ANALYSIS AND DISCUSSION
GRADE 7 Male = 6
3.6. CULTURE, RITUALS AND TRADITIONS
Culture is the social heritage of people and includes learned patterns for thinking, feeling and acting which are transmitted from one generation to the next. The rituals associated with the rites of passage mark everyone's life, from birth to death. These rites are often deeply grounded in one's cultural heritage, claimed Elion & Strieman (2001). Grief does not occur in a vacuum, according to Abrams (1992:125), and is located in a family's emotional culture. Families vary in their reactions to dying and death, and how the family members react to bereavement will depend not only on the immediate circumstances surrounding the death but on how emotions and problems have been handled in the past. Also important in a multicultural society is the issue of tolerance. Pityana in Elion & Strieman (2001) have emphasised the need for tolerance and mutual respect in a religious and culturally society as diverse as South Africa.
3.6.1. Respondents' primary source of information about the death
Table 3.45: Respondents' primary source of information about the death Primary source of information
Parent Grandparent
Family friend/neighbour
Family member (sibling, aunt, uncle) Religious person (priest, church elder) Total
Frequency 11
7 3 3 1 25
% 44 28 12 12 4
100 Forty four (44%) percent of respondents' primary source of information about the death of their parent/primary caregiver was from the surviving parent.
Children can cope provided they are told the truth and are allowed to share with significant others the natural feelings people have when they are suffering, according to current literature on children and grief. Death changes lives because of the pain and unhappiness associated with it. Children cannot grieve with positive outcome if they do not understand what has happened to them. Kon (2002:100) argued that children should not be "protected" from death by adults, because this can impact on their emotions, their mental stability and their perception of the world later in life.
3.6.2. Culture, children and questions about the death
Table 3.46: Culture, children and questions about the death Culture, children and death questions
Children are allowed to ask questions Children are not allowed to ask questions Unsure if children are allowed to ask questions Total
Frequency 20
25
% 80 12 100 The majority (80%) of respondents indicated that according to their culture, children were allowed to ask questions about death. Twelve (12%) percent indicated that their culture does not permit children to talk about death, while eight (8%) percent were unsure if their culture condoned children asking death-related questions.
During discussions, respondents disclosed that, according to cultural beliefs, the deceased were able to control their (respondents) behaviour because they (deceased) could still see everything that the child did. Unusual events were said to be caused by spirits, making respondents fearful of the spirit. For example, one respondent indicated that while walking with a family elder in a field on the family farm, a snake appeared in the pathway. The child was instructed by the family elder not to strike or kill the snake as the snake was her dead parent coming to give a message to the child. If the child had hurt or killed the snake, harm would come to the child.
According to some cultures, people are all made up of two parts - the physical body and an invisible element referred to as the spirit or soul. Some of the respondents indicated that their families believed in reincarnation, where the soul of the deceased is reborn as another person or creature. For others, death is simply the end. Respondents felt very strongly about their cultural beliefs. According to traditional Zulu belief, as described in Elion & Strieman (2001:48), the dead continue to live but remain unseen by the living. Respondents from different cultural groups indicated that they were in mourning for close relatives by adopting symbolic clothing and/or insignia such as: wearing of an animal skin bracelet around the wrist or the wearing of black clothing as a sign of respect for the dead.
3.6.3. Facts pertaining to the death of a parent/primary caregiver
Table 3.47: Facts pertaininq to the death of a parent/primary careqiver Facts pertaining to the death
Informed about the facts pertaining to the death Not informed of the facts pertaining to the death Witnessed the death
Unsure Total
Frequency 13
9 2 1 25
% 52 36 8 4 100 According to Table 3.47, fifty two (52%) percent of respondents were informed of the facts pertaining to the death of the parent/primary caregiver, while eight (8%) percent witnessed the death.
