ANALYSIS AND DISCUSSION
GRADE 7 Male = 6
3.8. GRIEF (SUPPORT SYSTEMS)
"My family is suffering very much."
"I would like to have my father back in my life."
"I don't have a mother anymore."
"I have changed since my mother died."
"I did not say goodbye to my father - so I miss him."
"I am sad most of the time because my mother cannot see me anymore."
"I don't like living with my sisters, because they hit me. I have to cook and dean and we don't have enough food anymore."
"I have changed because 1 miss my mother so much."
"I feel sad that my father died from AIDS. We did not say good-bye to him when he was in the hospital."
"It affected me very much because I miss my father very much."
The findings from the study concurred with Kroen (1996) and Worden (1996) that grief is the process by which one reacts and responds to the losses in one's life. Grief includes having to deal with both internal and external changes that the death of a loved one brings about.
3.8.2. Support received from outside of the family after the bereavement
Table 3 62: Support received from outside of the familv after the bereavement Support received outside of family
Did not receive support Did receive support Unsure
Total
Frequency 17
7 1 25
% 68 28 4 100 Sixty eight (68%) percent of respondents indicated that they did not receive any form of support outside of their family, while only twenty eight (28%) percent indicated that they did receive some form of outside support. Four (4%) percent of respondents were unsure if they received any outside support because they did not live with the person who died. Respondents indicated that other than having to deal with the devastating news of the actual death of their parent/primary caregiver, the most painful experience occurred when others did not encourage them to talk about, or they were not allowed to discuss the deceased, with others.
3.8.3. Support received, post-death experience
Table 3.63: Support received, post-death experience Support received, post-death
Did not receive support Received immediate support Unsure
Total
Frequency 18
4 3 25
% 72 16 12 100 Table 3.63 indicates that the majority, seventy two (72%) percent, of respondents did not receive any form of support following the death of their parent/primary caregiver.
Often grieving children don't talk about their feelings, although the emotional pain is present.
Abrams (2000) highlighted the need for on-going support while children work through the pain associated with loss. Abrams realised that there was little support in society for bereaved children struggling with parental death, prompting her to write a best-seller about bereaved children learning to live with the loss of a parent. Abrams argued that during the last decade there has been an increased awareness of the needs of bereaved young people. Human beings mourn in response to grief, and if mourning is denied an outlet, the result will be suffering, either psychological or physical, or both, according to Gorer, cited in Abrams (2000:96).
3.8.4. Bereavement counselling
Table 3.64: Bereavement counselling Bereavement counselling
Did not receive bereavement counselling Did receive bereavement counselling Total
Frequency 23
2 25
% 92 8 100 The majority, ninety two (92%) percent, of respondents indicated that they did not receive bereavement counselling following the death of a parent/primary caregiver, while only two respondents attend bereavement counselling.
It is interesting to note that all of respondents indicated that bereaved children should receive support (help) from people other than their family members after they had experienced the death of a parent/primary caregiver. Respondents indicated that bereaved children need to share their experiences so that they can understand what has happened to them. Respondents agreed that family members may be too distressed to discuss the deceased with them as this may make them (family members) feel sad or tearful. Kon (2002), having experienced the death of her mother as a young child, recommended that bereaved children need to give vent to their feelings and seek help in order to begin the healing process, although there are bound to be permanent scars.
3.8.5. Knowledge of support services for bereaved children
Table 3.65: Support for bereaved children Support for bereaved children
Know where to get support Do not know where to get support Unsure
Total
Frequency 19
4 2 25
% 76 16 8 100 According to the findings, as indicated in Table 3.65, seventy six (76%) percent of respondents were aware of where they could access support services, if needed:
> 60% indicated that the school social worker could offer them support,
> 8% indicated that their teacher could offer support, and
> 8% indicated either Childline or The Open Door Crisis Centre (Pinetown).
3.8.6. Intervention services for respondents, post-death experience
Table 3.66: Intervention services, post-death experience Intervention services for respondents
No intervention services
Appointment with psychologist Appointment with medical doctor Appointment with religious leader Other
Total
Freguency 20
25
% 80
100 Table 3.66 indicates that eighty (80%) percent of respondents were not taken for intervention services following a parent or primary caregiver's death. These findings supported the view of some Worden (1996) that not all children required bereavement intervention services following parental death.
Woo & Wong (2003:38) recommended that one component of coming to terms with the death of a loved one is allowing children and adolescents to talk about their loss. In order to manage grief effectively, the authors recommend that one has to be patient with a grieving child, encourage him or her to openly discuss and show their feelings. In the school environment, teachers are at the forefront of identifying early warning signs that a child may be experiencing problems. Woo & Wong (2003) referred to the importance of identifying the difference between normal sadness and depression in bereaved children. When childhood grief is not dealt with it may result in complicated grief or childhood depression. Worden (1996) argued that when grief becomes complicated, it is advisable to seek the services of professional people who are qualified to assist the child with their issues.
3.8.7. Adults assisting bereaved children in coping with grief
Table 3.67: Adults heloina bereaved children in copinq with grief Adults helping bereaved children cope with grief
Let bereaved children talk when they want/need to Listen when bereaved children talk
Are not angry with bereaved children
Help bereaved children understand what has happened Teach children about death
Total
Frequency 12
7 2 2 2 75
% 48 28 8 8 8 100 Table 3.67 indicates that forty eight (48%) percent of respondents want adults to know that bereaved children should be allowed to talk about their experiences, and be given the necessary space to grieve.
Adults have the daunting tasks of helping children through experiences which they aren't sure how to get through themselves. However, what bereaved children do require from adults are workable solutions to help them cope with grief as well as role models on which to model their
grief. The effects of parental death, the loss of a child's anchor, will continue to make themselves felt for a least two years, and usually much longer, according to Abrams (2000).
Some thanatologists have argued that changes in attitudes towards death, dying and grief work should become something people must seriously work towards.
3.8.8. Self-control
Table 3.68: Self-control
Respondents havinq control over their feelings
Talking about the experience means having no control over feelings
Not talking about the experience means having more control over feelings
Unsure if not talking means having more control over feelings
Total
Male 4
5 5 14
Female 4 2 5 11
Frequency 8
7 10 25
% 32 28 40 100 Table 3.68 indicates that forty (40%) percent of respondents were unsure that if by not talking about their experiences they had more control over their feelings. It is evident from the responses that the wording of the question may have been ambiguous.
According to Woo & Wong (2003) and Kroen (1996), not talking about the death gave some children a sense of control over their lives. When significant others do not express their feelings in front of children, they (children) may assume that something is wrong with their own feelings and suppress the way they feel. Bereaved children will find comfort if they are able to talk to someone they can trust - someone who will listen to them. At school the reactions of teachers, staff and peers are important to the bereaved child being able to express their grief.