The kinds of subjects constructed in the service-learning process
6.4 Complicated subjects
6.4.2 The overwhelmed subject
In contrast to the enthusiastic subject, the participants in the talk also constructed the overwhelmed subject. The overwhelmed subject was one who felt inadequate to the demands of service-learning and working in the real world. She was hit by the realities of other people’s lives and her inability to make the changes necessary to improve them.
I was the first to suggest an overwhelmed subject in session one. Anna was recounting her enthusiasm for the exposure and I warned that this might not be as pleasant as it appeared.
Anna: .hhh I find like the (.) it’s really interesting learning about theory and 1008
everything but I feel like I’ve got to the stage I didn’t apply for masters next 1009
year because I feel like I’m not ready on a practical level cos I feel like (.) I 1010
don’t actually know what to do as a psychologist (.) like what do we 1011
practically do (.) like there’s all this theory and all this and so it’s so nice to 1012
finally be able to like get into (.) the community and see like ways like yes 1013
we’ve all done our little bits of community service (.) but to see in your 1014
capacity as like a psychologist 1015
Carol: (As like a) ja 1016
Group: Mmm 1017
Carol: Cos that’s like [(.) I’m hoping (.) I’m hoping]
1018
Mary: [You feel inadequate at this] point 1019
Group: Ja 1020
Carol: And to th you probably going to feel overwhelmed 1021
Group: Mmm 1022
Carol: And you probably going to feel I don’t know what I’m doing he he 1023
(Session 1)
In the talk, Anna indicated her lack of readiness for psychological practice and how she viewed the service-learning as an opportunity to explore this. I tried to respond but was interrupted by Mary who pointed out that they may feel “inadequate” (line 1019), which I extended to feeling “overwhelmed” (line 1021), and a sense of not knowing (“don’t know what I’m doing” (line 1023)). The group’s response to this talk was an “Mmm” (line 1022) of agreement. The use of laughter at the end of my warnings may have been an attempt to soften the blow, or lighten the mood. This is serious talk (as opposed to the enthusiastic talk described above), which served to position them as inadequate, overwhelmed and not- knowing.
The excerpt below is also from session one, where once again I positioned the students as overwhelmed, this time in relation to working with disadvantaged communities:
Carol: Exactly (..) so don’t be so surprised if you feel overwhelmed and also in:
1041
(.) if you haven’t had experience in impoverished communities that’s also 1042
often very overwhelming 1043
Lisa: It is 1044
Mary: Ja (.) just seeing people 1045
Anna: And heartbreaking 1046
Carol: Yes 1047
Elle: Uh you just you get like this (..) like hits you with like a wall (.) and you 1048
just like oh my gosh people are actually living like this 1049
(Session 1)
The notion of being overwhelmed was reinforced by my use of the word twice in one statement. Lisa, Mary and Anna agreed, and Elle, who described this awareness as being
“hit by a wall”(line 1048), added to the drama of these kinds of encounters. Through the talk, I positioned the students as possibly not aware (naïve) of the realities of working in communities. The students refuted this by indicating that they do in fact know about these things (“It is”(line 1044); “heartbreaking”(line 1046)); Elle’s statement was strongest in this regard, positioning her as aware and conscientised. The issue of being overwhelmed was, however, not refuted but was reinforced by Elle’s wall metaphor.
Throughout the sessions, there was often talk about the students being overwhelmed, mostly in relation to the demands of the work and the context. In session two, Elle talked
about the relief she experienced when she realised she did not have to take responsibility for everything that needed to happen at her community site:
Elle: Which is a really nice feeling (.) we felt like (.) like we here (.) cos it was 913 very overwhelming like I was very overwhelmed and I’ve been to like these 914 school situations for so long and I was just feeling (.) so overwhelmed I was 915 feeling (.) wow this task is huge =
916 Carol: = It is huge =
917 Elle: = And how are we supposed to [handle this] (.) 918 Carol: [It is huge]
919 Elle: And I was feeling like (.) like hhh I was feeling very claustrophobic and I 920 was thinking like how are we going to do this [this thing is so huge]
921 (Session 2)
In this extract, Elle discussed how she felt in relation to the size of the task before her. In her talk, Elle used the term “overwhelming” (line 914) and then “overwhelmed” (line 915) twice, to reiterate how she was feeling. She also used the term “huge” (lines 916; 921) twice and reported feeling “claustrophobic” (line 920). I reinforced her sense of the enormity of the task by emphasising “it is huge” twice. Despite her experience (“I’ve been to like these school situations for so long” (lines 914-915)), she also indicated not knowing how to proceed by repeating “how are we supposed to handle this” (line 918) and “how are we going to do this” (line 921). Through the talk, Elle was positioned as overwhelmed, not- knowing, small and trapped by the demands of the service-learning. I did not offer her any relief from these positions, but reinforced her report.
These extracts also demonstrate the construction of an ‘other’, “the community”,
“disadvantaged communities”, “people”, who are unfamiliar and whose strangeness is part of the reason for being overwhelmed.
The overwhelmed subject position allows the students to be inadequate to the “huge” task of working in ‘strange’ communities. It creates the conditions for failure to be acceptable, and the need for support to be legitimised. It serves to normalise the feelings involved and creates a shared understanding between the participants that the kind of engagement the enthusiastic subject promotes is not always possible.