THE NEUROSES OF CLAUDIA PARR IN EMILY GIFFIN’S BABY PROOF THROUGH SIGMUND FREUD’S PSYCHOANALYSIS THEORY
MEIVA EKA SRI S. NIM. 104026000924
ENGLISH LETTERS DEPARTMENT LETTERS AND HUMANITIES FACULTY
STATE ISLAMIC UNIVERSITY SYARIF HIDAYATULLAH JAKARTA
THE NEUROSES OF CLAUDIA PARR IN EMILY GIFFIN’S BABY PROOF THROUGH SIGMUND FREUD’S PSYCHOANALYSIS THEORY
A Thesis
Submitted to Letters and Humanities Faculty In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for
Strata One Degree (S1)
MEIVA EKA SRI S. NIM. 104026000924
ENGLISH LETTERS DEPARTMENT LETTERS AND HUMANITIES FACULTY
STATE ISLAMIC UNIVERSITY SYARIF HIDAYATULLAH JAKARTA
LEGALIZATION
The thesis entitled “The Neuroses of Claudia Parr in Emily Giffin’s Baby Proof through Sigmund Freud’s Psychoanalysis Theory” has been defended before the Letters and Humanities Faculty’s Examination Committee on September 2008.
The thesis has already been accepted as a partial fulfillment of the requirements for
Strata One Degree (S1).
Jakarta, September 5, 2008
Examination Committee
Chair Person, Secretary,
Dr.H.Muhammad Farkhan, M. Pd. Drs. Asep Saepuddin, M. Pd
NIP. 150 299 480 NIP. 150 261 902
Members:
Elve Oktafiyani, M. Hum Drs. H. Abdul Hamid, M. Ed
DECLARATION
I hereby declare that this submission is my own work and that, to the best of my
knowledge and belief, it contains no material previously published or written by
another person nor material which to a substantial extent has been accepted for the
award of any other degree or diploma of the university or other institute of higher
learning, except where due acknowledgement has been made in the text.
Jakarta, September 5, 2008
ABSTRACT
Meiva Eka Sri S., The Neuroses of Claudia Parr in Emily Giffin’s Baby Proof Through Sigmund Freud’s Psychoanalysis Theory. Thesis. Jakarta: English Letters Department, Letters and Humanities Faculty, State Islamic University Syarif Hidayatullah, August 2008.
The study concerns on the way the writer explores the concept of neuroses as one of the symptoms of psychological problems to express her idea through the literary work which appears in the novel Baby Proof. The writer uses qualitative descriptive analysis as the method to analyze the relationship between the main character and the neuroses symptoms as one of the form of the psychological problems which have been injured by the main character since her childhood. The data are obtained from the books of psychology and the internet which are related with the neuroses symptoms. Therefore, the writer focuses her analysis to the Neuroses symptoms of Claudia Parr through Sigmund Freud’s Psychoanalysis Theory.
In this analysis, the writer find out the final result that showes how childhood could influence its perspective in adulthood period. In Baby Proof, the effect of great traumatic in the childhood appears through the character of Claudia Parr. It began when Claudia was a child. Her parents were divorced because her mother left their family to cheat with the other guy whom wealthier than her father. Everybody humiliated them and they must struggle with their own efforts. Claudia never felt her mother’s affection. She was also an unwanted child. Those things made her take a decision for not having a child during her life. There were fears in Claudia’s towards all the stuffs of family and motherhood. Moreover, her decision made her seems abnormal from the people around her. And it appears with the neuroses symptoms as the form of psychological problems of Claudia’s. It is the symptoms which reveals when someone has a great trauma in the childhood that made them unable to deal with the reality.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
First of all, the writer would like to give the most appreciation and many
thanks to Allah SWT, the Lord of the universe and the thereafter. She is sure that she
can not do anything without Him. He guided us with all of His blessed in our life.
Then, peace and blessing is upon to our beloved prophet Muhammad SAW and all of
his followers.
The writer would like to express her highest gratitude to her family: her
mother for giving a spirit everyday that makes her strong; her beloved siblings
(Emon, Baby, Wiwo and Aban) for always make her laugh and entertain her
whenever she was down, and her great families (Mamah, Pusy, Buledede, Buletin,
Om Dodo with their families and also her beloved grandparents), for their big
supports to her in doing this thesis. Most of all, she dedicated this thesis for her
beloved father who had passed away two years ago.
The writer can not fail to mention her advisor Dini Masitah, M. Hum for her
great patients and contributions in finishing this paper. She thanks for all of her
advices that have been given to her; and may Allah SWT bless her and her family.
The writer wishes to say her gratitude to the following persons:
1. Dr. H. Abdul Chair as the Dean of Faculty of Letters and Humanities State Islamic
2. Dr. M. Farkhan, M. Pd as the Head of English Letters Department.
3. Drs. Asep Saefuddin, M.Pd as the Secretary of English Letters Department.
4. All lecturers of English Letters Department for taught and educated her very well
during her study at UIN Syahid Jakarta.
5. All of her beloved classmates at English Letters Department: Nova, Ode, Ida, Aya,
Dening, Nufuz, Wulan, Yanti, Lisa, and Cut; for giving her a great support during the
process of making this thesis. Great thanks she would give to Nina Farlina and Siti
Zubaidah for struggling with her until the end.
6. Her beloved best friends since she was in the Senior High School: Rahma, Dilla,
Merry and Sukma, for supporting her in every moment that they shared together.
They were the best that she ever had in her life; friendship forever.
7. Her best friend, Jajang in Medical major of UPN Jakarta, for giving her spirit in
life for many years and also giving a motivation on doing this thesis.
Finally, may Allah gives His blesses to us, amien.
Jakarta, August 2008
TABLE OF CONTENTS
ABSTRACT…………...……….….….i
APPROVEMENT…..………..ii
LEGALIZATION……..……….iii
DECLARATION……..………..iv
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT……….……….v
TABLE OF CONTENTS………..………....vii
CHAPTER I. INTRODUCTION………...1
A. Background of the Study………..….1
B. Focus of the Study………..…...6
C. Research Questions……….….…..7
D. Objectives of the Study………..…7
E. Significance of the Study………..….8
F. Research Methodology………..…8
CHAPTER II THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK……...…...…….………10
A. Character Analysis………..….10
B. Psychoanalysis………...12
C. Neuroses……….….14
CHAPTER III RESEARCH FINDINGS………....21
A. Character Analysis……..………...………..21
B. Analysis of Neuroses………...…26
1. Neuroses………..……….………...………...….28
2. Anxiety Reactions………29
CHAPTER IV CONCLUSION AND SUGGESTION……….………..…..44
BIBLIOGRAPHY………..……..…..47
CHAPTER I INTRODUCTION
A. Background of the Study
Family is the basic institution which characters are formed.1
Moreover, it was the first place for someone to learn about everything around
them, which is started by their nuclear family members then continued with
the surroundings. Family is also having their own rule to manage their
members through their surroundings and also the society. Those are known as
family values.
