6.2 The Sky Was Blue Again 50
6.2.3 My First Patient
What was not so joyful for me was when, in between attending lectures, we had to work in the x- ray department learning how to x-ray patients. On my very first day, I was pushed in the deep end and had to work by myself because there had been a horrific train accident and injured people were coming in by the dozens. Many patients died on the x-ray tables that day, but what was most awful for me was an incident I experienced. I was going to x-ray a patient and when I walked in the x-ray room, there was an elderly woman sitting up on the bed, covered from the waist down with a sheet.
I was relieved that she did not look badly injured because she was happily speaking to a companion who had accompanied her. I had to remove the sheet to x-ray her leg and when I removed the sheet I experienced such a shock that I had to leave the room. She was mangled from her waist down, and you could not tell the difference between skin and bone—basically, there was one big mess where her legs used to be. I experienced panic and ran from the room. I spoke to the senior radiographer in charge, but she reassured me that it was part of my job and after you get over the initial shock, your mind and body adjust and you become controlled. I went back and x-rayed the woman but I was still in shock and when I went home that night I could not sleep. I mulled over the fact that I would never get used to it.
Nevertheless, it was a learning experience for me. I really admired the elderly patient who, despite the extent of her injuries, was quietly taking it in her stride. She could have been screaming and performing but she realised she was hurt and had to remain calm. I learned a lot from that patient that day. I learned that to get worked up and complain does not help a situation. I was the kind of person who got excited and made myself agitated and lose control, but a badly injured older woman just sat there and waited patiently to be helped. It was a very moving experience because I learned that sometimes in life you have to accept things that you cannot change. I was the kind of person who would try to change the impossible and get cross when it did not change. That day I changed my attitude and came to the realisation that, in my life, I would have to accept certain things as they are. This experience prepared me for many other experiences that I was to encounter in life.
138 6.2.4 Frightening Experience
The other frightening experience for me was the first time I had to witness a postmortem. I had to do a subject, anatomy and physiology, which required a study of the human body. We were lectured to by a surgeon who lectured in the medical school that was part of the hospital. He was a very strict lecturer and warned us before he took us to see cadavers in tanks at the medical school. Cadavers are human bodies that are donated to science so that medical students can do autopsies on them and learn about the human body. They are preserved in huge tanks—sometimes whole and sometimes in separate body parts. The first time we went into the cadaver laboratory I was horrified speechless.
I was sure I was going to collapse but what prevented me was that another student collapsed and the lecturer asked everyone else to leave her on the floor and not help her up. She lay there for almost 20 minutes and when she regained consciousness she realised she was lying on the floor in a cadaver laboratory and became hysterical. She was so traumatised that she had to receive psychological counselling. I was not putting myself through that so I put on a brave front and every time I felt weak, I thought about the elderly patient with crushed legs and told myself to remain calm. I hated the lecturer at that time because I felt he was heartless and cruel but I realised, later, that he had to adopt an indifferent approach or what he did might affect him emotionally. I felt he had no respect for human life but I suppose he had to be that way because I also became like that after a while. Not that I did not have respect for human life, but I adopted an indifferent attitude that helped me cope with the emotional and psychological side of my job.
Below is a photograph of me (Figure 6.3) in a lead apron and protective goggles taking an x-ray.
We had to wear lead aprons and protective goggles to protect ourselves from the harmful effects of radiation emitted from the x-ray machines.
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Figure 6.3 Me performing an x-ray procedure
When I looked at this photograph, it reminded me how far I had come from being a nervous young child, lacking in self-confidence, to a self-assured adult involved in saving peoples’ lives. I was also able to use sophisticated and technologically advanced x-ray machinery that required knowledge of science and technology. I was required to work in the ultrasound and radio physics departments as part of my training and the look of joy on the mothers’ faces when they saw their babies on the screen was indescribable. Radio physics is the department that administers radiation to patients who have cancer. It was heartbreaking for me to administer radiation to these patients, knowing that their cancer was terminal and all they were doing was trying to buy some extra time. Some patients talked to me whilst receiving their treatment, and told me that they would do anything to live longer because their children were still very young, whilst others said they were fed up and only taking the treatment to please their families. I learned a lot about terminally ill patients and this photograph of my radiography badges (Figure 6.4) triggered my mind to that time when, although I was not heartless or unsympathetic, I tried not to get emotionally involved. But now, as a mother, I do not think I could be so casual. I have suffered emotional trauma and illness in my life and I can empathise fully with those patients now. My life experiences have changed my attitude and my moral position from a casual, slightly indifferent person to a more caring empathetic person.
At the end of my first year, I met my husband and, at the age of 19, decided to get married. He was training as an electrician at Iscor in Newcastle and lived at the Iscor hostel, whilst I was living in
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Durban completing my training. We could only meet on weekends and, being a student, I was required to work alternate weekends. This put a great strain on our marriage and on an emotionally laden impulse, I decided to resign from radiography.