CHAPTER 5: HETERO- AND HOMONORMATIVE INFLUENCES ON GAY AND
5.5 Group identification: Student organisations and heteronormativities
5.5.1 Heteronormativity and campus culture
5.5.1.4 Assimilating to or transgressing heteronormativity on campus
Carol (bisexual), Henry (gay) and Skylar (gay) reported that they acted “normal”. Others reported that they did not hide their sexuality. Richy (gay) did not change his “habits” – if anyone had a problem “that’s their problem” – a thought echoed by Matthew and Mukwevho. Ikai (gay) stated,
“I shine my umbrella colours”, since it was “much easier not to fake it than fake it. I would rather face judgement than not living my life to the fullest” (Padro). Lee (lesbian) felt she did not have to
“explain” herself, “because ‘straight’ people don’t explain why they are straight”. Ndlovu (lesbian) described herself as “masculine presenting”, explaining “it’s very easy for individuals to assume my sexuality”, whereas others foregrounded assimilationist tendencies: “I’m just not obvious”
(Sienna) and avoiding having to “rub it [them being gay] in their faces” (Brett, Eric).
Similarly, five participants (Edgar, Heidi, Lindsey, Max, May) reported hiding their sexuality until they felt comfortable with their context and fellow students. Edgar (gay) chose to hide his sexuality in order to determine “whether they would be comfortable with me being gay” – a thought echoed by Lindsey. Lindsey (pansexual) preferred keeping her sexuality secret “until I feel like the people, I am with are no more a threat than usual”. May (pansexual) found ways to “casually bring it up”
once she felt comfortable. “There’s the potential to change someone’s mind about the LGBT community with some people”. Heidi (bisexual) would “freely talk” about her experiences if she knew “they are accepting”. For Max (gay), if the conversation steered “that way” (towards sexuality), he enjoyed “informing” straight students their “way of thinking” was not the only way.
Consider Martha’s (lesbian/queer) rationalisation for hiding her sexuality:
I have to hide my sexuality around most ‘straight’ people on campus. I even refer to my girlfriend as my friend around straight people. Because I look
‘straight’, I do not have to hide as much as other queer people do but I am still scared that I might accidently let something slip if I do not keep my guard up.
(a) “Straight expectations”15: Do your sexuality correctly
In keeping with the preceding sub-section, participants were asked whether they thought that heterosexual students required specific gendered and sexual performances from them on campus. On the one hand, 15 participants thought straight students expected them to act
“stereotypically” gay or lesbian. Hein (gay) said “they are expected to act in the way people believe gay people should act”. Richy (gay) thought these stereotypes were “very one-dimensional”.
Participants elaborated by stating that gay students were expected to act “soft” (Matthew),
“effeminate” (Hein, Jennifer), “flamboyant” (Sienna), “feminine” (Bambi, Eric, Yellow) and “like girls” (Carol, Max), whereas lesbian students were expected to act “tough” (Matthew), “masculine”
(Lindsey), “butch” (Eric, Hein, Jennifer), “[doing] all the guy stuff” (Mukwevho), being a “tomboy”
(Bambi, Jennifer) and “[liking] boys” (Carol). Lindsey (pansexual) commented on using her so- called “gaydar”: “straight people expect gay people to be easy to spot” – a thought echoed by Max and Yellow. Related hereto, Lee (lesbian) argued that gay and lesbian students are expected to “wear clothes that incorporate the rainbow flag, attend every pride event and know every other lesbian or gay on campus”.
On the other hand, eight participants commented on how they were required to remain closeted.
Sienna (lesbian) thought some straight students might “feel more comfortable if gay people act straight”. Martha (lesbian) argued that straight students “expect us to not exhibit our sexuality in
15 Smuts (2021).
any way that makes them uncomfortable. They do not want us to push our sexuality down their throats”. Max’s (gay) response resonated with expectations of homonormativity:
Some ‘straight’ people have a perception that all gay people are the same and I’ve come across a lot of straight people who want to set me up with another guy, just because he is also gay, or even worse, because he is also a guy! Then, what I normally do, when I am talking to a guy, is to point at a random girl I know he would not find attractive and sometimes an old lady, and ask them ‛do you find her sexually attractive?’ and then they would say no, then I would ask: ‛but she is a woman, you are straight right?’, and explain to them that, just because I am gay, doesn’t mean I will sleep with any guy, I also have my likes and dislikes and preferences, just like straight people have.
