4.5 Intercultural Intelligence
4.5.11 Sample cultural differences between Americans and the French
Did you score more than five on the above checklist? If so, you probably will perform well interculturally.
4.5.11 Sample cultural differences between Americans and the French
French and American cultures are taken as examples here based on the author's personal experience as an American national who has lived for over forty years as an expatriate in France. Many of these "lessons" from the deeply submerged part of the high-‐context "iceberg" that it took years of integrating to learn.
Raised in American culture where social mobility is expected and there is easy access to how-‐to books such as "The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of
Etiquette", it was mystifying at first not to find such a guidebook upon arrival in France in the 1970s. Until French commoner-‐turned-‐baronness Nadine de Rothschild started publishing her life experience in "Le Bonheur de Séduire, L'Art de Réussir" in 2010, there was no guide for social mobility in France.
According to this author's personal experience with having to decipher French aristocracy for professional reasons in the early 1980s, the rules of etiquette were known only by the elite who had been steeped in a "good family
education"; that education was worn like the slim blue and red lapel threads that denote the Ordre du Mérite and the Légion d'Honneur, respectively: with proud discretion. There was no particular impetus to share this insider information;
social status was a closed club.
The following will not attempt to decipher French aristocracy but hopes to impart tidbits of information useful to expatriates hoping to feel more comfortable and accepted in France.
Office Doors
It is expected in France that people will knock on a closed door and then enter; a closed door in the U.S. means, Do Not Enter: You are expected to knock and then wait for permission to enter.
Friendships
In France, it is considered that an intimate friend whom you trust will always tell you the truth, so when a Frenchman asks a friend for his/her opinion, he expects a frank answer, even if it's not flattering. This process may not be calm and may involve lively, loud, apparently antagonistic discussion. An American, seeing this reaction, would think these people were fighting and would not understand they are best friends. In the U.S., friends expect their "best friends"
to always be on their side, always supportive and never critical although they may assume the role of "advisor". Therefore, if a French person tells an
American the truth, i.e., exactly what he thinks and that is not what the American wants to hear, the American will consider the French person very rude and not a
friend; and the French person will never understand why he can't keep any American friends! (Carroll, 1988)
Attitudes
In France, wit or "esprit" takes precedent over all else, even good manners. In the U.S., good manners are a first priority, no matter what! For instance, if a French person breaks your best plate, he will try to cover it with a quick-‐witted quip such as, "That plate was obviously in the wrong spot!" and then not
apologize to his hostess. The French person may never mention having broken a plate but will try to find something suitable to replace it with – either the same value or the same item – and give it to his hostess the next time he's invited for dinner (if he ever is!). An American would immediately apologize to his hostess and replace the plate exactly the next day. It would be considered excellent manners for him to ask his hostess where she had purchased the plate and the pattern reference; armed with that, he would make arrangements with the store to have the plate delivered to his hostess immediately. He would find the French reaction extremely rude and nonchalant. (Platt, 1998)
Social Behavior
In social situations in France, people are not expected to "lecture" on a subject but rather just to keep the ball going – using their wit and "esprit" – like in a good tennis match. Conversations are meant to include the whole group. Business is not an acceptable subject in a French social gathering. Americans, who are less interested in public displays of wit, are more interested in getting to know people and think others want to know them too. So when a French person asks an American a question, the American tends to give replies that are far too long and too personal, thus the French person thinks he's a bore. The American thinks the Frenchman is rude because he rapidly tries to change the subject and get "the ball" back to the group discussion rather than continue a dialogue with the American. The American would probably prefer talking business at all occasions, and this is distasteful to the French who try to get away from the stress of work in their social moments. (Carroll, 1988)
Americans would do well in France to do what the French call, "faire la blonde", i.e., just sit around relaxed and listening in all social occasions (Platt, 1998). The smart American will memorize at least one witty thing to say (or a quote or a historic fact) prior to the occasion and then let it drop during the conversation.
The French will think the American is brilliant and invite him back – providing the American has admired the food and demonstrated a good appetite. Most French (like anyone else!) would never invite back a "bore". However, what is boring to the French -‐ someone who goes on and on in detail about himself or about business, who doesn't drink or who dares to say, "Oh, I don't eat that!" or
"I don't like that" at table -‐ may not be boring in other cultures. Americans have a reputation in France for "lecturing" and "hogging the stage". They would do well to remember that no one person in any social setting should speak for more than three minutes at a time. To speak longer is to lose your audience.
Exercises
For a fun and informative way to learn more about yourself, take the following tests:
1) Test on Trustworthiness -‐ http://trustsuite.trustedadvisor.com/ ; 2) Intercultural Dining Test http://www.fekids.com/img/kln/flash/DontGrossOutTheWorld.swf
For discussion
Are Americans racist because they take polls and censuses based on sex, age, income level, ethnic origin, religion and sexual orientation? What is the French law and attitude toward this kind of polling/profiling? What is similar or difference in the U.K?
Please read the following excerpt from an online video discussing the results of the 2012 Presidential election in the United States (Up with Chris Hayes,
Opinion piece of Saturday, November 10, 2012 "Conservatives are creating their own worst enemies", http://tv.msnbc.com/show/up-‐with-‐chris-‐hayes/ then answer the above questions.
"Race is a social construction. It is not something out there in the world but rather something that we create the rules, rhetoric and identity for. In the political process, nothing more assuredly creates firm political group identities than the experience of prejudice, contempt, marginalization and condescension.
That is, in American history, the identity of those not classified as white tends to be forged in the furnace of contempt by the majority...Conservatives are creating their own electoral enemies...The beating heart of modern Conservatism is its visceral appeal to the anxiety and fears of white Christians. This is a different statement than saying the beating heart of modern conservatism is white racism or white supremacy. It's not, or not principally. It's simply white identity
politics, with all the pathos and ugliness that that implies. And if you don't believe that, go look over some of the conservative threads or the Drudge Report or Fox News with a deep understanding of the modern conservative anxiety base...Policy opposition is a direct symptom of the problem, not the cause...For conservatives, there is simply too much to be gained by deeding the feeling of persecution and siege that many white Christians feel down to their toes...That insecurity as a fact is real and it isn't going away. This does not mean that demography is destiny as it is always changing. But the only way to change things is for our leadership to stop appealing to constituencies worst instincts."
Questions
1. What is the Ladder of Inference? Give an example of how it works.
2. What is a good definition of culture?
3. What are the four components of the Intercultural Performance Pyramid?
4. Why is the study of intercultural communication important?
5. What is the process of cultural experience?
6. What are the eight core values of cultural experience?
7. Who developed the theory of proxemics and what does it mean?
8. What is meant by polychronic and monochronic?
9. What does a closed office door mean to an American and why?
10. What is the difference between the understanding of friendship in France and the USA?
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