6.3 Discussion of the findings
6.3.8 Popularity, status and power – the link to bully/victim status
New friendships…ignoring a person because of what you heard from another
person…betrayal, liars…they don‟t tell you how they feel about something that you might do so they talk behind your back (16 yrs)
epitomize the „feminine ideal‟ in a particular culture: “Within this context, power comes from an ability to invoke the unspoken „rules‟ that police the boundaries of acceptable, middle-class femininity” (p. 33).
Andreou‟s (2006) study found that relational aggression was positively associated with perceived popularity. A distinct majority of the girls in the current study stated that popular girls are not nice people, despite the fact that they are socially endorsed:
Looks and being loud mouthed in most cases. The really good honest people are hardly ever popular because they don‟t step on others to gain that status…pretty, good figure, usually makes fun of people who might be below her/not as good as her (15 yrs)
Most popular girls are mean and have the ability of manipulating people into believing they like them…over confident, funny, friendly girl, that secretly puts people down to make herself feel superior (16 yrs)
Andreou (2006) discusses the link between popularity and relational aggression:
Relational aggression displayed by perceived popular children is embedded in the larger peer context in that peers likely sanction and perhaps assist with aggression displayed by high-status peers…Children socially construct who among them are perceived as popular and what behaviours will be tolerated by peers with that status. Consequently, altering the behaviour of individual perceived popular children may require altering what behaviours are rewarded with high status within the peer culture (p. 349).
It would seem that popularity, which is tied to the ability to attract and influence other people, results in a position of power over others, together with the potential to abuse this power. The art of popularity requires excellent social skills. By deduction, therefore, good social skills may lead to an enhanced ability to successfully use relational aggression to hurt others, particularly from the point of view of the
deliberate, successful attack made by a popular girl on the social standing or „positive face‟ of a lower status victim (Brown & Levinson, 1987; Goffman, 1967).
Whether or not a girl chooses to use her cognitive abilities to this end depends on numerous other factors, including: her need for dominance and/or prestige, feelings of hostility towards the environment (Olweus, 1993), parenting inadequacies (Smith et al., 2005), social cognition, such as hostile attribution biases (Van Shoiack-Edstrom et
al., 2002), social information processing processes (Crick & Werner, 1998), social status within the peer ecology (Rodkin & Hodges, 2003), empathy and prosocial orientation (Staub, 1986) and socialization and cultural factors specific to girls (Gilligan, 1982; Cummings, et al., 1989). It is obvious that much more in-depth research is needed in order to develop an understanding of the factors contributing to the differential use of high levels of relational aggression amongst different girls.
On the other hand, points out Simmons (2002), the world of popular girls is really a minefield; girls who think they are “all that” (p. 104) are sometimes also ostracized because girls believe that they should not brag about their beauty, but should behave like „normal‟ girls do:
She thinks she‟s beta than everyone else so people react with harsh words to put her back in her place (16 yrs)
However, in many cases such girls may not even be boastful; everyone secretly hates the prettiest, most popular, smartest, thinnest, sexiest or best dressed girls. Such a girl may have no idea what she has done wrong to become socially isolated, resulting in very deep wounds, namely; a loss of self-esteem and an inability to trust others.
It would seem that much of girls‟ conflict occurs around the issues of sexuality, attractiveness and the primitive urge to compete for a mate (Cairns, 1986). As pointed out by participants in this study, boys are central to the lives of older girls:
[The reason for conflict between girls is usually around the issues of]…boyfriends and girls competing to be the most popular (17 yrs);
Guys decide mainly on who‟s popular especially in high school (14 yrs);
Concurrent with this competition, girls feel the need to affirm their femininity by being covert in their aggression (Hadley, 2004). Enhanced social skills therefore would be important in this scenario, since those who are talented in this area are able to attract others, whilst keeping their aggression hidden, and thereby become the centre of power.
Girls generally do not want other girls to be confident because they feel threatened by them, says Simmons (2002): “There are the rules of femininity: girls must be modest, self-abnegating, and demure; girls must be nice and put others before themselves;
girls get power by who likes them, who approves, who they know, but not by their own hand.” (p. 115). If a girl breaks these rules, she is asking for trouble, as this participant stated:
She is different and they are threatened by this…they don‟t know how to treat her…she refuses to conform to the norms (14 yrs)