Those participants who did not think straight students expected gay and lesbian students to act in a certain way on campus were asked to explain their thoughts in this regard. Edgar (gay) said he had not experienced any expectations from straight students. Skylar (gay) did not think straight students “could be bothered”. Henry (gay) believed only those “strongly non-affirming” straight students had such expectations. Tanya (lesbian) said that “campus is a more open-minded space, where the majority of the student body is less judgemental and more open to individuality”.
(b) Explaining these “straight expectations”
Four participants (Carol, Hein, IDK, Matthew) said that such expectations were due to historical social constructs on campus. Hein (gay) stated, “they have a very strong preconceived notion of what gay is”. IDK (lesbian) thought people like to “identify”, “group” and “box” things, “so gay men should either be very gay or fly under the radar”. Similarly, Richy (gay) said straight students had
“a misconception of ‘gay’ and ‘lesbian’”. Four participants (Bambi, Jennifer, Padro, Yellow) believed that it was because of how the media and pop culture reinforced ideas of gay and lesbian.
According to Yellow (lesbian), it was linked to “visibility” and “exposure” in the media – a thought echoed by Bambi. Jennifer (bi-curious) argued that “they” (heterosexual students) were
“socialised” with the “stereotypes” portrayed in “mainstream media”. In this regard, Bernice (lesbian) stated, “society has only normalised the stereotypical way to be homosexual, and this increases the expectation to grant validity”.
Granger (lesbian), Martha (lesbian/queer), Ndlovu (lesbian) and Sienna (lesbian) thought straight students had such expectations to maintain their own comfort. Ndlovu said they “feel offended or threatened by homosexuality due to their own beliefs. Sienna believed “most straight people”
would be more comfortable if “gay people acted more straight” because “the nails that sticks out
gets hammered down mentality is always looming in society. They see flamboyant gay men as being too much and somehow threatening their masculinity”. Max (gay) thought that heterosexual students had these expectations because it allowed them to “distinguish themselves from us”; if gay or lesbian students acted straight, “how are they going to be sure of their heterosexualness?”
(Max). Consider May’s (pansexual) response:
Homophobia, basically. That’s what it comes down to. Differing sexualities are often viewed through the lens of a fetish. Being attracted to the same gender can be seen as similar to BDSM, roleplay, and other sexual ‛deviancies’. As a result, homosexuality is seen as explicitly sexual, and something that needs to stay behind doors, not paraded around in front of innocent children.
(c) To assimilate or transgress: Students’ views on heteronormativity
Participants were asked whether they acted in a more heterosexual way around other “straight”
students and to explain their answer. Fourteen participants affirmed their affinity to be more
“straight acting”. Reasons for this included having to avoid too many questions about their sexuality; the fear of homophobia (i.e., being “afraid”); avoiding potential conflict and gaining respect – something that would not be possible “if they knew I was gay. When I go to them, I act straight to get my point across” (Max).
Similarly, Brett (gay), Heidi (bisexual) and Hein (gay) reported doing their gender to feel more comfortable. Hein added that he was not “scared to mention that [he was] gay if [he] knew it would be received well”. Heidi did this through “acting” and “dressing” more “feminine … and in a way that is viewed as more conventional”. Brett felt that he sometimes wanted to “fit in and be part of the discussion or activity”. Edgar (gay) and Ikai (gay) spoke of keeping the straight students comfortable. Ikai thought he was “too much” for them. IDK (lesbian) acted more heterosexual until she was more comfortable. Richy (gay) said “there is a subconscious aspect that comes into play.
I sometimes find myself lowering my voice and being more introverted around straight men”.
Bambi (pansexual) argued, by hiding oneself, “you will never find out who your real friends are.
The people who accept you”.
Thirteen participants avoided such “straight acting” performances. Matthew said: “I don’t even look gay, but I am gay”. Skylar stated: “Well, I’m not that gay, but it’s not expected of me to bring it up”. Henry (gay), May (pansexual), Mukwevho (lesbian) and Yellow (lesbian) reported always acting like themselves. Mukwevho noted never being willing to “feed other people’s perspective of being normal”. Lee supported this position: “The time to pretend is over”. Padro (homosexual) said the following in this regard:
I would be unfair to myself. It is not always easy to be gay in a public sphere like the university, but I always feel like since I am the part of the university community, I also deserve my space and enjoy it as well without putting pressure on myself.