I have studied the ways of my fellows, A number of them are complex;
But there's one thing of which I am certain, Yes, one thing of which I'm quite certain, The mind of the medical student
Is constantly centred on sex!
He can give you a good dissertation On bees, birds and flowers and their ways, But a view he can air with assertion Is why women shouldn't wear stays.
He knows all about nervous disorders And numerous other upsets;
He possesses a great admiration For the guy who invented curettes.
He knows well the osseous structure, Especially the bones of the hand;
Which have a peculiar affinity
For the curve of the mammary gland.
He knows well the feel of the ankle, The calf and the knee and the thigh;
And that ever so slight deviation Which a man simply cannot pass by!
By now you'll have reached a conclusion Quite possibly it is the worst—
Don't suffer from any delusion, 1 know, because I am a nurse!
There was a young lady named Rose, Who had erogenous zones in her toes,
She remained enanistic Till a foot fetishistic
Young man became one of her beaux.
—Speculum, New York.
A New Rubaiyat
By 0., My!
(With Pedagogic Footnotes)
Awake! For boozing from the bowl all night Has, I'm afraid, made me a little tight;
From dreams of Eastern damsels cease to leer,
Review this (and many another) year.
When first I started on this course My plan, to work without a pause, Was born of fear of 1st year quota, And so I spared not one iota.
Knowledge was my only aim To fit me for profession;
Sex had reared not its ugly head, Nor yet a drinking session.
Yet now, methinks, my hoary head (Smoother than my age-lined face), Is full of thoughts of other things—
Yet final year moves on apace.*
*Cf. Khayam: "The bird is on the wing,"
viz. also Durante, "de wing is on der birdie."
Nir 111111111111
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111111MMIEIMSPECULUM 63
Hogarth told the tale of the Rake, Such a tale I could also make;
Yet of those men I will now tell Who tried to rescue me from H
Over the years now let me glide, Dealing with but the working side;
Forget the nights at Uni. Club,
The murmuring in the Beer-Loud Pub.t
Never will I forget the fright I got when I saw Professor Wright;
This was nothing to my state When I became his question-bait.
Fame never seems to come the way Of friendly, smiling Lesley Ray;
And yet when he just grins at me I know of places I'd rather be.
Nor can I forget my only tussle
(Thank God) with Professor Kenneth Russell;
Why did he raise up such a fuss Just 'cause I knew not the humerus.t
tCf. Yeats: "The Lake Isle of Innisfret•
tCf. Shakespeare: Know ye not Agincourt?
ERYTH
Roc yrE
(ENt.ARico
In Division 1, Doctor Lavarack We called (jestingly) Happy Jack, Because, in two years, all that while Never was he seen to smile.
Jack Legge's left handed hieroglyphic Code, on the board, looks terrific;
But proves to all, I am afraid, Biochemists are born, not made.
Professor Victor Trikojus claims That Biochem's on the march;
Krebs and Ogsters laudable aims
"Cannot fail to ensure that this subject goes forward to take its place at the forefront of the medical sciences."
Pathology's Professor King
In his subjects acknowledged whiz ding!
Yet his pupils baffled looks wear At the time he spends on wound repair.
SPECULUM 65
Then we have big Doctor Hurley, Who talks to us on Wednesdays early;
Keith "Blows it up"—but we Ogilvie bring, It's the only way we can draw the thing.
Amiable Charlie Green
In orals makes you feel serene;
Prof. Christie, on the other way, May show that you have feet of clay.
Professor S. D. Rubbo's way
Is "Two beers, please, my friend will pay";
When he isn't going globe-flittin' He'll take you on at distance spittin'.
Robert Wylie teaches "bugs"
And shows us how to cane 'em;
Dr. Wilson has some dogs—
Is sometimes seen to train 'em.
The Women's—Ah, fond memories!
We lived the life of a stallion!
We learned obstetrics and gynae there, And also some Italian.
There is a man called S.L.T.
Whose fame should well be known;
"Your patient, doctuh?" tells you well, You'll reap what you have sown.
And then we have young E. McK., A gruff man, that is what they say;
Refresher may be a pleasant life, It all depends upon his wife.
There is a Radiologist
Who likes to know your name, I wist;
He puts you on his little list So never let him see you drunk.
Professor R. H. Lovell's fame Rests (rightly) in what he knows;
A cold, you see, is not a cold, Unless you have a runny nose.
Professor Ewing, I'd allow To operate on me, I know;
As long as (this I must make clear) He doesn't set the Middle Ear.
Many others there are, of course, We must let them pass;
We thank them (of course) providing They do the same for us.
For the moving finger writes 'tis true, And soon we meet our doom;
And we are but some initials In the med. north lecture room.
Weak we be (that's life's main charm), Hungry times crumbling food;
Let us, we pray, do little harm, And a teeny bit of good.
Deft Definitions:
Ansa hypoglossi: Inaudible reply by a student in viva.
Aponeurosis: Fear of nocturia.