Family values could also be defined as the political and social concept
used in various cultures to describe values or norms in the society that are
believed to be traditional in that culture and in support of the idea that families
are the basic unit of the culture.2 The concept of ‘family values’ is rooted in
each individual culture thus making the values different for different societies.
In addition, culture change overtime in response in economic, political and
cultural development. Therefore, family values vary from households to
households, from country to country, and from generation to generation.
1
The Concept of Family Values in America. Accessed on 14 September 2008 at 11 pm. http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_Values_in_America.
2
Myron Magnet, “The American Family Values”, Fortune Magazine. Accessed on 17 April 2008 at 8 pm. http://www.family/values/in/america.com
We can see many family values around us. It can be seen since the
early stages of life. Family values could be learnt from the beginning of
childhood because it is one of the most important aspects in our life. Most of
the physical and mental development of a person takes place in childhood. It
is the critical period for establishing good habits which can last a lifetime. 3
That means childhood has a big influenced in someone’s further life.
Every body has different childhood memory. But most of us often
ignored and even forget about it. It seems like something which contains
unimportant things in the past. On the contrary, childhood could help us to
find our identity in the future. Childhood is not related only with the family
and its values; but also with the social condition, culture and mental
experiences. The concept of childhood itself is also different for each person.
Someone could have a good childhood and vise versa.
In short, the family values may seem in the reality and also as a part of
the story; both has their unique way to express. In this case, the writer
concerns to the novel; as one of products of literary works. In novel, the
esthetical values were also reflected from the intrinsic elements and also the
attractive language which is used. Moreover, one of the cognitive sides from
3
the novel is psychological values inside. A linguist said, “The novel can teach
you more about human nature than the psychologist.” 4
Baby Proof is a family novel, which is written by Emily Giffin’s as the third novel after Something Borrowed and Something Blue. It was one of the Best New York Times Bestseller in 2006. It tells the story of that uncommon
creature—which is the main character, Claudia Parr—the woman who doesn’t want a child; just because of her traumatic in early childhood. It made
her has a fear with all the stuff about family. It is also contains with a
psychological problem which is injured by the main character that built the
story. Those things show that how important the family values which can give
a big influence to the main character’s physical development. What happened
next in her life was so attractive. Readers were made suspicious with the end
of the story; that makes it challenging to be read. It’s sometimes funny,
always thoughtful exploration about how life sometimes has other plans for us
than the ones we make for ourselves.
Emily Giffin is one of the best international authors in United States of
America. She was born on March 20, 1972, in Baltimore, Maryland and had a
very happy childhood. She grew up with a love of reading, surrounded by
books and making frequent trips to the library with her mother and her older
sister, Sarah. She began writing at very young age, and published many of her
4
own stories. Emily’s father was an executive for Sears, so her family moved
around quite a bit over the years. In 1986, they arrived in Illinois just in time
for Emily to start high school. During those years, Emily indulged her passion
for writing as a member of creating writing club and the editor in-chief of her
high school newspaper. She won several awards for her writing and wrote in
journal every day. After college, Emily attended law school at University of
Virginia. She even works in a litigation department, but she realized that
writing was her way of life. In 2001, she began creating the world of Rachel
and Darcy. Here is the page from the early draft of Something Borrowed— under its original working title, Rolling the Dice. In 2002 was an exiting one for Emily. She got married, found an agent, and signed two-book contract
with St. Martin’s Press. Although she hadn’t palled to do so originally, she
became interested in Darcy’s side of the story during revisions of Something Borrowed and thus began writing Something Blue. In 2004, Something Borrowed was released to have reviews and instantly make the New York Times bestseller list. Baby Proof followed its succeeded which produced around 300.000 in the first printing in the early 2006.5
The main character in Baby Proof is Claudia Parr, single, 35-years-old, a successful carrier woman. She was a kind of ambitious woman who
loves her jobs so much. Her job as an editor in one of the biggest publisher
5
company in New York, her attractive physical appearance, bright future and
has a lot of friends made her life seemed so perfect. Overall, she was content
with her life. She told herself that she didn’t need a husband to feel complete
and fulfilled.
Then she met Ben who seemed way too good to be true, after she
learned that he actually shared her feelings about children. She realized
something during her life. On the flip side, she knew that she could be
automatically disqualified for a long-term consideration as she had with so
many guys in the recent past. After all, most people—women and men—view
not wanting kids as a deal breaker. At the very least, her risked coming across as cold and selfish, two traits that don’t top the list of “what every man
wants”; because didn’t want to have a kid was a selfish decision.
But Ben was different. He doesn’t want to have a child either. They
found many similarities and they were fall in love. In short, they were
married. After two years of their happy marriage, Ben wanted to have a child.
Claudia refused Ben’s wishes for having a child in their marriage. She felt
betrayed; Ben betrayed their previous commitment about having a child.
Conflicts happened; both of them were stubborn. Finally, they were divorced.
By analyzing the plot carefully, the writer assumes that it seems that
there is a relationship between Claudia’s childhoods in her future decision for
traumatic for Claudia as a part of her surroundings and that become a trouble
for her. The decision itself also influenced the development of her personality.
She identified the character of her mother to herself. Her decision for not
having a child made her seemed so selfish.
Therefore, the writer interested to analyze neuroses symptoms which
are injured by Claudia’s character related with her trauma in the childhood by
using Sigmund Freud’s Psychoanalysis Theory on Neuroses. Freud believed
that “a child was a human’s father”; people’s mental explorations were always
related with their childhood and also their past experience which has the
implication of psychological problems, especially Neuroses. Neuroses are one
kind of psychological problems which is caused by a great anxiety and
traumatic during the childhood.
B. Focus of the Study
The research will be concentrated on how the childhood influences
Claudia’s perspective on not having a child. In this case, the writer
emphasizes to the neuroses symptoms of Claudia, using Psychoanalysis
Theory by Sigmund Freud, which comes from as the psychological problem
due to her traumatic in the childhood in order to limit the scope of the
C. Research Questions
According to the focus of the research, there is a question that would be
interested to be discussed:
How does Claudia’s childhood influence her perspective on not having a child
viewed from Sigmund Freud’s Psychoanalysis Theory on Neuroses?
