Crucial Component of Discipleship REVIEW
II. EPHESIANS 5:22-33 (AMONG OTHER PASSAGES) TEACHES THAT THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IN THE HOME TEACHES A GREAT
DEAL ABOUT WHAT THE RELATIONSHIP IS BETWEEN CHRIST AND THE CHURCH, AND WHETHER THE GOSPEL IS WORTHY TO BE EMBRACED, OR NOT.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So
husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as
A. A husband and wife picture the relationship between Christ and the church.
B. A husband/father pictures Christ and will either portray Christ well or paint Christ in a bad light.
1. The husband is the head of the family.
2. He is not to use this leadership to serve himself, but to serve his wife.
3. Love, nourish, and cherish are key verbs that describe how a godly husband acts toward his wife, and the more loving a man is to his wife, the more she and the children can see the love of Christ for His church.
4. He is involved in the process of her sanctification and nourishment by means of teaching her the Word of God and helping her apply it to her life, as well as being a good example himself of obedience to Christ, so that she and the children might see a faithful picture of Christ.
Discuss I Cor. 14:35: If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home.
5. He is to value his wife; she, perhaps, like Priscilla (Acts 18:26), can explain the Gospel and show great insight into her own reading of the Word of God.
6. He is also to value her as one who can be instrumental in the salvation and discipleship of their children, like Lois was to Eunice, and Eunice was to Paul’s most faithful assistant, Timothy (2 Tim. 1:5; 3:14-15).
C. A wife is commanded to submit to her husband. This is not a popular position today, but it is clearly biblical. It is very important not to listen to the prophets of this world that tell women that they cannot possibly happy unless they do whatever they want to do, no matter what their roles of wife and mother call for. Prophets of feminism call marriage slavery and say it must be abolished. However, we will see how a wife has a unique role in the family that can teach children a great deal about Christ’s authority in your home.
1. “In everything,” not just the things in which she feels like submitting, but everything.
2. “As to the Lord,” obeying him as she ought to obey Christ.
3. If children see their mother willfully ignoring the leadership of their father, they are being taught that a Christian doesn’t need to obey Christ either.
4. A wife’s submission should involve supporting a husband’s attempts to lead his family in worship, with a good attitude and helpful demeanor.
5. When she has a supportive attitude, it helps the children have a good attitude towards it, as well.
7. Wives, if you submit to your husband and require your children to do so as well, and your husband backs you up in love, your children are far more likely to obey you, too. HOWEVER, if you insist on being autonomous and self-willed, you will contribute to tearing apart your home and will do great damage to the success of the discipleship of your children.
8. Husbands, if you don’t do your part in loving your wife, you are alienating the one who is your valuable partner in rearing your children for Christ.
D. Make sure your kids understand that your marital relationship means a lot.
1. Don’t let your kids’ demands force you to ignore one another.
2. Be affectionate with your spouse in front of your kids, in appropriate ways, and show through your attitudes to each other how Christ and the church love one another.
3. Allow your children sometimes to see how you arrive at decisions and how sometimes the Mom submits to Dad, or how Dad desires to bless Mom and bless her instead of doing what will please himself.
4. If there is conflict between you two, and it has become ugly in front of the kids, consider discussing it with them, when things are amicably resolved, using it as a teaching moment, which may include confession of sin and requesting forgiveness to spouse and/or children, as
appropriate. Let your kids see how everyone is a sinner, but the Christian deals with it biblically.
III. Fathers, you are most responsible for the discipleship of both your wife and children, as their vigilant and diligent “priest, prophet, provider, and
protector.”19
A. You should conduct family worship as much as possible, and we will discuss in the next lesson about how to do so.
1. Do you have to be gone so long at work? Same question to you, wives, if you work outside the home?
2. Are you trying to be home with your family as much as possible?
(a) Are you trying to get home for dinner or be home on the weekends as much as you can? Or if dinner is absolutely impossible, are you trying to have breakfast and a time of
devotions with your children before school? And if no other time is possible, are you there at bedtime to point them to Christ in the Word and through prayer before they go to bed?
19 Voddie Baucham, Jr., Family Shepherds (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2011), 45.
(b) It is difficult to balance a successful career with successful parenthood, but guess which one you will stand before God to answer for when you meet Him.
