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Where's the barrel, Jackson?
SP ECULUM 1961
Gideon — Eees it eeet — because you Were thinking of Ann approaching event that you spent so long in your own little library next to the bathroom??
Lois and Dick, untouched by such frivolity, seem to find a common interest in their work.
David de worked by day. Wonder what he did by night with his light out?
Peter H.:—
Rhymes in German you did make But you were found to be a fake Regarding a certain engagement affair Yet for a sweet little nurse you showed
flair.
So now it's on to final year and all its Pitfalls our next epistle is sure to be shorter.
SIXTH YEAR
"Hague finem adimus" (We hope).
After six long years those magic letters M.B.B.S. are now almost within our grasp.
Many changes have occurred since we first began at "The Shop". Dr. Rodgers has re- tired, Dr. Brown has gone to Monash and Faraday Street has gone forever. The num- ber of students at "The Shop" has almost doubled and now we have a new University.
It is interesting to look back over the last six years — remember Premed and that caricature of Dr. Brown and how Physics and Chem. Prac. nearly drove us mad?
The first time we entered the Dissecting Room in Div. 1A, the Mayfair, "The Flour Battle" downtown with the police, that Sherry Party — and of course Panzee?
Remember Div. 1 and how glad we were to finish Anatomy. Then to Bugs. and Path., and the first time we came to Prince Henry's, when the Student's Quarters were on the 11th floor, learning to play solo and Bugsy at the P.H. Ball?
Remember last year — our stay at the Women's and our "sporting fixtures". Then there were Commencement Balls and Med.
Dinners.
And now final year — yes it's been a great six years.
We finally did get together a football team and played R.M.H. at Hurstbridge football ground or swimming pool — we still don't know which. R.M.H. won a high scoring match — 2-11 to 1-1 though we're sure R.M.H. bribed Have Gun (the umpire).
Maggie is still being rubbished for fronting down to the river that day. Jackson said that he caught three four-pound Redfin during the match.
Once again numerous members of our year took part in The Revue which un- fortunately clashed with Medleys. John H.
and Paul G. were instrumental in writing many of the scripts. Supe's portrayal of Horatio V.D. and Scar was too good to be true. Here Jackson, Henri, John B. and Dave B. also displayed great acting ability.
Jackson undeterred by the result of his bookmaking at the Women's Hospital con- tinued to run Sweeps with unceasing regu- larity at the slightest opportunity. It cer- tainly provides a few laughs, e.g., when Herc drew Summer Honeymoon in last year's
PAGE SEVENTY-NINE
Melbourne Cup Sweep, while holidaying with Jan up at Wagga. By the way Herc, when is the big day?
Congratulations are due to the following on their engagements. We might add that each of them regretted it just once— the nights they visited the Royal Domain: Barry B., Graeme H., Dave B. and Harry N. have all taken the plunge.
The admiral is still trying to convince us of his virility — but we won't believe him
— not with those "retractiles". By the way, Maurie, has your auntie really got male gonads?
Leon L. looks much more handsome since his upper incisors have been repaired
— how come you don't play squash (i.e. the variety with the racquet) any more Leon?
Graeme H. repeated his act with the B.P.
bottles this year. We suggest that the P.O.W.
machine "ties him down" with that shocking tie next time he tries it.
We erected a statue to Henri ze great French lovaire and now it sits on the 'fridge in the lunch room — we are pleased to note that recently a mate for it has ar- rived from Texas although they haven't got together yet — and that's no bull.
We finally discovered what the S in J.S.R.
stands for — Stirling, following his mag- nificent driving exhibition one Saturday afternoon.
Our recent visit to the Blood Bank was most enjoyable. "Vampire" Barnes was so enthralled that he wanted to go back a second time. Jackson too was most im- pressed. After extolling the virtues of be- coming a resuscitation officer stated: "Oh well fellows, I guess you'll all be getting me to resuscitate your patients in ten years time". You should have seen Jackson's face when someone said "Oh yeah".
