CHAPTER 5: HETERO- AND HOMONORMATIVE INFLUENCES ON GAY AND
5.3 Findings
5.3.6 Views on gay, lesbian and “straight” “sensibilities”: Stereotypes associated with
Related to the above views on and critique of hetero- and homonormativity, participants were asked whether they thought there are any identifiable stereotypes or stereotypical behaviour(s) associated with being gay, lesbian and heterosexual (or “straight”) respectively. IDK, Granger, May and Tanya all acknowledged the existence of such stereotypes. This, according to them, are sometimes created and definitely reinforced by the “media”. May (pansexual) said the following:
I think every demographic has stereotypes associated with them, influenced by what we hear from others and see on TV. It’s worse for some than others; like how black people are thought to be angrier or more dangerous than other races, a stereotype that contributes to violence against black people, especially in America.
In support of this, Granger (lesbian) believed one of the “main reasons” for such stereotypes is
“the way gay and lesbian people are depicted in media”. On this note, IDK (lesbian) commented:
I think sexuality has become very commodified and it is part of your profile when it comes to companies marketing to you as person. Media has been a big driver
9 Drag does not exclusively refer to men who dress as women but includes sentiments of any individual presenting a gender not corresponding with their biological sex (Taylor & Rupp, 2004:114).
of these stereotypes and tropes. Shows like ‘The L Word’10 has portrayed lesbians as being very dramatic in their relationships and also very unfaithful.
Tanya (lesbian) similarly stated:
Stereotypes are created through expectations of behaviour in society, these stereotypes or expectations, are also enforced by mainstream media in an attempt to create a ‘cookie-cutter’ image of any given label. Mainstream media and even more targeted media like ‘The L Word’ and ‘Orange is the new Black’,11 regularly portrays members of the queer community as unfaithful … [and]
promiscuous above all else. Where in real life this is not always the case.
5.3.6.1 Gay and lesbian stereotypes: Reinforcing or challenging the “cookie-cutter approach”
Consider Padro’s (homosexual) take on the construction of gendered and sexual stereotypes as introductory thought to this sub-section:
Ever since homosexuality came to be known historically, it has been a topic that many do not really want to talk about or admit to for many reasons. One of these is stereotypes that has been imposed by the society towards homosexuality.
These stereotypes are strongly driven by prejudice which, in my opinion, works in concert with stereotype, others say one is the result of another. There are many reasons why stereotypes hover in our societies, one common one is the lack of education about certain things. This is not always based on hate, but purely from the lack of understanding.
This assertion reflects Martha’s argument that “stereotypes associated with LGBTQ people [tend]
to be negative and created by people that want to shame gay people”. Henry (gay), albeit humorously, commented on the expectation of linking one’s gender and sexual orientation, which potentially exacerbates stereotypes:
I think it's a natural process for a group who share a basic trait or characteristic, for instance a particular gender and sexuality combination, to develop an identity associated with that original shared characteristic. Those aspects of this developed identity which are the most unique and occur most frequently come
10 The L Word is a Canadian-American co-produced television drama pertaining a group of friends situated in California, West Hollywood, featuring the first bisexual, lesbian and transgender cast in America (Chaiken et al., 2004).
11 Orange is the New Black comprises a cast pertaining women of colour, lower-class women and queer/trans* women disconnected from the social world by the confounds of the prison they find themselves in (Enck & Morrissey, 2015:303).
to be regarded as a stereotype. I think this has been the case with gay and lesbian identifications. An example would be that lesbians like to wear flannel or that gay men like iced coffee.
Hein was the only participant who did not associate the unquestionable depiction of stereotypes by gay or lesbian persons:
A person can act any way that they please regardless of sexual orientation, but there are some gay men who exhibit feminine traits and some gay women who exhibit masculine traits. That doesn't mean that all gay men and women do.
The other participants all acknowledged that there are stereotypes or stereotypical behaviours associated with being gay or lesbian. Max (gay) mentioned stereotypes that he, as a self-identified gay man, was unaware of:
It is tricky to explain this, as it is usually ‘straight’ people who attribute these stereotypes to us. For example, my friends would say I am gay because of the way I talk or how I express myself with my hands, or simply because I don’t participate in their discussions about sex with women. I usually don’t see what they see, but to them it is apparently obvious.
One theme emerged that seemingly overlapped between gay and lesbian stereotypes: i.e., confusion about one’s sexual identity (Carol, Lee, Martha, Matthew, May, Mukwevho, Ndlovu).