D. Objectives of the Study
Based on the research question above, the objective of this research is:
To explain the great role of childhood which is influenced Claudia’s
perspective on not having a child in her life viewed from Sigmund Freud’s
Psychoanalysis Theory on Neuroses.
E. Significance of the Study
Through the research, hopefully, readers can understand that family is
the basic institution that really important in our stages of life. Moreover, the
concept of family values, which has been taught since a childhood, would
determine someone’s personality and behavior in the future. In this case, the
writer emphasizes all of her concern to this novel from the psychological
problems, as the result of malfunctioned of the family values, through the
main character inside. Moreover, it can open our mind for knowing our
F. Research Methodology
The research methodology comprises by many aspects such as method of
research, technique of data analysis, instruments of research and analysis unit.
1. Method of Research
The writer conducts the research by using qualitative-descriptive and
content analysis method. In qualitative research, she used verbal data and
the relevant theory; that is the analysis will be explained by the word
Neuroses. The type of qualitative study that she chooses is content
analysis with the description of the main problem in the story. Content
analysis is the study that tries to understand the message of the literary
work; in this case that the novel Baby Proof. 2. Technique of Data Analysis
In this research, the writer uses Sigmund Freud’s Psychoanalysis
Theory on Neuroses based on critical study and sharp analysis to the
qualitative data that is collected from the variety of sources based on the
study of historical literature that is used internal and external structure of
literary work.
3. Instrument of Research
The research instrument of this qualitative research is the writer
herself who analyzed the novel carefully and accurately by checking,
related with the relevant theory that she has been used that is Sigmund
Freud’s Psychoanalysis Theory on Neuroses.
4. Analysis Unit
Analysis unit that is used in this research is the novel Baby Proof
written by Emily Giffin printed in 2006 by St. Martin Paperbacks, Inc.
United States of America. This novel consists of 306 pages.
5. Place and Time
The research started on the seventh semester of academic year
2007-2008, at the Department of English Letters, State Islamic University Syarif
Hidayatullah Jakarta. The research was also conducted at Adab and
Humanity Faculty’s library, main library of UIN, University of
Indonesia’s library, and other libraries which can give references
information about that material that the writer needed.
CHAPTER II
THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK
A. Intrinsic Theory
Every literary work has intrinsic and extrinsic elements. Intrinsic
elements are the internal structure of literary works such as plot, characters,
characterizations, theme, setting, point of view etc; meanwhile, extrinsic
elements are the external structure of literary work from the external factors
outside the literary work itself, such as author’s background, sociological,
history, and also culture when the literary work has been created.6 In this
research, the writer focused on the analyses of the main characters and the
psychological side of the main character as an extrinsic element in the novel.
Character is one of the intrinsic elements that the writer would discuss.
Character is presumably an imagined person who inhabits a story. 7 The term
character applies to any individual in literary work. A character is a fictional of person—who was presented in works of narrative or drama who convey
their personal qualities through dialogue and action by which the reader or
6
Indra Fajar, Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe: An Overview of Genetic Structuralism, thesis, (Jakarta: The Library of State Islamic University Syarif Hidayatullah Jakarta, 2006), p.5. u.p.
7
audience understands their feelings, thoughts, intentions and motives—
usually a psychologically realistic depiction.8
Generally, characters are divided into two types: there are main
character and minor character. The major character is a character that always appears and dominates in every part of the story.9 It also will usually be
complex and fully developed; it’s often described as a dynamic character. The
major character of the plot is protagonist. The protagonist is usually easy
enough to identify: he or she is essential character without whom there would
be no plot in the first place.10 Minor character is character that only appears in a single event. Appearance of minor characters in the entire story is less,
not significant and it appears only when there is connection with major
character, either directly or indirectly.11 A story’s minor characters are often
static; their growth is not usually relevant to the story development.
According to the useful terms of the English novelist E. M Foster,
characters may seem flat or round, depending on whether a writer sketches or
sculptures them. Flat characters are those who embody or represent a single characteristic, trait, or idea, or at most a very limited number of such qualities.
Flat characters are also referred to as type characters, as one-dimensional
8
The Department of English, University of Victoria, Character and Characterization, from http//web.avic.ca./wguide/Pages/LTCharacter.html. Retrieved on April 2008.
9
Adib Sofia Sugihastuti, Feminisme dan Sastra: Menguak Citra Perempuan Dalam Layar Terkembang, (Bandung: Penerbit Katarsis, 2003) p. 69.
10
James H. Pickering and Jeffrey D. Hoeper, Concise Companion to Literature, (New York: Macmillan Publishing Co. Inc, 1981) p.24
11
characters, or when they are distorted to create humor, as caricatures. Flat
characters are usually minor actors in the novels and stories in which they
appear, but not always so.
Meanwhile, round characters were embodies a number of qualities and traits and are complex multidimensional characters of considerable
intellectual and emotional depth that have capacity to grow and change. Major
characters in fiction are usually round characters, and it is with the very
complexity of such characters that most of us become engrossed and
fascinated.
B. Psychoanalysis
Psychoanalysis is a part of literature psychology; it was also the
best-known techniques of psychological therapy. Most people go to therapist
because they want to be more productive, happier, or even more effective in
handling daily problems. And psychotherapy was one of the answers. It was
an attempt to help a person feel better or function more effectively in life.
Insight therapies12 were one kinds of psychotherapy; which is known as
Psychoanalysis.13
12
An insight therapy was a stem from the belief that emotional problems come from conflicts between unconscious processes and conscious functioning. The goal of insight therapies is greater self-knowledge through increased understanding of unconscious processes.
