What I Would Do Differently
Lesson 1: A Call to Personal Commitment to Growing in Christ
APPENDIX 2
TEACHER’S LESSONS FOR “E-6 DADS HELPED BY E-5 MOMS”
Lesson 1: A Call to Personal Commitment
lessons. I will not be interested in the level of growth one individual experienced, for confidentiality’s sake, but rather what the average was.
GIVE TIME TO FILL OUT THE SURVEY (15 MINUTES)
PASS OUT NOTES WITH BLANKS TO FILL OUT, SO STUDENTS CAN ENGAGE THEIR EYES AND HANDS AS WELL AS THEIR EARS
This series of classes is focused on parents discipling their own children to be followers of Christ. I want to let you know an overview of this course so you can know where we are going:
1. We are first going to discuss how important it is to be true and committed disciples ourselves, or our attempts to disciple our children will be unsuccessful.
2. Secondly, we are going to see important passages that show us God’s command for us to disciple our own children.
3. Thirdly, we will discuss two aspects of family discipleship:
a. Having family worship, and how to do that.
b. How to point our children to Christ in everyday life.
4. We will then see that God especially commands fathers that the buck stops with them as to the ultimate responsibility of leading their families in following Christ.
5. Then we will discuss how a healthy marriage portrays the Gospel and creates a good team that can rightly disciple children.
6. Finally, we will see how this focus on family discipleship has been with the church since its earlier days, and we do well to learn from those who followed Christ before us and be inspired by them, knowing that we are not strange fanatics if we become faithful disciplers of our children, but are just being obedient to Scripture and imitating godly people who have gone on before us and left a good example.
One of the key biblical texts concerning this important topic is Deuteronomy 6:4-9:
“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.1
There are three parts of this passage I want to focus on: Personal growth and discipling your children.
1 English Standard Version was used in the majority of cases for notes for the lessons.
1) You are to know God and love Him with all your being.
2) You are to strive to pass this love on to your children by diligently teaching them in word and deed, whether by focused times of explicitly teaching from the Bible, or implicitly, by referring to God, His character, and commandments as they apply to the special or mundane events of life.
3) Your modeling of Christ-likeness, which can teach your children more than just your words.
What are family discipleship and family worship?
Family discipleship. Family discipleship is the overarching term and involves
“parents…engag(ing) actively in their children’s spiritual development,”2 whether in
“planned discipleship processes,” such as “family devotional times,” or “spontaneous spiritual conversations,” to “shape the souls of children.”3
Family worship. That element of family discipleship which involves “formal training”4 through “a regular time of pulling the family together” (family devotions) for learning the Word of God, praying, and/or employing other means of grace for spiritual growth. This is also called “the family altar,” “family devotions,” or “faith talks.”5
3) We will deal with the first issue in our first lesson: Loving and knowing God with all our being.
LESSON AIM: YOU ARE COMMANDED TO GROW IN YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF GOD AND LOVE HIM WITH ALL YOUR BEING. IF YOU ARE NOT ACTIVELY DOING THAT, YOUR ATTEMPTS AT DISCIPLESHIP OF YOUR CHILDREN WILL LIKELY BE SERIOUSLY LACKING.
I. Are you a child of God?
A. Have you truly repented of your sins? Do you have a holy hatred for sin that accepts God’s view of sin and turns away from it, or do you have a rebellious heart that insists on deciding for yourself what you
2 Timothy P. Jones, Family Ministry Field Guide: How Your Church Can Equip Parents to Make Disciples (Indianapolis: Wesleyan Publishing, 2011), 26.
3 Ibid., 25.
4 Randy Stinson and Timothy Paul Jones, Trained in the Fear of God (Grand Rapids: Kregel,
want to do? Acts 3:19: “Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out…”
B. Are you putting your faith in Christ as your only Savior and Lord- Eph. 2:8-9: “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Are you trusting only in Christ’s death for you on the cross and not in your own ability to be good enough to earn God’s favor?
C. I don’t ask this because I think any of you tonight are outside of Christ, but just in case anyone needed to hear that message because it is not truly real in your heart yet. All that I teach after this is built on your first being truly a believer yourself.
II. Personal spiritual growth occurs when a Christian seeks to grow in his or her love for Christ. The discipleship of your family is doomed to failure if you are not first growing in Christ yourself.