Carol (bisexual) commented that gay and lesbian individuals are “said to be confused and attention-seekers. They are expected to behave in a particular manner and don’t know where they belong”. Matthew (gay) gave the example that gay men are stereotyped to “turn gay because they could not get a girl to like them”. Lee (lesbian) accordingly commented on the arguable ignorance about the matter. She noted that some people (particularly men):
… tend to think that I want to be a boy – and that is not a case. I also come across male figures who will always tell you ‘I can turn you straight’ … I can wear a dress, and someone might say ‘you are not lesbian enough’ just because of that.
Supposed gender confusion is also associated with stereotypes about gay men. May stated:
… gay men are often portrayed as liking things created for or aimed at women, for example, makeup, dolls, rom-coms and love stories, and the colour pink.
Many seem to think gay men are men who want to be women; this is far from true.
Associated with the idea of “confusion”, Bambi, Edgar and Lindsey indicated that gay men, in particular, are perceived as “wanting” or being “interested” in sex with all “straight men” – i.e., not necessarily being gay but merely interested in sexual intercourse with others. Edgar (gay) stated that stereotypes abound in (their conservative town) “all the time”. Bambi (pansexual) believed that “many straight men” experience being “uncomfortable around gay men because of stereotypes. They believe that every gay man is interested in them, which is definitely not the case”. Lindsey (pansexual) also spoke to this: “overall, there’s a stereotype that LGBT people are more sexual as well, or even predatory towards their straight acquaintances”. Padro (homosexual) cautioned that gay and lesbian individuals are stereotypically labelled as being “spreaders of sexual related diseases … this is scientifically incorrect, everyone can get sexual related diseases and pass them on regardless of their sexual orientation”.
Pertaining to lesbian stereotypes, Ndlovu (lesbian) mentioned that being lesbian is associated with certain ideas. These include their negative experiences with men or “that we just have not right guy yet”. Yellow (lesbian) noted “[m]aybe because I’m a lesbian they would think most lesbians would play soccer or, you know, be like aggressive or just more guy-ish” – a thought also echoed by Bernice, Eric and Heidi. May (pansexual) highlighted the perceptions some South Africans, in her opinion, had about lesbians:
… They are thought to be man-hating, rebellious, and tomboyish. They’re assumed to not be fond of children, or are even disgusted by them, and much like gay men, they’re thought to want to ‘be men’. Through the media, one would assume that lesbians were emotionally constipated buff women with short haircuts and a powerful dislike of men, even those men who don’t deserve any degree of coldness.
Jennifer also echoed this. Martha (lesbian) explained how lesbian couples were often thought to
“U-haul”, explaining it as “moving in together very early in the relationship”. She also indicated that “people think that all lesbians are butch or masculine because they actually want to be men”.
Apart from being stereotyped as “masculine” or “butch”, participants (Ndlovu & Yellow) also thought that lesbian relationships were stereotyped as always requiring one “feminine” and one
“masculine” individual in the relationship. Ndlove (lesbian) spoke to how this relates to heteronormativity: “a stereotype that in a lesbian relationship, one partner has to be a masculine and the other has to be feminine in order to play the typical male and female roles you would normally find in a heterosexual relationship”. Yellow (lesbian) echoed this when she said that
“people just want to put you in a box. Some feminine girls say the masculine girls always has to date the feminine girl. It’s just stereotypes”. Further stereotypes included typologies of being
“promiscuous” (IDK, Tanya), “wanting sex with straight women” (Lindsey), and “only listening to artists specific to their sexuality” (Heidi).
With regard to gay stereotypes, 11 participants (Brett, Edgar, Eric, Granger, Heidi, IDK, Jennifer, Lindsey, May, Richy, Skylar) indicated that they were usually seen or portrayed as feminine and/or soft. Ritchy (gay) spoke of the media’s role as secondary socialisation agent of/for gay men in this regard: “I feel that gay men are seen and portrayed in media as a hyper feminine, rude and or ditsy…Talking with shrill voices, [using] over-the-top hand gestures and displaying an interest in things that are seen, by most, as being mainly feminine”. Gay men are therefore, according to Edgar, expected to exhibit “typical [gay] behaviour” – for example, being “soft-spoken”, “walk funny” or “talk funny”. Gay men were further thought as being stereotypically “dramatic” (Heidi, Jennifer, May, Ritchy), “fashionable” (Granger, IDK, Jennifer, May), “promiscuous” (Lindsey, Martha, Tanye), “uninterested in sport” (Padro), “bossy” (Granger), “sexual predators” (Martha), and “successful and rich” (Matthew). These stereotypes, based on his experiences, were particularly pronounced in more “conservative [geographical] areas, [gay men are regarded as being] effeminate, physically weak, shallow, and overdramatic”. To avoid such stereotyping, Brett noted that he and his friends attempted to “look ‘tough’ and … not to show your sensitive side [because] you will be labelled as gay or ‘moffie’”.
