Family Transitions - Kajian teori sistem ekologi Roberta M. Bern

80 CHAPTER 3

Basic Family Functions

Th e family performs certain basic functions, generation after generation, enabling it to survive and adapt. Th e following basic functions may vary by culture and may be im- pacted by economic, health, or social stresses.

Reproduction.

■ Th e family ensures that the society’s population will be maintained;

that is, a sufficient number of childr en will be born and car ed for to replace the members who die.

Socialization/education.

■ Th e family ensures that the society’s values, beliefs, attitudes, knowledge, skills, and techniques will be transmitted to the young.

Assignment of social roles.

■ Th e family provides an identity for its off spring (racial, ethnic, religious, socioeconomic, and gender roles). An identity involves behavior and obligations. For example, a Jewish person may not eat pork and may feel obliged to give to charity. A Chinese person may eat with chopsticks and defer to the authority of his or her elders. A person born into a high socioeconomic status may be pr es- sured to choose a spouse from a similar family background. In some families, girls are socialized to do housework and be caregivers and boys to be breadwinners.

Economic support.

■ Th e family provides shelter, nourishment, and protection. In some families, all members except very young children contribute to the economic function by producing goods. In other families, one or both parents earn the money that pays for goods the entire family consumes.

Nurturance/emotional support.

■ Th e family provides the child’s fi rst experience in social interaction. Th is interaction is intimate, nurturing, and enduring, thus provid- ing emotional security for the child. Th e family cares for its members when they are ill, hurt, or aging.

Ecology of the Family 81

Changes in family ties ar e documented b y the incr ease in div orce in the last 40 years and in the proportion of children living with only one par ent. According to the Federal Interagency Forum on Child and Family Statistics (FIFCFS, 2010), nearly 70 percent of children age 0–17 lived with two parents, 26 percent lived with one parent, and 4 percent lived with neither of their par ents. Parental divorce is not a single event but rather represents a series of stressful experiences for the entire family that begins with marital confl ict before the actual separation and includes many adjustments after- ward. Families must often cope with a reduction in family resources, assumption of new roles and responsibilities, establishment of new patterns of interaction, reorganization of routines, and probably the introduction of new relationships into the existing family (Hetherington & Clingempeel, 1992). Parents in confl ict, especially those who have not separated, are less able to help their children regulate emotions and behavior, and less able to self-soothe their own stress (Kelly, 2000). When such parents do separate, attention toward children’s needs is more likely to occur.

As the divorce rate has risen, so has the frequency of remarriage (Department of Health and Human Services [DHHS], 2010). When a divorced person remarries, the children gain a stepparent. With the stepparent come additional kinship relationships. New roles and obligations, not derived from custom and tradition, have to be established.

In addition to family ties based on marriage, div orce, and remarriage, over the past decade there have been large increases in the number of individuals who live with a sexual partner of the opposite sex. As a r esult of the growing prevalence of cohabitation, the number of children born to unmarried parents has also increased (DHHS, 2010).

Divorce and the Law

In the 1970s, many states changed their divorce laws to refl ect societal changes, such as the increased cost of living, employment of women, and father’s increasing role in child care. Prior to then, the law permitted divorce only if one spouse committed such serious marital misconduct as adultery, cruelty, or desertion. Traditional divorce proceedings involved a determination of who was guilty and who was innocent. Child custody arrangements and fi nancial settlements were intended to reward the innocent party and punish the guilty one. For example, a woman deemed to be the innocent party would not have to agree to a divorce unless her husband, deemed to be the guilty party, provided adequate support for her and the children. Further, judges would often divide property in accor- dance with family need. Th e mother and children retained the family home and enough support to avoid sudden poverty (Skolnick, 1987). Divorce cases were often costly fi nan- cially and emotionally—to both parents and children.

Today, divorce law is “no-fault”; assigning blame is no longer a legal issue. I nstead, divorces are granted on the basis of “irreconcilable diff erences” or “marital breakdown.”

Th e fi nancial consequence, in most states, is that the family’s assets are divided equally between the spouses, often necessitating that the family home being sold. Th us, in addition to the emotional impacts of the dissolution of a marriage, there are signifi cant economic and social ones as well.

Divorce and the Family Effect on Family Functions

Divorce has certain consequences for family functioning and the socialization of children. Barring external social support, the eff ect of divorce on the custodial parent is that the responsibilities double. Th e single parent is responsible for fi nancial support, child care, and home maintenance. Because the parent is usually under great stress, parenting is likely to diminish (Goodman, Emery, & Haugaard, 1998). Th e children may have to take increased responsibility for themselves and may have less time available to spend with the parent to receive love and security. In an attempt to prevent the consequences of divorce,

What infl uences family composition?

What events affect family ties?

