2.5 My Word, That’s Riches 21
2.6.1 Journaling
Whilst King and LaRocco (2006) defined a journal as a person’s enduring or lasting record of their thought processes, which they expressed in words in a journal, Pinnegar and Hamilton (2009b) described a journal as a “writing tool” (p. 123) where writers have free reign to express their thoughts, feelings, and views freely. From my reading, I have realised that many researchers and writers hold different conceptions of journaling and what a journal really is. Cochrane-Smith and Lytle (1993) wrote about journals that teachers keep as being a place where they record their teaching experiences, critically evaluate their experiences, and then find ways and means of improving their teaching activities. They stated that journaling had the added benefit of teachers recording the event or the experience immediately or soon after it occurred. This helped the teacher to view, with changing perspectives, what was happening to the learners or students in class. Rager (2005) on the other hand, defined journaling, based on her experience, as a way of expressing her feelings and emotions about a situation, thereby acting as a data gathering mechanism. She found that her entries in her journal strengthened her research.
During my self-study research process of generating data through my teaching from February 2014 until June 2014, I recorded even the most minute detail of my teaching experiences and reflected on these in my journal because I felt that every experience, no matter how trivial, was significant to my study. From February 2015 till June 2015, I videotaped my lectures but I did not reflect on my lectures immediately by writing in my journal. I watched the videotapes at a later stage and then did
22 “Dickon” (Burnett, 1969, p. 74).
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a retrospective reflection on the experiences recorded in my journal. I found this to be very valuable because I viewed my teaching from two different viewpoints. I had an insider perspective when I was recording and reflecting on my daily teaching activities. When I did a retrospective reflection on my videotaped lessons, it seemed as if I was looking at my teaching from an outsider perspective.
This helped me to get a clearer and more objective perspective of myself in the classroom and I was more critical of myself when I did a retrospective analysis.
At the conclusion of my data generating process, I had four hardcover 96-page notebooks with detailed accounts of what occurred in and out of my classroom (Figure 2.1).
Figure 2.1 My reflective journals
Sometimes, when I experienced something that was profound and I did not have my notebooks in which to record it, I would write on pieces of sticky notepads because I was afraid that if I did not capture the moment immediately, the moment would be lost. I would then stick these notes of paper into my notebooks and reflect on the events that occurred (Figure 2.2).
52 Figure 2.2 Field notes on sticky paper
I preferred a handwritten journal because I felt that my handwriting was more personal. I had the choice of keeping an online journal but I felt a handwritten journal was somehow closer to my emotions, feelings, and thoughts. I wrote with different coloured pens because I wanted certain experiences to stand out and remain vivid in my memory (Figure 2.3).
53 Figure 2.3 Different colours in my reflective journal
Sometimes I would go back to certain experiences and I found that when I had had a few days to think about what happened, I viewed the experience from a different perspective.
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Furthermore, I used journal writing to reflect on what I was learning from making my self-study research public. For example, I presented my work in progress at a national university teaching and learning conference in 2015 (as discussed in Chapter Nine). I audiotaped my presentation at the teaching and learning conference where I presented my metaphor drawing of a tightrope walker. I recorded my reflections in my journal on the feedback that I received from the blind peer review of my conference paper as well as the feedback I received from the audience after my presentation. I also audiotaped the presentation of my second collage portrait to the TES project group, and I reflected on the feedback.
At times when I could not explicitly express what I wanted to say through writing in my journal, I drew diagrams and pictures to make up the story, and this helped me to better reflect on the activity or the experience (Figure 2.4).
55 Figure 2.4 Drawings from my reflective journal
Journaling helped me to see things from different perspectives and to rethink my teaching and research. Apart from recording my daily teaching experiences, I audiotaped my discussions with my critical friends and reflected on these discussions in my journal. Sometimes, I would rant and rave in my journal and my writing would become untidy and be all over the place. But I now see that this
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haphazard and all-over-the-place writing was my therapy for coming to terms with the issues I wrote about. When rereading my reflective journal, I was sometimes shocked by what I had written because, at times, it sounded rather silly whilst at other times, the writing was emotional, captivating, and meaningful. I found that I enjoyed the journal writing and sometimes I could not stop writing. I wrote pages-long reflections and got carried away because I felt that writing about my teaching helped me to come to terms with many aspects of my teaching that had posed a problem to me. The more I wrote, the more I wanted to write.