6.3 Discussion
6.3.2 Discussion of the Answer
This differs substantially from the narrative in chapter five on male sexual need, where the wife’s relationship was dependent on her responsibility to make herself sexually available and her obedience to her husband who was portrayed as the intermediary between wife and God in such a way that his anger and subsequent disapproval of her made her sinful. There the husband’s relationship with God is not influenced by his wife, and is rather dependent on his personal relationship with God and through his individual actions. By contrast, in this narrative, the husband still maintains his personal God- believer relationship, but this time it is determined by his capacity to fulfil his wife’s sexual needs and his capacity to keep her satisfied.
There are three main slippages to the dominant discourse on male sexual need, noted in the above fatwa. First, a shift in power occurs when mutual sexual rights are prioritized, female sexual rights are recognized, and when both receive the same priority as male sexual needs. Second, by acquiescing to and then relying on the normative gendered view of a negative and dangerous female sexuality which is a man’s responsibility to control, the wife has at her disposal a coercive measure to argue for intimacy with her husband. Third, the jurist, ibn Arif, renders the wife powerful in her ability to control her husband’s God-believer relationship by making him a sinner should her sexual needs go unfulfilled.
fatwa B diverges from the actual question itself, does not provide any clear moral and spiritual directives, but it does serve a therapeutic function in the form of advice for the petitioner’s physical, in this case, sexual/biological well-being.
Desai could have answered in any number of ways. He could have directly answered the actual question by denouncing oral sex and deeming it impermissible, as do numerous other askimam.org fatwas on the subject. But that answer would not have resolved the issue of the sexual rights of both spouses, the sexually unsatisfied wife nor the husband who is not able to sexually perform sexually. Alternatively, Desai could have denounced the oral sex, and instead provided the husband with other options to sexually satisfy his wife. Instead, he focused only on male physical sexual health, prioritising normative sexuality, i.e., restoring the biological ability to ejaculate appropriately and to be able to engage in satisfactory vaginal intercourse. It appears on the surface as if he completely ignored the two concerns of permissibility of oral sex and female sexual satisfaction. But it could also be argued that his rhetorical strategy indirectly deals with both questions; i.e. he solves the problem of male sexual incapacity so that wife may be sexually satisfied through vaginal intercourse. This trend to prioritise male sexual health and not to address female satisfaction is also noted in another fatwa answered by Mufti Ibn Arif. Fatwa # 23651 hereon referred to as N84. The male petitioner’s request is as follows:
I wanted to know if it was permissible to use One hour Per week for some penis exercises which helps you solving premature ejakulation. I feel that my wife is not fully satisfied with the size and time it takes. I do all my Islamic responsibillities so i basically wanted to know whether this is haram.
Answer:
It would be best first of all to consult a physician to undergo proper treatment for premature ejaculation.
It is also permissible to perform these exercises provided the following conditions are met:
a.) It must not involve any haram – such as watching any sort of instructional video or reading any instructions which contain explicit images.
84 Askimam.org. 2011. Fatwa # 23651, 2012. Available from:
<http://www.askimam.org/public/question_detail/23651>. [Accessed 15 October 2015].
b.) If the exercise involves any aid/equipment – or involves any touching of the penis – these should all be operated by the wife and not by husband to himself.
c.) The aid/equipment that is involved should not cause ejaculation.
d.) The exercises should not result in any harm or bodily injury to oneself.
Sohail ibn Arif, the same Chicago jurist who also answered fatwa M, frames his answer in relation to both the male petitioner’s premature ejaculation problem and the pietistic constraints of penis exercise, ending with a directive to avoid harm or bodily injury to oneself.
The response from Desai in Fatwa B and Ibn Arif’s in Fatwa N, indicate that in instances of male petitioners’ pre-occupations with their wives’ sexual satisfaction in the face of their husbands’ physical sexual health issues, the latter is treated with urgency, as are the men’s related pietistic concerns. The silence of the jurists on the accompanying concerns over female sexual satisfaction could be viewed in two ways.
Firstly, by ignoring the husband’s concerns for the wife’s sexual satisfaction, Desai may be suggesting that this is not her right aligning with Al-Ghazali’s opinion above.
Secondly, as Ali (2006: 9) suggests, despite the concerns of the petitioners for female sexual satisfaction, because the legal jurisprudential framework supports the discourse of male need, the discourse of female satisfaction which is only supported by a ‘moral ethical’ framework and not by the legal logic of the law, is rendered a subordinate status in Muslim legal spaces. Desai’s answer could be a reflection of Ali’s sentiment:
Despite the scholars’ acknowledgement of the importance of female sexual satisfaction in the sexual act, the overwhelming weight of the Muslim legal and exegetical tradition is on women’s obligations to make themselves sexually available to their husbands, rather than the reverse. This bias in the sources emerges even in contemporary discussions that attempt to discuss male and female rights in parallel, highlighting the immensity of the task for those who would redefine sex within marriage as a fully mutual endeavour (Ali 2006: 9).
Thus, it could be argued that the lack of additional information in Desai’s answer and his reliance only on biomedical advice can be viewed as a responsible way to deal with the biomedical sexual health of his petitioner. But, it could also be a strategy to avoid dealing with the tension between the ‘legal logic’ governing sex in marriage which prioritises male sexual need, and the ethical “moral exhortations” (Ali 2006: 9)
of female sexual satisfaction. His strategy ensures the sexual needs of both husband and wife are fulfilled without having to undermine either paradigm.
When navigating between the difficult legal concept of a marriage of dominion and the real life marriage where petitioners suggest a certain amount of mutuality and reciprocity in sexual relations, sometimes, as fatwa B demonstrates, the mufti supports both the legal logic and the ethical moral paradigms of marriage. He also avoids the tension between these two when it comes to female sexual rights by prioritising the physical sexual health concerns of the petitioner. In this way Desai facilitates both male and female sexual needs allowing for a slight slippage in the discourse that prioritises male sexual need. At other times, as will be seen in fatwa A in the next section, he leans decidedly towards the moral ethical paradigm. Another fatwa, fatwa D, demonstrates how a student of Desai’s does precisely that, within the discourse of female sexual satisfaction.
6.4 “She Says I Do Not Satisfy Her Sexually” Fatwa D
In another fatwa which deals with the discourse of female sexual satisfaction and male duty, fatwa #16306, referred to as fatwa D, reads as follows 85:
I got married 2 years ago but my wife seems to be unhappy. she says I do not satisfy her sexually. what should I do? Also can a man and women masturbate each other for pleasure. Also is it haram for a women to reach an orgasm by her husband masturbating her?
Assistant Mufti Muhammad Zakariyya Desai answers in fatwa D using bullet points.
1. At the outset, it is important that you consider the feelings of your wife in this regard. If she claims that you are not satisfying her, you should obtain professional medical advice on this issue. You are newly married and should avoid any type of resentment from your wife.
2. It is permissible (Shaami Page 355 Vol. 2)
85 Askimam.org. 2011. Fatwa # 16306, 2008. Available from:
<http://www.askimam.org/public/question_detail/16306>. [Accessed 15 October 2015].
3. Refer 2 above.