PART IV DATA ANALYSIS
CHAPTER 6 TRADITIONAL CULTURAL BELIEFS AND PRACTICES
6.4 PREGNANCY
6.4.1 BOYS‟ PERSPECTIVES
The boys are aware of the significance of their girlfriends falling pregnant. The following quotations contain statements of personal responsibility but also unwillingness by some boys to do the right thing by marrying her. This may be because he does not love her or does not feel ready for marriage because marriage could obstruct the plans he has for his life.
Forced marriage
Justin: The custom of forcing a girl to marry a boy who impregnates her is a good one. It may happen that a boy only seeks to sleep with a girl in order to satisfy his sexual lust while he does not love her. He does not know that pregnancy is the consequence of having sex; now he is the one to be blame. Why he could not abstain, I think that those parents are right; he must marry her if he does not marry her who is going to marry her now? Unless it is only God‟s grace! (Rural boys, Rwabika Kabuga)
Paul: When a boy impregnates a girl her parents bring her to the boy‟s place and force her to marry him. We should understand that I can be in relationship with a girl, yet I do not love her. (Urban boys, Imani Panzi)
John: The time you are in the relationship there are many things that happen. You find yourself doing things that you are unwilling to do. For example, I am studying and have got other projects that I intend to do after studying. It may happen to have sex with my girlfriend, and she falls pregnant. This may destroy my projects, because I have to marry her. You know that these days it is not easy; though she is my girlfriend and I swore to her that I will marry
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her even if I impregnate her but the time she falls pregnant I have to deny it. (Rural boys, Rwabika Kabuga)
Patrick: When a girl falls pregnant then her parents bring her to the boy who is responsible of her pregnancy, they do right. But there may be a problem in bringing her to the boy‟s place [if he does not want to live with her]. It requires God‟s intervention for the boy to understand that he destroyed her live and therefore he must live with her. (Rural boys, Rwabika Kabuga)
Gustave: If you realise that a boy cannot support you in case you fall pregnant, you must abstain from having sex with him so that he cannot destroy your life. Boys must abstain from having sex to avoid impregnating girls. When for instance you impregnate a girl and her parents bring her to your home, she is going to endure poverty; you put her life and yours in danger. That is why if parents bring their daughter to her boyfriend who impregnates her, it is ok and must be done that way. (Rural boys, Rwabika Kabuga)
Such attitudes are similar to those found in other countries. Okonkwo (2010), in his study conducted among Nigerian university students, finds that male respondents were concerned that their sexual conduct will get a woman pregnant and could lead to forced and/or early marriage.
Akter‟s (2007) research among unmarried young females in Bangladesh finds that premarital sex is practiced under the patriarchal structure of forced comprising, force by boyfriends, force by parents, force by relatives through false marriage and force by teachers. Plan (2011) argues that gender inequalities encourage early marriage through their influence on formal legal systems. Many countries with a high incidence of early marriage, including India and Niger, have unequal laws of consent for boys and girls, supporting the belief that it is right for girls to marry at an earlier age than boys. Patriarchal conventional laws and traditions provide females less negotiating ability around marriage, sexual health and human rights issues.
Gustave advises girls to abstain from sex; they should not provide it to boys if they are not sure that those boys are able to marry them in case they impregnate them.
Therefore, girls need to be careful in their choice and relationship. Otherwise, she is going to endure poverty and spoil the future of both partners. Like most of participants, Gustave is supportive of the practice of forced marriage and indicates
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that parents must bring their daughters to the boys who impregnate them. But there is the danger that if a boy marries reluctantly, there will be conflict and unhappiness:
Iste: Forcing me to marry a girl that I am responsible for her pregnancy, it is not ok. You can find out, for example, that my only objective was to have sex with her and leave her. If her parents force her to marry me, I can only accept for a short time to live with her because they force me to marry her while I am not ready. I can marry her but I cannot live with her more than two or three years without having conflict with her because I marry her while I do not love her. Because of this conflict I must send her back to her parents‟ home. (Rural boys, Karhanda)
Aristote: Forcing a girl to marry a boy who impregnates her is not ok. They must first agree.
Let us say the parents force their daughter to go and marry a boy who impregnates her, he can accept because he is afraid to go in jail but he does not love her. She is going to remain in his place but he will never love her, and she will remain there like a pig to only feed. (Urban boys, Imani Panzi)
Given the complexity of the situation, Toussin urges the parties involved to make a careful decision:
Toussin: I would advise in this case that girl‟s parents first inquire to know their daughter‟s opinion; maybe her boyfriend impregnated her by mistake. They should also examine her boyfriend‟s situation, maybe he does not own anything or he is a street boy. Because when he realises that he has nothing, and he is unable to keep her, he is going to deny the pregnancy.
But as he is afraid of going in jail, he allows her to live with him but in his heart he knows that he does it in order to avoid trouble. After few months or a year, that boy because he is a man, he is going to travel and leave her without news. She is now going to be obliged to go back to her parents‟ home. (Rural boys, Karhanda)
Toussin indicates that the issue of pregnancy is a very sensitive issue as the girl‟s future depends on the outcome of that event. Parents should seek their daughter‟s opinion before they decide. By forcing their daughters, parents implicitly ruin their future and if her boyfriend runs away she ultimately comes back in her parental home.
This is a non-tradition view, however, and Refugee Council (2004) reports that in the DRC, children are required to obey their elders and are typically not consulted on decisions made for or about them.
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In view of the consequences for girls if they fall pregnant, Nshokano sounds a warning – „tell [the youth] that this situation can happen.‟
Nshokano: …If she refuses to sleep with me, she helps me avoid to impregnate her and later deny her pregnancy. Once she is pregnant, she can suffer because we [boys] impregnate girls fortunately nothing change on our side. But if the girl gives birth when she is still living in her parents‟ house, it often happens that her boyfriend denies her, she immediately loses her value that she previously had…she loses respect and esteem that she received from boys. They [boys] look at her as fille mère [a girl who is mother]. If there were people who respected her, they start rejecting her. My advice to youth is to tell them that this situation can happen.
(Urban boys, Mushere)