Children can misunderstand what adults are trying to tell them. Worden (1996), Woo & Wong (2003), and Wolfelt (2001) have said that caregivers should provide bereaved children with information about the death in a factual, age-appropriate manner. The authors also recommend an open and honest approach when answering children's questions, and avoiding unnecessary detail. When adults keep the lines of communication open and engage children in on-going communication, children are less likely to remain mixed in misunderstanding. Nagy, cited in Mphuthi (2004), stated that the most difficult task associated with the death of a parent was informing the child of the death. Because death is a sensitive topic, Mphuthi stressed the importance of the bearer of such news exercising caution and sensitivity when breaking the news to the child.
3.6.4. Funeral service
Table: 3.48: Attendance of the funeral service Attendance of the funeral seivice
Attended the funeral service Did not attend the funeral service Total
Frequency 20
5 25
% 80 20 100 Table 3.48 indicates that the majority, eight (80%) percent, of respondents attended the funeral service of their parent/primary caregiver. All of the respondents indicated that they understood the significance of a funeral service as a means of bidding farewell to the deceased and disposing of the physical body.
There is no reason why children should not attend the funeral service of their loved one, according to Woo & Wong (2003:32), who cite several benefits for children attending the funeral service of their loved one:
> attending the funeral is part of the mourning process,
> it decreases the likelihood of the child having fantasies about the deceased returning,
> it offers the child an opportunity of witnessing how people support each other by openly mourning a loved one, and
> saying goodbye to the deceased, by honouring their life and by showing respect for the dead.
If a child is not allowed to attend the funeral service, they may feel deprived later on in life of not being part of an important experience, or they may regret not having the opportunity of saying goodbye to their loved one. Attending a funeral is beneficial because it gives the child a sense of the finality of death, according to Woo & Wong (2003). Kroen (1996) cautioned that children should never be forced to attend a funeral, regardless of the family customs or religious beliefs. When children are prepared about what to expect at the funeral, the occasion becomes less frightening for them.
During discussions, respondents reported that, prior to the funeral service, certain family members were assigned various tasks, such as: going to the funeral parlour to identify the body;
choosing a coffin; arranging the funeral service; arranging transport for people attending the service, and organising the catering for after the service.
3.6.5. Participation in the funeral service
Table 3.49: Participation in the funeral service
Participation in the funeral service Frequency %
Did participate in funeral sen/ice 15 60 Did not participate in funeral service 10 40 Total 1 25 1 100
Sixty (60%) percent of respondents disclosed that it was necessary to participate in the funeral service. Some of the ways in which respondents participated in the funeral service include:
presenting a personal tribute, reading a verse from the Scriptures, saying a Prayer, singing a solo, singing with the choir, or singing with mourners attending the service. Whatever the form of participation, respondents felt that their participation honoured the deceased. However, one respondent said that she was so overwhelmed during the funeral service that she ran out of the church when she saw the deceased in the coffin. A family member reprimanded her for her behaviour and instructed her to sit quietly during the rest of the funeral service.
3.6.6. Number of funeral services attended by respondents
Table. 3.50: Number of funeral services attended Number of funeral services attended by respondents 1st funeral service attended
2nd funeral service attended
Unsure of the number of funeral services attended Total
Frequency 12
11 2 25
% 48 44 8 100 Forty eight (48%) percent of respondents indicated that the 1st funeral service they attended was the funeral service of their parent/primary caregiver. According to death research findings, because the death of a parent is not deemed to be a normative life event, the first death that a child experienced is not likely to be the death of a parent. However, this assumption has been challenged in the South African context because HIV/AIDS has raised the adult death rate in South Africa, resulting in an increase in the deaths of parents, according to Mturi & Nzimande, in Kasiram et al (2007:25).
3.6.7. Viewing the body during the funeral service
Table- 3.51: Viewina the bodv of the deceased durina the funeral service Viewing the body of the deceased
Did view the body Did not view the body Unsure
Total
Frequency 14
10 1 25
% 56 40 8 100 Fifty six (56%) percent of respondents indicated that they "viewed" the body of the deceased during the funeral service. Respondents reported that they wanted to see their loved one for the last time, while others indicated that they had kissed their loved one goodbye. Some respondents reported that the coffin was closed at the funeral service, so they were prevented from viewing the body of the deceased. One respondent indicated that she would never know if the body of her beloved parent was in fact in the coffin.