Bugsy went home to Fiji for the last long vac. — tells us he behaved himself for six weeks — if only his parents knew.
Boosy Bill still spends most of his time between the army mess and the Graham.
The big feature of the Refresher at the Women's this year was the telly. King Kong and Saxy Maxy both had square sore eyes following their two weeks there.
Starchy didn't waste any time with the telly — he was more interested in the Pharmacy.
We are all surprised that the Woolly Bear has not been carted off to the Zoo by now.
PAGE EIGHTY
The sapling of course still sleeps and sleeps . . .
In conclusion we would like to thank the Honorary Staff at Prince Henry's and all the others who have taught us so diligently during our time at this hospital and we only hope we can justify their efforts in the com- ing exams.
Finally, good luck fellows, and please let's not see your name in the year notes next year.
ROYAL MELBOURNE HOSPITAL FOURTH YEAR
It is hard to tell how much work and how much play is being done this year.
The Clinicians are optimistic and say that they expect a few honours in Path•
this year after noting the attendances In clinics.
Some of us have legitimate excuses. Alex G. is now Editor of Farrago and we have not seen much of him since he took up this position. Jack B. says that his biggest worry this year is being S.R.C. president, but we don't believe that it is.
Show poker seems to be replacing the more standard form of the game. Sid A.
and Alec B. were not satisfied with winning a fiver in an afternoon, they now consider a tenner reasonable return for a day's work.
Every time we see Craig Mac. he is either just coming from or going to drive somewhere a load of eighteens. He still can't remember who he took to the barbe - cue on the last day of the convention.
We had one interesting case this year, a nun who had been raped in a park one night. It took two years plastic surgery to remove the smile from her face.
How long to go till the next inter-hospital cricket match? Could be sober enough to bowl a ball onto the pitch this time.
Sick joke: Dentist to patient, "Of course we won't have to remove all your teeth , sir, just the gums". Not so funny reallY. FIFTH YEAR
The first intake at the Women's started quietly with Garney and the Stallion crack ing their whips. These gun boys ("gun" I said) had been told to smarten up the stu - dent quarters after a particularly rowdy mob last year. In spite of these mino r
SPECULUM 1 961
it
a
C
J
C
impediments the facts of life were learnt as well as practised.
Dave H. starred as usual by heading the list in the test at the end of the ten weeks.
Could not even take time off to entertain Sue and Marg when mouster Don McO.
Was called to sea.
John (pounder) R. was on the spot in his bedroom.
Major John H. finished up with a scoli-
°s1s because of so many deliveries (Defn:
SeOliosis, a marked list).
Chinese Janitor Wilf (no relation) never ceased wondering at the sleepy figure of Jack F. Each morning as this oriental gentleman came to take away the many empties he would mutter, "Velly good par- ty, velly good, nan velly good."
Young Brown (of rugger fame) went too Jar, when he jammed a middy in a baby Pram, sent the lift two floors to be greeted '3' the night sister on her late hospital round.
, Graeme M. engaged soon to be married had a quiet time. Makes good coffee though.
Who was seen in the bathroom?
Bob R. (son) spent more time playing Cricket in the last week than learning ob- stets as was found out. Or perhaps it was Julie?
thbacon Harry Palmerston R. still brings home Barry D ("Dreamy Daniel") still in bed .
°Ile morning about ten was asked by Garney
1711Y he was not at a clinic. Barry replied e was not supposed to be at any clinic. He Was supposed to be in Labour Ward.
, Perhaps these notes should be concluded
°Y a list of just a few of our achievements:
1. Planting a flag on top of the chimney.
2. Cooking carrots in Ward 19 autoclave.
3. Six nurses attending antenatal clinic.
We believe Wilfred does wonderful e°sMetically perfect sutures and is a strong believer in immobilizing his works of art th the position of function (his patient with
fue lacerated penis is reported to have
round Wilf's plaster so functional that he
h
Ported back to O.P. two months later with ,e plaster worn out and requesting a re- Placement).t_ 1(oss A. doesn't know the difference be-
"en oral and rectal thermometers.
