CHAPTER 4: NOTIONS OF MASCULINITY IN THE ERA OF HIV/AIDS
4.3 Do men conform to Traditional notions of Masculinity?
“For me, a real man is one who carries his duties as a man, because there are some people who are men because God made them men, but they do nothing to show that they are men. As a woman, I think a man should be a companion, must be someone who understands me. He chats with me as his partner. He should respect me. He should have a consideration of me; that is how I think we can define a real man”
(Urban non-married females, FGD # 10)
“To be a real man, it means to have a job, because if you do not have one, that shows that you do not know even how to take your children to school. People will despise you”.
(Urban married males, FGD # 13)
As this quote suggests, to be considered a ‘real man’ it is crucial to be employed and have a source of income. Not having a job or a source of income may be seen as a sign of inability to carry out one’s social duties including obligations to one’s own children. A man in such situation might not only be seen as incapable by the society at large but he himself may regard himself as a failure.
This view of manhood is widespread in the study sites. In fact, the requirement for being a real man goes beyond just having employment. It involves holding certain types of employment which are considered as high status positions. Men who hold certain types of jobs (such as in a big, private or stated owned company) are seen as not endangering their position in society and able to maintain their status as a ‘real’ man. But in the absence of certainty and security in the employment market, they feel anxious and unable to fulfill their duties as a man. These frustrations have made some men to lose their self-esteem as they feel that they are not man enough. On the other hand, those who are fortunate enough to secure permanent and rewarding jobs may still enjoy the status of successful men.
“We are sculptors and what we say does not have the same value as what people working in a corporation say”.
(Urban married males, FGD # 13)
“I think that in the past, men had jobs. But today we do not have. In the past there was a diversity of jobs. The only job that there is now is commerce [informal market]. Life is more difficult for men. I think that a man faces more problems because he is the head of the family”.
(Urban married males, FGD, # 13)
Poverty and unemployment also seems to have some negative effects on the self-esteem of men.
Studies have shown that male self-esteem is being eroding under the current circumstances of both high levels of unemployment and poverty (Silberschmidt, 2005; Kaufman et al., 2008).
Some men emphasized that although moral values such as being a respectful man play an important role in defining a “real man” in the community; however for a poor and unemployed man this does not add any value. The perceptions that manhood is defined by socio-economic status rather than by moral values are so strong among men in the study sites. The following quotes illustrate these sentiments.
“I think that a person is only considered when he has got something. It does not help to be poor. For example, I am unemployed and if I speak with someone, he will not listen to me, it does not matter what I say”.
(Urban married males, FGD # 13)
“Men are considered real men when they have they own piece of land and have families which they can provide for. When you do not have these things, people will not see you as a man.
You have to have money and a house”.
(Urban non-married males, FGD, # 17)
Furthermore, some men were of the view that although many men have been trying in their everyday life to achieve the expectations of ‘true manhood’, very few have been successful because of high levels of unemployment. Several men interviewed in both settings expressed the same views about how and to what extent men have been fulfilling their manly duties according to social expectations.
“We try to meet those expectations but it is difficult. There is no employment, there is nothing for us to do, every single day we wake up and we wonder what we are going to eat. So, there is nothing you can do when you do not work.”
(Urban non-married males, FGD, # 17)
“Not all men can fulfill those expectations. There are those who try but they cannot. For instance, it is said that to be regarded as a man you have to study and work, but not all of us can.
We know how hard it is to get a job and schools have no vacancies, so people might be willing to work and study but it is not always possible for them”
(Urban non-married males, FGD # 18)
The quotes above suggest that the notion of “real manhood” is context-dependent, and for some people, elusive. Therefore, to be seen or to feel oneself as a “real man” is something which could be held and enjoyed for sometime but which is also possible to lose. This is because “being a real man” is intimately related to socio-economic conditions which are generally subject to rapid, unpredictable change. The emphasis on men having employment or a source of income as a defining prerequisite for manhood just shows how the idea of men as providers is still very strong among respondents
But socio-economic conditions not only are important to sustain one’s family, but also to show the community and society that this particular man is hardworking, which in turn, brings social recognition and prestige. In this regard, some respondents, particularly men perceive women as only interested in obtaining money.
“When you have money you are regarded; you are recognized as someone. When you have everything you are regarded as a real man. If you do not have anything, people will despise you, you will be nothing. So, you must work. For a woman to see that you are a man, you must work. Women here want money. It is very hard!”
