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there lurked that fear that I was not good enough. It never surfaced but remained dormant, nevertheless, it was there. My Standard 7 (Grade 9) year passed quite uneventfully.
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best was that she had a library filled with books. In the library, was a window seat that looked out into vast gardens with an orchard and a river at the end of the garden. She also had an old portable typewriter that she said I could use, and I spent many an hour locked in the library reading the books or banging away at the typewriter. The woman was very lonely, quite learned, and had come over from India to marry in South Africa. Many an evening was spent with my sister and I sitting at her feet in front of the fire listening to her tales about her life in India and her trips on ships across the world. We would sit with rapt attention and hang onto her every word. During the day, we would take her in her wheelchair into the gardens and orchard and she allowed us to break apples and plums off the fruit trees. It was an idyllic time in our lives—gone were the days of babysitting and cleaning soiled nappies. Sadly, she passed away and my mother had to leave the position. But, during this time, we explained to my mother that it was very difficult living with family and that she had to get a position where she could get us our own home and come home every day. Luckily, she got her old position back at the hospital and, for the first time in our lives, we managed to get our own house.
We were in our element when my mother took us shopping to purchase our new furniture and allowed us to wallpaper our room with our choice of wallpaper. My sister and I chose beautiful curtains and bedding for our room, and the day finally arrived when we moved into our sweet little home. It was like a little fairy-tale house with pretty feminine colours and smart furniture. What made it more enjoyable was the fact that we had a part in everything and cared for our house. When family came to visit, we would proudly show off our accomplishments and when admiring comments were made, we were in our element. It was so warm and inviting to sit every evening, just the three of us, and have a meal together or watch television. At last, we felt like a family. In Standard 8 (Grade 10) I excelled in English and in Afrikaans. I wrote the Afrikaans national language examination and received a certificate. A photograph of the certificate is below (Figure 5.2).
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Figure 5.2 My Afrikaans Voorbereidende Examination Certificate (1978)
I realised that I was a very good Afrikaans student, even better than in English. I did not study Afrikaans because it came naturally to me. The other learners in my class admired my ability to write in Afrikaans, which posed a problem to many learners because Afrikaans was not their first language and if you failed Afrikaans you failed the entire year’s examinations. My self-confidence slowly improved and I began taking part in school plays and represented my school on the debating
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team in English and Afrikaans. Whilst in Standard 9 (Grade 11) I also wrote the Afrikaans national language examinations and received the certificate below (Figure 5.3).
Figure 5.3 My Afrikaans Laer Examination Certificate
When I look at these certificates, I experience such a sense of accomplishment because it was my effort and strength that got me these certificates. A new chapter in my life was opening and I realised all good things were happening to me. This really gave me confidence and, from being a shy nose- twitching, insecure girl, I progressed into a confident and strong young woman. I was so proud of myself that I wanted to try everything. I am not much of a sportsperson but because my confidence
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had improved so much, I decided to participate in a road race held by the school. Below is the certificate I received for completing the race (Figure 5.4).
Figure 5.4 Certificate for road race
When I looked at this certificate, I realised that 1979 had been my year. I was sure of myself and also confident in my abilities. I cannot believe that I participated in a sporting event because sport and me do not agree. I would rather take a book and hide in some corner than take part in any form of sport whatsoever. It was very rewarding that I had emerged from my sheltered world of books and fairy-tale dreams and managed to do something completely out of character. This led me back to my personal learning from this study. Just as I took part in that race, so I also attempted an arts- based research approach for my study—and found that only after I attempted something I had never
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tried before, did I realise I was capable of anything if I put my mind to it. However, 1979 did not end as well as it started.
During 1979 and early 1980, the non-white school learners in South Africa began boycotts against the learning of Afrikaans and, despite the fact that I was all for learning Afrikaans, I joined my fellow classmates in solidarity. It was a time filled with turmoil, and police and army presence was a normal occurrence at the school. I remember the police shooting at school learners with rubber bullets and hitting us with batons on our legs and bottoms. This really angered some learners and they began throwing stones and rotten vegetable at the teachers. Soon the police Special Branch were visiting our homes. It was a scary but also exciting time, and I recall singing freedom songs and chanting antiracist slogans. I was caught up in the struggle and became a rebel.
