SPECULUM 1961
Hugh N-J, an intrepid character as a rule, was seen clambering hurriedly from the
"suicide" seat into the back as Rog headed for triple figures in Johnston street one night after a "convention" party.
It is said that John R. and George F.
both enjoyed the Women's very much.
We understand the New Zealand auth- orities breathed freely for the first time in weeks after Elliott R., Paul V. and Brian R. finally headed back from their holiday fling — a week late for the Kids. We understand they formed quite an attachment for the Maori race.
Since then Paul has been making a great run on the sterility clinics — his friends Wonder whether he is trying to pep himself up or damp himself down.
Ever since, Elliott has been playing with a couple of balls on a string given him by a Maori maiden (pois they are called). We think Ron Kingston should probe this one.
Perhaps Brian didn't crack it — anyway he's been taking it out on the football field ever since. We see in the Sun that he made the Demons. It's rumoured he made a deal with Lance — some free publicity for the Prof.'s new book in exchange for an untroubled passage through final Obstets and Gynae.
Bernie F. timed things nicely — he's able to make a personal study of Obstets and paediatrics.
His friends report that Leon F. is grow- ing younger every day and was the liveliest person at the Women's. They think he has hit the menopause and bounced back again.
Has anyone noticed how thin Danny C.
has been getting? His friends think this is due to an attempt to live on the fruits of love.
, One of our girls raised Uncle Ted's eye- Prows recently. Bev. M., after examining her O.P. male patient, came back and re- Ported: "Yes. I found tenderness in both scrotums sir."
By the way, which of the girls was in such a hurry she just couldn't wait? Fact is that someone knocked a great hole in the wall of the lady's lah with a motor car. Renee S. put up a written disclaimer that it wasn't she and her Fiat ("Chuffa").
, Paula has been around again. She's been Uncle Ted found an embarrassing gap in
her knowledge. What's this great ugly mon- ster of a shadow on this pelvic X-ray?, Ted wanted to know. An unusual shaped cal- culus? No. Barium? No. Good gracious, woman. Don't you know a penile shadow when you see one?
Guess what happened to Helen W.?
Invites Mom and Dad down to have a look at Student's Quarters. Ushers them in with:
"This is my bed." Hurriedly backs out as she notices somnolent figure stretched out there fully clothed. Brian S., suffering from ethanol poisoning, had found the wrong dormitory.
Robert W. and John H administered themselves overdoses of the same toxin but found the right room.
The word is that John has coughed up for a ring at last.
It's rumoured in some circles that Robert is being pressed on this matter too.
Warren W. scored a very doubtful full marks recently when, without blinking an eyelid, he reeled off to a startled clinician (who had asked him) half a dozen causes of persistent priapism. Top of the list was psychogenic.
Dave C. has been wearing a worried expression recently — ever since he judged that baby show. One mother reckoned he was wrong in his decision and she also reckoned she was big and strong enough to prove it.
By the way, Conrons first started haunt- ing Alfred corridors around 1950 and the hospital hasn't been without a Conron since — even got two at the moment.
Activities on the solo front have been maintained under the leadership of William ("Four Trick") B. and that well-known misere caller Donald ("Ace Bare") R.
John T. is becoming known as the Al- fred's top chest man. His interest in chests has extended at times even to patients. At his first Gynae clinic, after digitalising the patient, John was asked by Jimmy Buch.
how he thought it felt. He replied: "Feels quite normal to me sir."
Peter R., after a five year gestation, re- cently gave birth to his alfa Romeo. Was telling Kevin Hinrichsen about it. Kevin sympathised with him for not being able to afford a newer car. How hurt can you look?
By the way, who put the bra in the back seat of Pete's car? Female vintage car
ilLiv
boning up on her anatomy lately after
SPECULUM 1 9 6 1 PAGE EIGHTY-FIVE
enthusiast ran across it on tour of inspec- tion. Pete hurriedly explained that some drongo had draped it on the radiator cap and that he had thrown it in the back himself meaning to get rid of it.
Another big event of 1961 is Dave W.'s flat. There's nothing vintage about this except, perhaps, some of the grog and females.
ST. VINCENT'S HOSPITAL FOURTH YEAR
Having successfully fooled the examiners in Anatomy and Physiol., the cream of the 1960 Div. I year applied for St. V's, and, happily enough, were accepted. These 31 newcomers, together with four notorious
"old hands" (Yari "Hamish" Hrychow, now co-editor of Farrago, Dick "Longfellow"
Vasta, Joe "evil eye" Goh and Gazer Varasdi — athlete, gentleman, scholar), comprise what is doubtless the elite of Div.
II Med 1961.
Leslie has left us to enter upon a life of marital bliss. Bill, on the other hand, finds that marriage in no way interferes with his work.
Once again the most beautiful girls came to St. V's — and we're glad to have them with us in clinics — the honoraries have to think of somewhat more subtle ways of declaiming our ignorance.