(Rural non-married males, FGD # 15)
It seems not surprising that in the context of extreme poverty and where women are economically dependent on men, women seek men who can support them financially as is suggested in the quote above.
The perspective of women
The women’s views about the extent to which men have been fulfilling their gender roles and expectations can be seen through the perceptions of women of changes in men’s character over time. Those perceptions may allow comparison of what is socially expected and shared by men and women, their definitions of “real manhood” and what, in practice, men have become in everyday life. An overwhelming majority of women both in focus group discussions and in-depth interviews reported that men’s sexual behaviour and their failure to fulfill traditional gender roles are the most significant differences between men of their time and men in the past. It should be noted here that the notion of ‘men in the past’ is relative and should be understood in the context of research. What was important, though, was to rely on respondents’ memories and lived experiences.
In this regard, some women complained about the lack of responsibility of younger generations of men particularly with regard to parenthood. They said that “today’s men” usually impregnate women but they do not take responsibility for the pregnancy or their newborn child. This, according to the women, is one of the most important differences between the “new generation”
of men and the “older generation” of men
“Nowadays a man can make you pregnant after loving each other, but then things will change, he does not want to take responsibility and then he leaves you alone with the baby. Those of the past they did not do such things. They cared for their children. Today, if he has another woman outside, he forgets the one he is living with and only worries about the other one”.
(Rural non-married females, FGD, # 5)
This quote not only illustrates the frustrations of some women who may have entered into relationships believing that they would have the necessary attention and care from their partners, but this did not happen. They may have fallen in love, gotten pregnant and then faced abandonment. This seems to lead to the perceptions that nowadays men are not trustworthy and faithful. Indeed, being impregnated and then abandoned may cause women a great deal of social
and economic insecurity including carrying the stigma of being a single mother and assuming responsibility for childrearing without any financial support. Male infidelity (or perceptions of it) was deemed the most important characteristic differentiating today’s men from men in the past.
This was highlighted many times during the interviews with women. Men are regarded as sexually irresponsible, particularly for pursuing multiple and concurrent sexual partners, including having a number of separate households.
“In the past, if a man wanted to have a second wife he would talk with his first wife, until all the families come to an understanding. But today that has changed, a man can have many families outside and you will never know how many he has. So I would say that they have changed and this is because what counts nowadays is to have money”.
(Urban married female, IDI, # 5)
Again, money is seen to play a corrupting role in society, particularly among men. According to this respondent, men are the main beneficiaries of the current socio-economic system, since they are more likely to be employed. Employment provides them with an income which makes them have more power but, at same time, they are less responsible. This seems somehow contradictory.
As described earlier, many men in the study sites complained about the lack of job opportunities.
However, some men use their income to extend their sexual networking including ‘having other families’, of which their current wives are not aware.
Some women argued that it was justifiable for men to have more than one partner because there are so many more women than men in society. According to these women, multiple sexual partnerships is a way of giving women who do not have their own men to have a sexual relationship. However, they felt that they would rather not know about their partner’s other sexual relations. Indeed, because women are in subordinate position in relationships they perceived that they cannot change the course of events; therefore they have to secure their relationships at all costs. In other words, women may have internalized the idea that they must adopt whatever strategy they can in order to hold their partners including accepting their multiple sexual partnerships so that they will not abandon them.
“You will feel unable to do something. What you have to do is to fight for your partner, there, at home. According to the statistics, a man has a reason to have other women. The statistics say that there is one man for every seven women. If a man stays with only one, what about the others? Who will they stay with? What I fight for is for my husband to care about me.
He must ‘respect’ me even if he has other girls. For me, as long as I do not know, that is all right”.
(Rural married females, FGD # 01)
However, the perception that men have changed is not an exclusive feature of men. Both men and women agree that not only have men changed but women have also changed. Women are seen as more sexually relaxed and less committed to their relationships than in the past. A group of married women in a focus group discussions and in-depth interviews observed that relationships are less committed. They argue that relationships between men and women often do not last for a long period of time. The following quotes are testimony of such views.
“By the way, this happens with both women and men. Men want to test everything. They want to have sex with as many women as possible. That is why they get involved with all the women they meet. So the men nowadays are not serious. They are totally different from the men of the past. I think both men and women are not serious”.
(Urban married females, FGD # 10)
“Women have changed too. Women today want their husbands to give them money, and when their husbands do not have money they no longer see them as being men, so they go out and look for those men who have money. That is why we have so many diseases”
(Rural married female, IDI # 01)