What are the impacts of current divorce laws and custody arrangements on families and children?

How does the family adapt to divorce?

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82 CHAPTER 3

some states are enacting mandatory waiting periods, mediation, and marital counseling before legalizing an application for divorce.

Dynamics

To assess the eff ect of divorce, one must examine how all the various members of the family deal with the transition, reestablish their role obligations to one another, and perform such functions as the following (Hetherington & Clingempeel, 1992):

Socialization/education.

■ Child rearing must continue; behavior must be monitored, values and morals imparted.

Assignment of social roles/authority.

■ Power for decision making within the family

must be allocated and responsibilities for tasks assigned.

Economic support/domestic responsibilities.

■ The family must obtain enough

money to provide for the support of its members. Th e physical well-being of the children must be provided for, and the residence must be maintained in a safe and healthy manner.

Nurturance/emotional support.

■ Caring and involvement toward one another are

necessary to provide for the emotional well-being of family members.

A divorcing family’s ability to carry on its former functions is aff ected not only by the coping skills of its members but also b y societal forces, such as economic disparity for females, attitudes regarding the ideal two-parent family, and available informal or formal support services in the community (Coontz, 1997; Hetherington, 1989).

Regardless of their marital status, women do not earn income on the same scale as men.

Sometimes a woman who heads a family must turn to her o wn family of orientation or to the government for economic assistance. Evidence has shown that children living in mother-only families were four times as likely to be poor compared to children living with two parents (Children’s Defense Fund [CDF], 2010).

Socioeconomics

Th e change in the economic status of the family resulting from divorce means not only a change in family consumption habits, but often a change in housing. Moving in itself is a source of stress to the family; for one thing, former neighborhood supports are no longer available. Also, maintaining two households is costly when a parent lives in one place but must contribute to another.

Authority Distribution

Divorce aff ects the distribution of authority within the family. Before the divorce, the father may have had more authority because traditionally he had been regarded as the primary breadwinner, or authority may have been shared by both parents. After the divorce, however, the residential parent assumes day-to-day authority over the children, and the nonresidential parent becomes restricted to areas spelled out in the divorce agreement. Hetherington and Kelly (2002) found that both fathers’ and mothers’ authority over children, as indicated by their parenting practices, tended to deteriorate in the fi rst two years following the divorce. Th ere was less consistency, control, and aff ection.

Domestic Responsibility

Divorce aff ects the distribution of the domestic functions of the family . Before the divorce, both parents performed chores related to family functioning. If the mother was not employed outside the home, it was likely that she was primarily r esponsible for household duties and child care while the father was earning the money. In such cases, after the divorce, the mother was more likely to have residential custody of the children

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Ecology of the Family 83

( Hetherington & Kelly, 2002). Generally, she had to fi nd work outside the home because of the reduction in the father’s economic contribution to her and the children. In addition, she had to fi nd someone to care for the children. Th e father, in turn, had to assume the domestic duties associated with his separate household or else hire someone to clean, cook, shop, and do laundry. If the mother was employed outside the home before the divorce, the father may have shared domestic responsibilities with her; so after the divorce, his chores became hers.

Emotional Support

Th e isolation of the nuclear family from relatives compounds the dilemma of the burdens thrust upon the divorced family—relatives cannot be called upon for help with child care, household duties, or emotional support. Because emotional support is one of the functions of the family, and divorce removes one adult from the context, the remaining adult no longer has someone with whom to share the burdens and joys of child rearing. Neither is there someone with whom to share the daily decision making and to provide needed psychological support.

Effects of Divorce on Children

Th e National Center for Health Statistics stopped publishing numbers of divorce and remarriage in 2000 because some states no longer count them. However, based on past data, almost one out of two marriages ends in div orce. Most divorces occur within the fi rst ten years for both first marriages and fi rst remarriages. Children experience a deep sense of loss, develop divided loyalties, and often feel helpless against for ces beyond their control. In summarizing the last three decades of research on the eff ects of divorce, Hetherington and Kelly (2002) report that although children of divorced parents, as a group, have more adjustment problems than do children of never-divorced parents, the divorce per se is not necessarily the major cause of these pr oblems; rather, the negative effects of confl ict in troubled marriages can be obser ved in children years before the divorce takes place. Ahrons (2007) found similar results interviewing 173 grown children 20 years after the divorce.