While Frank Power, Jock O'Connell (the quiet man), Klaude Zd., and Lawrence (sex is best) Carrot prefer table tennis to Foster's, Norris ("I pass none") Carter, Ten Foot Terry and Dave Cade keep fit massag- ing their fingers for the big Poker school.
John Mac. and John W. helped to make a success of the Med. Students' Convention by their sterling efforts. Darryl ("Glamour Boy") Nye who greatly impressed our can- did observer with his social finesse at Kew Town Hall would doubtless agree.
The new slimline "Butch" and Martin
"Parrots of the world" Hartnett are well noted for a suave bedside manner while Brian Thomas is looking the part too — he drives a Rover. Otto and Chris have re- nounced the demon drink following recent lectures on cirrhosis.
According to my source of information, Nelson's casualness may have been grossly overrated, while Jack "I love 'em all" Ken- nedy continues to impress. Better watch out gents, because we heard that all the nurses have gone to "the Dogs" — half his luck.
Heard that Mick (the hole) Purcell is earning untold brass swatting at barflies including solid citizens W.J. and Norman
"intervarsity" Resch. And did you notice M. G. (Barassi) Malone's swift return to fit- ness when he heard the Old Xays. game was on TV?
SPECULUM 1 9 6 1
SIXTH YEAR
Instead of the well known six of us being worried every month, now with seventeen weeks to go, all of us look ap- prehensive. Here is a brief account of how a few of us are bearing down, sorry
"up" under the strain.
Ted T. is paying the price for his hyper- gonadism and the happy event is due some time in September. Let's hope it doesn't simulate it's father too much and cause cephalo pelvic disproportion.
There has been no word from the other married members of the year. Evidently they have been surviving the constant on- slaught, but I hear Bill has settled for the next best and bought his wife a dog.
Ken has been admitted to Ward 3 for a Ptorak operation (he insists it was a Bassini) and I am told he was holding in the clinch . . . establishment and had a rough time. Don't worry Ken, there is still time to prove yourself.
What a thing these exams are. Even Slammer Sammy is finding it hard to fit his normal activity in with his work, and is trying to gain time by keeping a library seat warm all day . . . don't know what he does at night.
The therapeutics lectures are a bit of a trial on the public — just watch Micka and Cotta hitting 60 along Commercial road, at 8.30 on Tuesday and Thursday morn- ings.
Nella and Jack have quietened down a bit, now you can only hear them two yards away.
Congratulations to Ben on another ad- dition to his family. Now he must have run out of long underpants.
As for the others, they have been keep- ing fairly quiet, probably doing some quiet work on the side. Let us hope it does them some good, and that there are 23 of us in the residency next year.
PAGE EIGHTY-SIX
By the way, it is reported that Swarth) Jock "Stilleto" Cravana has rejoined his Mafia comrades following the insidious manner in which he pranged M.G's motor scooter.
It's just a rumour mind you, but our source says that Mike ("faith-healer") PR- lakis, while practising his PR technique on a pig, managed to cure two sides of bacon.
— Since we find it impossible to con- clude on a sober note, we'll just wish us all the best of luck in the forthcoming exams
— we're sure we can fool 'em again.
FIFTH YEAR
The year opened with the return to St.
Vincent's of the 36 of the laziest students the hospital has known coming back to up- hold their reputation. With no exams this year this has not proved difficult. To help while away the hours they made use of the adjacent public houses, the poker tables and the congenial company of the opposite sex.
So far this has not led to any increase in Population but the results of the National Census are being anxiously awaited.
The girls have been rather quiet, but rumour has it that Felicity and "Rexual"
W. are still seeing rather a lot of each other (they say that Rex had a crash in his hel- met) and that Mary M. was a frequent visitor at the R.W.H. when P.H. students were there. Adrienne and Gwynne are still continuing their association, while Mary D.
was starring during the ball season and was seen in some amorous situations. Joan McK. and Jane A. refuse to divulge their extra-curricular activities but we believe that they are on a non-profit-making basis.
At the beginning of the year the boys welcomed Mick S. from South Australia, a noted drinker, smoker, gambler and runner, and something of a Casanova. Bernie's new V-W has suffered a lot of minor trau- ma, as has Bernie. (The plastic surgeon will confirm this!). Jack C. has also joined the V-W owners and reports that the lay- back seats make it much easier. Rupert H. and Andy G. have been breaking more hearts round the Nurses' Home and with long practice their technique is becoming More polished.
Ken F. has deserted us for his more al- coholic colleagues at Newman — is this a manifestation of certain latent tendencies?
The married, and "as-good-as-married"
SPECULUM 1961
men, Arthur H., Robert P., Alan H., Thong V., Neil Sist, Gerry I., and Beppo, are living off the fruits of love. (But, please gentlemen, don't throw the peels out the window.)
Julian M. and Warner M. play a hard game whether it be with poker, squash or women.
Hoping to score 100 for the year, George has improved his chances by buying an M.G.A. Financial help for this has come from the discount he receives from the Drug Houses, as a bulk buyer and old customer.
Vince works the hardest in the year and we cannot tell you whether there is any romance in his life. No-one knows what Peter H. is up to either — but remember that "still waters run deep".
