CHAPTER 5
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The strategies I share in this chapter foster an approach to working with your child’s teachers and administrators that is based on kindness.
Initiating Communication
Schedule a meeting at the start of the school year or as soon as you learn who your child’s teacher will be. The first meeting sets the ground-work for the entire school year. Let the teacher know your child loves learning but may need extra help. Tell the teacher that you will do all you can to provide whatever support he or she recommends. If you are already working with school administrators, you can ask if they should be included in this meeting.
Include homework in your conversation. It is important to under-stand a teacher’s expectations for the coming year so that you can help complete assignments correctly. For example, some teachers only want to see that an attempt was made on an assignment while others expect proofread submissions. You should also collaborate with your child’s teacher regarding a plan for when your child does not understand a concept or cannot complete an assignment.
Finally, ask about the length of time the teacher expects students to spend on homework. Follow up with: “What happens if my child fre-quently needs to spend a significantly longer amount of time on home-work? Are there adjustments that can be made so that homework takes a similar amount of time as it does for the rest of the class? Can my child receive extensions?” By seeking answers to these questions, you will be able to help your child have a successful start to the school year.
Maintaining Communication
Ask your child’s teacher how he or she prefers to communicate and when. It is also good to ask about a reasonable timeframe to receive a response. Respect the teacher’s boundaries, and don’t expect responses on weekends or in the evenings. A good way to approach this is to ask,
“When would it be okay for me to follow up?”
If you are concerned about an issue, request a meeting. It’s tempting to pop in or start chatting after school, but it’s not the best strategy. You deserve to have an uninterrupted conversation, and your child’s teacher
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deserves time to set up a game plan for fully addressing your concerns. If you choose to start an impromptu conversation, however, at least begin by asking if it’s okay to start the conversation and offering to schedule a different time, if needed.
You will maximize meetings with your child’s teacher if you come prepared, encourage him or her to speak freely, and work together to come up with steps that can be taken in the classroom and reinforced at home. End your meetings by setting a date to check in or meet again so that you leave with a plan for the moment and a timeframe for next steps. Send a follow- up email summarizing the main conclusions to confirm your understanding and the tasks ahead. Be sure to express gratitude for all attendees’ time and caring.
End- of- the- Year Meetings and Summer Academics
The focus of an end- of- the- year meeting should be to create a summer plan for academic support and to prepare your child for the transition into the next school year. Schedule the meeting so that your child’s teacher and others involved have plenty of time to put together a plan of action before school lets out. Four to five weeks ahead of time is a good aim. For a template of what to write in an outreach letter, please see the down-loadable sample letter at http://www.newharbinger.com/40989.
While you’re planning ahead for summer and even the start of the next school year, it’s also wise to think about helping your child make a smooth transition. Children with LBLDs often struggle with transition-ing from period to period, day to day, and even semester to semester.
Visit this book’s website, http://www.newharbinger.com/40989, for tips on how you can ease these transitions for your son or daughter.
Troubleshooting at School Meetings
Teachers, administrators, and family members all view your child through different lenses. The combination of your collective efforts should bring both challenges and solutions into focus. Even under the best of circumstances, however, you can still hit a bump in the road. If
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you feel that something is not going well and would like to schedule a meeting to seek a resolution, try these strategies:
• Begin your conversation with a positive. Point out something that has gone well for your child in the classroom or at school, or something that your child has particularly enjoyed learning.
• Collect information. Even if you believe you know what the issue is and why it is happening— and even if you have a sugges-tion for its remedy— it’s wise to ask your child’s teacher for his or her perspective first. Ask what he or she thinks some of your child’s difficulties might be. When the teacher believes that he or she can speak openly, he or she is then able to be in a thought-ful state and offer a helpthought-ful strategy.
• Share child- initiated solutions. If you are brought in to discuss your child’s inappropriate behavior, come to the meeting pre-pared. First, know that it is easy for a child with LBLDs to become overwhelmed— and when your child feels overwhelmed, he or she may exhibit challenging behavior. Second, try engag-ing your child in a conversation about what happened and why it is problematic. After listening, help your child accept respon-sibility for his or her actions, and work together to identify the root of the problem. Third, take measures that prevent your child from feeling overwhelmed again. Ask your child to offer ideas about other, better ways he or she can initiate and respond to similar interactions. Help your son or daughter refine the pro-posed approach and make suggestions to improve it. Finally, share with your child’s teachers and administrators what you and your child discussed and what the plan is to avoid future incidents.
• Suggest a seat assignment. If you have a sense of what desk location is optimal for your child, you might share your observa-tion with the teacher. This also goes for personal space in general. If you believe that the teacher’s moving closer to or farther away from your child may help him or her stay in a more regulated state, speak up.
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• Politely ask for a reason. On extremely rare occasions, I have encountered teachers and administrators who appeared unable to view children I’ve worked with in a positive light. These moments are devastating to parents and children. It will be dif-ficult for you to not feel defensive if a teacher or administrator says, “He’s just lazy” or “He’s being manipulative.” I recommend your only response be, “Why do you think that might be?” If there is another equally thin response, such as “He doesn’t seem to care,” refrain from saying anything other than repeating the same question, “Why do you think that might be?” You will best be able to defend your child if you assist teachers and adminis-trators through this investigative process, even if it may be more labor intensive.
Now that we’ve explored steps you can take to communicate with your child’s teacher, let’s explore how else you can help your child be successful in the classroom.