keep your back flat as a table for moderate-depth thrusting or lean down, with your head in the pillows, for deeper thrusting (this poses a greater likelihood of bumping against the cervix, so proceed with caution). If your partner is particularly large or you find the depth of thrusting uncomfortable, ask him to wear a two-holed masturbation sleeve on his penis. Sleeves with a hole at each end can be slipped over his penis and squished down to the base, giving him total coverage (the toy stimulates the bottom half and you stimulate the top half ) while you don’t have to take as much in at a time.
Lay down. Once you two are “inserted” in the all-fours position, you may find it pleasurable to keep your bodies connected as you slink downward and lay on the bed on your stomach. If your partner pops out, try raising your hips upward for easier re-entry. By laying down for rear entry, you can minimize the thrusting pace and depth, which can be easier on your vagina and cervix. Women who enjoy G-spot or clitoral stimulation may also find this pleasurable, as they can grind against their partner and their bed, while face-down.
team published in 2009, 53 percent of women and nearly half of men have used a vibrator. Most men who had used a vibrator had done so with a partner, though nearly one out of five had tried vibrator play alone.15 Here’s your opportunity for a crash course on vibrators for vivacious vaginal and vulvar play (how’s that for a bunch of Vs?), including how to choose vibrators and other sex toys and how to put them to good, and possibly orgasmic, use.
In her work as a sex educator and columnist, Debby is often asked how to choose a vibrator that’s good for beginners. While there is no one vibrator that will be right for everyone, here are a few things to keep in mind. A woman who is new to vibrators and other sex toys might be best served to choose one that:
Delivers the kind of stimulation she knows that she enjoys. For example, women who prefer G-spot stimulation might want to choose a vibrator that can be inserted into the vagina for G-spot play.
Has variable speeds. After all, if you’ve never used a vibrator before, the only way to know if you like light stimulation or very intense stimulation is to choose one that has multiple speeds, preferably one with a multi-speed dial rather than a toy with pre-set buttons that delivers certain intensities.
That way, you can have more control over the degree of stimulation you want to try.
Is easy to clean. This means that the toy should have few crevices and preferably come with cleaning instructions or information from a knowledgeable sales clerk at a sex boutique, in-home sex-toy party, or through information at a reputable web site (see Resources).
Is affordable. Vibrator play should be pleasurable. If you’ve spent more than you can afford, you may be less likely to relax, let go, and enjoy the experience. Until you know what kind of vibrator you really like, stick with a less costly model that is well within your budget.
Is safe. Try to choose a toy made of non-toxic, non-porous materials, such as glass or medical-grade silicone. Though silicone toys can be more expensive than Jelly toys, they tend to be safer and easier to clean and are often available at affordable price points (as are many glass vibrators and non-vibrating dildos).
If you have one of the following sex toys (some of which are vibrators, though not all are), consider these tips on pleasurable vulva and vagina play.
Vaginal vibrators may be long, smooth, and almost cylindrical, or they may be shaped like a penis (some even have features that look like veins in
the shaft and a scrotum). Vaginal vibrators are particularly good choices for women who enjoy vaginal stimulation and/or G-spot stimulation. You may want to choose a vaginal vibrator with a tapered end, as all too often the head of the vibrator is too large for comfortable insertion—even with exciting build-up and lubricant.
Non-vibrating dildos are basically like vaginal vibrators but without the vibration. They too may resemble a penis (or not). More and more often, dildos are being made with non-toxic materials, such as glass or hardwood.
Again, you’ll want to choose a shaft that can comfortably fit inside your vagina. One variation on dildos is the double dildo, which is well suited for sex play between two women. If you’re shopping for a dildo to use in a harness, you’ll want to make sure that it can fit inside the harness in a stable manner so that it doesn’t move around too much during sex play. Some harnesses come with dildos; if yours doesn’t, you may find it helpful to ask a knowledgeable store clerk if she recommends a certain dildo to go with your harness type.
G-spot toys may be vibrating or non-vibrating. The chief difference is that they are curved for easier stimulation of the front vaginal wall.
Clitoral vibrators are some of the most commonly used types of sex toys.
Although many women enjoy vaginal penetration, our research suggests that more women use vibrators to stimulate their clitoris than the vagina.
Popular clitoral models include the silver bullet and egg varieties, which can be found at most adult bookstores, sex boutiques, sex-toy web sites, and in-home sex-toy party companies. Clitoral-focused vibrators have an advantage in that they tend to be small and thus easier to use during vaginal intercourse with a partner, as they can slip easily in between partners’
bodies.
Double-duty vibrators are sometimes called “dual action vibrators.” These models usually provide possibilities to stimulate the clitoris and vagina at the same time. The Rabbit is one of the more famous double-duty vibrators thanks to an appearance on Sex and the City. Look for a model that allows you to operate each part independently. That way, you can turn the clitoral vibrator on while leaving the vaginal vibrator off or vice versa.
Triple-duty vibrators are sometimes more difficult to find in stores. They offer clitoral, vaginal, and anal stimulation.
Vaginal balls (also called Ben Wa balls) don’t vibrate, but they’re an interesting sexual-enhancement aid in that they can be used for pleasure or for vaginal health (see chapter 2 for more information on Kegel exercises).
Some women insert vaginal balls into their vagina and squeeze their pelvic-
floor muscles to stimulate themselves as part of masturbation. Ben Wa balls and Smart Balls are among the types of vaginal balls that are widely available.
Vibrating c-rings can be worn around a man’s penis. The ring puts slight constrictive pressure on a man’s penis and may feel pleasurable. Along one part of the ring, there is sometimes a small, bullet-like vibrator that, if worn on top of the shaft during face-to-face sex (such as missionary), may be well positioned to stimulate a woman’s clitoris. Note: a c-ring (also called a cock ring or penis ring) is generally not recommended for use for longer than twenty minutes at a time. It should also be removed if a man finds it uncomfortable or if he’s had experiences with penile bruising or pain from wearing such rings.
TEST YOUR VQ
1. The clitoral complex is composed of all of the following EXCEPT the a. vagina
b. urethra c. labia d. clitoris
2. A woman may experience orgasm as a result of sensory information from which of the following nerves:
a. pudendal nerve b. pelvic nerve c. hypogastric nerve d. vagus nerve e. all of the above
3. According to data from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB), approximately how many women experienced difficulty with lubrication during their most recent experience having sex?
a. 5 percent b. 10 percent c. 30 percent d. 50 percent
Answers 1. c 2. e 3. c