Having examined family and marital relationships from the perspective of an African worldview in the previous chapter, this chapter moves on to exploring marriage relationships from a western world view. It firstly looks at the biology of love
relationships and those in conflict, and then describes some of the therapeutic methods used to deal with relationship problems, which are based on a Western world view.
Following on from this, it examines the need for indigenisation in order for
relationship therapy and couple counselling to be more relevant to African couples and families.
3.1.1 The biology of love relationships
There are neuro-biological patterns that occur in all human couple relationships that vary according to the phases the relationship may go through from the time the couple are sexually interested in each other, are attracted to each other and fall in love, and when they are involved in a long term relationship or marriage. Each culture has its own management in terms of beliefs, values and expectations of these different stages.
Thus although in the Zulu culture love relationships are permitted, and the biology of love is the same for all humans, these relationships have been explored more in terms of individuals (rather than focusing on the family or community). As discussed below, this focus on the individual is based on the Western world view, and for this reason it is included in this chapter.
In recent years research has indicated that the body, the mind and the emotions are closely interlinked and each influences the other. Fisher (1998) indicates that there are three stages in the biology of love: firstly lust or the sex drive, secondly attraction or passionate love, and thirdly attachment or companionate love. Each of these stages has a particular purpose in mating and reproduction; and each stage has underlying hormones and neural correlates.
Page | 45 The first stage of basic sexual attraction, lust or the sex drive results in individuals looking for sexual gratification. The “sex drive is regulated, in large part, by the preoptic area of the anterior hypothalamus, which is one source of gonatropin- releasing hormone” (Fisher, 1998:28), which then travels to the anterior pituitary to stimulate the production of follicle-stimulating hormone and luteinizing hormone.
These hormones stimulate the gonads to produce testosterone, as well as oestrogen.
There are other stimuli for the sex drive including seasonal light, temperature, olfactory cues and even colour.
The second stage is that of attraction; of romantic love; and the elation, obsessive thinking, and the infatuation that happens when you first fall in love. “Increased energy and focussed attention” is directed towards a preferred partner (Fisher 1998:31) and is nearly universal in human societies. Fisher explored the brain activity using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) of those people who had just fallen “madly in love”, and found activity in two very primitive areas of the brain – the ventral tegmental area and the caudate nucleus. These areas are associated with focused attention and the motivation to win a reward. Fisher (1998) suggests that dopamine and noreinephrine are the neurotransmitters that increase at this stage;
which produce feelings of heightened attention, motivation and goal directed behaviours; as well as exhilaration, excessive energy, sleeplessness, and loss of appetite.
During this phase a neurotransmitter-like substance called phenylethylamine (PEA) is released. The brain responds to it in the same way that it does to amphetamines or cocaine – infatuated lovers have boundless energy, elation and a sense of well-being when together, and feel devastated and desperate when apart. Fischer (1998) suggests that PEA is a neuro-modulator, and works in support of dopamine and norepinephrine. Serotonin is also involved in the attraction phase, but this process is complicated with contradictory elements, and how it exactly works is still being researched.
Both the sex drive and the attraction phases are viewed as having ‘appetitive’
behaviours that are distinct from the third phase of attachment, which has a range of
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‘consummatory’ behaviours. Oxytocin and vasopressin are the two primary hormones that produce and maintain monogamous male-female attachment behaviours, as well as monogamous parenting behaviours in humans (Fisher 1998).
However, because these three phases of sex drive, attraction and attachment have different neuro-biology and different emotional systems, humans can have very flexible mating patterns – they can have sustained monogamous relationships, but also many may additionally have serial monogamous relationships, as well as extra-pair attachments. Thus humans can have a wide variety of mating and reproductive strategies. “Men and women can express attachment for a long-term mate, attraction to a different con-specific, and the sex drive in response to stimuli unrelated to either of these individuals” (Fisher, 1998:42).
It is important to understand the biology of love so that it can be taken into consideration when counselling couples. Many couples become concerned when the original passion of love changes - they view it as a problem, and they want to return to what they experienced originally, which is impossible. However, elements of each phase can be maintained to a certain extent. Thus for example, paying each other undivided attention whilst also being spontaneous and having fun as a couple can stimulate some of the attraction hormones.
3.1.2 The biology of conflict and trauma
The other neurological information that is important to understand for marriage counselling relates to what occurs neurologically in conflict and trauma. There are elements of conflict in all marriages, and in those with domestic violence there are also aspects of multiple traumatic incidents.
Allen (1995) described the physiology of the brain as having three levels. The first, the brain stem and the reptilian brain, deal with extremely basic responses. The second consists of an ancient mammalian core called the limbic system that includes the thalamus, the hypothalamus and the amygdale. These, particularly the amygdale, deal with emotion and memory amongst other things. The limbic system reacts with basic emotions to our experiences of the world, particularly with regard to potential
Page | 47 harm, and issues of attachment (for example when experiencing a sense of isolation and abandonment). Surrounding the limbic system is the neo-cortex which assists us with intelligence, problem-solving and reasoning (Allen, 1995). If there is a potential threat (physical or emotional) as occurs in all mammals, the fight and flight response is activated by the neurotransmitters and the hormones nor-epinephrine (adrenaline) and dopamine to stimulate the sympathetic nervous system. This activates the relevant body organs and the person will feel physiological arousal. If it is impossible for the person to run or to fight these hormones and the stimulation of the limbic system will continue, even when the threat has passed, with resulting symptoms of arousal. This results in avoidance behaviour in order to decrease the arousal, but the continuing effect of the neurotransmitters and increased arousal results in re-experiencing the memory of the event with intrusive thoughts and dreams. However, the knowledge and understanding of this process allows a person to use the neo-cortex to intervene and constructively deal with not only the threat, but also with the aftermath and resulting symptoms from this process (Allen, 1995). Thus explaining and teaching deep slow breathing, relaxation and mindfulness techniques which assist with these biological arousal systems is very useful.
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