While most children have frequent opportunities to socialize outside of school, many children with LBLDs have fewer opportunities. Slowly emerging speaking and listening skills often impede communication. As children grow older, they are more likely to recognize that they are dif-ferent, resulting in increased anxiety about social interactions. Martha Denckla explains that LBLDs are a social skills disability (Denckla 2013), and in addition, that children with LBLDs are more likely to
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experience feelings of social isolation (Lavoie 2007). Helping your child make friends can sometimes take what seems to be a circuitous route.
Teach Your Child Communication Skills
While at school, most children are familiar with one another, have a set of shared experiences, and rely on the existing social structure to facilitate child- to- child interactions. Outside of school, however, such interactions can be challenging for some children with LBLDs. It is not uncommon for these children to have difficulty reading social cues or engaging in productive conversations.
Moreover, many children are not always able to determine when a peer with a language- based learning difficulty is challenged by a con-versation or has lost track of the topic at hand. This can result in the child with the LBLD feeling left out or confused, or responding inappropriately.
You can help your child develop the social and language skills he or she needs to communicate effectively with peers by frequently modeling and practicing good communication. All of this will translate into improved oral expression, listening comprehension, social skills develop-ment, and learning. As a parent, you probably already model good manners using words such as “please” and “thank you” without much thought. You can also model good communication practices for conver-sation in general. Try the following strategies throughout your day together, and eventually your child will become more skilled at convers-ing and makconvers-ing meanconvers-ingful connections with others.
Create opportunities to have conversations. With electronics, social media, and other distractions, you have a lot of competition. Make con-versation time with your child electronics free. Meals and commutes are perfect times to work on your child’s communication skills. Increase your odds of effective conversation by taking walks, engaging in arts and crafts projects, playing board games, doing chores around the house, and going to the store together.
Don’t force conversations. If your child does not seem to be in a com-municative mood, don’t force it. Just being together, even without
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conversation— and still without electronics— will help your child learn that you accept him or her completely. Likewise, if you are talking and you recognize that his or her frustration threshold is approaching, switch tactics, which may mean ending the conversation. As a general rule, pushing a child to communicate when he or she is not up to it ends up being counterproductive.
Choose topics that are interesting to your child. Keep your interests at bay if your child doesn’t share them. You might start out: “What did you enjoy about [the movie, school today, etc.]?” or “Tell me something fun about what you did [at school, in the yard, etc.].”
Let your child guide the conversation. When you allow your son or daughter to set the topic of the conversation, you’re making it clear that you’re interested in what she or he has to say. Some children with LBLDs rarely get to lead a discussion. When your child is with you, it’s his or her chance to lead. Be the listener.
Speak at his or her level. Choose words that you know your child will understand, and speak at a rate that you know your child will keep up with. Sometimes it is helpful to slow down the rate at which we speak and to restate the same idea several times in slightly different ways. Read your child’s facial expression to determine if he or she understands what it is you are trying to communicate.
Allow your child “thinking time.” This way, he or she does not feel pressured to respond. Your child will talk when ready and do so from a calm state.
Keep your child talking. One way to do this is to encourage his or her line of reasoning, even if you don’t agree with it. If you are not sure what your child is trying to express, you can, after a period of time, ask for help: “Please help me understand what your feelings/thoughts are.” You can also restate what your child has said to check for understanding:
“So, if I understand you correctly, you have a plan to improve the envi-ronment by encouraging people to plant trees that also bear edible fruit.
Is that what you’re trying to say?”
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Offer your child positive reinforcement. Children aren’t used to feeling valued as conversationalists. So provide encouraging feedback when appropriate, such as when he or she shares an observation on his or her own. You could say, “You said that very well.” Another way to provide positive reinforcement is around others. When your child is within earshot, share with someone (your partner, a friend, a teacher) that your child is an excellent conversationalist. Let that person know what your child was talking about and how much you enjoyed the conversation.
Take advantage of teachable moments. A further benefit of frequently practicing communication with your child is that, when your child responds inappropriately, you can guide him or her to a more appropriate response and reinforce a positive learning outcome. If your child said, “I hate all the kids in my classroom,” you might want to respond by saying,
“Several of the kids in your classroom are your friends and they like you very much. Are you sure you hate all the kids in your classroom?”
Help Ease Social Anxiety
It is not unusual for children with LBLDs to experience high levels of anxiety in social situations. This anxiety can lead to social withdrawal, antisocial behavior, or disruptive behavior. In addition, social anxiety can inhibit or limit a child’s ability to express his or her thoughts. These children might initiate topics of conversation that are inappropriate, speak more than necessary, speak too loudly, or use unsuitable language.
Social anxiety can also be expressed in types of physical behavior that are inappropriate, such as grabbing, pushing, squeezing, and rough-housing. At times, these actions can take on a significant degree of intensity. While some level of grabbing and pushing is customary for young children, as they get older, this type of behavior can be viewed as highly inappropriate, especially in the teen years. Whereas many teens begin to naturally make the switch to more adult interactions, some teens with LBLDs might not fully appreciate how the social dynamics around them are changing. This disconnect can lead to diminished friendships or social isolation.