Beach season can be an anxiety-provoking time for many women. For some women in the United States, it signifies a time of intense work-outs and heavy spray-tanning. However, these beauty ideals are not one-size- fits-all. In Southeast Asia, many beauty creams come with skin lightener because fairer skin is perceived to be a sign of beauty.25 In certain parts of western Africa, you can forget the Western stick-figure body ideal. For them, heavier women are perceived as most beautiful.25 Thus, it makes sense that vulva-appearance ideals would also vary cross-culturally. In Japan, women with large labia are called “winged butterflies” and are considered a “sexual delicacy.”26 In certain parts of central Africa, it is a custom for women to stretch their inner labia because it is perceived as
more beautiful and likely to increase sexual satisfaction. Some classify this practice as female genital mutilation, though this is highly contestable.
TWAT TO DO IF . . .
You are a healthcare provider giving a genital exam.
This is a question we get time and time again: How do we help our patients feel better about their genitals? If your first reaction is to compliment your patient’s genitals, better think again. You wouldn’t tell your patient she has a nice rack, and it is probably best to extend that policy downstairs. According to one research study, women were not very fond of being complimented on the appearance of their genitals.27 Instead, consider saying something like, “your genitals look perfectly normal” or
“healthy.” Better yet, Nick and Sayaka Karras, the authors of Petals, are working on an amazing new project. They created beautiful posters with a variety of diverse vulva images (sepia-toned or color images are available) with the saying, “Each Beautiful, and as Unique as a Snowflake,” underneath the images (www.ilovemypetals.com). Nick and Sayaka Karras made these posters in the hope that doctors (and educators and others) would hang them in their offices or other relevant places so that women could see how normal their genitals actually are. As the famous saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words.
You love someone who has genital concerns.
Scientists don’t know much about what men think about women’s genitals. Rhonda Reinholtz and Charlene Muehlen-hard conducted one study at the University of Kansas.28 They asked a few hundred college students to complete a questionnaire on their thoughts and feelings about one another’s genitals. The male participants reported feeling more positively about both their own genitals and their female partners’ genitals than the female participants reported feeling about male or female genitals. In another study that Debby conducted, she also found that men generally felt more positively about women’s genitals than women themselves did. In particular, the majority of men indicated that they enjoyed performing oral sex (something the women who completed the survey indicated they worry about).
We are also vulva advocates, which means that we talk to people about genitals fairly often. To be fair, this means that the men in our lives may be lying out of fear that we will shake our heads in disappointment if they slander women’s genitals. Nevertheless, from our research experience, many men love that women’s genitals come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.
You are a genital advocate.
Sometimes this means just being a positive reinforcement to a friend who has concerns. Maybe it means organizing a genital advocacy event for a group of (girl)friends (see this chapter’s craft idea for one possible suggestion). Perhaps it is as simple as reading this book in a public place, such as a subway, park bench, or coffee shop, so that others can get a glimpse of the place vulvas should have in the world. We feel very fortunate to have so many opportunities to spread genital pride. Being educators at a university puts us in a particularly good place to open up discussions about thoughts and feelings about genitals. Debby has taught over fifteen semesters’ worth of human sexuality courses to thousands of students. We both like to start our genital lectures in similar ways: having the students write or shout out every word that they can think of for male and female genitals. It can be difficult to talk about something that you feel funny saying, so we get it all out in the open in the beginning. We remind our students that anything goes and listen as they laugh and giggle when they realize that they are able to say “cunt” and “pussy” in a classroom without getting in trouble. Once we have talked about the language around women’s genitals, we are ready to begin our discussion.
Last fall, Vanessa was involved in a genital advocacy conference where she was asked by the planner, Dr. Leonore Tiefer, to show a series of vulva diversity videos and tape the students’ reactions. It was supposed to be an “intervention” that any college professor could do regardless of his or her background. Vanessa went to about five different college classrooms and showed the students two videos. The first video was a documentary about the making of the book Petals.11 It focused primarily on the psychological impact of modeling for and viewing the photos. The video also concentrates on some of the serious concerns and issues that women may struggle with when relating to their vulvas, and it is a very powerful film. The next film is a more light-hearted look at the vulva.
Betty Dodson’s Viva la Vulva takes viewers through a masturbation circle,
starting with a genital show-and-tell with many different women’s vulvas on display. All vulvas are applauded as Betty uses words like “baroque”
and “sunset” to describe their vulva shapes and colors. Did it make a difference? Sure, there were one or two students who were not fans, but we are hopeful that the experience was positive for most; certainly, many of the students expressed their reactions in thoughtful and insightful ways.
Although we are very thankful to have “official” educator titles that allow us to show these types of films, “educators” can take many forms, as a mother, daughter, sister, brother, friend, or lover. So don’t be afraid to share the vulva love!
TEST YOUR VQ
1. How has the portrayal of pubic hair patterns changed over the past twenty years?
a. Pubic hair patterns are relatively similar.
b. Pubic hair is now presented as slightly more abundant than it was twenty years ago.
c. It is slightly less common to present pubic hair now than it was twenty years ago.
d. Twenty years ago, representations of women in magazines were approximately 90 percent more likely to have pubic hair.
2. If you have ever wondered whether your genital appearance is normal, a. you might find it helpful to talk to a sex-positive, vulva-positive
healthcare provider (chances are, you’re “normal”) b. there is probably something wrong with your genitals c. you should Google it
d. you should talk to a plastic surgeon
3. If you want to be a genital advocate, you should consider
a. promoting positive messages in response to negative genital comments on the Internet
b. throwing a genital craft party
c. joining us on Facebook or following us on Twitter d. all of the above
Answers
1. d 2. a 3. d
• 5 •
Spraying, Dyeing, and Douching . . . Oh My!
When did women’s genitals get their own aisle?” we wondered aloud recently during a trip to our local drugstore. Don’t get us wrong; we are all about genital awareness. We just couldn’t remember when the market had expanded from pads and tampons to include everything from dyes to douches. Are these products really necessary? More importantly, are they really safe? In this chapter, we’ll give you the low-down on all those products marketed for your downtown.