REVIEW AND PRACTICE EXERCISES
Vignette 17: Kate
Kate was well practiced in the art of dialogue. Sleep deprivation was her nemesis. After a couple of hours of restful sleep, she would awake to a clamor of voices chatting about her greatest agonies or ecstasies.
Her private notebook was filled with odes to her insomnia where she would write herself to sleep:
Small me: I’m scared . . . throat, chest tight. . . . Wise one within will you help me tonight?
Wise One: Name the fear.
Small me: I’m overwhelmed. There’s too much on my plate.
Wise One: What tightens Kate’s throat?
Small me: I feel all alone. I cannot feel you.
Wise One: I’m here.
Small me: It’s hard to believe (that you’re here). Have I gotten in over my head?
Wise One: It’s not for you to decide. Just allow things to happen and doonlyyour best.
Small me: Ah . . . the lullaby from my childhood my mother sang to me . . .Just do your best.
Wise One: Stay in (a place of) love. . . . Work from love. . . . Love is all that matters.
Kate fell asleep repeating the last line as a mantra, thinking she had somehow channeled the Beatles.
On another night, she was tackled by the sirens of ecstasy. With her IQ pumped up a few billion points, the following unfolded:
Me: Why am I having an orgy of thoughts, I’d like to know!
Will they stay or will they go?
But go they must!
Divine within, come back to the home you never left.
(Continued) Review and Practice Exercises
Kate was awed into a peaceful sleep. Sometimes writing comes more easily to her than the meditation exercises in Chapter 25. For those who are just beginning to learn that talking to your Self is the very opposite of insanity, the following exercise is offered. It addresses the details of dialogue until it unfolds naturally.
Are you smiling as you watch ego feasting on itself?
What say you now to this cannibalistic sight?
Divine: I’m perched on high. You leave me little room.
I watch amazed at synaptic booms.
I never appear an unbidden guest.
My powers are great, so ask within,
‘‘Are you sure I’m wanted to still this din?
. . . Has everyone had its say—
Overexcited from too much day?’’
Me: I still hear some thoughts:
‘‘I could show this poem to. . . . It might help him. . . .’’
Is that Show-off Suzy flashing her wares, or . . . Helpful Hanna whoreallycares, or. . . .
Sammie the Slave Driver saying, ‘‘Do more, Do more, Do more. . . .’’
Divine: So do you want my full presence, my beloved?
I will bring rest. I know the day is done. Not a thing is left to do.
I know your secrets . . . your desire to impress.
But magic happens when you rest.
Riches come from rest well received.
Rest in my love and rejoice in whatever you receive.
Exercise 1
Connecting with Misguided Personality Parts
A 26-year-old woman named Camille had given birth to a baby 8 months previously. She identified a
‘‘Size Critic’’ and an ‘‘Inner Comforter’’ during therapy. However, as she began to dialogue, a new part emerged. Such techniques as the butterfly hug (Vignette 8) and the truth test (Vignette 11) were used to ensure that her real Self thoroughly connected with misguided personality parts. Uncoversuggested answers in the right column as you move through the dialogue.
(I¼Identify; N¼Narrate; Q¼Question.)
Camille’s Dialogue Suggested Answers
Size Critic: I’m fat; my belly is so big? (Change
‘‘I’’ statement to a ‘‘You’’ message to show that it came from a personality part, not Camille’s true self)
Size Critic: You’re fat; your belly is so big!
Comforter (N—feelings the Critic is causing):You are making Camille feel————
Comforter: You’re making Camille feel unattrac- tive and hopeless. How is callinghernames going to help? (Note that the Comforter refers to Ca- mille in the third person.)
Critic: She’s lazy and won’t exercise.
Review and Practice Exercises
Seasoned professionals will recognize that the butterfly hug, hitting pillows, and talking to imaginary people are imports from other treatment orientations.Empowering Dialoguesis a marriage of many therapies that brings a trousseau of something old, something new, something borrowed, and something true to the clinical setting. The stage is set to breathe new life into therapy. The last two chapters will clarify the delivery of protocols and sources from which they have emerged.
Camille’s Dialogue Suggested Answers
Comforter (Q—reasons for laziness):———— Comforter: Why doesn’t she want to exercise?
Critic: She can’t spend money on the gym. It would be wasteful to spend money on herself.
