However, upon closer examination of the stability or otherwise of marriage among AmaZulu as a result of patriliny. Gluckman's view has been challenged by Fallers (1957:106-121). In an analytical study of marriage and divorce among the Soga of East Uganda Faller's study found that a quarter to half of marriages studied ended in divorce, yet the Soga, like AmaZulu, are a patrilineal society. The inescapable conclusion could thus be that in such communities each of the spouses would have a strong attachment to its agnates, consequently feel lonely in the family of the other. Fallers therefore concludes that Gluckman's hypothesis needs to be modified in order to take cognisance of the fact that there may be some societies where patrilineal institutions act to stabilise marriage and others in which patriliny has the opposite effect.
Secondly the link between ilobolo and marital stability presupposes that romance played little or no role in African marriages, that it was all a question of the exchange of cattle. This assertion was strongly refuted by Evans- Pritchard (1934:1947) whom we quote at length:
" There is no necessary or constant correlation between the ideology of marriage and the psychology of the person concerned ... We should be naive to suppose that in consequence the maintenance of marriage relations is due to economic motives. Yet this assumption is at the basis of the assertion so often made that the function of bride-wealth is to stabilize marriage. The word "function" carries no meaning in this context. Is it true, moreover, that the relations between husband and wife persist through what amounts to economic blackmail? No evidence is adduced to justify belief in and functional relationship between the amount of bride-wealth paid to the bride's group and the durability of her union with her husband. No-one would deny that the difficulty of returning a very large amount of wealth may be a motive in the pressure which the parents of the girl bring to bear on her to remain with her husband, but is a hopeless distortion of social realities to regard this as an explanation of bride-wealth."
In somewhat similar vein, Krige (1936) and Dlamini (1994) argue that the relation between the ilobolo passed and marital stability is not proven. Instead Dlamini (:7) broadens the criteria for stability beyond economic considerations by pointing to an isiZulu saying that:
"Umbantshi ndliwa yinhliziyo, which means that a "person must marry the woman he loves, (such a saying) attests to the general acceptance of love as being the important consideration in marriage even in traditional society"
Thirdly the view that ilobolo stabilises marriage in that the husband would do everything to treat his wife well lest he loses his cattle does not take into account the fact that in former days ilobolo was given, not by the groom but by his father and other members of his kin. If the marriage failed, he did not stand to lose personally but rather indirectly. Besides, Simons (1958:336) observes
43 Dlamini argues, in our view convincingly, that the low divorce rate in traditional Zulu marriages was due to social, legal and moral considerations. Women were mentally prepared to face the challenges of married life with fortitude. In that sense, and properly lobola-A woman stayed in her conjugal home against all odds thus
that it would not be so difficult for a man to neglect his wife thus putting the onus on her for the break up of the marriage.
In the course of time, the situation has changed in a cash based economy, the man does provide all or almost all the ilobolo with little help from his lineage.
Even then marriages still end in divorce irrespective of ilobolo given. It is therefore inaccurate to suggest that ilobolo on its own contributes to marital stability.
In our view, ilobolo could have been one of several contributory factors to marital stability, the others being conflict resolution mechanisms that used to be readily provided by members of the extended family; the sedentary nature of traditional communities compared to the modern and highly mobile society and, more importantly, traditional religion which rendered marriage bonds to be permanent relationships.
Theologically what stabilises marriage is not what one can get out of the relationship but rather the on to logical nature of marriage as a divine institution.
Jesus' reply to the Pharisees' question about divorce brings the issue to the fore.
When asked to give his view on divorce, he pointed his interlocutors to the origin of the human race to show that the creation of the human pair and the institution of marriage were divine acts.
A biblically based marriage presupposes a self-giving love that includes romance, companionship and long term commitment. The joy of erotic human love is beautifully portrayed in Song of Songs where the woman is not a mere object of man's love but she takes the initiative in expressing her feelings (Thatcher 1999:11).
It would be simplistic to place too much weight on material possessions and gifts as the glue that keeps marital relationships stable. The history of fallen humanity is replete with well-endowed people with poor relationship skills. Of the numerous causes of interpersonal problems in such relationships one might mention poor communication, James (4:1-3), interpersonal tensions, undefined roles, inflexibility and conflict of values.