By the time the boycotts settled, I had lost interest in school—partly because the subjects I was studying held no interest for me apart from the languages and also because the thought of becoming a nurse horrified me. I attempted my matriculation examinations in 1981, totally unprepared. Even more disastrous that year, the papers were leaked and had to be rewritten. There was mass failure that year and I got a conditional exemption, which meant I had to rewrite a few subjects to get a university admission pass. When that happened, I convinced my mother that I did not want to become a nurse. She agreed on condition I do something in the medical field and I chose radiography. When I saw fellow classmates who passed their examinations getting excited about going to work or attend university, I felt left out. I made a decision that I did not want to rewrite my subjects but that I wanted to repeat the whole year so that I could get better marks. I asked my mother to change my school because I needed a change—I had been in the same school forever. She agreed and I went to a new school. This is a photograph of my new school, which I took in June 2015 (Figure 5.5).
129 Figure 5.5 My new high school (1982)
I was a completely different person in the new school. I behaved in the proper manner and dressed appropriately in the correct uniform as is evident in the photograph below (Figure 5.6). This new school was like a new beginning for me. I realised that I had made a real mess of my life up to that point and was determined to start all over again. I was thankful that my mother agreed to change my schools because it gave me a chance to reinvent myself. The children at the new school did not know me so they had no recollection of my stammering or twitching nose, they did not know I could not sew, and they did not know about my dirty vocabulary book. I excelled academically, and I was well liked by the learners and the teachers. I was beginning to feel good about myself again.
130 Figure 5.6 Me in my new school uniform (1982)
When I looked at myself in this photograph, I realised that I had made a lot of mistakes but that I had the courage and determination to remedy those mistakes. I took the plunge and went back to school when most of my friends were already working or studying. Had I not gone back to school, I am convinced that I would not have amounted to anything in this lifetime. Going back to school was the impetus I needed to push me out into the world. My advantage was that I knew most of the work and after the assessments in the first term, I was excelling in all subjects. I became a star in my new class and the language teachers were thrilled with me—especially the Afrikaans teacher.
This time I was determined to pass with excellent marks and I worked consistently throughout the year and achieved those excellent marks. In addition, I received an award from the school for outstanding achievement in Afrikaans. Below is the photograph of the prize (Figure 5.7) and the certificate (Figure 5.8) I received. My mother was beside herself with happiness.
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Figure 5.7 The book award I received for Afrikaans
Figure 5.8 The certificate I received in matric for Afrikaans
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5.4 I Shall Get Well46
These profound words “I Shall Get Well” are spoken by Colin after he visited the secret garden. The magic in the garden brought a pink glow to his normally pale skin and this “glow spread to his neck and face like a hand with a lovely touch” and he cries out “I shall get well” (Burnett, 1969, p. 174).
I also felt this glow of warmth spreading over me as I ended my high school career and looked forward to the possibilities of my future career as a radiographer.
In this chapter, I related my high school experiences, which began on a happy note but took a turn for the worst when my mother refused to allow me to study music. I then became involved in the boycotts against the learning of Afrikaans and during that period, I lost interest in school. This resulted in me not getting a university entrance pass so I repeated my matric year, getting excellent marks and being accepted to study radiography. Writing about my high school experiences transported me from the present to the past and back to the present as I told my story. I explored and discovered my multiple identities as a demoralised primary school learner, then an invigorated high school pupil, then a disappointed young girl and, finally, to a successful and content young woman.
In the next chapter, I highlight my lived experiences as a student radiographer and the many scary but exciting situations I found myself in. I also speak about getting married and having a child who was born prematurely, and how my faith and strength helped me in giving him the will to survive. I highlight my experiences as a new teacher, firstly being ridiculed by the principal but then admired for my academic achievements. I end the chapter on a happy note when I share my experiences of moving into a tertiary institution as a teacher educator.
Looking at the award and the certificate, takes me back to the heading I gave to this chapter and the poem I wrote to commence it. It reminded me so much of Mary and her growth and healing process.
It makes me think about the joy Mary felt when springtime came to the moors. She became healthier, stronger, confident, and pleasant. Colin was practising to walk again. The power of magic in the garden and nature contributed significantly to their healing. So, too, my accolades and the recognition I received in my new school helped me to heal my injured and hurt soul. It was my springtime and it helped to make me better.
46 “I shall get well! I shall get well! he cried” (Burnett, 1969, p. 174).
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CHAPTER SIX: NEST BUILDING47 There is joy on earth in the secret garden The grey wall is changing, the grass is greener, Swelling leaf buds on rose branches which seemed dead
Ten thousand green points pushing through the mould It’s part of the springtime you know, this nest-building is
Us is nest-building too48