Parental divorce involves a series of stressful interactions between children and their environment as the family restructures. However, not all children react to divorce in the same way (Lansforth, 2009). Children’s reactions depend on the various personalities involved, their coping skills, and the parents’ relations with their children, as well as with each other (Ahrons, 2007; Cowan, Powell, & Cowan, 1998). Reactions also depend on such factors as children’s age and gender, how much family disharmony existed before the divorce, and how available other people are to the parents for emotional support, and to the children for role models (Kelly & Emery, 2003; Hetherington & Stanley-Hagan, 2002). Studies by Hetherington (1988, 1989, 1993) show that during and after parental divorce, children often exhibit marked changes in behavior, such as acting out, particu- larly in school. An analysis of academic achievement of high school students showed that those from divorced families had signifi cantly lower achievement levels than those from married families (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002).

Child’s Age and Divorce Effects

Preschool-age children’s self-concept was found to be aff ected by divorce (Wallerstein &

Kelly, 1996). In particular, the child’s views of the dependability and pr edictability of relationships were disrupted. Some children blamed themselves for the breakup.

For example, one 5-year-old child said, “If only I didn’t whine like Daddy said, he wouldn’t have left me.” Even a year later, in a follow-up study, almost half the children in the sample still display ed heightened anxiety and aggression. Th ese authors also found that school-age children responded to divorce with sadness, fear, feelings

How do children experience parental divorce?

This girl waves goodbye to her Mom to spend time with her Dad.

Denise Hager/Catchlight Visual Services/Alamy

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84 CHAPTER 3

of deprivation, and some anger (Wallerstein, Corbin, & Lewis, 1988; Wallerstein &

Kelly, 1996). Th ey, like the preschool children, were still struggling after a year with the changes in their lives. School-age children had diffi culty focusing their attention on school-related tasks.

In various studies (Amato, 2000; H etherington & Clingempeel, 1992; Lansfor d, 2009), young children of divorce were found to be more dependent, aggressive, whiny, demanding, unaff ectionate, and disobedient than children from married families. Th ey feared abandonment, loss of love, and bodily harm. Th e behavior and fears expressed were due, in part, to the parents’ preoccupation with their own needs, as well as to the ensuing role confl icts. When compared to parents of married families, divorced parents of preschoolers were less consistent in their discipline and less nurturant. Also, communica- tion was not as eff ective, and they made fewer demands for mature behavior from their children.

Adolescents, unlike younger children, feel little sense of blame for the separation of their parents, but they feel resentment. Th ey are often pawns in each parent’s bid for loy- alty: “She tells me terrible things about my dad; when I’m with him, he tells me terrible things about her.” Th ey are also still burdened by painful memories of the divorce ten years later (Wallerstein, Corbin, & Lewis, 1988) and even 20 years later, especially if one or both parents remarried (Ahrons, 2007).

Child’s Gender and Divorce Effects

Gender infl uences the impact of divorce, with research showing that boys are harder hit.

Two years after the divorce, many boys have trouble concentrating, do poorly on intel- ligence tests, and have diffi culty with math. Also, they interact aggr essively with their mothers, their teachers, and boys their own age. Monitoring of boys was lower in divorced non-remarried households, and the bo ys engaged in more antisocial behavior (Hetherington, 1993; Hetherington & Clingempeel, 1992). Girls tend to cry and whine to vent their sadness—and this gets them support. Although preadolescent girls seem to adjust to the divorce within two to three years, evidence has accumulated showing problems related to feminine gender-role development emerging at adolescence. Problems in- clude diffi cult heterosexual relationships, precocious sexual activity, and confrontational exchanges with the mother (Ellis et al., 2003; Hetherington, 1993).

Children from a divorced family lack the live-in sex-role model of one parent, usually the father, who resides separately. As children grow, each parent interprets society to them. According to Lamb (2004), the father’s role in the socialization of children is very important in that he not only models and teaches gender roles, he also models and teaches other values and morals. Opposite-sex role models for children, however, are available in the form of relatives, teachers, coaches, or community service personnel.

Child Custody Arrangements and Divorce Effects

Children involved in custody battles are the most torn by divorce (Kelly, 2000). To avoid this win/lose situation, some judges mandate joint custody, sharing responsibility for children; others rule based on the child’s “best interests.” Th e eff ects of various custody arrangements are discussed later.

Child’s Emotional Support and Divorce Effects

Although divorce is upsetting to everyone involved, it is probably worse for a child to live in an embattled household. For parents, divorce is a very stressful time, and feelings of depression, loss of self-esteem, and helplessness interfere with parenting abilities. Parents must fi nd support outside the family to bolster their confi dence in themselves and their ability to parent. Th ey must tell the child that even though they are divorcing each other, they are not divorcing the child. Relatives, teachers, friends, and community services are resources for support.

Go to the Education CourseMate website to watch the video entitled

“Communicating with Families: Best Practices in an Early Childhood Setting.” This video exemplifi es co- parenting. The cooperation between the parents seems idealistic. Based on your own, or friends’, experiences, how would you describe the reality of divorce for kids?

TeachSource Video Activity

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