Rees, the rhythm expert, finds his stereo a great help for entertaining, despite the nuisance of having to get up and change the record. During his recent stay in Hong Kong Nick D. was learning a bit about Oriental technique for when the Chinese come in 1970.
"Maverick" I. is still very prominent at the card table and has recently been joined by Jack E., renowned for his exploits in the Tunnel of Love, with fast-talking Julian B. occasionally honors us with a personal appearance at a clinic. Does he play solo by himself in his spare time?
They say that Paul M. has bitten off more than he can chew!! He is trying to run several girls at once.
Jo Chow has fulfilled his ambition and done a P.R. A pity he had to use his finger. Our Asian friends Lim, Lim and Lim, have confounded the Health Depart- ment lyr introducing a resistant strain of spirochete.
Best of luck for next year to all the crew of the good ship Venus.
SIXTH YEAR
Returned to home base after a short stay, no expenses at Tugger's private hotel with its varied night life, high class ameni- ties and as many women you could point a finger at.
The year's best comment:
Dr. J. H.: "What sort of people get Ray- naud's disease?
Students: Silence.
PAGE EIGHTY-SEVEN
Dr. J. H.: People who work as riveters and have vibrating tools.
At the moment topical interest lies in the new appointment for Professor of Medi- cine.
Peter McC. is a hot tip for the job.
Referring to the nasty subject of work, John C. sees every patient who comes to the hospital and even sees some twice.
Bob W. surprised all by racing a R.W.H.
employee off to the bush for the day — presumably to study the birds and the bees.
`Worker' G. is doing more tutes than any- one in medical history. Also hopes to educate the 'Yanks' in medicine next year.
Highlights from R.W.H.
After having a romance with his `legger' Henry L. spent his time at solo and distill- ing illicit 'liquor'.
Kevin S. was the boy behind the "K for Kanga Day". Reduced poor Dr. M. K. to a nervous wreck.
Annie D. had a habit of straying into other peoples' bedrooms wanting to play games.
Jonathan R. used to get heavily scented letters while "Stallion" Roy F. still gets attacks of exhibitionism after his "Starkers"
trot down the corridor.
Bernie 'Pops' R. suffered from inversion of sleep rhythm and was heard often to wake at 3 a.m. and slowly begin to shout about 'B placenta grinders!'
Dick McA. was kept busy defending students' rights while John B.'s mating call rang through the labour ward when the moon was full. Also doubled as ward cleaner in his spare time.
P. O'H. was most annoyed by rude in- terruptions to his privacy, while Hugh N.
spent his time pursuing women and devel- oping special leer for same. Also did two impromptu A.R.M.'s.
Vinem S. held the record for prolonged labour; 3 days and 3 nights and was re- warded by a stud fee from a grateful hus- band.
John G., Gordon M., Bob H. and Buck divided their time between grog, cards, grog, women, grog, chimney climbing and
"Charlie".
Rosie W. scored well on the definition of dyspareunia — "I thought it didn't fit."
Back home golf interrupted the rat race.
Chris S. ran away with the trophy — the only man to hit a ball straight all day.
Laurie R. and Frank D. won the 4 ball with 12 up. Lew blamed the win on the leprechauns.
Dave P. keeps up with all the hospital gossip. How does he get all the inside information?
Eve Y. went for a boat trip down the river with the students from the congress.
Strictly for entertainment purposes, SHE SAID.
Kris B. is in great demand as an inter- preter. She specialises in Serbo-Croatian.
Toni C. got stranded half way to Adelaide and has since bought a new sports car.
It's more convenient.
Ramm P. to clinician who said, "You'll fail, Mr. P." replied "That's what I said, Sir."
Val. M., Vip., and Ahmud make quite a trio with that extra touch of maturity.
Sion B. is always conveniently able to hide himself in clinics behind Mike J., but this has a disadvantage. Mike might tread on him.
Terry V. always sits next to Jonathan R. — could there be anything in it?
John D. keeps the maternity hospital busy, while Peter D. has settled down to the rigors of married life, and recommends it to all.
Arthur F. and Ted. F. are such frequent visitors in Cas that they have been offered honorary positions there.
Gerry G. still thinks that 5 o'clock Fri- day night is the best time of the week.
Rene DuP., "The most eligible bachelor around the hospital" is a great protagonist for lost weekends in Sydney.
Willie "Hamph" R-P. has become less pugnacious as finals approach. However, he came to grips with Mr. R. H. on deep sea fishing across an operating table.
Laurie R., Bernie N. Gordon, Jack H., and "Shocker" have finally weakened and are being wed after exams. "Shocker" is so hyperkinetic that his glasses are perpet- ually steamed up. He keeps mumbling about disuse atrophy and putting his blue hands into his pockets — viz. paragraph 2.
Thought for the year
Remember that the best contraceptive is a cup of coffee; not before, not after, but instead of.
Well that just about wraps everything up, but remember: "Be kind to the examiners."
PAGE EIGHTY-EIGHT SPECULUM 1961