2.8 The development of girls
2.8.2 The nature of girls‟ friendships and relational aggression
Many authors have researched the developmental significance of friendships, and findings have shown that friendships are an important source of social support; they allow children to explore and develop emotionally and are an important context for moral development and the development of social perspective-taking (Laursen &
Mooney, 2005). Having stable friendships and the ability to make new friends have been found to be positively linked to many facets of psychosocial well-being (Ellis &
Zarbatany, 2007). In the light of this, studies have been conducted in an attempt to identify the factors underlying friendship stability versus volatility, but thus far the findings have been limited and inconclusive (ibid).
Hartup, French, Laursen, Johnston and Ogawa (1993) conducted a study wherein they found that conflicts between children who are friends differ both in quantity and quality to those between acquaintances. Disagreements between friends were more common and more intense. They found that the nature of the conflict talk between the
genders supported previous research findings; girls show more concern for
relationships and social well-being than boys in the way they try to reason, rather than just try to dominate the other in the relationship.
There has also been much interest in the gender differences in boys‟ and girls‟
friendships and the impact of these differences in relationship processes on the psychological adjustment of children. Underwood et al., (2004) provide a discussion of the „two cultures model‟ of the social development of aggression in males and females, whereby the gender groups constitute two different peer cultures within which children grow up and are socialized, with different rules, expectations and social processes:
…girls value close relationships more than status and dominance; therefore, when girls seek to hurt one another, it is only logical that they seek to harm each others‟ friendships and that social exclusion can be powerfully effective.
Girls‟ friendships are portrayed as higher in intimacy and self-disclosure; thus, girls may be more vulnerable to malicious gossip and friendship manipulation.
Girls are described as interacting in smaller groups than do boys, and best friendships and alliances are described as shifting; thus, girls may be
understandably concerned about fitting in and may seek to exclude others as a way of protecting their close relationships (pp. 1539-1540).
However, these authors state that this model has been criticized because it does not acknowledge the similarities in males and females in certain contexts, as well as the significance of males‟ social power in the development of these subcultures.
The „emotional trade-offs‟ perspective (Green, Richardson & Lago, 1996;
Underwood, 2007) supplements the two cultures approach; girls are understood to value relationships and connection more and to invest more deeply in relationships, engaging in more self-disclosure of fears and weaknesses which in turn renders them more vulnerable to the gossip of former friends. Therefore the „special‟ features of girls‟ relationships which are often advantageous for social development render them more vulnerable to internalizing problems (such as anxiety and depression) when friendships fail. In addition, since friendships are so important in the social world of girls, girls are often judged according to their affiliations. A popular girl who
associates with a victimized girl (perceived as unpopular) is likely to find her status
diminishing rapidly amongst her peer group. Victimized girls are therefore very likely to be abandoned by their non-victimized friends, in order for the latter to avoid a similar fate (Ellis & Zarbatany, 2007). This has been found less likely to occur
amongst boys, as their social status is tied more closely to their physical prowess than to their friendships (ibid).
Underwood and Buhrmester (2007) found that several features of friendship have been found to be linked to social exclusion – degree of intimacy, exclusiveness of the friendship and overall aggression displayed towards others. Since these authors propose that girls are socialized to refrain from the direct expression of anger, they will therefore work hard to „be nice‟ and to maintain harmony on the surface, using aggression in a surreptitious way, in order to not violate the „be nice‟ norm, but sadly causing even greater problems. Grotpeter and Crick (1996) found that the friendships of relationally aggressive children (who are not widely accepted within the peer group) were characterized by higher intimacy, exclusivity/jealousy and incidences of relational aggression within the friendship than those of non-relationally aggressive children (i.e. the quality of their close friendships is different).
Klima and Repetti (2008) identify two different components of children‟s peer networks; friendships in the form of dyadic bonds, and relationships within the larger peer group, saying: “…friendships are a unique source of affection, intimacy, and nurturance, whereas the peer group provides a sense of inclusion and
belonging…Given these distinct functions, it stands to reason that friendships and peer acceptance might be related to psychological adjustment in different ways” (p.
152). They suggest that evidence shows that support from a close friend is psychologically protective against internalizing and externalizing symptoms and predictive of higher overall self-worth. Therefore, lack of friendship support is likely to be associated with poor adjustment. However, they also point out that the effect is bi-directional; a child who has adjustment difficulties is less likely to make and keep friends due to her socially inappropriate behaviour and a child who is not well
accepted by peers in earlier childhood may experience an increasingly poor quality of friendship networks in late childhood and adolescent. Furthermore, since intimacy and self-disclosure become more important with the advent of adolescence, low peer acceptance in the earlier years of childhood could be predictive of later
maladjustment. However, no link was found in this study between children who do not develop close dyadic friendships in earlier childhood and later maladjustment. A sense of inclusion and belonging seems therefore to be more closely tied to later maladjustment (Klima & Repetti, 2008).
It is argued in this current study that „friendship‟ is a different construct to
„popularity‟ and as such serve different functions with regard to the emotional well- being of girls. Merten (2004) argues that the concepts „popularity‟ and „friendship‟
are based on different images of femininity: “Popularity was grounded in, and
produced, a feminine image that emphasized the male gaze, self-aggrandizement, and invidious comparisons. By contrast, friendship was grounded in a femininity that located its strength in knowing oneself and in instantiating equality between girls through sharing and validating their experiences” (p. 364)
Stauffacher and deHart (2006) provide evidence in their study that „intimacy‟ is closely tied to relational aggression. In preschool, state these authors, when children spend most of their time at home with siblings, relational aggression between siblings is more salient than amongst peers. However, as early childhood approaches, and friendships become more significant, influential and intimate, relational aggression between siblings decreases and it increases amongst peers/friends.