. . . And what mammaries! If it's a brina you need to cap off a fine night then you would have had one at last year's medleys.
The show, as usual, went on as a dress rehearsal, i.e., for the producers and the cast, but the audience (that's you) gave it a marvellous reception.
Why was this Medleys one of the best?
Analysing a show after it has been and gone is not profitable, you might say; but where Medleys is concerned it is always profitable.
The main factor in this success was the inclusion of that old board-walker and grease paint stick, Roger Buckle, as a pro- ducer. Here we saw the master of perfec- tion at work drumming "hard to interpret"
lines into "hard to interpret" heads and re- peating and repeating, etc., the actions!
This year Roger won't be hampered by the other co-producer, and should really turn on a Bergere Folies Grande.
We again owe our deepest and sincere thanks to long suffering Treth for amassing an excellent orchestra, at one stage (prac- tically evacuated the Con.) only to have the irate producers pull them trombone from flute until the bare essentials were left, and yet the old maestro pulled through better than ever.
The cast of this show was another big help! The nucleus of last year's ('57) show
plus Richard the Smallwood and Harold Caplan combined with the one and only, that star of Stage, Screen, Radio and P.V., neilabdulblueeyesandbaldingsutherland.
The boys from the Women's (Ron 1 and 2, Rod, Geoff, John, Herb, Col., Peter- Anita and Mario) turned on their best act yet and showed commercialism how it should be done. (See Divertissements.)
Our women were again as beautiful as ever but still very scared (sorry) scarce.
Anne Harrison had so much doubling up she thought her brassier clip was attached to her suspender belt—actually it was. Jan and Lou (the old stalwarts) again held the chorus line together.
The final reason why this show showed something was the inclusion of a "new" type of gimmick. "Pichers"—good old Bill spouted off his lines just as if he'd learnt them, and brought the house down.
The back stage crew headed by that vet- eran of stage managers, Jim whose wearing Smith, again surprised everyone and did an excellent job.
Let's remember that "Mammary" was one of the best but let's hope that this year's ('59) will be better.
Thanks to all of those not mentioned above for their marvellous help.
The Aged Theatre Critic.
Opening Song:
Show's On
Tune: "Fleet's In"
Hey there, Mister, you'd better watch your sister
Cos the show's on, the show's on.
Hey there Boozie, you'd better watch your floozie,
Cos the show's on, the show's on.
If we do as well on the stage As we do in the wards, Well now Professor,
You can send us some broads.
(To us and we're not kiddin').
Watch her student, if you want to keep her prudent,
Cos the show's on, the show's on.
We're the guys to lay 'em down in the aisles.
They may be dark or fair, We actors don't care,
As long as they're wearing a gown, So if you need her, better clothe and
feed her
Cos the show's in town.
If we've got the acts that you like, Throw yourselves on the floor, Clap and cheer and we will give you
some more.
°PE RITn tie
rilEnTREI
li
Hey there, Buster, be sure that you can trust her,
Cos the show's on, the show's on.
We're the cast to lead them all astray, They may be hault or blind,
We actors don't mind
As long as they're wearing a gown.
So if you love her, keep her under cover,
Cos the show's in town.
DOING FINALS ?
Then arrange to receive SPECULUM in future years and keep
in touch!
See your Year Representative
Madeira
She was young, she was pure, she was new, she was nice.
She was fair, she was sweet seventeen.
He was old, he was vile, and no stranger to vice,
He was base, he was bad, he was mean.
He had slyly inveigled her up to his flat To view his collection of stamps—all un-
perforated,
And he said as he hastened to put out the cat,
The wine, his cigar, and the lamp.
Have some Madeira m'dear, you really have nothing to fear,
I'm not trying to tempt you, that wouldn't be right,
You shouldn't drink spirits at this time of night.
Have some Madeira m'dear, it's very much nicer than beer;
I don't care for sherry, one cannot drink stout,
And port is a wine I can well do without, It's really a case of chaud a son gout, So have some Madeira m'dear.
Unaware of the wiles of the snake in the grass,
Of the fate of a maiden who toped, She lowered her standards by raising her
glass,
Her courage, her eyes, and his hopes.
