Vanessa used to have a friend who would always joke begrudgingly that “it was just her luck that her vagina was the only small part of her body.” That statement always struck Vanessa as a little funny because she had always been under the impression that, like most other parts of the body, women were supposed to believe that “less is more” when it comes to their vaginal circumference. Isn’t it the common cultural idea for women to have a vagina that’s “tight” (a.k.a.
small)?
Fortunately, no. Women and their vaginas come in all shapes and sizes—and men and women who partner with women have a range of likes and preferences, too. Many women have probably never checked out their vaginal size in any detail. Those who have considered their vaginal size may have done so in relation to a partner. For instance, depending on your “fit” with your partner, you may wish that your vagina had a slightly wider circumference for more comfortable sex if your partner is quite large or a narrower circumference if your partner is on the slimmer side. (Or you may have wished that your male partner’s penis was a little smaller or bigger to enhance your genital fit or sensation during sex.)
We understand thinking/feeling this way at times. We also understand that where there is a market, there will be a product to fill it (literally, in this case).
Although we understand the reasons for the products, we do not have to agree with the marketing tactics used to promote some of them. For instance, there are vaginal creams that claim to make you feel “like a virgin” again. Who would want that? We can’t imagine that many women would want to undergo the fear and pain that they may have experienced when “losing” their virginity the first time. We also worry that such products may make some women feel badly about their vagina and its size. Disapprove. Then again, we are well aware that many women struggle with issues related to how they feel about their vaginal size or sensation, perhaps especially after having children. We get it. And we definitely believe that healthcare providers should be more attentive to women’s questions about their vaginas, including how vaginas and vulvas may change due to pregnancy or childbirth. Far too many women feel brushed aside by their doctors who tell them things like, “Once you have a baby, nothing is ever the same again
—including your vagina.” Who benefits from a line like that?
Marketing messages aside (they don’t all share the same message), what do we think of vaginal-tightening products? Well, Vanessa has been pretty brave and has experimented quite a bit with the products out there, but we were extra wary about this one. Most of the products contain potassium alum. Have you ever used or seen natural rock deodorant from the health-food store? Well, that’s
a great example of potassium alum—not something that we were excited to insert in our vaginas. That being said, we did peruse the reviews for some time before we came to that decision. If all the reviews are real, they ranged from “it increased my and my partner’s sexual pleasure” to “it did nothing” to “it dried me out” to “it gave me a yeast infection.” Sure it may work—but it sounds risky.
Also, we had heard from some of our colleagues who are doctors and others who sell sex toys and other sexual-enhancement products that many of the vaginal-tightening creams work by inflaming the vagina. That didn’t sound at all fun to us. Rather than risking irritation or inflammation to our vaginas or yours, why not opt for Kegel exercises, which can help to tone the pelvic-floor muscles? For decades, these exercises have helped many women with genital sensation. That said, we realized that some women feel as though Kegels only do so much for them. In these cases, women should ask their healthcare providers, or a physical therapist who has training in genital-health issues and the pelvic- floor muscles, what else may be done to improve their perceptions of their genital size or genital sensation.
At the Other End of the Spectrum
We started off this section by pointing out that women vary in how they feel about their vaginal size and circumference. Of course, this doesn’t mean that all women wish that they were smaller. We want to make sure that we don’t leave out our ladies who long for a larger circumference or a more comfortable genital fit with a male partner.
If you are hoping to increase your vaginal circumference to ease intercourse with a more endowed male partner, we recommend the following:
1. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Take it easy and relax—the more nervous you are, the tighter and less lubricated you may be.
2. Spend at least ten minutes in foreplay, which can help your vagina to tent and create more space.
3. Use lots and lots and lots of lubrication. It can make vaginal penetration more comfortable and easier.
4. Try to ease into it. Have a partner ease in one finger at a time and move it around until you find an arousing angle. Once you are comfortable, ease in another finger and repeat. If you have a few sex toys that are narrower in girth, it may help to get started with those.
These little tricks should have you eased into a more pleasurable sexual
experience in no time. If you still find vaginal penetration difficult or even impossible, we recommend that you check in with a healthcare provider.
Occasionally, various medical or anatomical issues can make penetration more difficult. Some of these conditions can be easily treated to make penetration a more comfortable possibility. Finally, if you feel as though your vagina is too small for comfortable penetration with tampons, fingers, sex toys, or a male partner’s penis—don’t despair. Dilator use (described in detail in chapter 4) may be of benefit to you.
A Different Type of Hole
Whoever said that women’s genitals only have three holes clearly did not get her vulva pierced. This section would not be complete without a brief section on genital piercing. Although slightly more common for males, there are certainly many women who have a pierced poonanny. The safety of these piercings varies, and there is little regulation over the procedures. As you can imagine, then, people who choose to have their genitals pierced are taking a risk and would be well advised to talk with their healthcare providers and ask questions before doing so.
What we can tell you about are some of the most popular piercing styles.10 Piercings through the outer labia can take longer to heal (two to four months) than clitoral or inner-labia piercings (two to six weeks). The most common piercings are through the clitoral hood, the body of the clitoris, or the inner or outer labia. Oftentimes, women will opt for several piercings. As you can imagine, the clitoral piercings are said to increase sexual sensation. In fact, it is likely not just sexual sensation, but also sensation when at the office, grocery store, and everywhere in between. Do you decorate down there? Do you love it?
Hate it? Does it give you pleasure? An infection? Tell us about it on our web site or Facebook page.
If you or your partner has a genital piercing, you may find it easier to start sex slowly. If your piercing can be removed and put back in, you may want to remove your piercing(s) before having intercourse or oral sex (yes, there have been cases in which piercings have chipped teeth or been accidentally swallowed). Condom use can be challenging, too, as piercings may tear the condoms. As such, make sure to get screened for STIs before having sex together, just in case the male or female condom breaks or in case you choose to forgo condoms altogether.