13
According to psychoanalytic model, the most effective way to
personal change in the present is to understand the repressed conflicts and
memories from the past. As a child, one learns quickly that sexual and
aggressive expressions are unacceptable. This doesn’t prevent a child from
feeling angry at his parents, but he learns to hide these feelings, even from
himself. There may have been single event of interaction with family
members that were traumatic, and too painful to remember. The aim of
psychoanalysis is to overcome a person’s unconscious resistance to repress
their memories, feelings and drives. Then they can be brought to awareness,
and then re-experienced and understood. Psychoanalysis is the most effective
with educated adults’ neurotic who want to think and talk about their
experience. 14
This study was announced, firstly, by Sigmund Freud. Sigmund Freud
was born in 1856 in Moravia; between in the ages of four and eighty-two his
home was in Vienna: in 1938 Hitler’s invasion of Austria forced him to seek
asylum in London, where he died in the following year. His career began with
several years of brilliant work on the anatomy and physiology of the nervous
system. He was almost thirty when, after a period of study under Charcot in
Paris, his interest first turned to psychology: and after ten years of clinical
work in Vienna (at first in collaboration with Breuer, an older colleague) he
14
invented what was to become psychoanalysis. This began simply as a method
of treating neurotic patients through talking, but it quickly grew into an
accumulation of knowledge about the workings of the mind in general. Freud
was thus able to demonstrate the development of the sexual instinct in
childhood and, largely on the basis of an examination of dreams, arrived at his
fundamental discovery of the unconscious forces that influence our everyday
thought and actions. Freud’s life was uneventful, but his ideas shape not only
many specialist disciplines, but also the whole intellectual climate of the
twentieth century. 15
C. Neuroses
The term “neuroses” was firstly founded by William Cullen (1769). At
first, he thought that neuroses were only a disorder around the neurotic
symptoms. At that time, the condition reflected the malfunction of neuron
which is appeared on behavior. Around two centuries later, Freud suggested
the source of neuroses was an intra-psychic conflict.16 Particularly, he adds,
that inner conflict which is involved by non-fulfils wish happened because
there was an obstacle from superego, meanwhile, ego can’t make a decision to
15
Sigmund Freud. The Penguin Freud Reader, ed. Adam Phillips (England: Penguin Books Ltd. : 2006) p. 2
16
resolve peacefully.17 Behaviorist argued that the source of neuroses is faulty
learning in order to avoid the anxiety. 18
Moreover, according to Kartini Kartono, neuroses is mental disorder
that causes a sense of distress and deficit in functioning.
“Psychoneuroses called neuroses, mental disorder that causes a sense of distress and deficit in functioning”
Kartono adds that neuroses were characterized by anxiety, depression,
or other feelings of unhappiness or distress that are out of propotion to the
circumstances of a person’s life. They may impair a person’s functioning in
virtually any area in his life, relationships, or external affairs, but they are not
severe enough to anticipate the person. Neurotic patients generally do not
suffer from the lost of the sense of reality seen in persons with psychoses.19
Neuroses are abnormalities in any other aspect of personal or social
behavior which cause discomfort to the individual or annoyance to others, but
are not severe enough to make him incapable or unwilling to assume
responsibility for himself or to require his isolation from society. Neuroses
are serious failures to adjust. They usually involve failure to deal adequately
17
Prof. Dr. A. Wiramihardja, Psi., Pengantar Psikologi Abnormal, (Bandung: PT. Refika Aditama, 2005), p. 67
18
Every body has a defense mechanism for surviving their life. Neurotic patient often felt a great anxiety both inside and outside them. This anxiety may cause a phobia to something that manifested on daily attitude or avoiding behavior as their self-defense from the neurotic symptoms. Even though they realized that they didn’t lose contact with the outside world.
19
with anxiety.20 This can mean either being overwhelmed by anxiety or
developing behavior patterns to deal with anxiety that are themselves
maladaptive. Neuroses were characterized by feeling of inadequacy,
fearfulness, tension, and difficult interpersonal relationship21; the high anxiety
narrow perceptions, and muddles thinking and action.
Most psychological theories of neuroses stress the importance of
parent-child relationships and early life experiences as contributing influences
in the development of personality flaws that predispose the child to neurotic
behavior in later years. There are some characteristic of neuroses:
1. Sex conflicts induced by early indoctrination in puritanical standards or unresolved oedipal bonds. Parental exploitation of the child’s love needs as a means of control or other disappointing earlier experiences may cause a child subsequently to avoid becoming emotionally involved with other persons.
2. Inferiority feelings resulting from unfavorable comparisons with siblings, belittlement, unrealistic expectations and goals set by parents, or past failures.
3. Conflicts regarding the expression of aggression related to strong parental disapproval and withdrawal of affection whenever the child attempted to assert himself, resist domination, or express hostile feelings.
4. Insecurity feelings resulting from overprotection, parental inconsistencies, separations, or the expression of affection by the parents only when the child was “good”.
5. Traumatic experiences during childhood that were either dismissed or ridiculed by parents or could not be discussed with parents.
6. Dependence and immaturity resulting from parental domination and indulgence; the sacrifice of autonomy and self-identity as the price paid for retaining parental affection and the security and safety thus provided.
20
T. K. Launder, Psychology: A Brief Overview, (United States of America: Mc-Graw-Hill Book Company, 1972), p. 85
21
7. Identification with and adoption of a parental model of neurotic behavior. For varied reasons, parents may actually encourage and reinforce compulsive, hysterical, and fearful behavior in their children.22
Those characteristics usually appear during the childhood. Childhood
was a fragile period in someone’s life. Someone’s who sufferer from anxiety
during their childhood may also have the other anxiety in many ways when
they were adult. That makes anxiety in the childhood could influenced the
development of someone’s personality.
Anxiety in the childhood is the part of anxiety reactions. It does not
develop suddenly but usually over an extended period of time. In fact, most
anxiety neuroses probably originate in childhood. Children learn anxiety all
too easily. Psychologist believed that parents often condition their children to
develop anxieties; such as punishing, frightening, setting goals or even too
strict to their children are actually encouraging their anxiety and
apprehensions23.
The child, especially the young child, seeks to please his parents.
When his parents are displeased, the child may assume it is because he has
failed in some way and he may expect to be punished. Children were easily to
get anxious. Most of us didn’t realize that it might be happen in our past
experience. Many parents trying to teach the child to distinguish between
22
James D. Page and Aldine Aherton, Psychopathology: The Science of Understanding Deviance, (New York: Inc. James D. Page, 1971), p. 279.
23
correct and incorrect behavior may make the mistake of punishing him too
severely. As a result, the child become anxious about everything he does. By
the time he is old enough to understand his fears (and perhaps resolve them),
he may be so permanently conditioned that his attempts to be free of anxiety
are stymied. An anxious person often looks for someone or something to cling
to. If he has not found security in his early years, he may believe that none is
possible, and continue to react anxiously.
Anxieties generally are well established before adolescence, and at
that time they begin to exert a new pressure. Anxiety that is easily conditioned
during childhood seems to grow stronger as the child grows older. It is
extremely difficult to extinguish. Some children may overcome the stress and
tension of anxiety symptoms, while others generate conflicts so severe that
their behavior becomes totally maladaptive. Still others resolve their conflicts
during childhood only to find the same inexplicable fears and continuous
tensions recurring later in life.
