CHAPTER 5: DISCUSSION
5.3 Dominant sexual behaviours in Ematyholweni
5.3.1 Demonstrating reputation and virility
Sexual activity is a very important element of manhood (Frank et al., 2008; Van der Riet, 2009). For many men in this study, sexual activity was related to the social construction of manhood. Sex was about their reputation. Men in this study demonstrated their manhood through being sexually active, having multiple sexual partners, not using condoms and having children. Having a variety of sexual partners was perceived as important for the reputation of men. In the research context, having multiple sexual partners positioned them as ‘proper’ men.
Men with multiple partners were termed ‘udlalane’ or ‘isibethi’ (players) and this gave them power and status amongst their peers. These terms were used to compliment men with multiple
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sexual partners. This is consistent with Varga’s (1997; 1999) studies in KwaZulu-Natal where a man demonstrating multiple sexual conquests was termed ‘isoka’, giving him a positive social status.
This shows that men often feel the pressure to engage in sex and multiple sexual partnerships in order to uphold the desired image of manhood. This desire is often felt as if it is an individual and personal desire but it does not originate within the individual but in the system (Van der Riet, 2009). Seeing one’s peers having multiple sexual partners makes it seem normal and desirable. Reddy and Dunne (2007) argue that a man’s failure to have sexual experiences can lead to stigma within peer groups. This was reflected in this study by the use of the isXhosa term isishumane (a shoemaker), a belittling and shameful name for a man not having sexual partners or having just one sexual partner (Van der Riet, 2009). Thus, men who did not have multiple sexual partners were stigmatised and ridiculed by their peers. However, the notion of manhood associated with multiple sexual partners exposes men to an increased risk of HIV (Reddy, 2004).
According to Hollway (1984, p. 232), “men’s sexuality is understood through the male sex drive discourse: they are expected to be sexually incontinent and out of control - ‘it’s only natural’”. Having multiple sexual partners enables men to be positioned as subjects in the male sex drive. Male sexuality is seen as natural and therefore cannot be inhibited. Participants believed that men’s infidelity was common and inevitable. Men were perceived as people who are unfaithful and unable to be with only one woman. This presents dilemmas and tensions for men’s sexual safety. Safe sex messages which encourage abstinence and one sexual partner may be felt as inappropriate for their concept of manhood. These tensions are within the outcomes of the activity, namely identity and HIV. Thus, many men’s sexual health is limited by the construction of masculinity because they want to be perceived as ‘proper’ men.
According to Leclerc-Madlala et al. (2009), multiple sexual partnerships have been recognised as one of the key behaviours that increase vulnerability of people to HIV infection in South Africa. It is common even when people are married (Van der Linde, 2013). The results showed that in Ematyholweni, there was tolerance and acceptance of men’s multiple sexual partnerships, which was perceived as part of manhood. There was a common belief among both men and women that men are naturally programmed to need sex and cannot control their natural sexual urges. This shows that people draw on the male sex drive discourse in which
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men are seen as having a high sex drive which they are unable to control (Hollway, 1984).
Eaton et al. (2003) argue that women implicitly endorse male multiple sexual partners as they often do not expect to be the only sexual partner and they do not question this. The findings of this study show that approval of this behaviour creates tensions and dilemmas within the norms/rules of the sexual activity system, according to which the male partner is expected to have an outside partner and also to be monogamous. It was difficult for women to question, confront and challenge their male sexual partners about their outside partners even when they suspect infidelity. It can be argued that positioning men as always wanting sex exposes both men and women to the risk of HIV infection.
Multiple sexual partnerships were also influenced by alcohol consumption. For many people, entertainment usually involves alcohol consumption. The majority of men in this study said it was easy for them to engage in sexual relations with other partners in places where alcohol was consumed. This is consistent with several studies (Erinosho et al., 2012; Fisher et al., 2007;
Morojele et al., 2005) which found that alcohol intake increases risky sexual behaviour. Some men said they leave their primary partner at home and find themselves being sexually involved with other partners when drunk. There was a belief among participants that when men are drunk, they could not control with whom, how and where they had sex.
Most of men said that they used or would use condoms with a casual partner. This is consistent with Varga (1997) and Preston-Whyte (1999), who found that casual sexual relations were not seen as genuine relationships; therefore, it was easy to negotiate and use condoms. Erinosho et al. (2012, p. 121) argue that “alcohol is a catalyst for risky sexual behaviour” as it may impair the judgment required to make decisions about safe sexual practice. There was substantial evidence in the data that casual sex, and sex under the influence of alcohol, was unprepared and therefore not safe sex. Although most of the participants said casual sex involved using a condom, it did not always happen. This exposed them and their primary partner to the risk of HIV. Thus, alcohol misuse might affect sexual decision-making and alcohol could be understood as mediating condom use for those who consume it.
Linked to the notion of manhood, was the ‘manly’ desire for condomless sex. Condomless sex was seen as something that men needed, a basic necessity for men, making consistent condom use problematic in relationships. Many men resisted the use of condoms because they dislike
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the way condoms interfered with sexual pleasure. This relates to the male sex drive discourse, in which sex is meant to relieve men’s sexual urges. The position of a woman in the male sex drives discourse “is as the object that precipitates men’s natural sexual urges” (Hollway, 1984, p. 233).
Most men perceived sex as a source of pleasure and condoms were seen to reduce pleasure associated with sexual activity. This is consistent with most of the literature in which men complain that condoms reduce sexual sensation (Browne & Minichiello, 1994; Chimbiri, 2007;
Flood, 2003). Even though issues of pleasurable sex were more pronounced in men, some young women also expressed the need for sexual pleasure and raised complaints about the way condoms interfered with sexual satisfaction. This reveals a tension between the object of the activity, sexual pleasure and the mediating tool of the condom. The need or desire for sexual pleasure may outweigh the risk of HIV infections.
Although married couples did not mention having sex for pleasure, they did not use condoms in their marriage. The main reason was that they need to have children because not having children would affect their identity. A man’s virility (and a woman’s fertility) is demonstrated through procreation. This finding is consistent with that of Adejoh and Uchenna (2011), Chimbiri (2007), Maharaj and Cleland (2005) and Preston-Whyte (1999), who found that the need and desire to have children in marriage is in conflict with the use of condoms. Some people believe that marriage was invented by God and therefore sex in marriage should be
‘natural’ (Chimbiri, 2007). Van der Riet (2009, p. 197) argues that “doing’ sex is about producing yourself”. Married men were against condom use because their reputation and identity as virile is impeded through the use of condoms. Thus, the desire to demonstrate the ability to have children seems to override the concerns about the risk of HIV infections. There was a clear and significant tension between the use of condoms and identity.
The participants’ arguments, particularly women, indicated that management of risk was complicated by power dynamics within relationships. The section below discusses how power dynamics constrain risk management.