Comforter (N—contradiction in Critic’s thinking):
————
Comforter: You’re telling her she is too lazy to ex- ercise, but you don’t want her to spend money on herself. It seems like you have her in a bind.
Critic (feels calm and quiet for a moment . . . ) New voice: She cannot spend time away from her husband. She has to keep him happy.
(I—new part. Is it a Controller, Protector, Pusher, Pleaser, or Critic)? ————
New part: Pleaser Pleaser: She cannot spend time away from her
husband. She has to keep him happy.
Comforter (N—type of thought and resulting feel- ing): ————
Comforter: When you give Camille an order to keep her husband happy, she feels resentful.
Pleaser: But her husband expects her to keep him happy and not to run around.
Comforter (Q—origin of misinformation):
————
Comforter: Where did you get the idea that Ca- mille has to keep people happy?
Pleaser: Her parents got divorced when she was 10 because her dad cheated. But he said it was Ca- mille’s fault. He hated being alone and made Ca- mille feel bad for him. He even asked her to do things that might make her mother want to come back to him. He still does that!
Comforter (notices anger and tension in arms;
N—release of feelings verbally and nonverbally.
Use such props as a pillow and feed Camille lines): ————
Comforter: Young Camille had every right to feel angry. You can give a pillow a few punches and pretend you’re 10. Tell him it wasn’t right. He was an adult; he could have gone on with his life and not involved you.
Comforter (notices a little tension remains and sets up the butterfly hug to process remaining emotion): ————
Comforter: Let me give you a hug while you si- lently repeat what you just told your father and add any words or actions you like. (Crosses arms so that opposite hands touch shoulders and gives them alternating taps, about 20).
Comforter (notices inner calm; gives Camille a statement of truth to test if she fully understands that it is fine to have time for herself): ————
Comforter: It’s okay for Camille to be away from her husband to go to the gym
(Younger part confirms truth test with an addition- al statement): Your husband’s not like your dad.
He can take care of himself, and he won’t leave (feels calm and connected).
Review and Practice Exercises
Chapter 6
Therapists’ Guide to Empowering Dialogues
Therapy through Dialogue 6.3
Coaching Aids 6.6
Counseling Emotional Entities and Abreaction 6.11
Comparison to Related Approaches 6.15
‘‘Why are you wandering foolishly in the forest?’’ a son asked his elderly mother.
‘‘I am looking for God,’’ she smiled slyly.
‘‘Isn’t God everywhere and always the same?’’ the young man queried.
‘‘Indeed, the Holy One is, but I am not,’’ countered the matron in delight. (Shulem, n.d.) Clinicians often feel they are wandering foolishly in their efforts to help people out of wooded thickets that entrap them. But wise therapists know that the way out is to go deeper in. Entering their consulting rooms to be fully engaged with others, counselors become extraordinary, leaving their everyday selves behind. Neophytes, barely out of graduate school, may be transformed by their compassion and literally love their clients through problems. The excitement of learning a new approach can infuse sessions with a healing energy. Journeymen, who have acquired skills and techniques, come to the therapy hour armed with a structure. As long as they do not try to mold people to match their theories, their sense ofexpertiseinduces enough confidence to just be with
The landscape mandala shows the division of polar opposites (earth mother/sky father) producing a new synthesis. The 13-year-old artist placed a tree with an expansive canopy in the foreground expressing her desire to interact with friends who seem to appear on the horizon.
The focal point draws the eye endlessly inward—suggesting spirituality that surpasses the artist’s years. Designed by Lela Posey and graphically interpreted by Gavin Posey.
those who seek help and allows needed ideas to emerge. Master healers are reborn into the love that brought them to the profession. They have learned that their best teachers are those who come to them in need. After thoroughly analyzing one or many therapeutic strategies, they synthesize the essence of how to use their personhood to reach others.
Empowering Dialogues Withinoffers new paths to lead clients into the heart of their darkness—
to hunt the voices that haunt interiors of the mind and illuminate them. Each person is uncharted territory. There is no ‘‘yellow brick road’’ leading to the center of the Self, but therapists who are acquainted with personality parts and Selves can be guides to help people track trails to true Being.
Innovative ideas and a well-defined processes bring excitement and confidence to helpers in their clinical encounters. The method requires practice, but its simplicity can lead counselors to meet others with the most effective part of their own selves. The conception of this uncomplicated approach was born of powerful influences.
Therapists’ Guide to Empowering Dialogues