The method used will focus on a step-by-step negotiated understanding of the main conversational framework.
3.3.1 Preparation
An important part of the work in mentoring is the work that mentors do in preparing themselves to be effective as they can. Becoming empathetically focused is an importantfirst step. Empathy is an overused expression to the point where it has lost its significance.“It means temporarily living [in the mentee’s] life, moving about in
it delicately without making judgments”(Rogers and Sanford cited in Kaplan and Sadock1984, p. 1378). There are several aspects of developing empathy for the mentor including:
a. Connecting with the mentee using appropriate non-verbal behaviour (discussed below);
b. Demonstrating an appropriate amount of emotional interest in the mentee’s issues;
c. Giving the mentee plenty of time to respond to questions, and reflections;
d. Ensuring that the reflecting questioning is done using a sensitive vocal tone so that the mentee picks up on the mentor’s intended aim. (Watson2002), and e. Not rushing to a conclusion on behalf of the mentee.
Being overly empathetic may mean that the mentor is less partial than is helpful in the mentoring relationship. This point needs to be considered when matching mentors and mentees. Sometimes choosing a mentor with an opposite“profile”may facilitate a more objective stance for both.
A mentor needs to maintain oversight of the purpose and their emotions in comparison to those of the mentee, ensuring high levels of mental acuity for engagement throughout the relationship.
To relate well to mentees means that the mentor needs to become a critically-conscious person. Prior to the first conversation with the mentee, the mentor needs to identify any faulty logic in their thinking or the way they plan to engage with the mentee. In order to achieve this, mentors need to be able to reflect on their own values and needs accordingly: What are the needs and fears of the mentor? Are there any particular concerns that they have personally or profes- sionally? Have they skewed their perceptions in some way? How? What buttons of theirs are being pushed by the mentee intentionally or unintentionally?
Consequently, it is important for the mentor to work out:
1. Why have they accepted the role and the responsibility of being a mentor?
2. Why has the mentor accepted this particular mentee? Was the mentee simply assigned without the mentor selecting them?
Exploring the responses and reasons to these two questions is important for an effective mentoring outcome. It allows the mentor to sharpen purpose and intention which inevitably assists the mentee in achieving the outcomes they need.
Most mentors have had opportunities to initiate complex and layered conver- sations on a frequent basis. These conversations may not have always felt like
“opportunities” especially if they proved to be challenging. If that is the case, mentors need to reflect back on some of these conversations and work out how they handled each one and asked: what worked well? What did not? What were the peculiarities of each? Did they have any concerns about them at the time and if so what were they? Did they take appropriate steps to ameliorate the concerns? If not, why not?
It is important to remember before embarking on a mentoring journey, whether as a mentor or mentee, that neither one can anticipate what is going to happen. This is true in everyday conversations too. Sometimes these conversations and rela- tionships do not progress as people expect or want.
From the outset, the mentor needs to explore with the mentee, the types of issues or situations have they found to lead to difficulties in the workplace or in a pro- fessional setting of their choice. This assists both to consider the factors that can exacerbate these situations or prevent the mentee from going in the desired direction with participants following through with preferred actions.
The conversation might start with the mentee describing a situation either one that has taken place or construct a scenario which they would like to see happen.
The following questions could be posed to the mentee for a given scenario, either within a mentoring session or for“homework”so that they can address them from their perspective:
1. How would/should they like to have acted?
2. What would/should others have done in this situation?
3. Did they act wisely?
4. Did they act well?
5. What were their motivations?
6. Were their feelings? Are these morally justified?
7. What could they have improved?
8. What do they need to do to make the situation better in future?
9. Have they learnt anything from the mentoring conversation?
During the conversation where the mentor works with the mentee or when the mentee returns from reflecting on them alone, the mentor follows up by asking:
When you address these nine questions, do they help or not? How? Why?Why not?
Through this process, the mentor becomes aware of the mentee’s own context, content and what they would like to see achieved through mentoring.
Often during mentoring, a situation or question is raised by the mentee in which they demonstrate discomfort and eitherfind it difficult to respond or avoid a tricky question. One way to tackle this is for the mentor to make a note of it and return to it later. Whenever it is tackled, the mentor can explore it further by asking the mentee:“Have they had related experiences?”If so, the mentor can then explore the differences and similarities between that situation and the one under discussion. In exploring this, the mentor observes the mentee’s non-verbal behaviour which is so crucial in detecting discomfort or concern that they might have about an issue:
(a) Word choice (b) Tone of voice (c) Eye gaze (d) Facial expression
(e) Placement of hands, legs, etc.
(f) Posture
This attentiveness to non-verbal cues is important in all interactions with the mentee including the following barriers which are also having an influence.
a. Personal barriers:
• Expectations (prior or current)
• Educational background presupposes assumptions and values
• Emotional baggage due to the nature of the working relationship
• Being self-focused
• Overburdened by tasks, expectations: personal and others b. Communication barriers:
• Poor communication skills especially listening
• Misperceptions
• Poor evidence c. Cultural barriers:
• Differences in backgrounds: values, beliefs, rituals
• Preferences: cultural and personal d. Environmental barriers:
• Contextual factors and distortions
A further finding requires the mentor to analyse the differences between the mentor’s and the mentee’s view of events. The mentor needs to be mindful of becoming too eager to get to the solution. If this sense starts to take hold or occur and especially if they are unaware of their haste, it can lead to the mentor talking too much and blocking the mentee, with a deleterious effect on the outcome.
Accordingly, the mentee may be less forthcoming and withhold information.
Another risk here is that the mentor becomes energised because s/he both identifies too closely with the mentee’s situation and starts offering advice based on their own personal experience. This type of response can undermine the mentor’s relationship with the mentee. More troubling is that such a response from the mentor may reflect some of the things the mentee may be experiencing with others in positions of authority such as feeling incapable, belittled and so on. Consequently, in conver- sation with the mentee, mentors need to be aware of their:
(a) Own intentions
(b) Impact the mentee in mentoring
(c) Their contributions to any difficulties they have had in conversing with the mentee
(d) Their impact on the perceptions of the mentee as well as themselves in the role of mentor, for example, unintentionally and unduly influencing the mentee in taking on their perceptions.
At some stage early in the relationship the mentor and mentee need to discuss their respective values. The timing is important as it needs to be discussed when a
good rapport has been struck between them. The conversation could be initiated by the following questions:
1. What are the values of your organisation? How different are these to your profession? Your own?
2. How do you practise and represent these values?
3. What is challenging about these values? How do you overcome these?
4. What do you do to deliver core values to your team (if relevant)?
5. What support would be helpful to you in practising these values? Who from?
3.3.2 Exploring and Gaining Agreement for Purpose
The mentor and the mentee explore what they want from mentoring overall. In order to achieve this, a mentor‐mentee agreement is developed and signed once both parties have been selected and agreed to proceed after an initial introduction.
During the introduction, each provides a summary of their backgrounds, inter- ests, and what they seek in the relationship. This step will reveal the potential elements for a workable partnership, and if both can satisfactorily commit to working toward the goals that they develop in the agreement (attached). If con- tented, they can begin to work together to establish aims, specific and achievable, using the agreement form. If they agree to enter into a mentoring relationship, the agreement underpins the mentee-mentor relationship for the time period specified within it.