Allan E.'s honeymoon was rather upset SPECULUM 1961
by finding John M. as a drink waiter in their hotel.
Geoff G. had a rather delicate operation performed but the scar isn't really notice- able. After all, who goes round looking at
s.
John M. has been a changed man since the new Falcon has been released. They say the Heart's Desire House is going to upset things a bit.
Carroll M. has been successfully fighting off advances and saving up for his own true love.
A golf foursome was rather put off their game at Yarra Bend the other day. Rumour has it that they are returning to the third hole with a Copuloscope to carry out a clinical study.
S.M.S. is engaged: Congrats: The same doyen of oriental cunning along with one Tony W. has been systematically winning at the card tables.
Tom R. is said to be boycotting Dr.
Cade's lectures following his statement that
"nine out of ten Scotsmen are alcoholics and the tenth is a depressive." Tom's ex- planation is that it's such an awful world that if it weren't for the wee droppy it wouldn't be worth going on.
Alan E., Norm E. and Ian R. (our mar- ried men) are still making ends meet (pending Ascheim Zondek).
John S. and Mif have been revising anatomy so thoroughly (?) that they are uncertain whether to layby for surgery honours or a layette.
Ian R. is connecting a direct line from home to students' quarters as he isn't game to go without Mary's approval.
S.S. is reported to have had an affair with a white Leghorn over the vacation (not a rooster but a hen: there's nothing queer about S.S.).
This resulted in J.S. passing through a strange phase early in the year "Why have women when you can can have the real thing?" However it didn't last long (Laurel says because he couldn't get up for down) and is now happily engaged; Congrats.
The most pathetic sight at R.M.H. is Norm E. sitting in the Students' Quarters with a big bag of vegetables waiting for a lift home from S.S., who is finishing his round of the Nurses' Home.
Richard by any other name would still be sweet.
PAGE EIGHTY-ONE
FINAL YEAR
Mal B. (at party celebrating end of R.W.H.) was seen drinking out of ortho- diaphragm.
Ren B. gave blood also at R W H ; Kahn ve, says W.R. was –ve, but!!!! Enjoyed official wife living at R.W.H.
Roger B. is enjoying married bliss.
Stuart B. (among the rushes of the Nile) is upset because Pharaoh's lovely daughter is sailing away.
Loo-C.C. — engaged.
Owen C. — enjoyed trip to north.
Mike C. is our exponent on transferase systems.
Mal. D. continually frustrated. Even 3rd time not lucky.
Tommy F. brought wife to Melbourne, left baby in Malaya. Was it worth £20 not to play cards at R.M.H.?
Binky F. to marry in January.
John G. just announced his engagement.
Wal H. is not really asleep. Just ab- sorbed (in what?).
Dave J. frightened daylights out of fe- male colleagues and waitresses at R.W.H.;
decided to try a new method of induction of labour — walk through the labour ward with a gorilla mask.
Roger K. "hasn't enough brains to be a doctor" said the milkman at R.W.H. after a cracker exploded by his car.
Bob K. still has that vintage look — likes good wines and good women. His Bugatti is well preserved.
Peter L. took his girl friend to Sydney for a few days, under pretence of retrieving a stolen car!
Tom M. is after a roll too, in or at Hay.
Ian P. — Ken Cox's Matt Dillon.
Dick P. didn't amuse Garney by taking friend into eclamps ward.
Bruce R. plays the oboe.
Graeme R. is doing M.B.B.S. and Radio- graphy.
Murray S. was carried away at Frankston Orthopaedic.
Ann S. and Fiona W. flat together.
John S. is to marry at end of year.
Jim S. is engaged (unofficially that is).
Maria S. now has two kids.
Jim W. — married 3/12.
Eveyln W. — should we be officially notified of your elevated status?
Brian W. — married.
PAGE EIGHTY-TWO
End of R.C.H. was celebrated by morn - ing tea (and lunch and afternoon tea) at Jimmy Watson's.
Last year R.W.H.