A. Importance of Parents’ Personal Discipleship Commitment
1. Luke 6:40: “A disciple (a learner; in this case, your child) is not above his teacher (you, as the parent), but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher.”
a. You need to be a godly teacher for your children to pattern themselves after.
b. Where you are godly, they have a powerful example to imitate.
c. Where you are ungodly, they have an equally powerful example in the wrong direction.
B. Christian writers on family discipleship make a scary observation. Ask yourself whether this is true in your case: “The greatest obstacle parents have to overcome in leading their children spiritually is their own
mediocre or morbidly religious relationship with God accompanied by a juvenile understanding of His Word…Many of us have never been truly discipled ourselves.”6
1. Another writer wrote, Christian families are meant to be “Gospel- empowered training bases for (spiritual) conflict,” equipping sons and daughters to do battle with forces that seek to destroy their souls.7 2. If parents are not well-equipped themselves to knowledgeably and
willfully do battle with evil, how will they teach their children?8
6 Brian Haynes, The Legacy Path (Nashville: Randall House, 2011), 17.
7 Stinson and Jones, Trained in the Fear of God, 14.
8 Ibid., 13.
III. Are you currently and actively growing in Christ personally?
1. 2 Pet. 3:18: “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ...”
2. I Tim. 4:12b-16: “Be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity. Till I come, give attention to reading (the Bible), to exhortation, to doctrine…Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all. Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.”
a. This is written by Paul to train Timothy, a church leader, how to actively grow in his own faith and knowledge so he can bless those whom he pastored.
b. This same kind of principle, however, can easily apply to parents, who give themselves wholeheartedly to their own growth in grace and are then, by word and example, able to lead their children in following Christ.
c. Again, listen to these words as a parent: Meditate on the things of God; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all. Take heed to yourself and to the teachings from God’s Word. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.”
d. We know that only God can save, but Timothy is told that his faithfulness as a pastor will save those who are taught by him. To the extent that a faithful pastor’s teaching and life can lead others to eternal life, by God’s grace, even so I think it is a faithful analogy that a faithful parent’s teaching and life can lead his/her children to eternal life. I believe this is a general promise, like that of the Proverbs, that doesn’t always come to pass, but it is a principle on which to see God’s general working in the lives of families, and one that should bring great seriousness and Judgment Day earnestness to our discipleship of our children.
QUESTION: WHAT ARE THE BASIC MEANS OF GRACE THAT WILL HELP YOU GROW IN CHRIST?
ENTERTAIN ANSWERS…
3. The basics: prayer, Bible study and meditation, faithful attendance at church, and striving after holiness
(1) I Thess. 5:17: “Pray without ceasing”—an ongoing communion with God, lifting up praise, confession, thanks, and requests throughout the day.
(2) Phil. 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, (STOP YOUR WORRYING!) but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
(3) Mt. 6:6: “But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”
(a) While the other two verses focus on a heart attitude that prays to God throughout the day, here is a command that you get alone with your Heavenly Father for special times of prayer; in my opinion, at least once a day.
(b) Have a devoted, focused, uninterrupted time with Him alone.
(c) Avoid anything or anyone being a distraction. This may be hard with young children, and there may be days you can’t.
Perhaps the best time is before they wake up, or it might be when you put them to bed. Try to carve out time, as best you can, while knowing that God knows your heart and your effort, even if your performance is occasionally impossible to happen!
(d) Recommendation: Prayer list b. The Bible
(1) Josh. 1:8: Joshua is taking over after Moses, and God is telling him how he will successfully take up his mentor, Moses’, mantle: “This Book of the Law (THE BIBLE) shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” Careful reading is commanded, that includes meditating and focusing on how to apply it obediently to daily life.
(2) Job 23:12: “I have not departed from the commandment of (God’s) lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my portion of food.” Some might find that it is helpful to say:
“Before I eat breakfast, I will eat the words of God because they are more important nourishment.”
(3) A prayer that might be prayed before you read the Word—Ps.
119:18: “(Father), open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law.”
(1) Ps. 122:1: “I was glad when they said to me, ‘Let us go to the house of the Lord!’”
(a) Our attitude about going to church should be happiness and eagerness.
(b) It is a place where we meet with God’s people, sing and pray, get fed the Word of God, and partake of the Lord’s Supper monthly.