5.3.6.2 Stereotypes about “straight” students
Eighteen participants (Bambi, Brett, Eric, Granger, Hein, Henry, IDK, Jennifer, Lindsey, Martha, Max, May, Ndlovu, Padro, Richy, Sienna, Tanya, Yellow) associated stereotypes or stereotypical behaviour(s) with being heterosexual, whereas nine participants (Bernice, Carol, Edgar, Heidi, Ikai, Lee, Matthew, Mukwevho, Skylar) refuted this. Padro (homosexual) commented:
There are lots of stereotypes towards heterosexuals as well … It is as if the society has a rule book on how heterosexuals are expected to behave. To break it down, heterosexual men are expected to enjoy sports, well because that’s just how things should be! No particular reason, interestingly enough other heterosexual males do not really enjoy sport, maybe they like cooking or fashion for example. Once again this is not true and should never be perpetuated.
Max (gay) recalled previous accounts about gay stereotypes. He noted that heterosexual men tend to avoid talking about sex with persons of the same sex; they “try to avoid being around, and talking to, gay people or people who they believe are gay, when they talk about ‘weird’ topics, such as masturbation, pornography, sex in general and ‘stuff only straight people will understand’”.
IDK, Lindsey, Richy and Sienna highlighted how heteronormativity is also imposed on heterosexual persons. IDK compared heterosexual relationships to gay and lesbian relationships as:
… they usually live a life that has predetermined goals and accomplishments, for example, getting married and having kids … The pressure on straight men to be providers is also much more than on a gay man … I think breadwinner roles are much more equally split in gay and lesbian relationships and there is no predefined expectation of you being the man will have to take care of me, the woman, and our … kids.
Further “heterosexual” heteronormative expectations ranged from women’s preoccupation with clothing and their appearance for men, in South Africa especially: “… being stereotyped as being obsessed with rugby, braai, drinking beer or being overall occupied with what is generally considered ‘masculine activities’” (Lindsay).
Eight participants (Bernice, Carol, Heidi, Henry, Lee, May, Mukwevho, Skylar [only May and Henry thought that there were stereotypes associated with being straight]) supported the notion that straight people lived under heteronormative standards by agreeing that straight individuals were “normal” in society. Bernice (lesbian) thought that “heterosexual” individuals had “the privilege of being accepted however they are by society, without any expectations attached”. Lee (lesbian) commented:
No one asks you if you are straight or explain why you are straight. If you are straight, you do not have to ‘come out’, but yet, when you are lesbian, they expect you to come out of a closet that no one has ever put you in.
May (pansexual) echoed this when arguing that heterosexuality had come to resemble and represent the “default” sexual identity in society. In addition, their inability to fully conform to heteronormative standards do not necessarily result in “patterns of oppression, social ostracism, or disownment from families. For heterosexuals, stereotypes are annoying. For homosexuals, stereotypes kill”.
Henry (gay) commented:
I think straight stereotypes aren't as strong as gay or lesbian stereotypes, simply because straight people are a much larger group than any single queer sub- group. And straight people likely wouldn't consider there to be straight stereotypes.
Heterosexual individuals were also stereotyped as “conservative” (Jennifer), “judgemental”
(Bambi), “traditional” (Yellow), “uninformed”, “uneducated” and “disrespectful” (Eric). Granger (lesbian) thought that “straight relationships” were “childlike” and “immature”, without any “proper communication between partners”. Participants also spoke to how heterosexual men and women, respectively, are stereotyped separately. They noted that heterosexual men were stereotyped as
“masculine” (Granger, Lindsey, Sienna) or “not associating with femininity” (Brett, Hein, Ndlovu).
Women, on the other hand, were thought to be stereotyped as “feminine” (Granger, Richy) or “not associating with masculinity” (Ndlovu, Sienna). Additionally, heterosexual men are regarded as
“being breadwinners” (IDK, Richy, Tanya, Yellow), “enjoying sport” (Lindsey, Padro), being
“physically strong” (Richy), “protective” (Tanya), as well as “not knowing how to sexually please women” and displaying a “bad fashion sense” (Martha). Heterosexual women were thought to be stereotyped as being “barefoot and pregnant” (Granger, IDK, Padro, Richy, Tanya) and responsible for household and childrearing duties: “cleaning”, “cooking” and “raising children”.
Participants also saw heterosexual women as being more “submissive” (Richy, Sienna),
“fashionable” (Lindsey, Padro), “soft” (Padro) and “having live, love, laugh posters” (Martha).