During the childhood years, children are influenced by many outside
forces. These include family and friends, schools and televisions. All of these
influences the ways children learn to behave. As these outside forces are
operating, however, children are also developing their own self-concepts. The
self is shaped partly by child’s own cognitive abilities and partly by relations
During childhood, the parent-child relationship is deepened through
the process known as identification. Children incorporate qualities of their
parents into their own self-concepts. Values, personality traits, and belief that
children observe in their parents become part of the child’s own style of
thought and action. Parental identification adds the cognitive dimensions of
shared beliefs and values to the emotional bond that was established through
the formation of a secure attachment.24
The neuroses can be classified into four subtypes: anxiety reactions, phobias, obsessive-compulsive reactions, and psychosomatic disorders.
In this novel, the writer would like to prove that the anxiety reactions
were developed from Claudia’s traumatic in the childhood. Claudia’s has a
great anxiety during her childhood which made her chose a decision for not
having a child. The decision was manifested of her disappointment
to her mother for years. Here, the writer emphasizes her concern into anxiety
reactions which is related with the neurotic condition of the main character,
Claudia.
1. Anxiety reactions
It’s probably the most common neurotic condition, are emotional. A
person in an anxiety state is extremely irritable, or constantly worried and
fearful. Usually he has accompanying bodily symptoms—nausea, sweating,
24
palpitations of the heart. These reactions consist not of occasional periods of
worry over rational or partly rational problems, such as the normal person has,
but prolonged periods of extreme, diffuse, and uncalled-for nervousness and
apprehension.
Anxiety reactions are caused by a great anxiety and stress. Anxiety is
much like stress in the way our bodies respond. There is a feeling of being
threatened, of apprehension, tension, and worry. Anxiety affects a person’s
performance. People can usually perform simple task better under higher
anxiety. Since most situations are rather complex, it is not surprising that
highly anxious people cope less adaptively or effectively.
As we have seen, people are more anxious in responses to the stresses
of external situations. Anxiety can also be generated from within to be
generated from within, by threats to our self-esteem, or by unacceptable
feelings or emotional conflicts. Anxiety is frequent on children who usually
can’t consciously admit that they sometimes hate their parents. It is too
CHAPTER III RESEARCH FINDINGS
A. Data Description
In chapter III, having read the novel, the writer finds some statements as the
corpus of the research. They are classified into two groups: character and neuroses.
They are presented in the following tables.
1. The List of Claudia Parr’s Characters in Emily Giffin’s Baby Proof
No. Corpus Page Remark
1 “I never wanted to be a mother.” 1 Persistent
2 “I steadfastly maintain that short of being orphaned of severely disfigured was the worst thing that can happen to a fifth-grader…”
48 Lonely
3 “I never had any illusions that either of my parents was perfect”
48 Pessimist
4 “I remember how pathetic that I am at that time” 48 Pathetic
5 “…my mother left us for real, giving up custody to my father when I was thirteen”
50 Sad childhood
7 “The fact that I don’t want children because I have such issues with my own mother.”
50 Hate her mother’s figure 8 “…everyone who has messed-up family thought
that it was only a tiresome cop-out to blame your bad childhood…”
50 Unconfident
9 “…even with a mother like mine…” 108 Embarrassed
10 “I can’t deny that there is a little life-shaping stigma in having a mother who cheats on her family…”
50 Bad childhood
11 “I don’t want to be something that someone has to overcome”
50 Overwhelming frightened
12 “I still could have sworn things would be so much neater and easier than they were turning out to be”
108 Optimist
13 “Now I live in the present and stop sniveling about the past.”
50 Forgiving
2. The List of Neuroses in Emily Giffin’s Baby Proof
No. Corpus Page Remark
1. “…And although my relationship ended for some variety reasons, I always had sense that babies were the factor.”
1 Anxiety reactions
2 “After all, most people—women and women—view not wanting kids as a deal breaker. At the very least, my risked coming across as cold and selfish…”
3 Anxiety symptoms
3 “I always have the feeling that she is directing her comments at me and that she blames me for our decision. Ben used to say that I was paranoid, but now, of course I’m actually right…”
43 Overwhelming
anxiety
4 “I think I have always has the misguided sense that worry and fear serve as an insurance policy of sorts.“
46 Unreasonable fears
5 “I hate to be jaded, but I can’t help feeling that my fears about marriage were confirmed when I and Ben broke up. If I thought I was free when I didn’t want children, I’m
141 Neuroses
especially free now that I even don’t want a husband.”
6 “…fear of failure, fear of change, fear of the unknown…”
89 Neuroses
7 “I always cave—not for her sake, nor because I need or want to be a mother—but because I don’t want my mother to define who I am, and not talking to her would do that in some bizarre sense.”
9 “…which has the effect of making you fear losing someone than if it were the other way around.”
46 Neuroses
10 “I knew that my love for Ben was the most real thing I had ever known, but I still fretted that I was setting myself up for disappointment.”
66 Anxiety reactions
11 “I don’t know whether I will overcome my fears of motherhood. Whether I will someday be a mother. Whether I am capable of being a good one”
306 Anxiety reactions
12 “”Nothing has changed. Ben wants a baby and, maybe, either do I…”
89 Anxiety reactions
13 “That I would do anything to get him back, even if that means having a baby; that I nearly might even want a baby with him. That I want to do is share my life with him, in whatever form takes.”
B. Character Analysis
According to the story, the writer assumes one period of time which is
significant to the development of Claudia’s characters is the childhood period.
Therefore, the writer needs to analyze Claudia’s childhood which is related with her
psychological problems that is neuroses.
Neuroses problem of the main character has developed in the early age. It was
related with her experiences in the childhood. Claudia was never wanted to be a
mother. Even when she was a child, she always prefers to be an aunt. Mother was a
kind of figure that she never want to be.
I never wanted to be a mother. Even I was a little girl, playing dolls with my two sisters. I assumed the role of the good Aunt Claudia. (Giffin, 2006: 1) Claudia’s childhood was not as beautiful as the other child have at her age;
her mother is self-centered of those problems and her sisters were distracted by their
complicated lives. It was begun when her mother started to cheat with Claudia’s
elementary principal and many guys after him. Everybody’s around her insulted her
because of her mother’s behavior. She was never being a good example for Claudia
and her sisters. And having a divorce parents was far from her imagination. She often
compared her parents with ideal parents in book. But it wasn’t being real.