She sipped it, she drank it, she drained it, she did,
He quietly refilled it again,
And he said as he secretly carved one more notch
On the butt of his gold-handled cane.
Have some Madeira m'dear, I've got a small cask of it here
And once it's been opened you know it won't keep,
So finish it up, it will help you to sleep.
Have some Madeira m'dear, it's really an excellent year;
Now if it were gin you'd be wrong to say yes,
The evil gin does would be hard to assess, Besides it's inclined to affect me prowess, So have some Madeira m'dear.
SPECULUM 77
Then there flashed to mind what her mother had said
With an antipenultimate breath,
0 my child, should you look on the wine when it's red
Be prepared for a fate worse than death.
She let fall her glass with a shrill little cry- Crash, tinkle, it fell to the floor; ah,
When he asked "What in heaven" she made (no reply)
Up her mind and dashed for the door.
Have some Madeira m'dear, rang out down the hall loud and clear
A tremulous cry that was filed with despair
As she paused to take breath in the cool midnight air.
Have some Madeira m'dear, the words seem to ring in her ear,
Until the next morning she woke up in bed, With a smile on her lips and an ache in her
head,
And a beard in her earhole, that tickled and said—
Have some Madeira m'dear.. .
—"At the Drop of a Hat".
Donald Swann Michael Flanders Parlophone Records.
Boy Scouts' Song
Be prepared. That's the boy scout's march- ing song,
Be prepared. As thro' life you march along Be prepared to hold your liquor pretty well, Don't write naughty words on walls if you
can't spell.
Be prepared to hide that pack of cigarettes, Don't make books if you cannot cover bets, Keep that reefer hidden where you're sure That they will not be found.
And be careful not to smoke them when the scout master's around
For he only will insist that they be shared.
Be prepared.
Be prepared. That's the boy scout's solemn creed,
Be prepared and be clean in word and deed.
Don't solicit for your sister, that's not nice Unless you get a good percentage of her
price.
Be prepared and be sure that you do Your good deed when there's someone
watching you.
When you're looking for adventure of a new and different kind
And you come upon a girl scout Who is similarly inclined,
Don't be flustered, don't be frightened, don't be scared,
Be prepared.
Finale:
Thanks For The Mammary
Tune: "Thanks for the Memory"
Thanks for the Mammary Of all we've done this year.
We've weathered all the storms of life And saved ourselves a lot of strife With bellies full of beer.
Yes, thank you so much.
Thanks for the Mammary Of all we've had to know, And how we trained the nurses Inside the mortuary hearses, Into giving it a go.
Yes, thank you so much.
The honoraries taught us quite well, sir, Tho' some may have thought us uncouth.
Still we've found a lot we could sell, sir, For a big fat fee to the Melbourne Truth.
Yes, thanks for the mammary Of eve to morning crams,
When you swotted your anatomy, My boy, now don't you flatter me, The night before exams.
Yes, thank you so much.
Thanks for the Mammary Of Pansy and of Lance, Of Siddy and the other lads, A pack of simple-minded cads Who've led us such a dance.
Yes, thank you so much.
Tom Lehr.
We should have known at the start, sir, For what we let ourselves in,
But now that it's time we should part, sir, We're bloody glad we did medicine.
So thanks for the Mammary Of good old pre-Med. days, No money were we earning, The fun we had when learning All about the 40 ways.
We learnt some more Until we saw
It's just a passing phase.
And thank you so much.
* * *
DIVERTISSEMENTS: Popular advertise- ments from the most popular (?) sketch of the evening:
"T.V. OR NOT P.V."
Tune: "Coca Cola" Song:
When at work or at play Any time of the day,
You should keep "Charlie Checkers" close by.
They're electrically tested and they are the best,
So a dozen or two you should try.
Chorus:
Fifty million times a day For any normal heathy bloke,
There's nothing like a "Charlie Checkers"
For a decent
Tune: "Marlboro" Ad.:
You've got a lot to learn from a checker, Thinner, stronger, smooth round top.
You've got a lot to learn from a checker, Cheaper, safer, flip top box.
The most recent general purpose oral diuretic