ANALYSIS AND DISCUSSION
GRADE 7 Male = 6
3.7. GRIEF (EXPERIENCES AND MANIFESTATIONS)
3.6.11. Time off from school after the death of a parent/primary caregiver
Table 3. 55: Time off from school following the death Time off from school
Did not take time off from school Had to take time off from school
Not necessary to take time off from school Did not return to school
Total
Frequency 15
25
% 60 28
100 Table 3.55 indicates that sixty (60%) percent of respondents did not have to take time off of school as the death occurred during school holidays, while eight (8%) percent did not take time off from school as they did not attend the funeral service. One respondent did not return to school, for the remainder of the school year, following the death of his parent at the end of October 2005. Based on the findings in Table 3.53, only twenty eight (28%) percent of respondents indicated that their cultural needs were respected at school as they had requested time off from school to attend cultural or religious ceremonies.
3.7.2. Manifestations of grief
Corr et al (2000:214) have argued that thinking of grief solely as a matter of feeling risks misunderstanding and missing the full range of reactions to loss. According to Marrone (1997), there are many theories regarding the process of uncomplicated mourning. One such example cited by Marrone (1997:11), includes Schneider's model which offers an elaborate holistic model across five dimensions (the behavioural, physical, cognitive, emotional, and spiritual) in reaction to loss.
3.7.2.1. Behavioural manifestations of grief
Table 3.57: Manifestations of grief on behaviour Manifestation of grief on behaviour
Death experience did impact on behaviour (specify) Death experience did not impact on behaviour Unsure, if death experience impacted on behaviour Total
Male 10 4 - 14
Female 6 3 2 11
Frequency 16
7 2 25
% 64 28 8 100 Sixty four (64%) percent of respondents, of which forty (40%) percent were male, indicated that grief did have a noticeable impact on their behaviour. A discrepancy, in this regard, was noted between the respondents' responses and their school records. It is worth recalling here the teachers' comments about the respondents' behaviours. According to findings in Table 3.11, there were no noticeable changes noted by teachers in the behaviour of respondents following bereavement.
However, respondents indicated how grief had impacted on their behaviour:
> 8% of males and 4% of females were withdrawn,
> 4% of males and 4% of females felt less confident,
> 12% of males and 4% of females experienced negative feelings,
> 8% of males and 4% of females became disruptive at school, and
> 8% of males and 8% of females indicated other ways in which their behaviour had changed: loss of interest in activities that previously were sources of satisfaction, dreams of deceased, cherishing objects of the deceased.
Mphuthi (2004) has claimed that it is insensitive to think that children can move quickly through the grieving process and the stages of grief; neither can an exact time be given for how long it takes for a child to work through their grief. Bereaved children in the school environment invariably experience considerable anxiety about the need to behave "as if nothing has happened" resulting in feelings that they have nowhere to express their feelings of distress, according to Abrams (2000:18). However, some respondents disclosed that they did not wish to discuss their experiences with teachers or peers, because it gave them a sense of control over their feelings.
3.7.2.2. Emotional manifestations of grief
Table 3.58: Emotional manifestations of arief Emotional manifestations of grief
Angry outburst Mood swings Sadness/anxiety Lack of motivation Not sure of feelings
Grown stronger from the experience No emotional manifestations of grief Other (specify)
Male 8 5 4 3 3 1 0 2
Female 2 3 3 4 1 1 1 1
Frequency 10
8 7 7 4 2 1 3
% 40 40 28 28 16 8 4 12 Table 3.58 indicates that forty (40%) percent of respondents experienced both angry outbursts and mood swings in response to grief. Whereas four (4%) percent of respondents indicated that they did not experience any form of emotional expressions of grief.
Grief is broader, more complex, and more deep-seated than the usual narrow understanding of emotions and emotional reactions to loss would suggest, according to Rando, in Corr et al (2000:213). While thanatology has yielded valuable insight into how people grieve and been helpful in outlining the stages and phases of the grieving process, it can never incorporate the uniqueness of every individual experience. Corr et al (2000:213) have argued that an overly narrow understanding of grief is both inadequate in its own right and insufficient as a basis for appreciating the full scope of bereavement and mourning.
3.7.2.3. Physical manifestations of grief Table 3.59: Physical manifestations of grief
Physical manifestation of grief Tearful
Eating disturbances Sleep disturbances Headaches
Concentration difficulties Stomach ache
No affect that respondent is aware of Unsure
Other, lack of energy
Male 9 9 6 7 4 3 1 1 1
Female 8 4 6 4 4 4 2 1 -
Frequency 17
13 12 11 8 7 3 2 1
% 68 52 48 44 32 28 12 8 4 Table 3.59 indicates that sixty eight (68%) percent of respondents, of almost equal gender, had become more tearful since the death of the parent/primary caregiver Thirty six (36%) percent of the boys indicated that they had experienced physical symptoms such as: eating disturbances, while sixteen (16%) percent of the girls had experienced the same problem.
Interesting to note is that the twelve (12%) percent of respondents who were not aware of any physical manifestations of grief had not lived with their parent prior to the death. Kroen
(1996:59) stated that pre-adolescent boys in particular may refuse to cry or show emotion, as this makes them appear vulnerable. They may hold off any outward signs of grieving, trying to remain above the emotional pain.
3.7.2.4. Other manifestations of grief
Table 3.60: Other manifestations of respondents' qrief Other manifestations of respondents' grief
Cannot recall any other affects Recall having other affects (specify) Total
Male 10 4 25
Female 7 4 11
Frequency 17
8 25
% 68 32 100 According to Table 3.60, sixty eight (68%) percent of respondents indicated that they did not experience any other manifestations of grief, while thirty two (32%) percent indicated that they experienced the following:
> 8% felt unhappy when they saw other children with their parents,
> 8% felt sad because the routines at home had changed so much,
> 8% felt uncomfortable without having their parent/primary caregiver to share their lives anymore,
> 4% felt angry that their lives had so much pain and problems, and
> 4% were homeless as a direct result of the death.
These responses did not indicate that respondents were experiencing difficulties with the grieving process. It did however serve as a reminder to adults that children may not verbalise their feelings adequately, although their pain is present.
3.7.3. Bereavement and the presence of grief
According to the findings, eighty four (84%) percent of respondents indicated that they were affected by grief following the death of a parent/primary caregiver; whereas, twelve (12%) percent of respondents reported no effect at all. Four (4%) percent were unsure of any effect.
Although respondents had experienced various behavioural, emotional and physical manifestations of grief, twenty four (24%) percent of respondents indicated that grief had made them feel "sadder." The various ways in which sixty (60%) percent of respondents indicated that they had been affected by grief include the following:
"Fathers must be there for their children."
" It is not nice when your mother dies."
"My father must not die. He has to support our family."
"I am scared of having to tell my baby brother about my mother when he is older."
"I get angry when anyone says anything about my mother. I want to run after them and hit them."
"My family is suffering very much."
"I would like to have my father back in my life."
"I don't have a mother anymore."
"I have changed since my mother died."
"I did not say goodbye to my father - so I miss him."
"I am sad most of the time because my mother cannot see me anymore."
"I don't like living with my sisters, because they hit me. I have to cook and dean and we don't have enough food anymore."
"I have changed because 1 miss my mother so much."
"I feel sad that my father died from AIDS. We did not say good-bye to him when he was in the hospital."
"It affected me very much because I miss my father very much."
The findings from the study concurred with Kroen (1996) and Worden (1996) that grief is the process by which one reacts and responds to the losses in one's life. Grief includes having to deal with both internal and external changes that the death of a loved one brings about.