Parenting today raises new questions that previous generations seldom had to face. Should we have children? How many and how far apart? Terminate the unexpected or the imper- fect child? Should we be strict or permissive? Should we stress competitiveness or coop- eration? What activities should be encouraged? Because society is changing so rapidly and because of new advances in science and technology, parents cannot look to experience for answers as their parents could.
Several social scientists (Bronfenbrenner, 1989; Garbarino, Bradshaw, & Kostelny, 2005; Hewlett & West, 1998) are concerned that a number of dev elopments—many benefi cent in themselves—have conspired to isolate the family and to drastically reduce the number of relatives, neighbors, and other caring adults who share in the socialization of American children. Among the most signifi cant forces are occupational mobility, the breakdown of neighborhoods, the separation of residential from business areas, consoli- dated school districts, separate patterns of social life for diff erent age groups, and the dele- gation of child care to outside institutions. What today’s parents lack is a support system.
Because of the nature of today’s rapidly changing society, parents spend less time with their children. A majority of mothers hold jobs outside the home. F athers often must travel in connection with their work and are away for days or even weeks at a time.
Parents may have meetings to attend in the evenings and social engagements on the week- ends. Various studies have found that lack of time together is per ceived as the greatest threat to the family (Hochschild, 1997; Leach, 1994; Jacobs & Gerson, 2004). Given the changing nature of society and its pressures on the family’s ability to function optimally, parenting today has become a “journey without a road map.”
Historical Trends
A brief history of trends in the United States concerning the treatment of children and the role of parents follows.
Eighteenth Century
Before this time, it was not uncommon for children to be considered signifi cant only if they contributed to their elders’ welfare; no thought was given to their individual needs.
If parents could not aff ord to care for them, they could be abandoned. P arenting was adult-centered.
Beginning in the 18th century, however, there was some improvement in the way chil- dren were treated. Contributing to this reform was a reexamination of the writings of Locke, Rousseau, and Pestalozzi, all advocates of humanism—a system of beliefs con- cerned with the interests and ideals of humans rather than of the natural or spiritual world (Berger, 2007). British philosopher John Locke’s (1632–1704) best-known concept was that a newborn’s mind is a tabula rasa, a blank slate before impressions are recorded on it by experience, and that all thought develops from experience. Children are neither innately good nor innately bad. Th e infl uence of this concept on contemporary parenting has been to encourage parents and teachers to mold children’s minds by providing them with optimal experiences.
During the 18th centur y in colonial America, childr en were needed to do endless chores. Th e father was the primary authority. Children were to be seen and not heard; im- mediate obedience was expected. Discipline was strict; those who disobeyed were believed to be wicked and sinful and w ere severely punished. Tradition and religion infl uenced child-rearing practices: “He that spareth his rod, hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes” (Proverbs 13:24). “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
Parenting was also influenced b y French philosopher J ean Jacques Rousseau (1712–1778), who believ ed that childr en are innately good and need fr eedom to grow because insensitive caregivers might otherwise corrupt them. Rousseau’s writings
How has parenting changed over time?
How have children been treated throughout history?
humanism a system of beliefs concerned with the interests and ideals of humans rather than of the natural or spiritual world
tabula rasa the mind is a blank slate before impressions are recorded on it by experience
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Ecology of Parenting 127
influenced Johann Pestalozzi (1746–1827), who emphasiz ed the importance of the mother as the child’s fi rst teacher. Th e mother is more likely than other adults to be sensi- tive to her child’s needs. Th at the mother was most important in the upbringing of the child was corroborated by Robert Sunley’s (1955) analysis of child-rearing literature from early-19th-century magazines, books, and journals.
Nineteenth Century
During the 19th century, parents were exposed to the ideas of psychologist G. Stanley Hall (1846–1924) who, like Rousseau, believed that young children are innately good and will grow naturally to be self-controlled adults, if not over-directed (Berger, 2007). Th is idea infl uenced many contemporary attitudes on child development and parenting. Parenting was becoming child-centered. Unlike the traditional emphasis on the needs of the par- ent, contemporary ideas of child rearing placed paramount importance on the individual needs and welfare of the child. However, parents still directed the child-rearing practices.
