Page | 180 e) There was a great deal of data to transcribe; hence the audiotapes were given
to Typescript Pty Ltd for transcribing. Some of the interviews were translated, and these translations were checked by the staff at Typescript Pty Ltd. It is unlikely that information during transcription was lost or misinterpreted as Typescript Pty Ltd is a reputable company that deals with court reports regularly. Each transcript is produced with a proof reader’s certificate.
However, based on the extent of information produced from the audiotape of the interviews, it is possible that fatigue may have given way for some transcription to be inaccurate.
The following represents a summary of the key findings of the study, consistent with the objectives set out above, and within the framework of the above limitations. I will first describe some of the conclusions of potential problems, and then at the end I will suggest some recommended guidelines that could be useful in counselling with Zulu couples.
Page | 181 that clients notice when coming to an interview. It is a very important value in setting the tone of the interview from the beginning, and enabling the clients to feel comfortable asking for and accepting counselling.
6.4.1. Respect/Hlonipha
In exploring the first value of respect or hlonipa, it was evident that potential problems could arise from either one of the couples not using the particular respectful practices that are socially prescribed, either to each other or to members of both families. It is therefore important for the marriage counsellor to be aware of what these practices entail and when they are necessary. Bearing in mind the difficulty in differentiating issues of respect between the person and the position as mentioned in the previous chapter, it is important to address this in depth. One of the frequent discourses that arose in this study was between traditional practices and Christian practices, as well as between traditional practices and modernity, and between rural and urban living. Because there is such a wide range of possible behaviours with the code of hlonipa in these contexts, it is also important to clarify where the couples stand on each of these, as well as whether they have a dual or multiple system of negotiating them. This is particularly important with respect as it was such a fundamental value for the respondents.
Many social workers who work with couples have probably experienced that one of the common complaints, particularly from men, is that they feel disrespected, whilst often women feel unloved, voiceless and taken for granted. As Love and Stosny (2007) indicate with American couples, there is a biological difference that results in women being fearful and anxious, which leads them to want close connection through love and (financial and physical) protection, whilst men are sensitive to shame and so need to feel worthy and respected. As the Zulu culture stresses respect through the code of hlonipha, and as the participants all mentioned respect as a basic Zulu value, any signs of disrespect such as shouting, swearing and not complying with the verbal and behavioural expectations of hlonipha can cause marital problems. Both the
Page | 182 husband, and in particular his wife are encouraged to show respect through speaking quietly and not challenging the other. As a result, any issues may be ignored and not dealt with. Given the potential for any relationship to experience the afore-mentioned, the likelihood of disrespect in the marriage is inevitable, so addressing such incidents at a practical level is extremely important, as is described in detail below, so that an alternative, respectful method of communication, conflict management and negotiation is possible.
6.4.2. Belonging
As discussed in depth in the previous chapter, certain rituals and rites of passage resulted in respondents feeling they belonged to the family. This feeling appeared to have great importance to the point that when the brides were introduced to the family and community at their marriage, they were introduced through their family of origin and through their ancestors, and the place they belonged to. The process of ilobolo and the various rituals of exchanging gifts resulted in the transfer of the bride from belonging to her family of origin to belonging to the groom’s family, where she becomes the makoti. There was a strict demarcation of roles in traditional families where, in particular, expectations of the makoti or daughter-in-law were identified and she is expected to work hard at housework, laundry and childcare, even if she is working outside the home. However many couples would negotiate their own expectations of roles between them, as occurs with all married couples, but this is more complex with Zulu couples due to the possibility of them living in two different worlds, and so conflict can arise when each other’s expectations are not met. The complexity of such discussions may not be apparent to the couple or even to the social worker because their own world view and life experiences are taken for granted. As indicated in social constructionism our own beliefs, values and behaviour are developed and reinforced through socialisation, so in our view of “reality”, we may assume there is only one way to do something (Burr, 2003). The complexity of discussions about role expectations is also increased because of the gender and age dynamics mentioned in the previous chapter, and so either the husband’s or the gogo’s (the matriarch of the family) views may take priority, particularly in order to belong to her husband’s family, the makoti or daughter-in-law may be expected to comply.
Page | 183 As mentioned in the previous chapter there may be problems specifically between the sisters and the makoti/daughter-in-law, particularly if the sisters sit back and don’t help. Generally it is useful as mentioned in the previous chapter if the mother-in-law can intervene and so the husband may need to address this with his mother. In this study several of the men assisted their wives with childcare and the household chores in their own home if the wife worked outside the home as well, and either reverted back to the traditional roles when visiting family in the rural areas, or faced being shamed by family and community members if they continued to help their wives. The negotiation of roles of both the husband and the wife in their own home and in that of their in-laws’ home is therefore important in order to enable the acceptance of the makhoti so she can fully belong to her married family.
This sense of belonging is also important to address when discussing issues of divorce and separation. As mentioned by the participants of this study in the previous chapter, divorce is not acknowledged in the Zulu community, but as the wife belongs to her husband’s family, she may still live within the homestead, or have her own home elsewhere, and she is still able to participate in family rituals; whilst her husband moves on with his life and can even take a second wife. Thus it is relevant to examine how the daughter-in-law can maintain contact with her in-laws after divorce or separation, so that she can hold on to that sense of belonging. This process is very different to that in Western communities where contact with the in-laws can be diminished.
6.4.3. Spirituality
As mentioned in the previous chapter, many of the respondents belonged to a particular religion, some of them believed in ancestors while others didn’t. This is similar to Afeke and Verster’s (2004:50) comment that “views [of Christians]
regarding ancestor veneration vary from total opposition, to neutrality, to accommodation.” This aspect of spirituality needs to be clarified with the couple in terms of what they feel comfortable with, and if and how they relate to their ancestors.
There seems to be a continuum regarding the degree to which Christians, for example, participate in family functions. At one end, some indicate that they would not attend