Claudia’s traumatic reveals that, basically, children learn anxiety all too
easily. She identified her parent’s model as an example. Her mother’s attitude, which
But about six years later, when I was eleven, I learned how closely the two emotions are aligned. That was the year that my mother had an “alleged” affair (she still denies it) with my elementary school principal, Mr. Higgins. I steadfastly maintain that short of being orphaned of severely disfigured, it was about the worst thing that can happen to a fifth-grader; particularly when you’re the very last person in the school to hear about it. I never had any illusions that either of my parents was perfect, as I frequently compared them to the ideal parents in books. I wished that my father were a little more Atticus Finch, and that my mother would occasionally behave like Ramona Quimby’s nurturing, understanding mother in my favorite Beverly clearly books. (Giffin, 2006: 48)
As a child, one’s could learn quickly that sexual and aggressive expressions
are unacceptable. This doesn’t prevent a child from getting angry at her parents; but
she learns to hide these feeling, even for herself. Every single event about her mother
was traumatic and too painful to remember. It was a terrible childhood because
everyone always mocked her family. She never forgets when there was a boy named
Chet whom called her mother as a bitch. It was a horrible situation for the fifth-grader
like her. After Mr. Higgins, her mother had another affair with Dwight. At the same
time, she left Claudia’s family and divorced from Claudia’s father. Claudia was so
embarrassed with her mother’s behavior.
Claudia felt that the world would not accept her and her family inside;
because her mother did many things which made them very embarrassed. It started
from the insult from her friend in the playground until her neighborhood. That made
Claudia frustrated with her life.
I didn’t think too much about my parents one way or the other. Most kids don’t; until my friend in the playground decided to break the big news of my mother’s affair via chalk graffiti. He drew two large stick figures, complete with some vivid male-female anatomy, and the words CLAUDIA’S MOM DOES MR. HIGGINS. I remember how pathetic that I am at that time.
(Giffin, 2006: 48)
After the scandals that her mother’s made; her parents were fighting almost
everyday. Claudia remembered when her father finally took her and her sisters to the
train station. They decided to move to the other town because they can’t stand
anymore with her mother’s behavior. Her father had tried to be a good husband, but
her mother never appreciates it; he even never got the divorce-memo.
Having to watch her parents fighting were a terrible experience for Claudia.
Moreover, hearing that there’s one parent tears while the other down were become a
great traumatic experiences which is long lasting remain in Claudia’s psyche.
Everything become worst for Claudia when she knew that, actually, she was
unwanted child. Her mother told the truth that she was regretting to have her. She
thought that she wouldn’t have any child from Claudia’s father, but she was wrong.
She told it to Claudia without any guilt. It made Claudia really sad.
You were accident, my mother says. An unplanned pregnancy. She never tried to hide the fact—it was something I knew at very young age. She’d tell people in front of me. She thought that she was done, but Claudia here was an accident. (Giffin, 2006: 116)
Claudia never wanted to say the real reason for her decision for not having a
child. She kept it as a secret of her life. An anxious person often looks for someone or
something to cling to. Still, others resolve their conflicts during childhood only to
find the same inexplicable fears and continuous tensions recurring later in life.
Yet, Claudia believed that every body knew her true reason for not having a
child; but it ever came out and say altogether. It was related with her bad childhood;
the fact that she doesn’t want a child because she has a great traumatic with her
mother. She denied the charges for being a mother because she is afraid to be trapped
in the tiresome cop-out to blame her current predicament like in her bad childhood.
She was afraid to have a family—because her previous family was messed up.
Claudia couldn’t erase her memories of the bad childhood that she had. She
couldn’t deny that she has a traumatic life because of a mother who cheats on her
family and then finally leaves them altogether. A kinds of trauma which gets buried
in her psyche forever. The pain was never been erased. It was influence her point of
view on having a child. She believed that it would be felt better to be irresponsible
mother than to have a mother who ignored her child; because the victims were only
innocence children; that have no power to against it.
Still, I guess I can’t deny that there is a little life-shaping stigma in having a mother who cheats on her family and then finally leaves them altogether. A stigma that gets buried in your psyche forever. And those feeling must be playing at least a small role in all of this, just as I think my sister Daphne’s obsession with having children has a lot to do with wanting to erase the pain my mother caused. On one level, Daphne’s approach makes more sense. Yet the thought of a redo is not only unappealing, but terrifying. I don’t want that kind of power of anyone. I don’t want to be something that someone has to overcome. After all, I think everyone would agree that it’s far worse to be fucked-up mother than to have one. (Giffin, 2006: 50)
Claudia was never imagining that her life would be full of sadness like these.
Slowly but surely, she learnt that everything wouldn’t always be happened as she
wanted. Even she has a bad mother; she still believed that someday everything would
go to be fine for her. Because life was like a wheel; and there’s would be a time for
everything to turning out to be.
From the analysis above, the writer assumes that Claudia’s childhood was the
main reason for Claudia took a decision for not having a child. She never wants to be
like her mother. So, it was better for her to avoid all the stuff about family.
C. Analysis of the Neuroses (from Sigmund Freud’s Psychoanalysis Theory on Neuroses) of Claudia Parr in Baby Proof
In Baby Proof, Claudia’s character is presented with the internal conflicts from her family. In the beginning of the story, Claudia is described as a perfect
woman. But, her decision for not having a child has made her relationships with
many people was always failed. Claudia always frightened with all the stuff of family
and motherhood. Her parent’s divorce had influenced her with a great anxiety of
marriage life and having a child in her whole life due to her childhood; which is
developed into one kind of psychological problems called Neuroses; according to
Psychoanalysis Theory by Sigmund Freud.
Claudia has suffered from neuroses because she chooses for not having a child
in order to against all of her fears of motherhood which is caused by her mother. But
it was unnatural decision for woman because it would against woman faith for giving
birth and raising children. Moreover, in general, people made a relationship to
meaning if they decided for not having a child; because child was the source of
happiness. And for the long considering was nobody’s was going take care of you
when you were old someday.
Of course the subject of children surfaced often during our newlywed days, but only when responding to rude inquiries regarding our plans to procreate from everyone and anyone: Ben’s family, my family, friends, random mother in the park, even our dry cleaner. And the final recurrent motif was the whole which is appeared as a question about who is going to take care of you when you were old someday. (Giffin, 2006: 8)
There are some public opinions on having a child in the novel like the
explanation above. But most of the people around Claudia thought that her principal
seems so weird. And because of it she has a bad experience with man in many years.
She always failed to make a serious relationship. Her failures were always related
with her decision about not having a child. Many boyfriends left her because they
never understand with Claudia’s decision about not having a child in their
relationship. And she realized it.