Although at the end of the 19th century, parenting literature was espousing love and aff ection for children in order to mold their characters, at the beginning of the 20th cen- tury, the discipline method advocated to mold character emphasized rewards and punish- ment. Infant Care, published in 1914 by the Children’s Bureau, recommended strict child rearing. For example, thumb-sucking and masturbation were believed to damage the child permanently (Wolfenstein, 1953). At the beginning of the 20th centur y, the parenting literature advocated rigid scheduling of infants. Mothers were told to expect obedience, ignore temper tantrums, and restrict physical handling of their children (Stendler, 1950).
Early Twentieth Century
In the 1920s, applications of psychological theories began to appear in books and maga- zines. John B. Watson’s theory of behaviorism, which held that only observable behavior (not what exists in the mind) provides valid data for psychology, and Sigmund Freud’s theory of personality development, which dealt with non-observable (unconscious) forces in the mind were signifi cantly infl uential for parents. Watson’s theoretical view defi ned learning as a change in the way an individual responds to a particular situation: Behavior that is reinforced or rewarded will be repeated; behavior that is not r einforced will be extinguished or eliminated. Watson’s theory applied to parenting in that conditioning of the child must take place early, with desirable behavior being reinforced and undesirable behavior being ignored. Freud’s theory applied to parenting in that Freud believed it was necessary for children to express—rather than repress—emotions. He said that harmful early experiences can harm children’s development (especially when these experiences are buried in the unconscious mind); that these can result in fi xations, or arrested develop- ment, occurring at any time in life. Th erefore, children’s growing personalities must not be repressed, or else children will inevitably have problems as adults.
Middle Twentieth Century
In the 1940s, mothers were told that children should be fed when hungr y and be toi- let trained when they developed physical control. Th is was very diff erent from the rigid scheduling of feeding and toilet training previously advocated. Even handling of genitals was considered natural, whereas years before parents were warned to take every precaution to prevent it (Wolfenstein, 1953). Benjamin Spock, in the 1946 edition of Th e Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, advised parents to enjoy their children and their roles as parents. He advocated self-regulation by the child rather than strict scheduling by the parents. Spock wanted to encourage parents to have a greater understanding of children and to be more fl exible in directing their upbringing. He based his recommendations on the writings of educators such as John Dewey (who believed children should learn by do- ing) and psychoanalysts such as Sigmund Freud (who believed children’s psychological development occurred in natural stages and that healthy outcomes w ere infl uenced by parents).
behaviorism the theory that observed behavior, rather than what exists in the mind, provides the only valid data for psychology
fi xation a Freudian term referring to arrested development
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128 CHAPTER 4
Late Twentieth Century
Jerry Bigner (1979) analyzed the child-rearing literature in several women’s magazines from 1950 to 1970. He found that in the early 1950s physical punishment—spanking—was con- doned, but by the end of that decade it was discouraged on the grounds that physical pun- ishment does no more than show a child that a parent can hit. Most articles encouraged self-regulation by the child. Parents were advised to hold, love, and enjoy their children and to emphasize the importance of children feeling loved. Parents were also urged to recognize individual differences, to realize that development is natural and maturation cannot be pushed. Th e extensive work of Arnold Gesell (Gesell & Ilg, 1943) infl uenced this view. He published norms, or average standards, of child development based on observations of chil- dren of all ages. He concluded that the patterns for healthy gr owth were biologically pro- grammed within the child and that if the parents would relax, growth would occur naturally.
Toward the end of the 1950s, after the Soviet Union’s successful launch of the fi rst satellite into space, the concern for intellectual development in children became urgent. Jean Piaget’s theories on cognitive development were of interest to professionals working with children.
He emphasized that knowledge comes from acting in one’s environment. Th us, the impor- tance of giving children a stimulating environment and many experiences was reinforced.