(2) Heb. 10:24-25: “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
(a) It is in church that we can stir one another to love and good works, not on our own.
(b) We are not to neglect to meet together in the ministries of the church, as is the habit of some.
(c) Some back in the first century were already getting in the habit of skipping church, but God commands us not to be like them, whose habits are not helping their souls.
(d) Imagine your boss telling you he or she expects you at an important meeting. Or perhaps you have an important meeting with a client which will enrich you. Will you blow those meetings off because you have something more important to do? Probably not. It would take some big impediment to keep you from advancing your career or your profit.
(e) So how much of an impediment keeps you from church? Is it more or less than what keeps you from advancing your career and money?
(f) Or moving to another thing that gets in the way: Are children’s (or adult’s) sports more important than God’s appointment with you? Is work? Is apathy or drowsiness?
Is entertainment? Are your children’s coaches and
instructors’ schedules more important than God’s? Please, if there is anyone who tries to impose on your schedule a conflict with God’s appointment with you at church, just say no!
(g) Your attitude toward church attendance on the Lord’s Day and other times will teach your children volumes about
(1) I Pet. 1:14-16: “As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I am holy.’”
(a) In our condition of rebellion against God, we were conformed to obeying our sinful passions.
(b) But now our conduct must be conformed to holiness, as we seek to be more and more like our holy God and less and less like the world.
(2) Phil. 4:8-9: Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things…”
(a) Crucial goal of having your mind actively filled with godly things and refusing to allow ungodly entertainment and other ungodly thoughts to fill your mind.
(b) The importance of hearing the words and noticing the lives of godly spiritual role models who will spur you on to higher levels of faithfulness.
IV. BREAKOUT SESSION: Discuss with your spouse or a neighbor in this class about two topics:
A. One area already mentioned in which you want to thank God He has helped you grow, and how that growth is exemplified in your lives.
B. One area already mentioned in which you desire to grow. Discuss specifically how you can make it happen, so that it is not just a nebulous concept, but becomes an action plan in your lives.
*GIVE FIVE MINUTES
IN THE NEXT LESSON, YOU WILL GET A CHANCE TO DISCUSS WITH YOUR SPOUSE OR A NEIGHBOR IN THE CLASS YOUR PROGRESS IN GROWTH IN CHRIST
HOMEWORK:
1. SEEK TO ACTIVELY GROW YOUR OWN SPIRITUAL LIFE THIS WEEK BY COMMITMENT TO PRAYER, BIBLE READING AND MEDITATION, FAITHFUL CHURCH ATTENDANCE, AND HOLINESS IN PUTTING OFF SIN AND PUTTING ON GOOD WORKS; BE READY TO DISCUSS YOUR FAITH JOURNEY NEXT WEEK WITH A PARTNER.
2. ALSO, PLEASE HAVE A NUMBER WITH YOU NEXT CLASS TO TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT: HOW MANY DAYS YOU SPENT A
MEANINGFUL TIME ALONE WITH GOD IN PRAYER AND/OR BIBLE/DEVOTIONAL READING.
3. BEGIN THINKING ABOUT WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE AT YOUR HOUSE WITH YOUR FAMILY HAVING REGULAR FAMILY WORSHIP (OR “FAITH TALKS”) AND ALSO TAKING ADVANTAGE OF “GOD MOMENTS” WHEN YOU CAN POINT YOUR CHILDREN TO GOD OR HIS TRUTH IN THE SPECIAL AND/OR MUNDANE EVENTS OF LIFE.
4. THIS TYPE OF HOMEWORK AND ACCOUNTABILITY CAN EASILY SEEM LIKE AN EXTERNAL CHECK OFF LIST, SO PLEASE KEEP TWO THINGS IN MIND AS WE CLOSE:
a. SEEK TO HAVE WARM TIMES WITH GOD IN WHICH YOU ENJOY HIS PRESENCE AND APPRECIATE HIS GRACE FOR YOU IN CHRIST.
b. KNOW THAT YOU CANNOT HAVE MEANINGFUL WORSHIP AND OBEDIENCE WITHOUT HIS SPIRIT’S HELP, SO ASK FOR IT AND CONFESS THAT YOU ARE COLD AND FORMALISTIC UNLESS HE WARMS YOUR HEART AND HELPS YOU SEE GREAT VALUE IN HIMSELF.
Lesson 2: Family Discipleship, Especially