Of the many boyfriends who followed him, none seemed understand or accept my feelings. And although my relationship ended for some variety reasons, I always had the sense that babies were a factor. (Giffin, 2006: 1)
From the first time, Claudia realized that her principal was full of risks. She
considered that she might never find someone who could accept it; because her
principal just made her seemed so selfish. People made a relationship in order to have
a generation. There wouldn’t be any man, and also women, who wants to make a
relationship which has no future. The decision for not wanting a child seems as a deal
On the flip side, I knew that I could be automatically disqualified for a long-term consideration as I had with so many guys in the recent past. After all, most people—women and men—view not wanting kids as a deal breaker. At the very least, my risked coming across as cold and selfish, two traits that don’t top the list of what every man want. (Giffin, 2006: 3)
Claudia realized those things but she can’t stop for being paranoid with any
situation that related with child, having unreasonable feared with marriage life, and
all the stuff about family. All of her fears made her seem abnormal from another
woman because, in her surroundings, having a child was the necessity to continue
their family name. The abnormality of her decision for not having a child has
appeared since she was a child. It was related with her childhood and also the
traumatic experiences from the people around her.
Here, the writer tries to analyze the main character viewed from her
psychological problem, which would be called as Neuroses in Claudia’s childhood
with many anxiety reactions as a symptom of the neuroses itself.
1. Neuroses
Neuroses are abnormalities in any other aspect of personal or social behavior
which cause discomfort to the individual or annoyance to others, but are not severe
enough to make him incapable or unwilling to assume responsibility for himself or to
require his isolation from society. Neuroses are serious failures to adjust. They
usually involve failure to deal adequately with anxiety.25 This can mean either being
overwhelmed by anxiety or developing behavior patterns to deal with anxiety that are
25
themselves maladaptive. In this case, Claudia’s decision for not having a child
considered as something weird for her surroundings. Claudia come from a big family
which is appreciate the presence of child as the source of happiness. That makes her
decision be in contradiction with her family values. The most common neurotic
condition that ever happens to the people was known as anxiety reactions. It might
happen to everyone without considering their gender or even age.
2. Anxiety reactions
Probably the most common neurotic condition is an emotional overreaction. A
person in an anxiety state is extremely irritable, or constantly worried and fearful.
Usually he has accompanying bodily symptoms—nausea, sweating, palpitations of
the heart. These reactions consist not of occasional periods of worry over rational or
partly rational problems, such as the normal person has, but prolonged periods of
extreme, diffuse, and uncalled-for nervousness and apprehension.
Neuroses are characterized by feeling of inadequacy, fearfulness, tension, and
difficult interpersonal relationship26; the high anxiety narrow perceptions, and
muddles thinking and action. Those symptoms were reflected on Claudia’s behavior.
Many of Claudia’s friends and family said that Claudia was too paranoid; and her
feared didn’t make sense. She feared on something that never exists. The worse was
Claudia never told the cause of her fearness to anybody. Her divorce made everything
26
worse for Claudia. She keeps on frightening. Moreover, it was just her overwhelming
anxiety that come from the conflicts inside her.
I always have the feeling that she is directing her comments at me and that she blames me for our decision. Ben used to say I was paranoid, but now, of course I’m actually right. Either does Jess. She insist that I am being paranoid—that of course Ben’s just as sad as I am—but I have two good reasons for believing I am in a worse state than he is. (Giffin, 2006: 43) Still, she tried to defend herself that she has a reason for her fears. She said
that the things that she frightened might become real someday. It feels like you were
cheated from someone; and it would be so terrible for her. In some ways, her fears
become an insurance to be more careful.
I think I have always has the misguided sense that worry and fear serve as an insurance policy of sorts. On a subconscious level, I subscribe to the notion that if you worry about something, it is somehow less likely to happen. Well, I am here to say that it doesn’t work like that. The very things you fear the most can still happen anyway. And when it does, you feel that much more cheated for having feared in the first place. (Giffin, 2006: 46)
Neuroses are serious failures to adjust with the reality. They usually involve
failure to deal adequately with anxiety. And a person in an anxiety state is extremely
irritable, or constantly worried and fearful; neither was Claudia.
Actually, Claudia feared to get married. Her parent’s divorce gave her a great
anxiety for having a serious relationship. She has insecurity feelings as a result of the
divorced. For her, marriage was commitment with great responsibilities. And she was
afraid for being failed in her marriage. She chooses for not having a child because she
doesn’t want to make them suffer like her mother did to her. Marriage failures made
I hate to be jaded, but I can’t help feeling that all my fears about marriage were confirmed when Ben and I broke up. If I thought I was free when I didn’t want children, I’m especially free now that I even don’t want a husband. Instead of playing hard to get a worrying about perception, I can do exactly what strikes my fancy. (Giffin, 2006: 141)
Moreover, Claudia realized that her fears were overwhelming. She lets Ben go
just because of her fears of having a baby which she can’t be handled. She was afraid
that she might become like her mother; something that she really frightened. Here,
Claudia positioned herself as her mother if she has a child someday; and she didn’t
want it to happen. Her adoption of parental model of neurotic has various reasons.
One of them was Claudia’s mother has disobeyed her duties as a mother for her
children; moreover, she preferred to cheat with the other guy and left them without
any guilty. But she couldn’t tell it to Ben. She just sinks in her fearness.
Maybe I’m just afraid. Maybe I let Ben go because the fear of having a baby actually overweighed the fact that I didn’t want one. Maybe I feared the person I would become. Maybe I feared something I couldn’t quite name, even to Ben, even to myself. Here I am anyway, facing all of the above. Fear of failure, fear of change, fear of the unknown. And right here, in a bar under the bridge in Brooklyn, I feel a very small pang of regret. (Giffin, 2006: 87-89)
Claudia can’t stop to blame her mother for everything that happened in her
life. She never understands; how her mothers could be so cruel to them, meanwhile
they love her so much. Claudia couldn’t easily forgive her mother. There would be no
second chances for those who cheated on their family. It’s not all about the morality
but her inability to forgive her mother.
like most men in this regard; no second chances. It’s not so much about morality, but about my inability to forgive. (Giffin, 2006: 72)
Claudia can’t help not to hate her mother. Even after she has grown up; her
mother still never changes. Her mother was never wanted to be blame for anything.
She wasn’t confessing for many scandals that she did for years. She also never
respects Claudia’s father efforts to make her happy. Claudia knows exactly how
much her father love her mother. In Claudia’s mind, her mother wasn’t deserves to
get a very kind man like him.
But to be fair, I will say this for her: at least she has interests and hobbies and passions, even if those passions often include inappropriate romances. She also did actually watch soaps, but she also made sure her life was as scandalous as the most outrageous character on all her favorite shows. My mother always picked up her own presents. Whenever my father tried, his efforts would go unrewarded. (Giffin, 2006: 110)
Claudia becomes cynical with her mother. She has never been a good mother
for Claudia and her sisters. Her mother left them to cheat with the other guy when
they still need her loves and affections. And it was not over in that way. Claudia and
her family must faced the mocked from their surroundings because of her mother’s
attitudes. They had to move to the suburban area and being isolated from
neighborhood in years. Her mother was nuisance and a trial; she even not deserve to
any events in their life.