Infl uenced by the mass media, which publicized scientifi c and humanitarian views on child rearing, many parents began to move away from the traditional parent-centered ap- proach to child rearing, with its strict discipline, to a more child-centered approach, with more fl exibility. However, in 1957, Spock revised the 1946 classic edition of his book on child care, which advocated a child-centered approach, to read, “Nowadays there seems to be more chance of a conscientious parent’s getting into trouble with permissiveness than with strictness” (Spock, 1957). Spock realized the consequences of parents’ focusing exclusively on what children need from them, rather than what the community will need from children when they grow up. Even though Spock continued to maintain his belief that children’s needs should be attended to, subsequent editions of his book addr essed the rights of parents—children need to feel loved, yet parents have the right to demand certain standards of behavior (Spock, 1957; Spock & Needleman, 1992). Other contem- porary parenting views concur (Baumrind & Th ompson, 2002; Parke & Buriel, 2006).
In sum, the trend in parenting attitudes in the United States over time has swung from parent-centeredness to child-centeredness to more of a balanced approach.
Family Dynamics
Family dynamics refers to what activities are going on, with whom, and how they “play out” over time. As discussed in Chapter 3, the structure and functioning of the family as a whole aff ect parenting. Here we discuss the particular characteristics of family members and how these members relate to one another, which also aff ect parenting (Bornstein, 2006).
Parenting involves a continuous process of reciprocal interaction that af- fects both the par ents and the childr en (Kuczynski, 2003). When one
becomes a parent, one rediscovers some of one’s own experiences in childhood and adolescence—for example, making snowmen, play-
ing hopscotch, playing hide-and-seek, and running through the sprinklers on a hot day. When one becomes a parent, one’s ex-
perience is expanded. Like a game inv olving strategies and counterstrategies, parenting requires continual adaptation to children’s changing capacities. Parenting is time-consuming and diffi cult; it is also joyful and satisfying. Children are loving, open, and curious. What could be more gratify- ing than the fi rst handmade card your child gives you that says “I luv u,” or when your grownup child asks for your advice?
How do family members infl uence each other?
A family enjoying mealtime together.
Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock.com
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Ecology of Parenting 129
Children’s Characteristics
Characteristics of children that infl uence family dynamics and parenting style in a bidi- rectional way include age and cognitive development, temperament, gender (Bornstein, 2006), and presence of a special need, such as a disability (Heward, 2008).
Age and Cognitive Development
As the child gets older and more mature physically and cognitively, parent–child interac- tions change. During infancy, parenting tasks are primarily feeding, changing, bathing, and comforting. As the child is awake more, play is added to the repertoire of activities.
During the second year of life, physical and verbal restraint must be introduced for the child’s safety. Th e child must be prevented from going into the street, from eating poison- ous materials, from handling sharp objects, and so on.
During the preschool years, parenting techniques may expand to include reasoning, instruction, isolation (timeout), withdrawal of privileges (negativ e consequences), and reinforcement or rewards. As the children mature during school age, parents may en- courage them to become more responsible for their behavior by allowing them to make certain decisions and to experience the positive as well as the negative consequences. For example, if a child requests a pet fi sh for his or her birthday, then the parents should allow the child to have the responsibility of feeding it. As children enter adolescence, parents may deal with potential confl icts by discussion, collaborative problem solving, and com- promise. My son neglected to clean his room. It was “a waste of time” to make his bed and put his things away, since he would just be using them again. Because I like order and neatness, his behavior caused me to nag. After discussing his reasons for not complying with my standards and my reasons for him to do so, we agreed on a compromise: Th e day I cleaned house, he was to tidy his room; other days, he could keep the door closed, but not locked.
Researchers (McNally, Eisenberg, & Harris, 1991; Parke & Buriel, 2006) have found that although specifi c parenting practices change according to the age of the child, ba- sic parenting styles remain quite stable over time. For example, a parent might isolate a preschooler who is hitting a younger sibling until some self-control is established. Th at
What characteristics of children infl uence family dynamics and parenting practices?
Parenting and Prevention of Adolescent Problem Behavior
Studies have shown that adolescents whose parents are warm, affectionate, commu- nicative toward them, and have certain standards for behavior are less likely to abuse drugs or engage in delinquent acts or join gangs than childr en who do not ha ve good parental relationships (Baumrind, 1991; Greenberger & Chen, 1996; Grotevant, 1998; Steinberg & Morris, 2001).
