Chapter Six
6.4 I don't want to be an Oreo! Mandiswa - an experienced academic (UND)
Your comments are quite encouraging Sue, however, I'd like to know what mechanisms exist? Especially to encourage women to participate in research? What support are women given when they try to do research? Nothing
Our discussions of the past week were very interesting and gave me food for thought. But whose interests are women in positions of power accountable to? This for me is very interesting because women have to address this issue.
in an environment dominated by white men and women. It opens the way for me in many instances and many ways. The closer I am to the white women academics, the more I am accepted without question. I know at the back of my mind that I am Black - that I have a different lifestyle, different values from these White women. It worries me because I feel like I have sold out - sold out my identity - sold out my African heritage- turned my back on my brothers and sisters and Mother Africa. I know there are many times when I don't agree with my white female colleagues - there are many times when I see them as simply arrogant - although they would not see it that way. They are so confident about themselves and what they believe that it is so difficult to challenge them on academic grounds - even though deep down inside your gut is telling you that it is different for African women. I go around watching them and think hey they seem as though they were born for this role - it is all so natural to them - it is almost as though they know that their world and the world of academia and research are one and the same.
I even felt this way when I applied for this job. I was so insecure and lacking in confidence. I was quite surprised that I was appointed even though it was a contract. I was fortunate that at the time I was able to take a contract position. And I thought how many women would be in a position to actually accept this contract work with all its uncertainty and insecurity. I know of many women who are academic material but would rather teach in a school because of job security than be a university lecturer without any job security. And the questions they put to me were so unfair, so foreign to me - yet I thought I knew my field. But it was the feeling again of having to answer to a white man, of being spoken to as though I were applying for the job of housemaid. It is moments like this that I feel how much damage apartheid had done to me. It seemed almost automatic - the nature of the relationship, the nature of the interaction - that the moment a black woman was in the presence of white men or white women for that matter - everyone behaved according to some unwritten rules. Maybe I am to blame for allowing this to happen. But it takes a fool not to notice the condescending attitude of many white people in this institution. It's as though nothing has changed - they are never able to speak to you as an equal. Today, I find myself having to fight, argue, be really aggressive if I want to be taken seriously. So because they fear me I am respected - I know it.
I have tried over the years to be a good researcher but I am not too sure what that means.
My masters and doctoral work were very important to me not so much for the new
knowledge it produced but for the changes in my status. I think I was more interested in just being a doctor rather than worrying about the intricacies of my research. However, today it is different - I guess the pressure of achieving the doctorate is off - although there are new pressures in the form of publishing papers, leading research projects and so on.
My years in postgraduate study were very difficult - there were so many things so many issues but I let them slip by the way because I just wanted that doctorate. There were many obstacles and barriers that I was faced with. The main ones being where to study. I could not just choose a university and automatically get accepted there. It was all the apartheid stupid rules about black people attending black universities, and all that. So it was simply a case of going where the government decided where I could go but there was also the financial side. We were not rolling in money - so it was financially a nightmare for me but I eventually got there.
But even today these unwritten rules apply. There is definitely a club in operation - that includes white women academics! They seem to have access to projects and get seconded to directorships and such things while we poor black academics are sidelined. Just recently there was this project, a national research project and even though it was in my area, my field, I did not know about it. Then I realised that my colleagues were being pulled into this project - all white - and they were going to be paid for their work as well.
So it seems that where there is money to be made the whites are still jumping in first or the money is being kept within certain circles where friends refer their friends for certain jobs.
And of course they are able to justify their choices and decisions. But it comes back to what we spoke about earlier that who decides and who makes the choices for us - it is still the white people whether they are men or women. I can't understand why they feel that they must play this role of guardian over us.
But I would like to comment on the frustration about the difficulty of establishing a net of research agents. In my masters there was a lot of information but no practical ideas. I have been a union organiser for many years and getting people to participate and make change possible is my main task. I find that having a very clear goal, which women understand and find relevant and can relate to, is very essential. In my case I have adopted the decision to organise. We started by contacting all existing women's groups on the campus and inviting them to participate in research. We tried to decide on specific goals.
I feel we must protest the inefficiency of the management and highlight the fact that we 'invisible' workers are always considered 'disposable' because we are female and that is an outrage and absolutely unacceptable. And being black does not help the situation at all. I thought that in the present situation everything would be done to keep and nurture us black women but that does not seem to be happening. It seems that we don't know how to play the games so to speak. The white women academics are very good at recognising and grasping opportunities - we still are uncertain and lacking in confidence - but this is not just my view - because of the nature of my work I see this colonialism all over. So for me to speak about all women experiencing problems the same way - is very difficult.
Certainly, as a Black woman and a representative of black women generally I can say that we are and always have been treated as not even second but third class academics.
I am gladto see that women are achieving positions of power and being effective in those positions. However, whether these women in power are bringing gender issues to the table? Itdoes seem that in general women in power are not bringing gender issues to the table. In fact, when a gender issue arises among their subordinates, they purposefully look the other way or downplay the seriousness.
How can this dynamic be changed? How can women support advancement of promising female subordinates and other females without feeling threatened themselves. I think the institutional structures would or should facilitate this. They need to say what steps need to be taken before there is gender equality in research. But I don't know... what is the government's role in this regard? I am just pondering a few questions. These are really important questions that I think we need to try to find answers to. It is very easy to identify the problems but a lot more difficult to find solutions.
One answer could be the organising of training sessions that only involve women within the institution. For instance, you could organise leadership training for women at the university that integrates gender issues with research and lead to major transformation of the participants. They also leave these sessions feeling bonded to each other. I went through this and can attest to this. This sort of session would get all women thinking alike.
This has been the biggest drawback.... women have not taken an interest in research and don't understand what it is all about. They are the ones likely to pull others down.
It's true that we women don't stand up for our rights as often as we should.
Unfortunately, research is a male dominated area and we wouldn't be accepted
if
we did.Itwould just make it harder
if
the men rebelled against us. Less and less women would get access. It ends up being very tricky. Education is the key. Women have to be educated about their rights, about being equal and deserving a chance. But I am sure things will turn around some day. In fact, I am confident about that. If not, I wouldn't be here talking to you.In the mean time I feel it is more important to have women in the university. Women who are seen as being just as capable of doing the job. I think that will have a huge impact on attitudes - especially about women's role in society. I am a female lecturer and I hope that my presence in this male dominated field will encourage other women and girls to try it - more especially black women.
We have to show that women are real and important and give recognition of women's contributions in history. Like I said earlier, education is the key. By informing people of women who are successful in research you encourage more and more to try these fields.
The more women are recognised for their achievements and skills in research the more they will be accepted in the workplace.
I have found out that having clear milestones and having an idea of what has to be done, makes women start contacting other women, and holding meetings to get funds and so on.
In other words establishing a working network. I hope my ideas can be useful to your research.
6.5 Qualitative research actually liberates people! Phumzile - an experienced