And she can’t forgive her anyway, no matter what her mother tried to
apologize. Claudia knows that she was facing with the woman who gave birth on her.
to avoid her in any situations. She even decided to make revenge to her. It was more
like a business. Claudia thought that if she can divorce from the man whom she loved
most, so, she must be able to revenge and being cruel with her mother. Every evil that
they ever did to her must be paid. And Claudia always tried to hide her fears of
motherhood through many reasons. Frankly, the reason why she didn’t want to have a
child was because she didn’t want her mother to define who she is because it gave her
bizarre sense; a feeling like facing with the enemy.
I suddenly know that this woman, who happened to give birth to me almost thirty-five-years ago takes my picture in this moment and seeks the benefit from my grief, I will be done with her forever. I will not speak to her again. I will refuse to see her under any circumstances, death bed scenario included. No matter how atrocious the mother’s offense, it’s still made the daughter as unforgiving, self-righteous, and cold. My mother is a nuisance and a trial, but she is not important enough to write off in any bold terms. Still, despite my general feelings about avoiding total estrangement, I have the sense that I am at a crossroads. This time I mean business. If I can get a divorce from a man I love, I can cut off this woman. Of course I’ve had this thought many times before, but I have never followed through. I always cave—not for her sake, nor because I need or want to be a mother—but because I don’t want my mother to define who I am, and not talking to her would do that in some bizarre sense. (Giffin, 2006: 114)
One day, Claudia’s mother was apologizing to her for everything she made; it
was the first time after years. Claudia knew that she couldn’t hate her mother in her
whole life. No matters what she had done, she is still her mother; Claudia is proud
that her mother finally wants to confess her mistakes. It also reminds her that she
didn’t necessary for being sad because she still has many worth things in life. Such as
good career, her beloved sisters and father, and of course, she has rich relationships
But there was something about my mother’s words that felt revelation to me. Perhaps because it was the first time my mother had ever apologized to me for anything. Perhaps because everyone wants her mother to be proud—and, to some extent, we can’t help seeing ourselves as our mother sees us. Perhaps because it was a reminder of all that I still have in my life. I have my career, of course. But more important, I have rich relationships that I cherish. I am a good sister, daughter, and friend. My life has meaning—and will continue to have meaning—without Ben. (Giffin, 2006: 118)
Claudia’s mother was meant with her words. She realized that she was not the
best mother in the world. She convinced Claudia that Claudia wasn’t her; and she
doesn’t want Claudia made a wrong decision to let Ben go just because of her.
Claudia’s fearness was not reasonable. Because Claudia was not her; Claudia means
a lot of things for many people. Claudia knew that her mother has a good intention to
her. But, it couldn’t change everything so easily. She has pegged her as the main
reason she didn’t want a child. And Claudia has been settled up her position on
motherhood since she was a child.
She looks contemplative, as if carefully considering her wording. I’m not the best mother in the world… I never have been, she says slowly. But always remember, Claudia, you are not me. You are a lot of things to a lot of people. But you are absolutely nothing like me. I never did think I was anything like my mother, nor did I peg her as the main reason I didn’t want children. So, despite her intent, my mother speech did nothing to reverse my position on motherhood. (Giffin, 2006: 117-118)
Meanwhile, Claudia found that her relationship with Ben was so satisfying
and real. And she started to believe that Ben was her soul mate. Claudia loves Ben so
much, but Ben never shows like she does in a word. Claudia thought that Ben wasn’t
to know how special he was to her. Those things appeared as an excessive fear for
Claudia during her marriage. She always frightened to lose Ben someday.
As I talked, I had the distinct sense that I wasn’t really capturing the essence of the way I was feeling. It was frustrating because I wanted Ben to know how special he was to me. (Giffin, 2006: 7)
Claudia knows exactly how much Ben loves her more than anyone else in
Ben’s life. But, she always thought that she loves Ben more than he ever did to her.
She wants to show that Ben was everything to her. Moreover, in the other side it
makes she cannot stop for being anxiety of losing Ben.
I’m pretty sure that I love Ben more than he loves me. I know he loves me a lot. I know he loves me more than he loves Nicole or anyone else. In the beginning, middle and end of ours, I think I’ve constantly loved him more. I’m Ben’s approximate equal and have always felt secure, confident, and worthy. But still, I happen to love Ben slightly more, which has the effect of making you fear losing someone than if it were the other way around. (Giffin, 2006:46)
A long time before her marriage broken, she always feared that she might let
Ben go someday. Day-by-day Claudia lived with her anxiety of losing Ben. And now,
her biggest fear has been formed as a divorce. But she couldn’t accept her divorce.
She truly believed that her decision to let Ben slip away from her was the worst
decision that she ever made; and she often regret for it in many times. She knew that
she can’t live without him. Whenever she made a big decision in life, at least her
decision where she might have viable alternative, there is an inevitable uneasy
aftermath. And anxiety is merely a sign that you’re taking something seriously.
Claudia realizes that she was a stubborn person. Even if she told everybody
that she didn’t regret for her divorce, but her heart cannot deny that she still miss Ben
so much. She guesses that she could live without Ben, but she was wrong. Her life
becomes such a misery that she never thought before. Everything was not as simply
as someone’s too much to bear.
I guess I really don’t expect him to, but every time I check my voice mail and hear “no new messages”, I feel a fresh wave of devastation. Something tells me he’s not, though, and there is something about this hunch that makes my pain feel exponentially worse. The whole “misery loves company” thing never applies more than when you’re breaking up. The other thought that the other person is doing fine is simply too much to bear. (Giffin, 2006:43)
Claudia believed that her love for Ben was the most real thing that she ever
known. Neither, she still fretted that she might end the relationship with a
disappointment. And when she lost Ben because of their divorce, she has a nagging
feeling that she might look back and realized it as the biggest mistake in her life.
Having Ben besides her made her feel comfortable. Ben gave her with a lot of
love and affection, something that she never really feels in her life. Ben’s love was
the most honest thing that she ever had and, frankly, she never wants to lose it.
I knew that my love for Ben was the most real thing I had ever known, but I still fretted that I was setting myself up for disappointment. And now, as I watched Ben slip away from me, I have the nagging feeling that I will someday look back at this fork in the road and point to it as the biggest mistake of my life. (Giffin, 2006: 66)
She sank herself into anger; anger to everything in her life. In some ways, she