Adolescence is a time when parent–child relations are tested. Many of the every- day demands of family life—doing one’s assigned chores, being considerate of other members, communicating, adhering to standards (coming home on time, keeping appointments, writing thank-you notes, doing homework)—can become areas of confl ict.
When parents react negatively to an adolescent’s push for autonomy and become overly strict or overly permissive, the adolescent is more likely to rebel by exhibiting problem behavior (Collins & Laursen, 2004; Eisenberg et al., 2005).
The research also suggests that the ef fect of confl ict between a child and one parent can be offset by a positive relationship with the other parent. Positive parent–
child relationships can also negate the infl uence of a peer group that abuses drugs or alcohol and engages in delinquent behavior. Thus, parenting styles established in childhood have an impact on adolescent problem behavior.
IN PRACTICE
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130 CHAPTER 4
parent might use reasoning and/or withdrawal of privileges for a school-ager who fi ghts.
Parenting practices may also change according to the situation. For example, a parent who usually gives a child instruction on how to behave in advance may resort to yelling when rushed. Th us, even though the methods may change, the goal of self-contr ol and the emotional climate or style of attaining that goal remain stable.
Temperament
Temperament, introduced in Chapter 1, is the combination of innate characteristics that determine an individual’s sensitivity to various experiences and responsiveness to patterns of social interaction. It is a central aspect of an individual ’s personality, and has been shown to be stable over time (Rothbart & Bates, 2006).
Temperament infl uences one’s interactions with others—how infants respond to their caregivers and how caregivers respond to children—thereby illustrating the concept of bidirectionality. Th us, certain parenting styles may be elicited by a child’s temperament (Putnam, Sanson, & Rothbart, 2002; Sameroff , 1994). For example, a very active child may have to be told more than once to sit still at the table or may hav e to be removed from the table to eat alone, whereas a less active child may only have to be told “Sit still at the dinner table so the food won’t spill off the plate.” Some methods of child rearing may have to be modifi ed to suit a child’s temperament. A child who has irregular patterns of hunger and sleep would be better suited to a more fl exible “demand” feeding schedule, whereas a child who exhibits regularity is more suited to feeding at scheduled intervals.
In a classic longitudinal study of 136 children from infancy to adolescence, research- ers Chess and Thomas (Chess & Thomas, 1987; Th omas, Chess, & Birch, 1970) isolated nine behavioral characteristics, which clustered into three general types of temperament.
Th ese temperamental types could be recognized by the second or third month of life. Th is model is still used by researchers today.
1. Easy children displayed a positive mood and regularity in body function; they were adaptable and approachable, and their reactions were moderate or low in intensity.
2. Diffi cult children were slow to adapt and tended to have intense reactions and neg- ative moods; they withdrew in new situations and had irregular body functions.
3. Slow-to-warm-up children initially withdrew but slowly adapted to new situations;
they had low activity levels and tended to respond with low intensity.
Although individual temperament seems to be established at birth, environmental factors, especially parenting styles, play an important role in whether or not a person’s style of be- havior can be modifi ed. If the infl uences of heredity and environment blend well together, one can expect healthy dev elopment of the child; if they ar e incompatible, behavioral problems are almost sure to ensue (Thomas & Chess, 1977, 1980). Th er efore, Th omas and Chess recommend that parents adjust parenting styles to their off spring’s temperament, although they emphasize that “a constructive approach by the parents to the child’s tem- perament does not mean an acceptance or encouragement of all this y oungster’s behavior in all situations” (1977, p. 188). Th omas and Chess refer to the accommodation of parent- ing styles to children’s temperaments as goodness-of-fi t. Infant temperament determines what kinds of interactions parents and infants are most likely to fi nd mutually rewarding.
However, just because infants are born with certain temperaments does not preclude them from adapting to certain behaviors demanded of them; the key is how the parents do it.
1. Easy children tend to adapt well to various styles of child rearing.
2. Diffi cult children need consistent, patient, and objective parents who can handle their instability. For example, instead of expecting very active, distractible children to concentrate for long periods of time on their home work, parents can reward them for shorter periods of work with pleasurable breaks in between, as long as the task is fi nished.
goodness-of-fi t
accommodation of parenting styles to children’s temperaments
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