Part of acceptance of the finality of death is viewing the body of the deceased. According to Christian beliefs, the open coffin it situated in the church, where it is customary to view the deceased before the service begins. However, it is not obligatory to file past the coffin. Mphuthi (2003) cautioned that in case of violent or traumatic death, care should be exercised about viewing the body of the deceased during the funeral service.
3.6.8. Cremation or burial ceremony
Table 3.52: Cremation or burial ceremony Cremated or buried
Deceased was buried Deceased was cremated
Unsure how deceased was disposed of Total
Frequency 17
2 6 25
% 68 8 24 100 In Table 3.52, sixty eight (68%) percent of respondents indicated that their parent/primary caregiver was buried according to custom that prescribed how the deceased's body was disposed of. Table 3.48 indicates that eight (8%) percent of respondents did not attend the funeral service; hence they were unsure of how the deceased's remains were disposed of.
In the early days after the parent/primary caregiver's death, the main focus of attention was arranging the funeral service. The significance of the funeral service, regardless of culture or religion, is a means of bidding farewell to the deceased. The timing of the funeral service or rituals is significant because various religions or cultures determine when and how the deceased's remains are disposed of. According to Zulu-speaking respondents, it is traditional for the deceased to be buried with certain of their personal possessions, as is the custom of the deceased being buried in one's place of birth (family home). Most respondents indicated that the funeral was a "scary" experience for them, especially as they were unprepared for what to expect. When the death is violent or accidental, the dead are buried facing away from home (or,
in the Zulu custom, outside the homestead) - so that the living can be spared the same fate. In keeping with traditional African belief, the dead become ancestral spirits (through various stages of rituals) with the responsibility of protecting and disciplining their descendants, while one's place in the spirit world is determined by how one has conducted oneself in this world, according to Elion & Strieman (2001:48).
3.6.9. Respecting respondents' cultural needs at the school
Table 3.53: Respecting respondents' cultural needs at school Respecting cultural needs at school
Cultural needs were respected at school Cultural needs were not respected at school Did not attend the funeral
No response
Unsure if cultural needs were respected at school Total
Frequency 7
5 2 2 9 25
% 28 20 8 8 36 100 Thirty six (36%) percent of respondents indicated that they were unsure if their cultural needs were respected at school following the bereavement. Twenty eight (28%) percent of respondents indicated that their cultural needs were respected at school. Eight (8%) percent of respondents did not attend the funeral service therefore they did not need to take time off from school.
3.6.10. Participation in rituals
Table 3.54: Participation in rituals Participation in rituals
Did not participate in rituals Did participate in rituals Did not attend funeral Unsure
Total
Frequency 14
7 2 2 25
% 56 28 8 8 100 Fifty six (56%) percent of the respondents did not participate in rituals, the majority of respondents attributing their non-participation in the rituals to their age at the time of the death of the parent/primary caregiver. Respondents disclosed that after the funeral service, they attended a service to mark the "putting up" of the headstone, resulting in respondents requesting time off from school for this purpose.
3.6.11. Time off from school after the death of a parent/primary caregiver
Table 3. 55: Time off from school following the death Time off from school
Did not take time off from school Had to take time off from school
Not necessary to take time off from school Did not return to school
Total
Frequency 15
25
% 60 28
100 Table 3.55 indicates that sixty (60%) percent of respondents did not have to take time off of school as the death occurred during school holidays, while eight (8%) percent did not take time off from school as they did not attend the funeral service. One respondent did not return to school, for the remainder of the school year, following the death of his parent at the end of October 2005. Based on the findings in Table 3.53, only twenty eight (28%) percent of respondents indicated that their cultural needs were respected at school as they had requested time off from school to attend cultural or religious ceremonies.