(c) Everyone’s situation is different, but I appreciated what one father in our church said recently. He said that one day he was at work and was going to work past dinner, but then he thought, “I don’t need to do this project at my desk today, and if I get out of here, I can get home in time for dinner.” That is the kind of thought I want you to have. Sometimes you won’t be able to get home and be with your family to help lead worship and play with them and help your wife, as she is feeling exhausted. But when you can, please do so because your family needs you to be present. The same applies to the working mother.
(d) Husbands, for your part, seriously consider the concerns and suggestions of your wives because they are often more in tune with how the children are feeling about how family worship or anything else in the family is going, and she is God’s gift to you, as a helper to you to respectfully give you feedback that you desperately need to hear.
B. Wives, support your husbands’ attempts at being the spiritual leader of your home.
1. When you think family worship, interactions, or discipline in the home should be going differently, please speak to your husband out of earshot of the kids, so that they don’t get wind of discontent and play one parent against the other, and vice versa with husbands to wives.
2. Be ready to lead family worship when your husband is not present or not a Christian.
DISCUSSION: Talk with your spouse, or someone else if your spouse is not here, about how you and your spouse can work together to disciple your children.
GIVE FIVE MINUTES
SPEAK OUT! Who has something brief you would like to share about today’s lesson and/or all that this series has been covering so far, that God is impressing on you?
REVIEW:
1. Dt. 6, Ps. 78, and Eph. 6 all contain important passages that command parents to be active in the discipleship of their children. Easiest to remember: Dt. 6 and Eph. 6: D6 and E6.
3. Wives, according to Eph. 5 and other passages, you are expected by God to submit to your husband’s authority, support his role in leading his family in discipleship, including worship, but being ready to lead when he is not able.
PREVIEW:
During the next lesson, we will discuss the who, what, when, and where of family worship and discipleship.
HOMEWORK:
1. KEEP TRACK OF YOUR PROGRESS IN FAITHFULNESS OF A MEANINGFUL TIME EACH DAY IN PRAYER AND/OR
BIBLE/DEVOTIONAL BOOK AND BE READY TO SHARE THAT NEXT WEEK WITH A PARTNER, KNOWING THAT FEEDING YOUR OWN SOUL HAS MUCH TO DO WITH HOW YOU CAN FEED YOUR CHILDREN.
2. SEEK TO HAVE FAMILY WORSHIP AS MANY TIMES AS YOU CAN THIS WEEK, BEING READY TO SHARE WITH A PARTNER NEXT LESSON.
ALSO BE READY TO DISCUSS WHAT IS WORKING WELL, WHAT IS A STRUGGLE, AND WHAT YOU ARE LEARNING IN THE PROCESS.
3. ALSO, KEEP TRACK OF TIMES WHEN YOU WERE ABLE TO HAVE
“GOD MOMENTS,” POINTING YOUR CHILDREN TO GOD IN THE SPECIAL OR MUNDANE AREAS OF LIFE.
4. THIS TYPE OF HOMEWORK AND ACCOUNTABILITY CAN EASILY SEEM LIKE AN EXTERNAL CHECK OFF LIST, SO PLEASE KEEP THESE THINGS IN MIND AS WE CLOSE:
a. SEEK TO HAVE WARM TIMES WITH GOD IN WHICH YOU ENJOY HIS PRESENCE AND APPRECIATE HIS GRACE FOR YOU IN CHRIST.
b. KNOW THAT YOU CANNOT HAVE MEANINGFUL WORSHIP AND OBEDIENCE WITHOUT HIS SPIRIT’S HELP, SO ASK FOR IT AND CONFESS THAT YOU ARE COLD AND FORMALISTIC UNLESS HE WARMS YOUR HEART AND HELPS YOU SEE GREAT VALUE IN HIMSELF.
c. BATHE YOUR CHILDREN IN PRAYER, AND FOCUS ON THE GOSPEL WITH THEM. WHEN CONFRONTING SIN, POINT THEM TO THE CROSS. WHEN TALKING ABOUT SCRIPTURE, SEEK TO POINT OUT CHRIST AND THE GOSPEL WHENEVER YOU CAN. IF YOUR KIDS LEARN A BUNCH OF BIBLE
STORIES AND MORALS BUT DON’T SEE CHRIST IN THEM, THE MAIN FOCUS HAS BEEN MISSED.
Lesson 4: The Who, What, When, and Where of