Group III — Kangaroo day.
Group IV — West-side-rockets.
Lance says: "There is only one authority before exams." (Huh!)
"Best way to take temp. for ovu- lation chart is P.V."
Lance examined patient but forgot the breasts.
Voice from the back (Ren B.) "You'll fail."
ALFRED HOSPITAL FOURTH YEAR
Having successfully negotiated the many traps for the unwary in the pre-clinical years, 31 of us descended last November to the delightfully antiquated surroundings of the Alfred to be lulled by pleasant words, cream cakes and tea into a state of false security and blissful ignorance. It all seemed so easy at first — any fool could see that the patient was as yellow as a pound of butter when the honorary was taking the history. The only trouble was that when you had to do it yourself, these were the sort of things you completely for- got even to look for.
After Christmas, our numbers were boosted to 35, having lost Ian G., who left us for a year's "research" at PharmacologY , and almost losing Paul D., who wanted to go to the R.M.H. instead, but who thought better of it after the Christmas Party. We were joined by five from last year, includinS Judith, "the one with the haircut, sir' • When are you going to finish knitting that yellow monstrosity, Judy?
For the first few months of the year, We amazed all others present by virtually re' fusing to play cards as a whole, but after the shocks inflicted by the Pharmacy exams, many solos, both professional and amateur , are now flourishing. On the sports side, we had many conscientious tennis player s last year, but they seem to have disar peared — not exams, I hope! As far as inter-hospital sport is concerned, we have not been very successful, for we lost (some' one cheated I'm sure) both cricket matches
SPECULUM 1961
Played against R.M.H. and St. V.'s. I hope that better things come to be during the football season, Chevron or no Chevron.
On the matrimonial side, the boys have been very active. Long overdue congratu- lations to Nelson W., who had, by exam time last year, produced his first. I hope there are more to come, Nelson. Con- gratulations also go to Darryl C., John B., Ritchie W., David F., who decided Christ- mas was the time; and also to Peter den H.
on his recent engagement, and on the fact that he's a stronger man than I to last out until after finals.
Heard during the year:
Eva S.: "To test urine for bilirubin, put a little fat in it."
Eva again: "What iss zhiss bull?" "A male cow, Eva!"
Interesting stories about R.M., surfboards and double beds at Portsea: "We're just good friends, John."
Ian McC.: "Dull, but tympanitic, sir."
Mr. R. in surgery clinic: "Pancreatic juice smells just like new mown hay."
Keen student, after smelling pancreatic fistula: "But that doesn't smell like hay, sir."
Mr. R.: "You've obviously never rolled under a haystack in your life."
Comment: Simple things for simple people."
Same keen student in one of Dr. A.'s P.M. demonstration: "One of the causes of pulmonary hypertension is sex hormones, sir."
Darryl C. at last got the long awaited bed in the Alfred. The only times we ever saw him, he was sleeping. Interesting thoughts as to what happened to the night staff.
Have been hearing long grumbles that the nursing staff are thoroughly dissatisfied with us. Obviously Peter B. is losing his
charm — not his money though.
Dr. W. in Bry's lecture:
There was a young man from Malay, Who thought Chancre was auld in a day, But now he's got tabes,
And gummatous babies,
And thinks he's the Queen of the May.
ere glad to see Blair (the Crusher) C's
cheery face at clinics ocasionally.
This is enough slander and libel for
11°W, so the best of luck to all, and hope to see you in October.
SPECULUM 1961
FIFTH YEAR
Against a background of wedding bells and the threat of splashing christening fonts we battled into the exam-free penultimate year.
Amongst those who couldn't wait was Ian McI. and John S. Appropriately (or inappropriately, depends on how you look at it) they had hardly brushed the confetti away before they were in the Women's for
10 weeks incarceration.
Apparently Bob A. has been trapped at last. Good thing . . . no more parking offences.
That well-known urban alpinist, Roger M., has acquired a vehicle. It has S*X on its number plate (amongst other places).
PAGE EIGHTY-THREE