CHAPTER 4: RESULTS
4.3 Dominant sexual activity dynamics
4.3.1 Low acceptance of condom use in marriage
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In the following extract, taken from a focus group of young men in the age range 18-25 years, the participants indicate that Choice condoms are the worst condoms as they break easily. This was a justification of why they were not using condoms, even when they are freely available to them. This indicates that people may not practice safe sexual behaviour (using condoms) because it takes away their enjoyment, reduces sensation, causes rash on their private parts and is uncomfortable.
Extract 19
145 P1: And these Choice condoms are even worse.
146 P2: These Choice condoms are even worse; they even burst, these Choice condoms.
147 P3: They burst, these Choice condoms.
The next section presents the major themes in the dominant dynamics around sexual activity that were revealed during data analysis. These include low acceptance of condom use in marriage, extramarital sex, multiple sexual partners, casual sex under the influence of alcohol, inter-generational sex, male control of sexual activity, fear of being ‘left alone’ and unprotected sex demonstrating love and commitment.
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Another example of this perspective comes from a focus group of young men aged between 18-25 years. These young men also argue that people in marriages do not use condoms because married people need to have children and family.
Extract 21
813 I: Now people who are married, according to what you know, do they use condoms?
814 (.2).Those that are in marriage?
815 P1: No we don’t reckon.
816 P2: No they don’t use them, I think they don’t use them.
817 I: Okay.
818 P2: Because children are wanted there.
819 I: Okay.
820 P2: Because they want a family there.
In the extract below, from a focus group of women in the age range 26-34 years, participants agree that condom use is rare in marriage because it threatens child-bearing. The participant uses the statement, “you are throwing away your seed”, meaning one is throwing away one’s children. This statement emphasises the importance of having children in marriage in this community. Condoms are seen as inhibiting the ability to procreate.
Extract 22
483 P1: It’s very rare, it’s non-existent. Any house you go into you won’t find any.
484 P2: They say a marriage is a marriage by children, so by using a condom you are jeopardising 485 that, you are throwing away your seed.
The view that married people are supposed to have children was also held by married people.
An example of this is found in the following extract, from a focus group of married men aged between 46-60 years. According to the participant, married people have sex in marriage because they want to have children. If they do not bear children, there would be a concern of infertility in the family. This seems to be reflecting a social norm about fertility.
Extract 23
259 I: All of you, okay. So do you have sex in your marriage?
260 P1: Yes we do have sex. Because if you not do that, then there will be trouble here in the family.
261 I: ((laughs)), Okay.
262 PPs: ((laughter))
263 P1: It will be like there is one of you who is infertile.
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Another example is found in the following extract, from a focus group of women aged between 46-60 years. The participant uses religious justifications for unsafe sex practice within marriage. She says married couples must have unprotected sex because they are “allowed to by God” (line 455) to have children.
Extract 24
455 P: People who are married must have sex because they were allowed to by God. When God was 456 speaking in the book of Genesis telling them to procreate.
This view makes it difficult for married people to negotiate condom use or make it happen. The participants felt that the introduction of condom use in the marriage relationship presented the suspicion that the other partner might have an outside relationship. Participants in the following extract, taken from a focus group discussion of women in the age range 46-60 years, explain how hard it is to introduce condom use to their husbands because “it is his right to get this thing and he does not care how he gets it” (lines 608-609) even if they suspect that he might be having an outside affair, because they would be accused of an outside affair (Line 612). ‘This thing’ in the above statement refers to sex (line 608). P1 explains that the request for condom use as a married woman can lead to a fight with a husband and can also end up involving families. This suggests that condom use is not expected in a marriage relationship.
Extract 25
605 I: So when he does not want to use a condom, does that mean that it will not be used?
606 P1: Even if he does not have the final word, but ultimately you will fight about it. Every time it 607 does not happen in the end you will fight and then it ends up being something big and it involves 608 families, that so and so is like this. Even if he does that he knows that it is his right to get this thing 609 and he does not care how he gets it
610 P2: And so here you are as a woman, you want to use a condom, what do you say to the man, 611 why do you want to use a condom as a married person?
612 P3: It’s not easy because whenever you want to - use a condom, no I see that you are unfaithful. It’s not 613 easy even though he sometimes does not come home or he comes late…
Being accused of having an affair makes it difficult for those who know that their partners are not faithful to insist on condom use. Many married women are aware that their husbands are unfaithful and yet they continue to engage in unprotected sex with their husbands to maintain good relations. They are expected to stay in the relationship, regardless of these suspicions. The participant indicated that gender inequalities, in which a man controls sexuality, complicate negotiating safe sexual practices. In the following extract, a married woman in the age range
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26-34 years explains how difficult it is for her husband to understand the need for safe sex practice. He only suspects her of having an affair (lines 89-90 and line 95).
Extract 26
76 I: s when you are already in a marriage. Mm, as married people, are you able to 77 speak to your husband about the risks of sex…?
81 P: ((laughs)) I talk about it, but then a man does not like to talk about those things. It 82 is usually you as the woman that usually talks about that.
83 I: m mm
84 P: Mm, but then eish, it becomes hard, it becomes hard ((shuffling)) for a man to 85 understand that=I mean a man understands that with much difficulty.
86 I: mm
87 P: That there are these diseases that you can contract through sex.
88 I: mm
89 P: And then your husband then just does not trust you then=he thinks that there is this 90 man that you are having an affair with when you keep on telling him that, yhu there is this 91 disease that is...
92 I: like this.
93 P: Eh, so rather let us use a condom most of the time.
94 I: mm
95 P: A:nd he thinks then that there is another man that you are having an affair with.
In the interviews and focus groups, there were reports of extramarital sexual relations within the research context which therefore exposed the couple to the risk of HIV infections. This issue is elaborated in detail in the following section.